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T/thank Y/you, S/sir, I/i T/hink I/i W/will K/keep M/my F/former P/practice. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozme52
I can see now that lowercase "i" is not obligatory. I want to obey every real rule,
but I don't feel this a self-humiliation. A protocol, as you say. And it was rather
difficult to learn English spelling... I hope everyone will understand.
Thank you for teaching me. Your posts are so clear.
Jez, wow I threw this thread up expecting a few replys four maybe tops it gets me kind of gitty to see all this conversation from silly little me. I have to throw my two cents in now though. I love talking to anyone who is fetishist or d/s or what ever. I find myself blending into lots of "alternative" cultures also being bi I find that the Domme/sub relationship and the Dom/sub relationships to be completely different. I would love to chat on here more but my I am currently in what I would call an apprenticeship and my job takes most my life. I wanted to give my thoughts on points to some things people have said through out the thread.
First being how men are raised to take the lead. I find this true but only in some instances and this ideal is being slowly bled away as women are raised to lead there own career lives and so on. Yet still in some instances like in a vanilla relationship the guy is expected to take the lead, and if not he tends to fall into the dreaded friend category. Also in a d/s relationship I think a Dom/me can sit back and let the sub do all the work as long as there are specific orders and guidelines already set up.
Also as being a male sub who has frequented this site on and off for about three years (I changed screen names for certain reasons.) that I would love to converse more but I find myself so limited in this online dialog and enjoy face to face, or face to feet depending on how restrictive the Dom/me is ;)
which brings me to a question I have for the people here, I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?
I think this is satisfactory and it makes sense but then again I all caffeined up.
:cayvvotg:
First time poster... and first day on the forum. I wanted to respond to moonlitsub's original question with my two cents. I haven't been on this site because I feel like being a male sub is such a minority already and from playing on the yahoo rp chat rooms that trying to find a woman just interested in online play is very hard. So I've been discouraged and haven't looked.
Additionally (and more of a side note) I don't know if it's just me, but while I have fantasies about femdom I find that when I read a story involving femdom, or watch a video I'm not nearly as turned on as I thought I might be. Perhaps this supports the theory that men are looking to have a specific script acted on.
Yama, i saw the use of lower case i in some of the stories i've read. i liked the idea of making myself less important in this small manner. i have no idea what others do or expect. If it slows down typing you probably don't want to bother unless you are directed to by a Master/Mistress.Quote:
Originally Posted by yama
Merry Christmas Everyone.
hm... mindofasubpgh it could possibly be it just isn't want your looking for I know without realizing it that when I watch porn especially vanilla I usually see myself in the girls possition "taking it" or taking an image and instead of how vanilla guy see fucking the girl I just see her topping my subby ass. Also even more so I know what you mean I seem to have different taste then what the professionals think is good, or writers (so I just write my own stuff.) but I find that a lot of porn vanilla, fetish or other isn't as great as it could be. I also remember the saying that we are the ones that knows what turns us on the most.
Dear Dave, thank you for your useful reply. I will use lowercase "i" without any hesitation if somebody declares that she/he is offended by my uppercase "I"s. I accept this correction not only from dominants but from submissives, too. Nothing want I less than to offend anybody.
It is only that I trust the judgement of Sir Oz very much, and will base on it and my own clumsyness till there aren't other reasons. And I can see myself that the use of lowercase is widespread but not general.
So much for the Forums. Messaging to a Dominant, male or female, I feel natural the use of lowercase "i" and uppercase "You". D/double C/characters I don't understand and will not use.
Thank you again very much indeed. Merry Christmas to you and everybody. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveAM
Moonlit.. it is nice to see I'm not alone in my views.
I find this really interesting because I knew that I was at least a switch when I started watching porn and identifying in the male role... I knew it was totally true when I started imagining the male role as my role during vanilla sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsub
It is interesting to see how one identiifes. I typically identify with the man in porn be it vanilla or something harder. However, when watching harder stuff (or reading a story) I do feel a bit of jealously watching the woman climax while restrained in one way or another.
Actually for a long time I always thought that I was identifying with the man in the porn but it wasn't until I was able to admit to myself that it was the women I was identifying with. I find I keep only saying "this is what turns me on" and that is only the aspects about myself I am able to identify with.
It really is interesting. bryan'sgrrl and I were looking at bdsm porn over at this morning, when we realized that I'm more interested in pictures of girls faces- when they look a little nervous(because that face or a whimper isthe hottest thing to me). she likes to see that strong Dom arm or face.Quote:
Originally Posted by mindofasubpgh
and Oz, I think you are right about the "topping from the Bottom thing. if I had a sub who thought they could control the scene we were in, I would love it- it's a chance to disabuse them of the idea they had that power. communication needs or desires is fine. but if I'm in charge, I'm in charge.
mmmm yeah. I don't have to watch anything else but her face.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisais mine
Sigh I wish I could pin down what really really really gets me going, some days it lips of a close friend as she tells me a story for awhile it was when I burned myself at work (500 degree ovens) and that lasting pulsing pain, one that always works is blood seeping out of my skin. In porn itself I don't think it is actual images from the porn I tend to take the people I see in all there fully exposed splendor and create fantasies in my mind with them.
i'm a male sub. or at least i think i am but i'm still learing. i hope i can put in my 2 cents as well :)
i agree with you. there are alot of people who just see it as a thrill but dont want to be out of control. and to me thats the main thing of being a sub. to not be incontrol. i love the feeling of being out of controle. and i'm only truly happy to please my partner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead
also communication is more difficult for a man. at least for me it is. but i do my best :). its difficult at time but aslong as your patient and keep going things will always work out. i guess some people just dont want to put in the effort.
I think that part of the problem is the very thin line between having limits and preferences vs. a "script". I've had Dommes comment to me on other forums that it is ridiculous for subs to try to set out very specific do's and don'ts; that they're taking the Domme's power.
On the other hand, we all have things that work for us and things that don't. To me (and I mean no offense to anyone whatever their own likes and dislikes) the whole ritualistic Domm(me)/sub "Master/Mistress" interaction along with stereotyped costumes (leather and/or latex) make the whole thing seem something of a game. It seems a bit like dressing up in Star Trek garb and learning to speak Klingonese. And I happen to not be into pain also. This doesn't make these things wrong, but they're not right for me.
To me the greatest area of female power is their sexual power. And I don't think a woman has to wear leather or be called Mistress to exert her power over men. I truly believe that almost all men want to serve women but many are too proud to admit it! I am totally thrilled when a woman uses my sexual excitement to subdue me and makes me totally submit to her.
Just my thoughts…Quote:
Originally Posted by James2024
That is possible, but the female Doms that I know who have male collars don't feel that way. I like to think that I don't feel that way either, I am not sure that I have consciously thought of any submissive as doing "something wrong" I am not sure that I can relate directly. However, I think others have the key to it - that the dearth of communication provides no approach vector to engage in polite or maybe not so polite conversation. When you talk to someone it is much easier to ask questions and query responses, which implicitly provide positive feedback to the person that you are talking to (the "Yes, I am listening to you, and I want to know what you think/feel/want" effect). Without that interplay male subs may not feel welcomed to most conversations and having the desire combined with the fear of not being accepted just go looking elsewhere. This is compounded by the perceived lack of presence of male subs in the forums (which is not accurate there seems to be lots who post to the intro area) while there appears to be a plethora of female subs (I believe the fem subs have their own subforum – not an attack just an observation). If I miss my mark that Womb subforum is run by/for fem subs while the male subs don’t support each other… yet another example of “male non-communicativeness”.
There may be another psychological effect occurring, with more self identified male subs who want a highly scripted play with no deviation being more willing to speak up and approach, because that is safe and known to them instead of unknown regardless of their deeper desires to be dominated.
I do know that many people have a hard time communicating and perceive many comments as negative when those very comments could be construed as either constructive or neutral.
Jay
[QUOTE=moonlitsub;786898]...I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?
[QUOTE]
Chill=Boss
you=you
you: Chill some of my friends get together every month and spend time together, i don't usually go because i work and they understand that, but a few of them have asked me multiple times and have been giving me crap because they say i am being "antisocial" <you could let Chill know that you are trying to be more social with your friends and that is something that you are working on - which puts more power in his hands, not sure if you are comfortable with that but it might work, then Chill is provided with an oprotunity to be supprotive to you>. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.
i got invited to go to a <insert event here e.g. party, get together with friends, etc. >. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.
Thankyou for that discription, i love it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead
I wrote in this thread before the crash, and I have just read all the posts to refresh my mind. I have to admit that I only joined this site just less than four months ago. In that time I have written a few posts, and read many threads, I have always been interested in BDSM, but unlike many I have failed to participate on a regular basis. There are many types of male submissive, and I too have noticed that many that post their first post are never seen again. I think that you have to blame that on magazines, and the type of books that I write, because the males are all young, and are all looking for a Fem/Dom. They are all looking for that beautiful Fem/Dom with the hour glass figure and the long blonde hair, it is not BDSM they are after it is lust, but anyone that knows anything about women, and reads the adverts in those magazines, that there is a painful price to pay just to get close to them. I also believe that if they all got what they were asking of the Fem/Dom just once, 80% would never be seen outside their house let alone on a BDSM site ever again.
I am a sub but nothing special, I was a Master at my work and respected by my peers during the day, but at night I was the opposite. My wife died 18 months ago, and although it was a vanilla marriage, even now I’m not sure if we were not playing a game with each other, and without the other knowing. I would do all she asked and without question, I would let her win the argument even when she was wrong. She would strike out with her hand if something was done wrong; I dared to show my feelings for fear of another strike. She would screw a jaw, or give a little jab, but there was always room for love afterwards. Her eyes never left me when at weddings and parties; I would always look around and see her smiling at me, jealousy, possessiveness, or protectiveness? She made the decisions and she made the plans, there was never shall we, or can we? It was always we are and we can, and I let her do it, she was domineering and I was her sub, and if she said get down and kiss my ass I would have done it, well she had a very nice ass. Just to throw a little more light, there was BDSM before ever I married her 31 years ago. If these young subs had to come in with their real name, instead of a username, they would have a little more respect for the Domms they are talking too, a person can only gain respect by giving respect.
I am not sure if all men are bad communicators, but I am with women and always have been. I fear them a little, and mostly because they can hurt by just verbally chastising. A woman or girl could never hurt me physically to the extent I would not want to see them again, but verbally they are awesome, and having said that my first wife could always bring tears to my eyes. Some things that women and girls have said to me over the years have hurt, and some that have done it unintentionally I have avoided for a long time afterwards. Yes I go into chat and sometimes I participate and sometime I just listen, and there are more female subs than male, but who gives a damn, I don’t? I go there because being there makes me feel liberated from the vanilla world, and the company is sound. I don’t think anyone thinks a male sub is a freak, apart from someone in the vanilla community, but what sub is going to tell them his secret anyway?
Regards Ian
I have labeled myself a Dom/switch for my profile here.
Not that im a huge fan of labels really, i dont take pride or feel shame in having fantasies about dominating or submitting even when the topics turn to rape and permanent injury.
I have a lot more experience dominating than submitting, moreso than my fantasies would indicate but not to an extend where i feel i have to seek out a Domme no matter the costs (cash or emotional).
Really the sub in me is not looking for a godess or anything pretentius like that. I dont play that way as a Dom and dont want to as a sub. Come to think of what id really like is to be on the reciving end of a female version of my Dom self for a little while. I cant buy that and rarely get to talk to Dommes that i feel i have common ground with.
I did get in trouble commenting on the 21 replies a Domme in the personals got. I felt i was being polite and helpful but apparently others didnt and im sorry for that.
My comment was something to the effect, that she got plenty of offers from males apparently trying to be as generic and adaptable as possible. Im not saying theyr not allowed to be that way or that she shouldnt accept someone like that. But thats not what i look for in a sub and its not what i want to be for a Domme.
The point is slightly lost now with my post deleted and me living in europe only considering an online relationship anyways. But those were my five cents.
Lots of good information was lost, plus some silliness... I think FetishDJ mentioned that sub male physiologists are extra fun in bed, and I pointed out that mechanics are also very useful in bed. and other places.
Its all about what you can do to repair problems 'under the hood' :)
as well as routine maintenance, plus trouble shooting and diagnostics
I agree on that....Quote:
Originally Posted by dave{Arielle}
Or...just, to tip the otherside of the hat. Be yourself. Don't over communicate in your search. Just relax and be polite, there's no need to kneel to every domma. Just relax and let the ride take you. When it's time. Its time, there's nothing that any of us can do, and if you spend all of your time waiting and scraping your knees on the floor, then you are going to enjoy the ride a lot less the rest of us. In short. Be polite and be yourself.
~SeriBelle
at the same time, be prepared to spend some time on your knees, and not getting a thing out of it. you might want to have fun, but you get out of WIITWD, what you put in to it
Yes, of course. The trick is, to know when to kneel, and when not to. But I can't tell you how to know. That's something that every one just needs to learn on their own.
~SeriBelle
I'm a submissive male, but I play the role of a pet. I play the role as a wolf pup for my master, and I"m really into that. Even just eating out of a bowl has turned me on before.
I was talking to a friend, who is a male sub and really "gets the girls". He isn't especially special. He just wants to make sure that his domme has fun. It seems to work.
I'm a male submissive who has started several posts. The only time I recieved responses on my original which now is in the wrong catagory, dominants looking for submissives. I'm willing to most humbling activities and will try all types of self-punishment that shouldn't lead to serious injury. I'm married and my Wife does play with me from time to time.
So all I'm looking for here is ideas and online domination.
I'm trying to be an active male sub. It is hard out here, because SO many people want to be Dom's of females.
I think it's because male is "normally" the dominate role thats to society today, so when a inexperianced guy has to pick his role, 9/10 they will not choose sub, as it's "un-manly". Same with girls, I see a lot of female subs, who would be Domme's except for some reason, they think they can't be.
SissySlut; I think you have got your facts a little mixed up, subs and Dom are not picked in a lottery whether male or female, it is normally a natrural accurence. A person is a sub for a multiple of reasons, but i doubt the being un-manly as you put it comes to my mind. I allowed my wife/Domme to be who she was, because at work i was master of my trade and master of my employees, to arrive home and give that up, and letting someone else take command if you like, has its own satisfaction. A person is a sub because they feel comfortable being in that position, but it does not mean that they are less manly than the body builder next door. As for female subs i would not dare to make assumptions, as they have their own reasons, and it might be better to ask them before making statements.
Regards ian 2411
Yes, but a lot of guys not experienced with BDSM just looking to get into the game naturally pick the Dom role, before they dive deep enough to discover their true nature, thats was i was saying.Quote:
Originally Posted by ian 2411
I've only been a member here for less than a week. I have been masochist since before I knew what one was. For me, it took a great many years to get past the mask that society laid out for me. A few years ago, I accepted, and really started exploring who and what I was/am. Still, I do find it hard to be that in front of others, even in cyber space. In the really real world, I am about as redneck as it gets, more by the people in my life, and where I am and such. Since the first time I pinched my own nip while...er..."relaxing" I have known it wasn't something to talk about, because of what I was taught. Now, I try to get to know people, and read the situation, before I speak. So, for me anyway (I can speak for no other) it isn't a matter of hiding, it's a matter of assessing the place before I speak. I am a sub, and love being so. Give me time to know you, and soon you'll be telling me to shut up, instead of openup:26:
I really like this post. I am very new to this forum, and was at first surprised that there was a lack of female dommes in the dom looking for subs thread.
It is my personal belief that life is all about balance. In my public life, due to the profession I have chosen, I have to be a very dominate, go getting personality. I find it very exhausting and have to have some me time (for a better term). In my last relationship I had a girlfriend that was very dominate in the bedroom but somewhat submissive in public life. This is how I found out how enjoyable it was to give some one else control.
Now I have decided to take the journey to discover this side of my life.
I know I have my fantasies, through reading the stories in the library. But it is my belief that to fully enjoy my submissive side I have to give up my needs to someone else. I hope that this website will help me do this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VicSub
VicSub don’t spend the best part of your life looking for something that might not be there. Fem Domme come in all ways and they do not wear a lable, because most dont know they are Domme until their chance comes along. There are many Fem Domme out there in the world but to find the right one is the crux of the matter. My wife/Mistress was not one before we got married, it started off mild and i allowed her to go to the lengths she did, and it was that reason my marraige lasted. I was playing a game of submissive with her, but unintentionally she was being Dominant, she was getting her buz at the same time i was getting mine, it was a real game that neither of us realised we were playing. There is more to a Fem Domme/ male sub than beating a man into the ground, and at the end of the day, there is a far stronger loyalty to each other than in a vanilla maraige.
Regards ian 2411
Why would you think that?Quote:
Originally Posted by ian 2411
Quote:
Originally Posted by ian 2411
I didn’t explain myself very clearly and I apologise for that, I was in fact referring to Domme’s in vanilla marriages. While writing my BDSM books I try to keep the theme to scenarios that take place in real life, and then I place the most extreme consequences that could possibly take place. But most of the starts to my book are based on real life experiences, and although they are not my experiences they are as real as you would like to believe. I get my ideas from forums in magazines, reader’s letters of their journey over to the dark side. I have to admit that possibly 50% should be on a wish list, but there are a few that hit home, and it is those few that I work on. I have had two wives and I loved them both, the latter more than the first, but neither was Domme before marriage, but after a time their intentions were made known. The first wife went to extreme to show that she was Domme, but it never took place over night, and I knew that she was never like that before marriage. It was caused by talking to her friends saying things to her, and because I let her get away with little things, the power went to her head. As I did explain, Domme’s do not wear a label, and that is a fact, and I know from experience that a good Fem/Domme is very hard to find, and if you are looking for a certain type then it is almost impossible. I was very lucky in my second marriage that I found both, and it was all done so subtle that it worked, and at no time were my limits breached, and once again it was because I allowed her to take charge. What took place between my Mistress wife and I will never be open to discussion, because she passed away two years ago and I will never replace her.Quote:
Originally Posted by thir
Regards ian 2411
Ok, thanks.Quote:
Originally Posted by ian 2411
Quote:
As I did explain, Domme’s do not wear a label, and that is a fact, and I know from experience that a good Fem/Domme is very hard to find,
[/quote
Well, neither does a sub, or a Dom for that matter. You have to look in the right places is what I think.
I have often got into discussions about how many there may be of each kind (subs, Dom(me)s, switches) and it seems to vary a lot, but again, in the right places there they ALL are :-)
i have spent many years reading stories from the library, and only very recently registered for chat. I think many men are more interested in pictures, stories and cyber than in chatting to discuss s&m.
I have been submissive all my life, for many years only to women, and most of whom I had to pay for thier attention.
I have been fortuante to have had a couple of girlfriends dominate me, but both only did it for my pleasure and neither were dommes, but i did live for 8 years with a pro dominatrix and she really enjoyed her work.
I am now bisexual in s&m and this has really opened me to new areas of submission.
With regard to chat and cyber I was very good at impersonating a female sub and had lots of fun and many hours with an erection teasing myself for as long as possible, one handed typing gets better with practice.
Hope everyone enjoys their submission and domination.
Deepest respects
James