Adding Others to a pre-exisiting Relationship

Quote:

Originally Posted by yourlilslave86

Right now, I am in a poly relationship with a couple. I talked with them at lengths before coming into the relationship and committing to them. For me, it isn't the fact of being in a poly relationship as much as it is about having more than one Owner. I am a slave to both of them but I am also helping Her out by helping with the animals, household things, etc. I am also her friend that she can share things with. He is the Master where she is the switch. Both of them have used me just as I have pleased both of them.

I can honestly say that this style isn't for everyone and when I first started looking I really wasn't looking for a couple but over time I realized that there are things that He enjoys but she doesn't like doing where I do. An example is anal. She doesn't care for it where I do. Needles is something that she is terrified off but I am not.

I think the best thing to do is make sure that whoever you are bringing in doesn't get jealous because it can destroy the relationship. Communication is key in any type of relationship this being one of them. I have found that I can talk to her easily than I can Him.

Good luck.

Thank you for your contribution Lilslave :)

You are absolutely correct on all of your points imo/e. Poly isn't for everyone. Most people need to be and feel they are the only one for those they Love. Yet even in Poly, that is still true in it's own way. No two people are exactly the same, no matter how similar they may be, or what the in commons are. Each person is special and unique unto themselves. No one is replacable.

Every Relationship is also different, even with the same person. Like people, each Relationship is special and unique unto itself also. No two are exactly the same, no matter the similarities.

So for people who are, or are open to Poly, it works for them. Or can.

Very true also, that jealousy can get in the way of success in Poly, like in any other Style of relating. And even more so, because there is not just a one on one component to those Relationship(s). Though that component also exists (one on one relating that is). Working together to overcome or resolve jealousy issues is very important, as unresolved jealousy is kind of like a virus, or a disease. It increases/multiplies over time if left unchecked/unresolved. And yes it can destroy the Relationship(s) one hopes to build.

IME, everyone has triggers to jealousy. Care must be taken to recognize those and resolve them if they occur.

Compersion can also be blocked if jealousy issues remain. Without compersion, it is difficult if not impossible, for Poly Relationship(s) to Grow and develop normally. Normally for Poly Relationship(s) that is.

Honest Open Communication between all parties to Poly Style Relationship(s) is very much the key to their success, just as in any other Style of Relating. And again more so, because of the amount of people involved.

As you have discovered, it's important for each person to have their own place within the Relationship(s), as well as their place within the Family, when it's a Livein together situation. I found out the hard way (unfortunantly) years ago, it won't work out otherwise.

As you've also mentioned, it does take Time and lots of communication as well as negotiation between all parties, to determine whether or not a Relationship is a viable option for all of them. So just jumping in and hoping things will work, rarely does. Though sometimes people do that, and then have to suffer the pains of defeat or failure. When Time and communication could have prevented the problems altogether. Sometimes a person, or people, just want something/someone so badly, they fail to recognize the red flags, and they make this mistake, or mis-take. I've BTDT, and I don't plan to go back there.

Congradulations on your Family Lilslave :), and Blessings to you all.

Thank you again for your input.

Respectfully~SidheWolf