Crucifixion

OK I admit it. I have been reading all the Faibhar and Jessica Gentry stories about crucifixion. I have now developped a serious fantasy about it. (All that catholic upbringing is catching up to me) I am not sure if I will ever do something about it -and if I do I will certainly leave the nailing part out of it- but the idea excites me to no end.
F. thinks I am a few cards short of a full deck but seems to enjoy the fact that just the fantasy alone makes me so hot. Funny, now that I think about it in my fantasy I do not even have an orgasm.
I was just wondering if other people in this forum have the same kind of fantasy and if there is anything in it besides the humiliation of enduring publicly a serious flogging and some time on the cross. Also, would there be a way to make the crucified have some kind of sexual pleasure during the torment?

Thank you Jones, Nikka for your mention, but really...

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F. thinks I am a few cards short of a full deck

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If "F." abbreviates to mean Faibhar, be it clearly understood that I never mentioned, nor intended to say that you seemed to be not the brightest in the class.
Or, if I did, don't take it personnaly (Just get in back of the line).
Actually "crucifixion" comes in many forms, be they strictly fantasy or reality based. Best of luck pursuing what you feel compeled to do, but if that includes being crucified then by all means make sure that your partner is cogniscent of health safety should you need relief of some sort.

I also have crucifixion fantasies. I think the thing that does it for me is the finality of nailing someone up for a slow, painful and humiliating death. I get particular pleasure from the thought of raising my fair young victim up vertically so the pain really kicks in.

I wouldn't feel bad about it Nikka. I figure there are two kinds of people in the world...the ones who have outrageous fantasies and admit it...and the ones who have outrageous fantasies and don't admit it. If there are people who don't have crazy fantasies...I'm glad I'm not one of them

Just so everyone is clear on it F. is my boyfriend, who at this time chooses to remain anonymous. If you wonder why, you have not read the "prejudice" thread in this forum. He is in a very sensitive position as he is a very well known person in our city.
My apologies, Faibhar, for the mix-up.

Thank you, Jones, Nikka, for the explaination. Your boyfriend, "F.", is no doubt lucky indeed. As for my own confusion, perhaps it is I who should apologize, but you can see the similarity in initial letters. Just to be clear, I did not wish to be any party in your self-recrimination.

Anonymity is grand, such as your b.f. prefers, and it must be also said that "Faibhar" is a nom de plume/guerre/whatever, as are many other names used at this venue.

Speaking of which, sharing your fantasies (and not your anonymities) with partners does help the world revolve.

Cruxifiction seems to me is no stranger a fantasy than any others we may have. Faibhar indeed is a master cruxifiction image conjuror and has no doubt brought this fantsy into many of our perveted little minds. Being the recipient or implementer of this fantasy should be carried out as we must strive to do others--safe, sane and consensual.

There's no need to 'live out' a fantasy. A great fantasy can remain in the mind and exceed anything we can do physically.

In fact, 'living out' a fantasy destroys the power of it as a fantasy. It is then real play and not fantasy at all. Fantasy is something you imagine that exceeds what you can actually do. When you discover its practical limitations by trying to act it out, it is like putting blinkers and cuffs on the original fantasy.

Faibhar has written some good crucifixion stories, but I'm sure Faibhar would be the first to admit enjoying some great crucifixion fantasies written by other authors. I don't think you would be reading these stories by Faibhar if he spent his time in his back yard crucifying people.

There are some kinds of fantasy that are just not meant to be acted out, and if you try, the inevitable result will be disappointment, if not terrible pain and possibly even death. I would include crucifixion, but also the sort of themes in Dolcett's art, and my own wilder imaginings. They allow us to titillate the mind without endangering the body. It is not abnormal to enjoy the most impractical and extreme fantasies.

So I disagree fundamentally with the presumption by Bruce Boxer that fantasies are there to be acted out. The very best of them do no belong anywhere near a real playroom.

I agree with Spitman...

Sometimes it's best to be unfulfilled in some sense... to have something that remains a feverish dream. If you write, it will certainly improve your writing on that subject, to walk right up to it again and again and never taste it. Especially if it is an extreme.

On the other hand, you would feel awfully good tied to that cross, wouldn't you? <g>

Have fun, and be safe!

I didn't mean to intone that fantasies are meant to be carried out; however, if one wishes to attempt it, just be careful. But now that I think about it, I'm off to carry out a fantasy now--ciao.

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Originally posted by Spitman
There's no need to 'live out' a fantasy. A great fantasy can remain in the mind and exceed anything we can do physically.

So I disagree fundamentally with the presumption by Bruce Boxer that fantasies are there to be acted out. The very best of them do no belong anywhere near a real playroom.

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Originally posted by Spitman
There's no need to 'live out' a fantasy. A great fantasy can remain in the mind and exceed anything we can do physically...
...There are some kinds of fantasy that are just not meant to be acted out, and if you try, the inevitable result will be disappointment, if not terrible pain and possibly even death. I would include crucifixion,...

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If there was no need to "live out" our fantasies I think very few of us would be here. I am sure that even those who only read the stories in the bdsm library and have never acted out a scene feel a bit of excitement knowing that some of it could be real. And yes, Spitman you are right. In fantasy everything is possible and in reality there are limits. Just like a travel brochure. We all know that the pictures of the hotel are always nicer than the resort itself but that does not stop anyone from going on vacation, does it? Have you ever seen an advertisement for new cars that includes a scene of a traffic jam? I am sure you have not but millions of cars are sold around the world every year.
I know real crucifixion will not feel like a Faibhar story. It will hurt. I expect it to be excruciating. Yet I need to know if in the middle of such pain, my mind can take me to a place where I can feel excited and eager to suffer, even as my body begs for release. Even if I had a recent experience where I was betrayed by my own lust and crashed out of subspace. And for me to know I have to try it.

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Originally posted by GaryWilcox
On the other hand, you would feel awfully good tied to that cross, wouldn't you? <g>

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Yes Gary I know I would. In fact, I am getting ready for it. I have been in touch with people who have lived through the experience and I have learned a lot about safety and the fitness preparations that are required. My boyfriend, F. has told me that it will happen. Not when or where but that it will. I know I will be safe so long as he is by my side. Right now, in light of recent experiences, I am mostly afraid. But deep down inside the fantasy burns in me, and with it the spark of excitement.

Yes, there is a temptation to play dangerous games, and I suppose that goes with the urge to practise bdsm. We learn from our mistakes. We learn even more by surviving our mistakes. We also learn to warn others against making the same mistakes! There is a deep excitement in coming so close to the edge that uncertainties or risks creep in. I plead guilty to having had the same kind of feelings and experiences.

I suppose that works the same in many kinds of dangerous sport, whether it is climbing the face of a mountain, sailing round the world alone or trekking across the Kalahari desert. The risk is a part of the excitement and the greater the risk, the greater the satisfaction.

In r/l bdsm, the more you specify what is going to happen, the less easily the Master can create extra excitement by doing something new or surprising. Surprises are like the cream on the cake. They are a way for a scene to exceed the sub's expectations. Risks are like an extra spice that can make it unbelievable.

I believe there is a place for fantasies that are too extreme to be acted out, like those depicted in DolcettÕs art. I have fantasy ideas that I find provocative, erotic and entertaining, and like the substance of dreams, these are often both extreme and impractical. I write stuff because it gives me a buzz, not because you can do it. Credibility helps though.

If you want to play out your dream, I do understand. I did not mean to suggest otherwise. The most erotic crucifixion story I remember was called My Body, by an unknown author. It involved a woman who had large piercings all over her body for steel bolts that were part of a crucifixion rig she had invented. It was a real work of art. Of course it was a fantasy, but you never know. If her idea worked, the fantasy was perfectly survivable. I do hope that your experience will be, too.

Personally I am fascinated by the psychology that makes extreme kinds of fantasy work. There is crucifixion for some, the guillotine for others, asphyxia, being eaten by animals, being impaled, even being roasted on a spit a la Dolcett, grilled in an oven or boiled in a pot. In a fantasy world, such things can be portrayed as normal everyday events without stretching credibility. Doing them in the real world is another thing entirely. I care far too much for people to suggest any such thing.

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Originally posted by Jones, Nikka
If there was no need to "live out" our fantasies I think very few of us would be here. I am sure that even those who only read the stories in the bdsm library and have never acted out a scene feel a bit of excitement knowing that some of it could be real.

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Nikka, I think that there are millions of people out there who, like myself, harbor violent fantasies, but who have not the slightest wish either to inflict them on others or to endure them themselves. Speaking just for myself, you've touched on the reason I write the stories I write. They are written, I hope, with enough flavor and enough realism that readers can venture into that dark world and experience it vicariously but vividly, without harming anyone or being harmed.

It seems clear that we non-participants in real life S & M are a minority as far as posters to the forum, but we might constitute a majority, perhaps even a large majority, of the overall readership at BDSMLIB. I would be interesting to find out, but alas, there is no way to survey those who prefer to remain silent.

Enjoy your fantasy, should you elect to experience it, but be safe, too.

Boccaccio

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Originally posted by Spitman
In r/l bdsm, the more you specify what is going to happen, the less easily the Master can create extra excitement by doing something new or surprising. Surprises are like the cream on the cake. They are a way for a scene to exceed the sub's expectations...
I believe there is a place for fantasies that are too extreme to be acted out, like those depicted in Dolcett's art. I have fantasy ideas that I find provocative, erotic and entertaining, and like the substance of dreams, these are often both extreme and impractical.

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Originally posted by Boccaccio2000g
Enjoy your fantasy, should you elect to experience it, but be safe, too.

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Boccaccio, I understand and appreciate your concern. And you are right, Spitman. The more specific the fantasy the less room for improvisation and surprise. But we are talking -and planning- about a scene that is based on an extreme fantasy. I has to be specific. Also, the way I am looking at my fantasy, I would probably not need or want anything to be unplanned. F. knows that and he is smart enough not to do anything we do not plan together.
When it happens, it will be under conditions of outmost safety and survability. After all, we are not even thinking about using nails! I will have a chance to back out until the very last moment. Safewords and safesigns will be in effect. He will have at least one other dom as backup. He is trained in first aid and CPR.
We know what to expect and even in the cold, dispassionate stage of planning, the scene still excites me, so he will make it happen. I wish I could explain why I do not want to give myself a way out, even though he will give it to me.
I might as well try to explain why we are all here.

I'm so glad you said that about the nails! And the rest of the stuff you said about safety etc. Now that you have seen what I call a fantasy, you can understand why I worry so much!

I hope your scene will have all the ingredients you are looking for, and then some.

So, it finally happened. After planing for almost three months. All those fantasies. The beautiful stories in bdsmlibrary. Begging F. to let me do it. To make me do it. Learning about it. Getting ready for a day I knew would really arrive, but not when.

Sunday I was crucified.

Just typing the words makes me shiver. (And get wet again.) Oh, the pain! The pleasure. The sheer improbability, impossibility, the madness of it. I took Monday off just to recover. I look at my wrists and stare at my body in the mirror and part of me still can not believe it. I have had intense, even extreme sessions before, but this is a totally different... what do I call it? It was not a game, or a stage, it was just something that blows my mind, has changed my life *grins*, even though my body feels like it was passed through a meat grinder. I am so happy!

Saturday night F. took me out for dinner and dancing. We were just another couple in love at a fancy restaurant. I did not think much of it, as he has a penchant for celebrating for absolutely no reason other than being who he is. Later, after leaving the club he asked me to drive. I thought it strange because he had not drank any alcohol, but I said yes and took his car keys. As I waited for a gap in traffic to get out of the parking lot he whispered in my ear:

"Do you want to be crucified tonight?"

I almost died upon hearing his words. Tears sprung to my eyes. He knew very well that I would say yes, terror stricken as I was. He also knew how much it would turn me on to drive to my own execution. Wordlessly, I nodded yes. He told me to drive to the home of a couple friend of ours are also a Dominants: Alain and Gennia. It was a short drive (about two Km) but it took a while to get there as I had to pull over twice to collect myself. F was his usual tender, compasionate self as is always the case before he makes me scream and never asked me if I wanted to back out.

About 2:30 in the morning, when I finally parked in Alain and Gennia's driveway F. had to carry me out of the car and into their house. I was allowed to go to the bathroom and then I was locked naked in their basement, which was completely bare save for a clock on the wall, two whips and several coils of rope hanging from nails on the wall and, laying on the floor, my cross.

Knowing F. I knew I would have time to get even more scared, as I examined the torture apparatus, how pulleys would pull it upright and into a hook in the ceiling and a socket on the floor; how ringbolts had been affixed at the places my wrists and ankles would be attached. Time to run my hands through the leather strands of those floggers, time to imagine the welts they would rise on my skin and how it would hurt to lay, freshly whipped, onto that piece of harsh, unfinished wood. I also knew that they would only come back in the morning, just when I would be the most tired. I wanted so much to masturbate, but I knew if I did things would feel worse. I did not even try to sleep. I laid on the floor with my arms around the cross and I prayed for strength.

Alain, Gennia and F. came back four hours later. Wordlessly the men picked me up from the floor and attached my wrists to a chain hanging from the hook in the ceiling. The flogging was brutal. All three of them took turns. I bit my tongue as long as I could and then I just screamed. And then I was there. That amazing place where the pain just melts my mind and turns my insides to soup. All I was missing was for F. to touch me, kiss me, just to feel anything other than the slashes of leather and the fire of my sweat burning the pinprick cuts on my skin. I would have come, I am sure. But it was not to be.

Somehow I made it through the flogging without fainting, although I was a bit dizzy, either from the endorphine high or from fear of what was coming next. They took me down from the hook and dragged me to my cross. Ropes were used to firmly attach my wrists and ankles to the wood.

Then, the first unplanned action of the day: Both men sat down, stradling my arms, their backs to each other. Gennia waited until I looked at her and then proceded to open a bag she carried and gave each man a thin, deadly looking, five inch nail!

I screamed in terror: "Noooo! F. You promised! Nooooo!"

He looked at me with his "You know you can trust me" look and did not say a word. I have never felt so betrayed, horrified, alone and small in my life. I continued to scream as hammers were given to each man. My body contorted as much as it could while I continued to scream and waited for them to do what I was sure would kill me.

When the blows came, the pain took away my voice. Soundlessly I screamed as bursts of electric agony pierced my wrists. I could not even see. A sheet of white pain covered my eyes. I still do not know why I did not faint. I do not even remember them nailing my ankles.

By the time my screams became mere whimpers they were pulling the cross upright. I felt feverish and could not bring myself up to even look at my pierced wrists. My eyes screwed shut I waited for the painful jolt of my bodyweight finally hanging from the nails. Suddenly, the cross was upright and I felt not the flesh ripping but a numb, constricting sensation where the nails had to be.

I opened my eyes and felt like an idiot. I was not nailed! What Alain and F. had hammered into the wood were wooden cuffs exactly shaped like my wrists. Wires hung from each one of them. F. was there looking at me as if saying "you really think I would break a promise?" In his hand was a hammer with insulation around the handle and wire leading to a tiny copper plate on its head. It dawned then on me that there must be a metal plate on the inside of each cuff. So each time the hammer struck the nails going through pre-drilled holes in the cuffs a circuit would close and current would shoot through my wrist, making me feel as if I was being nailed. There were even two nails holding each cuff in place!

I did hang on that nail for almost two hours. And it is difficult to breathe when hanging from the wrists. Wearing those perfectly shaped cuffs helped a lot. I know now I was never in danger, not even from the low amperage electric shocks, which probably felt worse due to my mental state. And to quote GaryWilcox I did feel awfully good on my cross!

Of all the things F. did to me while I was crucified (and there were many) and even better than that final, bone-liquefying orgasm, the one I will treasure the most was when he climbed on a stepladder, pushed my sweat-soaked hair away of my face, kissed me tenderly and said:

"My Lady Nikka, will you marry me?"

Of course I could not take the ring. He had to put it on me. Talk about dreams come true!

WOW

you made me cry - Oh my! what an experience! Congratulations on EVERYTHING Nikka!

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Originally posted by Jones, Nikka
I did hang on that nail for almost two hours. And it is difficult to breathe when hanging from the wrists. Wearing those perfectly shaped cuffs helped a lot. I know now I was never in danger, not even from the low amperage electric shocks, which probably felt worse due to my mental state. And to quote GaryWilcox I did feel awfully good on my cross!

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Oh my goodness... I'm so happy for you!!!

OMG what a wonderful end to an amazing experience! Congrats!!!

I'm glad you finly got your fantasy, just wish I couls get one of mine and that is to tie a female slave to a cross as well. Well that is one of my fantasys, but only one. Still looking for a one willing to help with them all. Hope you have fun doing it again, and again.

I'm glade you finly had your fantasy, wish I could do the same with mine and crusafiing a willing femal is one of them (just tying to cross only)

Wow! I'm impressed. That was very clever stuff, and I'm so glad for you.

Wow. Congrats Nikka!!!

I ment every part of it, but that is just part of it I also wish I could find a female sub or slave for that, and being mumified, and trained asa pony girl as well. I also have read your storys and find them stimulating ad ell, and I so know that spitting can't be done , and not even tryed but it is interesting reading. I just wish some one could come up with a story line were slaves were used as funiture, to include as lamps and fountins, were the pluming, and wirering is sent though them in there digestive system, and that remain alive. Don.

The commonest serious form of fantasy into reality that I have run across is auto-erotic asyphxia (most familiar to the lay public from the movie "The Ruling Class" with Peter O'Toole). This kink, which peaked in the gay and male bisexual community in early 80's, just before the onslaught of the AIDS epidermic, involved suspension with a noose around the neck. The participants in this solitary exercise often dressed up in women's clothing and generally masturbated while they hung. Obviously, on occassions, something slipped up and the individual failed to extricate himself before becoming unconscious.

I became aware of it because at the time I was in training as an anatomic pathologist during the late 70's and practiced autopsy pathology in the early 80's. The epidemic started in the five big cities with very large gay populations (NY, SF, LA, Chicago and Houston) and eventually spread even to moderately sized cities. Eventually, the word spread that this was not a good idea and the epidemic subsided. I had the impression that extreme BDSM decreased significantly in the gay community as the AIDS epidemic grew during the 80's. However, this was the time when the milder forms of BDSM spread out into the heterosexual and lesbian communities. Of course there are no PHS numbers. Now-a-days, the homosexual community gets studied in great detail. We actually have some fairly good numbers on things like fisting, footing, numbers of different sexual partners per year because of things like the 'San Francisco Cohort Study'. However, we have virtually no solid numbers on practices in the lesbian and heterosexual communities (including things as simple as how many folks are out there that practice BDSM).

To bring this to an end, I don't think that crucifixion is being practiced out there to any significant extent. If it was, Murphy's law would decree that a certain percentage would sooner or later come to the attention of the medical profession. And physicians love nothing more than to write articles describing interesting things they have encountered in their medical practices. Part of writing these things up is searching around to find out how common (or how rare) a certain practice really is. Just how many penile lacerations were caused by insertion into running vacuum cleaners in London last year? How many cases of mercurey poisoning are caused by insertion of laboratory thermometers into the male urethra followed by shattering of the thermometer. How common was the piercing of the female nipple in the 1970's? The Reverend Norcod's vanilla brother DOC RON once determined how many granulomatous reactions there were to penile silicone implants during the bi-decade 1970-1989. Trust me. there are not that many really serious attempts at crucification going on out there.

Sleep securely little children, God is watching out for you.

I like those kinds of stories and fantasies too! :p Crucify me! Or better yet, him! :D

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Originally Posted by D. Atrocity

I like those kinds of stories and fantasies too! :p Crucify me! :D

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:rolleyes: Ithink staps, and rope would be better.

Tied, definitely! :D

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Originally Posted by AndrewBlack

I also have crucifixion fantasies. I think the thing that does it for me is the finality of nailing someone up for a slow, painful and humiliating death. I get particular pleasure from the thought of raising my fair young victim up vertically so the pain really kicks in.

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I don't have crucifixtion fantasys, but long time ago saw a now-forgotten story where a slave-girl was forced to fuck a approximently phallus-shaped lit light bulb. That might be degrading (!) for a chick whose's previous attitude to male sexual attention was "don't even think about sex with me, you bastard".