Boundaries.

Hope it's okay to do the same post in two different places

How do you know when you've been pushed too far?


Last night, I ended up promising the give him a body massage. I started on his right foot and he was reading a book. I was bored and I told him...a few times. He said he had a few more pages so I continued. I just lazily kept on doing it. He seemed perfectly fine with it. A few minutes pass and I start to get more bored even sleepy. I start to complain about it. He gets done with his book. I start working on his leg. I get done with one and start on the other foot. I tell him how bored I am. He just tells me keep on and so I do. I just slow down some more and mock him about behavior modification and how it works. (at the time, it seemed what he may have been doing) It was something to the effect of "You make them do the act then give them the cookie." He replies, "You think this is the carrot? Leg." I just get grumpy and a little irritated. He's never really done something like this. I know we're still learning about it and working on our relationship as a d/s couple. I don't exactly remember how it happens but I ended up stopping. He gave me 10 seconds to find the paddle. I was a little shocked but understood why. I searched and searched not finding it. He gave me the right direction and I handed this big ping pong paddle we use. He scooted over on the bed and told me to bend over. I do so.
"Do you know why I'm doing this?" He beginings. !SWAP!
"Yes." !SWAP!
"Ok. Explain."
I started too but couldn't think of the right word. So I asked him to tell. !SWAP!. He explains about how keeping your word is important !SWAP! and that I don't do it very often. !SWAP! He is making me keep my word. !SWAP! "Do you understand?"
"I understood it when you said." !SWAP!
He seems to reiterrate(sp?) the point with different wording. I'm beginning to get really upset. I don't want to do anything but get him to stop. He continues multiple swaps at this point. I forget the rest that he says but the pain worsens. We're not into S&M hence this is a punishment.
I stand up and back away. "Stop." I grab the paddle from him. He looks at me. "Come here." I turn away from him pratically stomping off. "Come here," he says louder. "No," at this point I'm inside the doorway to 'The Office' (Second Bedroom) tearing up and sitting at the desk getting on the computer pissed off and a little confused. He quickly followed me in. "Stand up," he says gently. I stand up and start to giggle. I still cannot handle crying in front of him."Giggle?" He turns me around and walks me back in the bedroom. "It's better than crying."Once next to the bed, he hugs me and rubs my back.
"My butt hurts."
"Get on the bed," he says bemused.
I kneel on the bed away from him and he lays down. "How you want me?" I'm trying to stop myself crying but the tears continue to slowly come. "Come 'ere." He pats next to him on the bed. I lay myself against him with my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my head and the other around my shoulders rubbing my back. I wrapped my one free arm around his back. My crying worsens some and I start to shake. He kisses me on the cheek. "Do you understand why I did this?"
"I understood why you did it the first time you said it," I replied strained against his neck through tears. I just started crying a little harder and he remained silent through it just holding me and rubbing my back. Once I called me down, he explained.
"You don't keep your promises. You say you'll do something but you don't do it."
"I know," I say quietly ashamed. I do try though.
"I love you," he says and pecks me on the lips. This action goes on for several more minutes as he further explains about our relationship and me.
"Do you know why you reacted that way?" He questioned concerned.
"No." I laid there thinking of why it occured. It had been like something broke in my head and I couldn't let it continue.
He said something else, but I was deep in thought and didn't catch it.
"Boundaries. You went too far."
"If I had gone too far, you would have closed the door and locked it."
I smiled and nodded in agreement.
"Wouldn't you think I'm supposed to push your boundaries? Giving you everything you want in a relationship, I wouldn't be a very good Dom."
I nodded in agreement there too. "I'm glad you know me so well."

We laid there for quiet sometime and was amazed at how red my bottom had gotten from just sharp taps. I had a very red bottom that was quite smarting.


Have you ever had your boundaries pushed to the point of a sudden reaction or something similar?

I don't know... this is some confusing stuff, about boundries. I'm a male submissive, and reading your story, I was filled with a whole mix of emotions. If a dominant female had done that to me, I would feel ashamed, miserable and a little bit... turned on? Reading this, projecting myself into the same situation, I hate to admit I was a little arroused. I know how mean that's going to sound, but sometimes pushing boundries is a very gray and confusing area. Did he go too far? That depends. What kind of dom is he? What kind of sub are you? If he want too far or not is dependant on your view of it... And if you give him serious talks yet he still goes over the boundries, leave him.

PS: I've never been with a domme, but my girfriend who is vanilla handcuffed me and sucked me once... I have bondage issues, and so it resulted in me crying, cumming and feeling miserable. though a horrific experience, a good 15% of me liked it... It did hurt bad though and brought back some terrible memories. All in all, that is a boundry I would liked pushed again, but only by a skilled domme.

Have you ever had your boundaries pushed to the point of a sudden reaction or something similar?

Yes.

It can be a good time to take an immediate "full stop" and assess/evaluate the situation.

Sometimes, it might hit you later, that what happened was way past where you wanted to go and you don't want to return there again. Fine. Tell your partner. Let them know how you feel.

Or if you decide that partner isn't right for you, that's okay, too.

We are all wired differently. Thank heavens!

It may be hard to tell between "sub drop" after a fun session and a "whoa" that was horrible, "I feel like crap about what happened." That's okay, too. Give yourself time.

Communication is clearly important for moving forward.
Communications with yourself, and your partner.