Am I driving myself crazy?

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Originally Posted by Flaming-Redhead

*slinks off to do some more thinking*

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Don't slink, sweetie. Crawl, but don't slink. ;)

Red, you're wonderful, you know. :) Well, you don't, but you should.

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Originally Posted by Mysc

@Tom.. it's okay, I understand you better now.

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~claps and smiles brightly~ Yay! *whispers* Just between us, he's really wonderful and does give good advice. He's just the best. The best at what, well, I'm still trying to figure that out. :p

This is a great thread! I have learned something from each and every post. I love it when that happens.

tessa :wave:

Lets see if we can get back to point. We all feel what she is going through, frustration because our partner isn't quite or a lot not what we expected. The time and sessions it takes for the D/s to find common ground can be hard on the nerves.

I think though that once we get through that each of the players will have learned and found growth in the life. Sometimes that growth is unexpected and yet very pleasurable.

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Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

Lets see if we can get back to point. We all feel what she is going through, frustration because our partner isn't quite or a lot not what we expected. The time and sessions it takes for the D/s to find common ground can be hard on the nerves.

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Erm and that was not my point. Again I do not feel or think my partner is lacking, I do not feel or think he should move faster, and I am not expecting more then he can handle... but that is not the way I can temper my urge, it's like an internal whirlwind and I'm (with all my reason and knowledge *ehum*), at that point, external and just have to sit it out.

Secondly was the fear of overwhelming and balancing the information stream.

I can see why it comes across like that tho SirRussel.. I apologise for that. My mind was racing at the moment I wrote that down...

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Originally Posted by Mysc

Again thanks for all the insight you guys have on this!

@Tom.. it's okay, I understand you better now.

And Beswitch... you exactly described the whole thing!!! WOW!! I wasn't able to when I wrote my first post because of all the emotions. It's indeed also a matter of fear, and the feeling you don't want to be a burden.
Thanks again.. just one question; could you send some of these exercises to me? ;)

As for the whole spin off discussion.. I have to reread all the posts to see who's point is which.. it's confusing lol

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I would be very happy to tell you what I know. It all starts with gaining control of your breathing. Most people in the west breathe incorrectly, shallow and with little power. Yoga taught me how to breathe.

Yoga is good, good, good, in its many forms. I started with Hatha, which concentrates on stretching and holding poses, (asanas I think they are called) I started with a book from the public library in 1993. A class is a much better way to progress, but even some simple stretches on your own, with a book or video for instruction, is good.
I have taken a few Jivamukti Yoga classes, learnt a little Ashtanga Yoga technique (there are a bunch of Ashtanga clips on you tube), and my favorite all time yoga book is called "the 8 Human Talents" by Gurmukh, that is a Kundalini Book, the exercises look deceptively simple, and now that I have seen Gurmukh's dvd, I realised I was moving too slow...

Classes with a good instructor are best.

This will help your body process all the secretions your glands are dumping when you get scared or nervous, when the crush crushes in.

Meditation is super easy once you get the hang of it, but next to impossible to understand before you do. It is a deliberate relaxing of the brain and thought process. I could go into explaining it, but I bet folks already think I am off topic. I would be happy to chat or email if you want more. I even wrote one of my favorite relaxation techniques into a story for the writers' block (writing class) here, it not only describes the technique but how it feels when it is done well. I can send you that if you like, but i think it is too long for a private message. PM me with an email address if you like.

I am lucky, my lover does yoga as well, and it seems to help him control his own emotions and insecurities and he is in great shape.

It is by no means a cure all for anything, emotional discontent will still rear it's ugly head...I used to freak out more...now I still freak out but I am able to detach from it, relax as much as possible and let it pass. All emotion passes, unless you mentally focus on the feeling and sustain it. When I am unhappy, I acknowlege it, and I feel it, and then I decide to let it pass, not to feed the unhappy or scared feeling with negative thoughts.

Interestingly, lately, I have chosen to let the super happy moments pass the same way, cultivating a detachment to being overly happy as well... I like the mid point, the balance where I am not so happy I will crash hard if things change...never so sad or anxious that I feel it will drown me...

Yes women like to talk and talk about the emotions and feelings...frankly, I am a woman, and personally, I find too much of this dull. Many men find it dull too, so they say. Not that our feelings are unimportant, but if you are simply repeating a cycle based on past things, insecurities, it is not a real feeling; it is a lack of self control, like playing a part in a play over and over without thought.

Gaining control of this compulsion to feed the emotions (by talking endlessly and generally freaking out) is liberating. Stopping to process internally by getting quiet mind...my life may sound boring, but it is far from it.

For me, it was not until I had this control and discipline of myself that I could really fully appreciate the depth of good bdsm dynamic.

I know a hundred tricks for calming one's mind. PM me your email address and I will send some good ones.

Cheers!

Beswitchingly

Beswitchingly:
Yoga is an intriguing tip, thanks. I'd like to get into that myself (I'm Mysc's Dom, if you hadn't noticed that already) but I'm afraid I lack the attention span. Still I'd like to try, though.

As she said, it's not a problem of compatibility or different needs. We're still finding stuff out (well I am) but we're doing fine. It's more that once she gets going really well, it's like a gyrator being fed from some invisible powersource - she keeps and keeps going, past the point where my stamina runs out. I'd love to be able to do more, but it also has to wind down sometime.
It's hard when you're new to get started, yes. Then it might get really, really hard to find a good way to stop...

Sounds like a pacing issue to me. Being excitied and wanting everything all at once, I understand that...felt the same way when I got together with my man. He is very good at taking charge and making the waiting part of the whole dynamic.

Yoga is good for increasing attention span. It seems like you two are ona good track. As long as you both keep wanting more, it sounds like a normal progression to me.

Cool, seems like your only problem is that you like each other and don't want to mess things up.

Beswitchingly