Do Looks Matter for a Master?

My Master looks like a nice guy. At least from a distance. *grins* He's totally sexy, and I'm very much in love with his looks, but that isn't what I knew first. We met online as friends many years ago. I started falling for him, and his personality far before his looks. I think most Doms have similar personality traits, not fashion sense. I know plenty of Doms, always have, I wouldn't submit to a single one of them. While I find my Dom to be totally attractive physically... it's his personality that forced me to submit.

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Originally Posted by AdamPowers

Let me attempt to put this question in perspective and I'd love to hear what everyone's opinions are on the subject. Do looks matter for your master?

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To me this is like asking if looks matter in the vanilla world. Of course they do. Just becuase someone is dom doesnt mean they get an exception from the rule. Am i shallow? Hell no. You should see some of the people i date. I get people that are like 'Why are you dating them!?!" or "you have better taste then that" but to me its not about looks, its whats inside the noggin that counts. I would never want someone to look at me and not give me a chance just becuase of my looks. A lot of people have, saying that i look mean, intimidating, angry, bitchy, and that they didnt want to talk to me becuase of the way i came off. Then once they got to know me, they were shocked to see that i am not that way at all.

Everyone is shallow to an extent. IMO.



As to your next question, on if 'features such as facial hair, muscles, tattoos, piercings, clothes, etc... make the Master'? I like to say no. I know a lot of dom men who have no facial hair, no tattos, or even muscles and they are a very good dominate. In fact my dominate doesnt have facial hair, muscles, or tattoos, is he just as dominate as the muscley, tattooed, bearded man? Id like to think so. Its all up to personal preference on this one. I dont like facial hair, tattoos are fine (since i have 22 of them), muscles are okay, but to me it doesnt make him anymore dom then the rest.

I think for most subs the attitude is important, online you get to know someone so well that when you do see what they look like, it may not matter so much if they arent what you expected because you know they can dominate you and you know how they act so if you look like the "nice guy" the sub in question will know that you are not!

hope that makes sense
emma x

Appearances have never been a consistent thing for me, and don't normally matter either, personality is much more important; but I remember the first time I saw him I thought, dear god :p

For me it doesn't matter what my tommicat looked like. I knew from the day I met her online that it was meant to be. That's all I needed. But I suppose it depends on the person to be honest. For me it has always been whats on the inside. Personality, smarts, humor, love, devotion. That sorta stuff.

I always go for the same look, kinky or vanilla xD Dark hair, dark eyes, tanner skin than my own. I tend towards the Jewish look, lol. <3

hehe i am for right now a "online slave" but happily my Lord is taking me in in real life and so of course i fell for Him far before i ever saw a pic or anything as it turned out my Lord is sexier than any other man i have ever laid my eyes on but as far as i had cared and still care He could have been 4 ft. 2 and not have a leg.... it wouldnt make a difference to me and never will i love my Lord and i am happier than i have ever been in my life and nothing could ever change that not looks; not anything!!!!

I have to say from my own personal POV, that I LOVE a little older man (although there is always something to be said for younger men too I think I just love men! LOL) My favorite men Brent Spiner, Alan Rickman and William Petersen (Gil Grissom CSI) *sighs* I love the geeky, nerdy, tends to be emotionally withdrawn or a little cold (I mean how much colder can you get than a corpse and an android?) types and I don't look for "looks" as much as I do the attitude...
I like men who take care of themselves but aren't narcissistic about it and even though I love licking the occasional tattoo, I don't usually look for extra piercings and tattoos, but they seem to love me! LOL! (I guess Court Reporters are like catnip to rocker guys!) *laughs*
So, anyway that's my own personal take on things, I LOVE men (and the occasional woman) *winks* and I don't care what my Master looks like as long as he's willing to drag me by my hair into the bedroom and whip my willing Irish ass whenever the mood strikes him!
mollydoll

Looks, for me, have nothing to do with a Master (for like what most of the others have said, it is mainly in the eyes). However, that being said, an initial feeler session for the right person would probably start with the more physically attractive ones and then drift to the intelligent ones. Don't get me wrong...I will always wind up with the ones 1) older than me by at least 10 years (I am 28) 2) intelligent 3) at least 6 feet tall and 4) stronger than me. But as for initial interest, I would probably do the shallow thing and be more likely to at least approach and keep a conversation going with someone that I thought was physically attractive.

For the record, my Master was not at all attractive to me when we started our relationship, and he gets more and more so as the relationship grows :-)

A guy who tries, as someone else in this thread said, to look the part too hard, is prone to turn me off.

As I have never gone after the sort of man who is considered "good-looking" (model-type) by most women I know, and as it´s not the looks but the radiation a person gives that attracts me, it´s hard to tell.
If the man does not have "that special something", he can look great to the rest of the world, and still do nothing for me...

What I enjoy in the online community is that one can get to know people without judging first by their looks. Looks can be very deceiving. I also met my fair share of men in real life who were considered good-looking by the majority of people, and who acted as if their looks should be sufficient, and I had no right to expect an interesting personality behind the face (a total and complete turn-off for me).

My r/l hubby who is also my Dom happens to fit my ideal pretty perfectly (more on the scruffy side, and my best gay friend usually describes him as The Viking), but there I simply got lucky. We started out for a loose play-only thing, and it evolved into a real relationship pretty quick, and later we got married...

What I´d like to share, however, is how I met my first real life acquaintances in the lifestyle, a couple who taught me the first steps and allowed me to ask questions until their ears bled... it was so hilarious.

I had gotten together with the woman first, who spoke of her Dom in a way that made me expect a cross-breed between Marlon Brando and Julius Caesar (I am not kidding here).
When she introduced us later, I was very disappointed to find a completely normal looking guy - I completely underestimated his domly abilities. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mistake! *laughs*

My looks are important to me. I keep myself well groomed, in shape and stylishly dressed. I consider myself to have a beautiful and captivating personality and i see no reason that that shouldn't be displayed outwardly. Keeping those views of myself in mind i want my Dom to feel the same way about himself.

On a more shallow note, I am fairly good at attracting men. I would like my dom to be as attractive as myself and especially at least as attractive as the other men who are interested in me. I respect and adore my Dom for who he is, how he knows me, and how he treats me, but i'm only human and physical attraction is important to me.

So no its not about facial hair or tattoos but a picture is important. Use the picture to your advantage. Put some thought into it differentiate yourself from the millions of web-cam face photo shots and penis profiles. Be creative, because imagination is a desirable quality in a Dom, put some imagination into your photos. My advice is wear something that makes you look good, stay away from bright colors, use scene pictures i.e. your in a forest, your sitting in your office, your at your job, your with your dog who is sitting nicely for you *hehe, your at the beach, your at a sports event something that speaks to part of your character. The picture can be a great Segway to conversation it can make a curious mind think, like "Mmm motorcycle", "Sexy kilt", "Nice sunglasses"...

I wouldn't mind having a physically appealing guy as my Master, but quite frankly, I'm going to have to agree with what most of the people here have already said. I'd rather have a Master who loves me because of who I am, how I act...all my little quirks. He needs to understand me better that I understand me, and I want to be able to understand Him as well. If he can keep up a good conversation, and stimulate more than just my body, then to me, He's a keeper. If He looks good physically, well then Yay! Our kids will look fantastic. lol. Looks change, but a personality should stay with a person for a long while.

Yeah BabyGirl, I wouldn't mind having a physically appealing guy as my Master too! Well, my last one was... tall dark handsome green eyes and boy could he ever do The Look... knees to jelly... But then again he was a bastard (not in the good sense).

My Monsieur now is... short and fairly fat and honestly not pretty at all. He is dark - well, he's from the Antilles, so he's a metis, lol. He's really not into D/s, more the BD and some SM, so he doesn't have 'the look'. But... there are moments when he is truly beautiful. Moments when his love and desire for me are shining through, moments when his pride in me and in what we create together, moments when what I am giving him makes him feel like the most powerful man in the world... and in those moments, he is.

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there are moments when he is truly beautiful. Moments when his love and desire for me are shining through, moments when his pride in me and in what we create together, moments when what I am giving him makes him feel like the most powerful man in the world... and in those moments, he is.

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I totally agree with this. It's exactly how I feel. My last few serious relationships out of BDSM were with women, my two previous Doms were very different from each other. In looks as well as in the way they acted.

Miner just blows me away- I find him attractive physically, mentally and he feeds/fulfills my soul. I don't know if he is traditionally attractive, or if other people find him so, all I know for me is that he's just perfect. I don't think looks are necessarily important in a Master- it's about finding the best fit for you that is important. For some people looks may well be important, for others they're not. There is no mould really that fits all- it's just what works for the people involved.

So um essentially for me looks aren't important.

Did I even come close to answering the question?

^ and the feeling is mutual, sweets :)

as you have said for me its all about the eyes...
personally if someone has eyes that are very expressive it melts me
and the tone in their voice matters alot to me aswell

but its more about personality then looks xxx

Well people can say looks dont matter to them but deep down you need something to turn you on, you need that intital attraction to draw you in. No matter what that "look" is, it can be a BBW, or it could be someone who is fail thin, if they are attractive and they catch your eye then yes looks would matter just a tad bit. I can say looks dont matter to me but what turns me on wont turn the next person on.

The last dom I talked with he was an Older white male with a jolly beard and I like that look, its comforting for me. I also like Tall black men dark skinned with muscles, as well as Light skinned black men. It just depends on my taste and if the attraction is there for them as well.

I truely do think personalitiy should be a key factor in looking for a partner, as well as trying to find someone who you can stand looking at. If you cant stand looking at them then it might not work out!

Im not sure who said it, but someone said " Looks attract the persons, personality keeps them together." This is true is most relationships. If you where browsing a site like collerme the first thing that would get you to take an interest in someone is how they look in their dp but it is what they say in their comment that mey interest you can get them to contact them.
So regarding looks it really only matters with the initial connection (since people aren't only attracted by looks) unless there is an ulterior motive behind the connection of M/s.

everyone who has posted ahead of me i think has covered everything. as for me, i'm completely new to this lifestyle, so the image that pops into my head is just an Average Joe the Plumber. i feel that looks, regardless of the individual being a 'master' or not, aren't important if he has the charisma and the ability to keep a decent conversation going (i.e. personality) to make his appearance mean little. however, if my future Master is as beautiful on the outside as he is on the inside, then i say 'bravo!'
*pardon the cheesiness of the ^^ above sentence*

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Originally Posted by angelic_zest

The last dom I talked with he was an Older white male with a jolly beard and I like that look, its comforting for me.

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Ohhhh me too!!! Especially when he's bringing me lots of goodies and eating cookies I made just for him. ;)

I agree with the larger idea, though...of "yes, looks matter. Are they more important than anything else? No. But they do matter.

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Originally Posted by brwneydgirl

Ohhhh me too!!! Especially when he's bringing me lots of goodies and eating cookies I made just for him. ;)

I agree with the larger idea, though...of "yes, looks matter. Are they more important than anything else? No. But they do matter.

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Eating your cookies is no doubt excellent. Are you reciprocating... eating him too? :hubba:

By looks, perhaps we should also look to more than the physical manifestation... but also how the psyche manifests.

Is it important that the dominant have a presence? Bearing? Exude power when you look at him or her?

Of course, I believe it must be so. There must be some of this and it must be perceptible and a large component is in what you observe/see.

If you take everything into account... Yes, looks matter.

Maybe I'm shallow, and maybe its subconscious, but I've never dated anyone, vanilla or otherwise, who I didn't think I could take in a fight. I like 'em skinny and weak- or maybe its just that little guys tend to have the more submissive personality that I'm attracted to. Oh, and I've never been with a man who was older than me. That just wouldn't work out.

Seriously though, though I think looks play a part, personality is so much more important. Everything we are here is based on personality- whether you're Dominant or submissive is based solely on personality, and of course that is truly what matters.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Eating your cookies is no doubt excellent. Are you reciprocating... eating him too? :hubba:

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You know I'm a giver. :blurp_ani

Beware of the quiet ones...

Personality is everything. IMO (and personal experience) the ones that haven't stated the 87 ways they are going to torture me WHEN I become their sub are the most interesting doms. Therefore, that's the kind that I go for.

Quiet and demure appearance go a long way for me, there's usually a pot of gold to be discovered under the "off the rack" exterior.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Is it important that the dominant have a presence? Bearing? Exude power when you look at him or her?

Of course, I believe it must be so. There must be some of this and it must be perceptible and a large component is in what you observe/see.

If you take everything into account... Yes, looks matter.

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In this case I have to agree. Paraphernalia based cockiness (which would apply for my previous statement) and power are very different and recognizable.

Power is so sexy...

My Dom if you were to look at him, you would think of a teddy bear. He laughs, smiles, always seems to be in a good mood. I've always dreamed of being with a guy that was taller than me and I've always like dark hair as well. Before I even saw my Dom I didn't know what to expect. We chat on Skype so yeah from the chest up I saw him. He looked like a big teddy bear to me that would love to cuddle for hours. However when He gives me that look, I instantly fall into submissive mode and am greatly intimidated by Him. He can have that soft gentle tone and be so loving but when time calls for it He can be stern and assertive.
The look doesn't matter because if you think about it, there are a lot of rich high class women that are into the lifestyle that you wouldn't suspect. Not all badass looking men are into the lifestyle. You can have a CEO of a high end company that wears thousand dollar suits, no tattoos at all and looks primp and proper and he could be a Dom to someone out there.
That's just my opinion though. I don't think the look makes the Dom. You yourself, what's inside beneath those clothes and ink is what makes the Dom.

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Originally Posted by SubmissiveCandy

He looked like a big teddy bear to me that would love to cuddle for hours. However when He gives me that look, I instantly fall into submissive mode and am greatly intimidated by Him.

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This does make things so much hotter...it really does.

i'm new here... but i loved this thread... for me... looks aren't important... age is... weird but true... i am so very attracted to an older man than to anyone close to my age... other than that... i would have to agree with all y'all... it's not what's outside that matters... it's the person within... the heart... the soul... connect with my mind first... show me your picture at a later date

okay... i'm going to click this button and hope that i do this right :)