Why do you think you are into BDSM?

This is an expansion of the psychology of BDSM thread. I'd like it to get a little bit more personal. The thread is a bit too clinical for me.

A better question for this thread would be; What path have you taken sexually in life and why? But it didn't fit in the titlebar.

I'd also like to start off by saying that sharing this bit of information of ourselves is a very daring thing to do and I will admire anybody who dares make an honest post here.

To start off I'll begin with myself, sticking my ass into the wind.

My father was very dominant and my mother was very submissive. I should also like to point out that they have always been very happy together even though my father is quite physically abusive. I think I learned my strategies of coping with life and being loving and abusive at the same time by copying my father. I eventually became him in both the good ways and bad ways, (it got better I promiss). I fell in love with women who where like my mother, (oooo, such a classic Oedipus, I know).

A fun detail is that my mother always had dyed red hair, and all but my latest girlfriends where all red heads. I really don't have a thing for hair, (I think) that's just how it's turned out. My proof is that I don't have a red-head folder in my porn collection.

My father is an obvious sadist, and liked humiliating others which I'm sure is where I got it from. I had an easy time finding submissives and masochists in every setting which led me even further down the road. When the Internet came I studied everything I could get my hands and eyes on which immersed myself even further. Now I have a severe rubber fetish, (and a few more) which I doubt I got from my father.

Experimenting with men made me confused, because according to queer-theory homosexuality is supposed to be genetic. Open gays in my family is zero. Quite late in life I found out that I most probably had gotten that from my father as well. So my empirical evidence actually does suport the queer theroists on this one.

I've been in the scene for 13 years now and I can safely say that this will be my home for the rest of my life.

So that's me. Who's next.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

I fell in love with women who where like my mother, (oooo, such a classic Oedipus, I know).

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Well, Freudian or not, people do tend to be attracted to people who resemble their opposite-sex parent. I know I'd love to find a boyfriend like my father, or else my older brother.

As for my story: I don't have a central idea for why I'm into bondage, but I have several possible theories. I have memories of watching movies as a small child, and whenever I saw people tied up I'd get a distinct pleasant feeling between my legs. I knew almost instinctively that this wasn't "right," and though I sometimes found myself seeking out that feeling, I was always a little ashamed of it. It's possible watching these movies sparked an interest, or reenforced something that was already there.

I do know that I had an erotic dream at a very young age - probably five or younger - which involved bondage. It gave me that feeling. Later, as an adolescent, I had another dream in which I was a sex slave, and upon awakening I felt an uncontrolable urge to reenact it. I don't know where the dreams came from, but the later one was what started me bringing my fantasies into the physical world.

Another thing that might have influenced my sexuality is the fact that I find comfort in enclosed spaces. I tend to sleep wrapped tightly in a blanket, sometimes wedged in a corner against the wall. I like the feeling of being wrapped up, which might have lead to my attraction to being tied up.

Other than that, there's no clear cause. It might just have been totally random.

I am not one of those that was always Dominant my whole life, I tended to more see to others needs before my own. Additionally I felt a need to perfect whatever it was I was interested in. If it was being interested in bicycles or cars, or nature.... Whatever it was, I did what I could to understand to the best of my ability what it was I was observing or partaking in. So when I married my first wife, I did everything I thought I could do to make her happy. It was never enough. I was routinely told how poorly I was doing whatever I was doing. Never received any kind of emotional support from her. I knew I didn't like how she was treating me, and when I exited from that life, I made sure to look for a woman that would be subservient to me, in the same way my mother was to my father. Not submissive, just deferred and let me be the man of the home. In my quest I figured out that my wish for this kind of woman also aligned with the porn I enjoyed. So I began a search for a woman that was submissive, and called herself such. The rest as they might say is history.

I cannot say whether it was a genetic thing or just because, I was adopted, so I do not share any of my family's traits. Yet I do look like them, a lot.
My mother was dominant and my father submissive, my sister was submissive, and my brother dominant.

I cannot even remember when I had thoughts pertaining to BDSM, but I do recall wanting to be tied up when making out with boys at a young age. I also recall having very strange and bizarre sexual fantasies involving beatings and being tied up tightly. I even tried some self bondage on myself and found it to be very arousing. How I came to contrive of these thoughts still baffles me. I still wonder as to how I came about feeling this way about sex in general.

My boyfriend has a very dominant personality, but was never dominant in the bedroom. He has basically controlled most things that I have done throughout my life, and I have not regretted that. I am grateful for all of the things he has controlled and advised me to do.
All I can say is that I actually relished the fact that someone controlled my life in a positive way.
However our sex life was never satisfying nor complete.

Having discovered the internet and through trial and error, I discovered that I am a true submissive. I am still as of now discovering my submissive side and learning all of the aspects of it.

Being that my boyfriend is Vanilla, (and I am still not quite sure as to how Vanilla he is) I was sort of devastated that I now came to the realization as to what I wanted and craved, and that it would be a hard road to climb if I wanted to act out these feelings, in a sexual setting.

I still fail to understand why this feeling of submissiveness is so strong and so powerful, at times I am reduced to a puddle of despair. I want so badly to feel and act out these feelings that I would be willing to give up what I have right now.
That being said, this is a very strong powerful feeling which is hard to understand or interpret.

I cannot deny how I feel, nor can I ignore it. I do know though that I have always felt this way, even though I tried to supress it most of my life.
Now only time will tell as to what happens next.