Pondering The Future

Deep in my despair
I crawl in darkness
Yearning for the wisdom
The warmth of His soul
Of One who understands
Loves and cares for me

For seventeen wonderful months
I was His unquestionably
Mine on my wrist
His fastened to His neck
Funny to realise
They were never removed
Even now they remain
At their place
Memories they evoked
Too strong to want to lose

We parted on good terms
Neither of us wanting to leave
Life back then wasn't favourable
So my submission to Him
I felt seemed unworthy
Of such a wonderful Man
I needed time to adjust
To learn and grow on my own
His heart and soul
Forever tugging deep within

I walked unaided on the path
Set before me, without Him
Alone and stumbling
On the stones, scraping my knees
For almost two years I walked
Graduating from university
Finding a career path
Now set in stone
My professional life complete

Experiencing those who weren't Him
The rough and uncaring
The loving and gentle
The new ones and the old
The pretenders and the believers

Those who continue to be
Life long friends and counsel
Those who I admire and love
Am humbled to be considered Their friend

My heart and mind lost and empty
Yearing for His voice with every vestige within
Scared to go back incase He found another
Wanting to feel His caress
Gaze upon His eyes
Soul calling out

My mind drift and wanders
Back to Him moreso than before
My heart sick with pain
Over terrible mistakes
Soul wanting to be reclaimed

Contacting Him again
Almost two years on
Sobbing with shame
Over my mistakes
Telling Him of my stupidity
Finding the friend in Him that I had lost
Enveloped in His arms, as He listened
Gently scolded when He felt necessary

My trust in Him never wavered
Heart and mind slowly reconnecting
To the Man who I loved and still love
Who treasured my heart, body and mind
Feeling as secure and as safe as I was
When we were together

Re-establishing rules and guidelines
Changing some and creating others
For I have changed as a person
I am not the one who I was two years ago
Learning together slowly

Slowly reconnecting
Eventually to be as One
Until the end of time