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Um, what is the point of having acronyms if the terms need to be spelt out in full every time the acronym is used? That's using more space and words, not saving them as acronyms are intended to.
Isn't one of the points of the terms SSC and RACK that the acronyms are handier to remember than the full terms they stand for?
all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera...
may i humbly request the acronym discussion be parked?
or perhaps it can be raised in another thread, if anyone wishes to continue it...?
my genuine thanks
ouchy... LMAOQuote:
Originally Posted by rachel06
Getting back to the original question:Quote:
Originally Posted by angela_shy
There was a sub I'd played with a couple of times, and it had gone great. For various reasons I saw an opportunity to do a kidnapping scene she had mentioned as a pet fantasy, which sounded great to me. So I duly kidnapped her at knife point (switching the sharp blade I showed her for a butter knife to press to her throat), dragged her home in cuffs, and spent a blissful day torturing her into submission and enjoying her abject slavery. Everything seemed to indicate that she had enjoyed it just as much.
Except that the next time she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!
So... Consensual or not? Damned if I know. I've had other subs who lost it in the middle of a scene, and I've known before they safeworded that it wasn't working for them; but I didn't get any bad vibes from her at the time. Weirdly, she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?
So that's my non-consensual story. Or not. You guess.
You complain but do it yourself. Not merely presuming common abbreviations (e.g., r/t) and acronyms (e.g., LOL, if you're going to complain, you don't get to chose for others which ones are acceptable without interpretation,) but you like using uncommon word forms (e.g., fora) and latin phraseology (e.g., "ad hoc" and "et alia".)Quote:
Originally Posted by Miner
So don't sigh your sighs at me. Not until you practice what you preach.
Too late. Sorry. I was done... but Miner wasn't. So there you go.Quote:
Originally Posted by angela_shy
As they used to say at school: Never mind who started it, you can finish it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozme52
Before you jump to have the last word, consider that it also makes you the last one who wasn't smart enough to let it go.
QUOTE=angela_shy "all you sweet and lovely angels, hard-asses, pervs, freaks, et cetera..."
<Perk> Did someone call for a Perverted Freak? What can I do to... I mean for you? LOL
Well, with changing times what would have been SSC in the past may not be now days. Also what may be only edgy to me may be shocking to some, and boring to others.
About the most non SSC thing I have ever done to her would be the time I offered her up as a party favor at a birthday/joining the Army party with about 15 young men in attendance. What would I do differently today? Invite more young men. She had such a good time!
:)
first reaction was :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by TwistedTails
... but on reflection :hubbahubb
i don't suppose you took notes that night...?
this sounds like she consented, but had trouble coming to terms with what she had consented to, unless you just weren't reading her properly, which probably depends how well you knew her (played a couple of times... ).Quote:
Originally Posted by leo9
i guess one approach is to work up to scenes like this gradually... either with lots and lots of discussion, or a good number of tamer real life scenes... that way, the Dom gets to know the sub's reactions, and the sub gradually adjusts to significant elements.
just guessing here, but maybe the non-SSC element was rushing into something ambitious...?
No notes, just very fond memories. My biggest regret actually is thatQuote:
Originally Posted by angela_shy
video cameras were such rare and expensive items back then.
Well, I didn't. I passed the opportunity, made a humorous quip. Even got a chuckle or two... and then got called on it. You may think that I erred, but just because he proclaims himself to be on the high road, he is the one began and continues to insist on the continuing chastisement of others.Quote:
Originally Posted by leo9
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwistedTails
Goddamn, man. *fans self* "Invite more young men." Now there's a man with the right idea! LOL. Also... yes, videocameras would have been great. Get to relive the precious memories :-)
*reads all the previous posts and thinks Master needs a really LONG blow job tonight*
Hey! How is it possible I haven't heard this story?Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverWulf
I could really use so more RACK in the very near future. *GRINS MISCHIEVIOUSLY*
hah, yes, i've been through one tricky non SSC situation. At the time it was oddly erotic, i was young--too young for putting myself through that, but in the end it didn't turn out bad. It just didn't turn out good, which was a very good reason to put a stop to it. Manipulation, apparently, has many forms; allowing one's self to be manipulated is one thing, but not realising it and finding one's self in a situation one always thought they'd never allow to get out of hand is another. All in all that non-SSC experience i would today categorise as an experiment that got out of hand. Nothing harsh, at least physically, but certainly a path i wouldn't go down again.
OK am new to this sight but not to the lifestyle. I think that whether you prefer SSC or RACK (And I was not sure about this acronym either) there is a critical component that has not been touched upon by anyone here yet. TRUST without that neither is worth a rat's patootie.
mark2777
Well, it seems that some feel being arrogant and superior and rude somehow prove how well-endowed you would like to be.
There is nothing wrong with explaining ourselves. And I take exception to the statement, "everything we do is consensual." that is just BS. There are new subs out there that will believe from that statement that they "ASKED" for the rape they endured because they met some arrogant prick wannabe out there.
Whether you show off your superiority by spouting acronyms or not.
sorry - i rambled on with the below response... my thoughts for what they are worth...
Belgarold, i agree there is nothing wrong with explaining... explaining one's self when asked for clarification is generally considered to be courteous behaviour. i certainly didn't intend to spark such a riot of off-topic comments about acronym definition, and was in no way showing off superiority. nor do i believe that of anyone else in this thread.
i (as a complete and utter newbie last Autumn) read and learned about the lifestyle, and knew of SSC and RACK from that early reading. i would hope any newbie would seek to read and learn about common aspects of it too. this is a pretty fundamental aspect to the lifestyle, i believe.
and i would humbly assert that it is quite feasible for a new sub to ask for rape as an exciting experience - it is a common fantasy (i have discovered). that in no way compares with an innocent getting themselves into a situation they regret - this is not BDSM but possibly foolhardiness on the sub's part, and abuse on the perpetrator's part.
...but a good subject - this is the intent of the the thread!
...to ask for people to point out that one can get carried away in a moment, and do things they later regret, or that could have gone very badly, but for the grace of god (sic!).
...and this is where mark2777's post should be considered carefully. it takes time to build up the necessary high regard and trust for one's partner, and i feel that this should not be rushed, otherwise one is taking huge risks. a good friend of mine uses the motto "Love, Trust, Submit" to illustrate one route to submission that minimises the chance of regretting one's involvement with someone.
he explains to me that one must take time to know someone, letting that high regard develop for their integrity and character (perhaps one can use the word "Love" for this). in time a sense of trust develops and grows stronger with numerous subtle tests and evidence of integrity and perhaps devotion...
as this trust deepens we each reach a point of certainty, that this person is what they seem, that we know that with certainty. and this (my good friend asserts, and i agree) is the better path to submission than rushing or taking chances with unknown quantities.
of course i am interested in the ambivalence when a sub wants the excitement of submitting early to someone when the hormones are raging, but wants to minimise risk... risk can be arousing! how do we learn to strike that balance? what mistakes do we make along the way?...
I apologize if you felt I was directing my comments at you angela, I was not. I believe that there is a certain amount of risk in all that we do and sometimes that is the 'hit.'
But to blanketly state that "everything we do is consensual" is irresponsible and flat wrong. There ARE those that are preying on women (and men) and especially those women (and men) that are willing to take a little extra risk.
And this is a BDSM site that had a long history of being welcoming to all of those that are interested in finding out more about the lifestyle. To get petulant and snippy and, yes, superior, as SilverWolf did was unnecessary and rude. THAT is where my comments were directed, not in your direction.
I think your question was more than valid.
I don't have a safeword. Is that considered risky behaviour, beyond the pale, non consensual? It doesn't mean to say I can't get something to stop if it's beyond me, I just can't do it that way; I trust my Master to 'read' me. I tried having a safeword and I hopelessly overused it. I find it much better not to have that little 'get out clause' lingering temptingly in my head and just put myself under my Master's judgement of what I can take (we're talking pain here). It makes him incredibly attentive to me (and me to him) and I feel safe to trust him. He doesn't let me down.
I would not advise this generally, folks, but in my relationship with my Master of six years, this is how things have developed.
'Love, trust, submit' just about sums it up.
I think that over time, a D/s relationship can develop along this path. My Owner has begun to tread that path - the last time we were together He took away my safeword for a particular act. He told me the day before that it would not be available to me, so I had time to prepare myself mentally. Frankly, I would never ever do that with anyone else. But, we've been together long enough (a year and a half) and trust each other enough to be able to begin experimenting with the "edgier" aspects of D/s. I like that we are in that place together.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearlgem
BTW - it was HOT! :D
Unfortunately I've had plenty of non-ssc experiences. My ex husband turned our shared love of BDSM into abuse and domestic violence. There wasn't a day that went by that at some point, I thought I was going to die. He's choke me until right when my eyes would start to roll back and stop before I'd pass out and he'd come close to killing me neither every day. It got to the point that I didn't want to have anything to do with him, let alone sexually.
My current relationship is so much better. We never have any non-ssc experiences. If one of us doesn't consent, we don't do it. Period. I feel safe finally and I love it.
Thanks LolitaDoll for sharing your experiences. There can be a thin line sometimes between BDSM and real abuse- but that line is consent. If it wasn't something you really wanted- he was just being an asshole and didn't really care about your feelings. You sound brave and I'm glad you found the strength to get out, move on, and not give up your desires.
Jeanne-
Sounds hot to me! ;-)
I am so sorry you went through the same kind of thing as too many of us HUGS you tight Lolita.
We do have a support group here at the site just for submissives that have survived such things and secondary survivors are welcome as well.
It can be found through the following link and or the Abuse support group sancturary found in the social groups section of your profiles.
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=15730
Petulant, snippy... superior?Quote:
Originally Posted by Belgarold
LMAO*
Dude, get a grip.
*laughing my ass off
Annnnnnnnnd my point is made.Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverWulf
:-)
Boys, would you like to take your balls out to the yard? The grown ups are talking.
Or just take your balls out?
Oh, no. Maybe put them away. Thanks.
GENTLEMEN & LADIES!!!!!!! THIS IS A LAST & FINAL WARNING. Keep the conversation CIVIL & direct the comments at the TOPIC not at PEOPLE. Any further PERSONALLY DIRECTED COMMENTS that have any hint of flamming or innuendo of the same will be pulled & you will be banned without further warning.
ENOUGH!!!!!!!