OK - Here's a question for everyone. I hope it starts an interesting debate.
As I'm new here, I will refrain from voicing an opinion - but I sure would like to know yours.
So - What's an internet sub for?
Now ...fire away!!!
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OK - Here's a question for everyone. I hope it starts an interesting debate.
As I'm new here, I will refrain from voicing an opinion - but I sure would like to know yours.
So - What's an internet sub for?
Now ...fire away!!!
I think there are many "uses" for an internet sub.
* To fill one's Dom need's while he explores possiblities with a sub doing the same thing.
* To share experiences and a bond with someone .
* To Do what some can't do in rl for whatever the reason may be.
* For The Sub To build a trust and share of the D/s relationship that some can't find in real life because some Doms in real life are truly assholes.
* For the Dom who is an ass in real life but has a better online relationship with people and they seem to hang around longer. Note = ( really thinks I need a thread on Good and Bad Doms again from discussions with other members. )
* For the subs ability to learn and share with her RL Dom or SO new interests that will improve the relationship. ( Same goes for the Dom)
* For the sub to explore her boundaries with out causing rl damage to another relationship.
* hrm i could think of some more if i spent the time......... chuckles.
This is probably the best reason.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfscout
I can think of another though, to give the Dom a chance to learn self discipline.
Sometimes, it can simply be 'compatibility' of interests. I don't like football (or sport in general) so for me, the chances of finding people I like in football forums are low. It's also possible to be an internet sub without being 'attached' to any one, particular internet dom. The same is true in real life. In other words, simple, plain old-fashioned friendships. Does that help the original poster?
anonymouse
For when the person you want lives far away?
the same thing an internet Dom is for, a safe way to start to explore desires for some people? a non threatening way to start to find out about taboo desires?
having someone a part of your life you need but haven't found until now
i think MMI is trying to steal my job..... *pout*
i think Wolf pretty much got it as right as possible......
you agree ... thanks :wave: .. that is a first ......................Quote:
Originally Posted by Psynymph
oh shush You!!!! *growls and then runs*
AwwwwQuote:
Originally Posted by Mishka
If I could pout as prettily as you, Nymph, maybe I could do your job ... but as it is, the only thing I can provoke is discussion <sigh>.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Friendship (or more) seems to be the key: see anonymouse's post. But why dom/sub online? I can see what can be gained from a real life dom/sub relationship, but isn't it just pretence online?
MMI it could be just a pretense and time killing high, but it also lets two people find and explore each other. I met several sub/slaves online in chat rooms and went from there. The moment that it seemed they were just on a lark then I left or if I found that we would not work for one reason or another. My slave morgan I actually met through an adult web site she advertised for a Daddy Dom and described me. We were rl for a year and right now are online due to her having to go home. It will have to do for us till I move to her.
Russell
Benz and I met nearly 3 years ago via a chat system and we got on really well. to the point after getting to know him...i offered him my gift of submission last aug...and recieved my collar for my birthday. we spent a wonderful 4 weeks at xmas together and hopefully by the end of this year i will be joining him for good in Australia
No further questions ...for now - lol
Thanks for everyone's contributions and candour. I shall be thinking it over.
I would add that I "played" at master and slave with a lady in a chat room ... a stray remark about submissives was siezed on and we thought it would be a laugh to pursue it. But apart from a couple of weeks where she called me master, she had no interest in the game at all and didn't participate in any of the tasks I set her (or I didn't believe her). I, on the other hand was fascinated by it. In view of this failed experiment, I wondered if the internet route was doomed to failure every time.
To find a trust you never knew existed and a love you only dreamed of.
To have a relationship from half a world away knowing you will never meet yet still knowing it couldn't be stronger if you could actually hold hands.
To gain a bit of insight into your real self that you may have kept hidden for years.
To find a compatibility you never imagined.
So why do it on line and not in real life?
First off even though on line it is still real life.
Maybe because it is the only way possible for some to achieve these feelings and keep their family life from falling apart.
Maybe it is a release of ones true nature that can't be shared with those closest to them for one reason or another.
Maybe because your closest companion, whether it be a spouse or significant other has no interest in BDSM activities and you justify in your mind that on line really isn't cheating (though many disagree.)
Maybe it gives your life a new and very happy reason for waking up in the morning.
Maybe, just maybe because you really love doing it on line because you truly the person you are doing it with.
Maybe you can see I really don't know what the reasons are but know I never want it to end. Is that reason enough?
smiles....it is like any relationship r/l or online some work some don't...and with commitment and interest and trust/respect on both sides o/l can be a wonderful way to explore for both sides, it can be a good way to test limits and if you are as lucky, patient, blessed as i it can transfer on to r/l, just this subs quiet 2 cents! smiles
with extra smiles after reading Warbaby's touching post above!!!
Perfectly said. I cannot agree with you more. The intensity and feelings can still be felt in an online relationship. With Master and I there are contributing factors why we haven't made the next step and being together r/l perminantely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warbaby
For U/us for now it is online until we are able to arrange things and meet, it is something that we are hoping for, in the not to distant future. But if it never happens...things are unchanged, the bond is still there, the love is still there, and that way that you can sense Him...and know what He is thinking and feeling without unspoken words..it's truly remarkable. But with that comes time...we've been together for almost 2 years online and also on the phone...you discover things constantly and above all know where your heart and trust is.
I agree totally. Aussiegirl and I are going on nearly a year together in one capacity or another. We seem to, as you say, know what each other is thinking before any spoken word passes our lips. We talk live 5 or 6 days a week and now she even has a web cam so I can see her as we talk or play. It is real life, I just can't touch her. Though I'd love to be able to, it will never happen and we both know that. We knew it going into this. So to keep our relationship alive and thriving we choose to live as we do which is another reason for our on line commitment to each other.Quote:
Originally Posted by angel{HM}
I believe in an on line relationship you must have more trust in one another because you truly only have words to keep you together along with your deep love and devotion to each other.
One more reason why we do it is because we can and love it that we do.
Everything you say is so true hun,your words were perfect.Perfectly said.
Radiance
I'm not sure why you think it was the online part that caused that "relationship" to fail.Quote:
Originally Posted by MMI
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warbaby1943
I don't have time for a long reply, but just want to say that online with Warbaby I have found something I have never found before in any other relationship. To me, it is very real. The only downside is that I have to keep it private from my family and most of my friends due to the nature of the relationship, and of course that it will always only ever be online.
That being said, I would never want to go back to not having this relationship in my life. Each day I learn and grow more and more. I am a better person because of it.
You think her lack of interest might have played a part? Or maybe I was setting the wrong kind of tasks.
Of course I realise those poss... probabilities.
What the relationship lacked most of all was honesty on her part ... "yes, Master, I'll do it" (knowing she wouldn't) and trust on mine ... "Bet you didn't do it really".
I would add that I really wanted to believe her and gave her a lot of benefit of the doubt. In the end, I think she just thought it was too freaky.
Now, it seems to me that in real life, such a situation will occur less often and for different reasons than on line; and as there is no effective control a dom can have without absolute trust, isn't it true that the sub is, in fact in control?
HI
I've had two Masters online since Feb 06 to me they were very real. They filled a spot my spouse wouldn't or couldn't. I found love, acceptance, friendship and such strong and intense feelings that it kept me from going crazy.
I did every task asked of me and performed them to the best of my abilities just as if my master were watching me. I spent time preparing my reports to tantalize and tease the man I performed for.
I will probably do it again after I've gotten out of my busy time. maybe you just need to find the right person to compliment your style. :)
Sbbe
I think, for many who are online, it is as sbbe says, to fill portions or needs in their lives that aren't being taken care of.
I think you may have hit the problem on the head when you said there was a lack of honesty on her part. You have to have total honesty and the best communication possible because, as I said or at least tried to say, words are all you have since you can't reach out and hold your loved one.Quote:
Originally Posted by MMI
If I couldn't trust Aussiegirl and she couldn't trust me, we would have nothing. If I ask her to do some task and she accepts it, I know 100% it will be done. There is not the slightest bit of doubt in my mind about her doing as I ask, none what-so-ever. She would never lie to me if she ever failed to accomplish the entire task. I could bet my life on her honesty. Maybe I am lucky she is so honest, hell I know I am lucky since finding her, but I trust her completely.
MMI no the sub/slave is not in control. Before the relationship is begun you first negotiate hard limits and conditions. I have a set of questions I have worked on and am still working on to be sure they cover needed subject and issues.
If her set of hard limits are acceptable to me I accept her service if not I refuse. After that her body is my to do with as I wish provided I do not violate any hard limits. I will push them, test her from time to time.
Last thought on this for now is that if a Dom/Master is too selfish he will probably lose his sub/slave.
Russell
May I say how impressed I am with your thoughtful replies, and illustrations of how you live them. Thank-you all.
But are there no bad experiences? Is mine really the worst (I only suffered damaged pride ... on a very low level)?
You are not the first or the last to be lied too. Happens in all walks of life. You study, you practice, you learn from each mistake till you find the one that is right for you.
Old saying "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained". Don't jump for the first one that say okay maybe and set yourself rules of conduct if she violates them you move on.
Russell
Isn't every relationship different regardless of how it comes to be? I mean, whether it's online or not, there's no tried and true formula for finding true love and a successful, happy relationship, is there? It's all a game of hope and chance. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by WW1
Warbaby, beautifully say as always. :)
I am an online sub, and am still relatively new to the whole thing.
I have not had any bad experiences, but have had many difficulties with the whole concept of being an online sub.
I do have an online Master but, he is not a Dom in the sense that I need him to be. Without getting into the hows and whys of things, for now we offer each other what we need, and are satisfied with that.
I can go into a chat room and call anyone at that moment in time Master or Sir, but in retrospect, it is only for that moment, sometimes I get the need to play and that satiates whatever itch I am having.
To be able to be an online sub for anyone, I would need to get to know the other person on a much more personal level, and for me that takes awhile to do.
I have tried the Dom/sub relationship online, but cannot seem to connect with anyone.
I have had many Dom's task me first and offer to be my Master without ever getting to know me or understand how I click. Then again I may misconstrue myself and I could be just a very complicated person in general.
So to sum up my thoughts, to have or to be an online sub, you need the connection, and communication to achieve what you want, and as Sir_Russell stated you need to have limits and conditions discussed beforehand.
You had a negative experience, but you can learn from that and move on to more positive ones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMI
Oh yes I think almost everyone has bad experiences my first master decided because I wouldn't turn real life I was not what he wanted and he dropped me in a single day. I'd allowed myself to invest way to much in a man I'd never met. But now that it's been six months and I'm over the grieving I know I'd would probably do it again.
I'd just be a bit more careful in my inital discussions about my need to stay cyber to protect my marriage. I went into the second very clear about my limits and when it ended (because of my need to work exclusivly on my vanilla writing) it ended peacefully. A parting in M/s but still friends.
I'd suggest Sir Russell's questions to anyone thinking about going into a relationship. The more you know about each other the better you can mesh as M/s.
Sbbe
You really need to get to know the person 1st before you enter any kind of relationship...online or Realtime.
Benz and I have been speaking online now for nearly 3 years, for 2 of those years we sat and talked with one another via msn and email and a different chatroom and occassionally via cam.
Last year we went 1 step further.....our love efor each other just increased 10 fold and in Aug I offered the greatest gift one can ever do..my submission which he accepted. My collar arrived in the post in time for my birthday...and via confernce call i placed the collar round my neck...but was Benz hands that was there....if you know what i mean.
Benz flew to England for christmas and new year and the trip just totally confirmed what we already knew....smiles. In fact made us stronger and more determinded.
We talked every single day via conferenace and vidio call...by telephone and by text message. not a day goes by without any form of voice communication. And when Benz is away..... we can talk 4-5 times a day every day..when he is at home....lmao the cams are never off...he sees what i am doing at all times....as if he is actually here.
Come end of the year though...things are changing. Myself and my children will be emigrating to Australia to be with him...and so I can rightfully take myself at his left side
cg
Hmmmmmmm - wonderful ceegee.
Big big smiles.
cariad
smiles ty carid
the way I look at it is that he is away from home...and is work related that is how I cope.
I am lucky that I was born into the navy and one gets used to their men/women being away for long periods of time....my father ex navy now...kids father is navy....is the only life I have ever known. So I have the added advantage of knowing how to cope and how to deal with long distance. Altho saying that....it is still hard. Benz goes to work...i go to bed and vice versa.... chuckles is like he works the night shift while i sleeping lol
I'm not really into the on-line scene and I don't judge at all. I did some Internet dating for a while and found a couple of problems with it. It's not a very good way to get to know a person, is it? I personally, suck at assesing a persons character without looking into their eyes when they say it. I mean, up close and in person. Just reading somebodies opinion really doesn't tell me their relationship with the opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}
I spoke to a girl for about a year. I wasn't really pursuing her. Mostly just some on-line flirting. We seemed to like each other and had a lot in common. She had some pictures up and she looked really good in them. I'm a physical kind of guy. I need physical attration for it to work for me. Quite by chance I met her at a party....jeeez she was aestheticaly challenged. Which is another problem.
Not to mention stories I've heard of people out-right lying.
The thing is that I would never invest time to build an on-line relationship if I hadn't allready met the person. We know we are compatible, ie we've allready had sex at least once. Sex is like that. I don't think I'm unique. Talking about it, just doesn't cut it. I think we can all agree that sex is important. Unless we've experienced each other sexually we just haven't got a clue about so many things.
Unless the plan is to keep it in fantasy land off-course...but that's not my thing. The on-line flirting would for me just be step one. A step I'd prefer to keep as short as possible.
What I'm trying to say is that I don't really get it. Even after reading the posts made here, I still don't get why keeping it going for years without meeting? Isn't that the goal?
edit: ...and even if both people told only the truth, are really soul mates, find each other phsically attractive doesn't mean in the least that they will stand each others company for any length of time. Our annoying qualities need to be experienced in person.
Thank-you, Tom:
"What I'm trying to say is that I don't really get it. Even after reading the posts made here, I'm still none the wiser what it's for." I think I am a bit wiser now. Online is yet another way to develop a relationship, whether it blossom or wither in time. If it withers, it was likely to have done so in real life too. Just like any other relationship it will stand or fall on its own merits. I accept that.
But Tom made another point, only once referred to by anyone else (Warbaby), and then only in passing: the sex. (OK, I think for Sir Russell, sex is so obvious, it's a given!) This is a BDSM site, so doesn't sex come into it? Control <--> sex <--> submission.
For Tom, sex is fundamental and I can see that too. This was an unformed thought that partly prompted my original post - if the sex isn't real, then it's just masturbation: if the control isn't real, then there isn't really any true submission. For people like Tom, then, an online sub can never be ideal.
Sir Russell disagrees. Or rather, he differs from Tom, and disagrees with me. He is happy with RL and OL. He says his OL control is real, and I infer the sex is satisfactory too. (Is there a delicate way to say that? I mean no offence.) And this is achieved by hard vetting so that only suitable subs who are totally honest and whom he trusts are accepted.
I think I am coming to the view that OL relationships can be good - wonderful even - but are always less than RL Ceegee, for example, will fulfil her relationship when she at last reaches Oz. Sbbe and cadence use OL to fill gaps in RL (I hope I understood that right).
But OL does something that RL doesn't do - at least, not nearly so easily. It allows people to gain experiences denied to them elsewhere. There's no way, for example that I can have a real life BDSM experience, but I can look for it here. Thus, like sbbe and cadence, I have a gap in my real life that OL may satisfy, and, clearly, that is what an online sub is for.
smiles....for part our S&m relationship boils down to powerful mind control....the Dominance over another thru the mind. altho I DO miss the physical interaction (and is something this lilone really needs)...but that will to wait for now. But one has to also remember that I am still my Master's slave....regardless where I am in the world and everything I do OL or RT still reflects on him
I'm sorry if I seemed judgemental. I'm not really. I just want to understand. If I understand your situation correctly, OL isn't and wasn't your first choice. It's simply down to it not being practicly doable for you to meet the love in your life at all any other way, right? So it's not a question of you prefering OL, but simply down to available options. Which is a completly different bag of tricks. You have met Benz in reality right?Quote:
Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}
Perfect, perfecter and more perfectly stated, Warbaby.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warbaby1943
I live with my husband, so aside from the advice and counsel (and a smidge of fun, flirty chat) that I get online, I am living my D/s experience up close and personal, which is more complicated than I could have imagined. My husband would say it's even more so than that.
I realize my next comment isn't exactly the answer sought, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that meeting my new friends here online has been a very real experience for me. That these new relationships aren't face-to-face ('cept for Red 'cause we live kinda close (love that girl!), doesn't take away that I have been influenced and touched in no other way than real and personal and meaningful. But I can also understand why it's difficult to understand just how that can be.
MMI, you are impressed by all these thoughtful replies? Stick around for a few and you'll see that this is just the way it is here. It's so great! :)