How did you find out about BDSM?

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Reading. Everything I could lay my hands on, from the Illiad to the Bible, from encyclopedia Britannica to adventure books by Salgari, when I was a child I would see bdsm everywhere; wether or not I knew what it really was all about. It excited me nonetheless.

What was its appeal to you?

It excited me. I did not know what to call it, but I started masturbating at a very early age (6 or 7) and all those wonderful things I had read or imagined got me in the mood for it.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

That I had to feel guilty about it. Now I know that suffering is Ok, feeling guilty about it is not

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

That it is worth it to try to find a partner that really understands you. Bdsm is fun. Bdsm with your lover is heaven.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Everything I do in life is play. Human beings are the otters of the universe. I guess I can be described as a lifestyle player.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

The passion. The thrill of knowing I love him so much I am willing to bleed for him. and that he loves me enough to beat me before fucking me. Knowing that although he denies it, he owns me.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

The fact that he made it all ok. I used to punish myself because I felt guilty for loving him. Now he punishes me because I am happy to love him and to be loved by him.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Very gradually. I have memories from decades ago of spanking a girlfriend but this, and most other forays into what seemed to be 'extreme' sex, were never met with the right response from my partner. With the internet I realised that BDSM was not just my lonely 'tortured' mind, but was far far greater ... all the way to being a lifestyle in some cases.


What was its appeal to you?

Total power, coupled with so much responsibility that it hurts. It appeals to both sides of my mind ... the evil and the gentle.


What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

That I was on my own. That all the pictures were false, that all the stories and lettters were just fantasies. That REAL people did not participate in something my upbringing told me was wrong.


What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

As I am constantly learning, I doubt that I will live long enough to ever be able to teach or pass something on.


Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Occasional player (and then only on line) .... but I live in hope.


What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

The thrill of knowing my sub has been terrified by yet another of my ideas. The power to make her expand her own limits. The suspense of waiting to hear how her day went. The overwhelming pride when she achieves the impossible.


What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

That my beautiful sub will always try to her limit, and beyond. That she gives me hope.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

The concept of BDSM a very long time ago..as a child seeing a movie where a woman is 'seduced' or overpowered by a masked man..that startled me in an interesting way..as a teen reading the usual sex guides and buying a book that had a few chapters on BDSM..at 20 the ultimate BDSM read was a purchase I had made, it was De Sade's Juliette and I found it remarkable due to the time it was written (and very arousing)..online I've found more visual representations, stories, art than anything else.

What was its appeal to you?
It's appealed to me more recently in the last few years as my understanding of it has been extended. The main appeal of it is the level of trust that's required between the parties and the respect, two things that are frequently absent from conventional relationships.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I haven't really 'begun', it's been more of a concept or a liking, it's been difficult to 'find' people with that leaning, or they misunderstand the concepts of dominance and submission (for example). The misconception I had many years ago was that people that engaged had serious personal issues stemming back to parental problems,abuse etc..only because those around me would look upon it as 'abnormal', as conventional sex was 'custom', but they'd look at the leather, etc and think 'oh my God!!?'..as I progressed through relationships I realised that there is an aspect of BDSM (in various other forms) however other parties won't acknowledge them. Also realised that people that come from 'scarred' backgrounds appear everywhere, not just in BDSM, but in 'vanilla' relationships as well..
As I've gotten to know myself more, have moved ahead in relationships, know what I want and accept my 'needs' in terms of preferences, it's changed me in that I've realised that trust and respect are the most important elements to me before I take additional steps with a person. So this has made me change my view over the years.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
That it's not just a lifestyle choice, but it's also a part of a person's essence, much more than a preference, but a part of them.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Well, I can't answer this question, because I haven't actively done anything in a long while (I"m a fussy bitch when it comes to partners lol)

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
I'm more submissive, which doesn't mean that I lay back like a starfish in terms of conventional sex, it's the element of relinquishing control to someone that I supremely trust. The revelation of that vulnerability on both sides is also an indication of a persons' comfort within themselves, their confidence and their general outlook, that they want to expand those boundaries further instead of relying on the usual safety net.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

I don't have one yet!! lol..(a dominant).

How did you find out anout BDSM?
I read the "Story of O" when I was 16 or 17 and that really got me interested. When I started dating my now wife I asked her to read it to see if there was something there that 'turned her on'. After she read it she told me about a series of Anne Rice books that she had read - "The punishment of Beauty", Beauty's Release, and the Taking of Sleeping Beauty. I think that is what they are called. If you have not read these stories they are very good especially when you are merely interested in BDSM, Ms, Ds, etc.

That was 11 years ago. We have been married for over 8 years and we have only begun exploring the depths of BDSM. We have also begun playing heavily in Dom/sub play - and my wife is finding that she has a very submissive nature. I am her Master 24/7 and have been for almost a year. We had played for a while where she was my Master but she did not get into and felt very uncomfortable in the dominant role. Now she is my slave and she has never been happier. We do not include others in our play but we do have alot of fun.

I would have never concidered myself a lifestyler or lifer up until a half year ago. After what my sub and I have gone through in the last year I would like to do this for the rest of my life. But again, I am not looking to train many slaves or be trained as a slave but just to live this lifestyle with my own wife as my slave. After much talking about this I am impressed that my wife would also like this to be her lifestyle. Like I said earlier, she is learning more now than ever how submissive she is, and loving it.

One of the big things that I have realized in my own Master/slave life with my wife is how little we communicated before we tried this. The BDSM lifestyle is all about communication between Dom and sub and the trust that builds there because of it. We have never been this close. The last years of playing in the BDSM ways have been wonderful for our relationship and especially the last year when my wife has been in much deeper submission to me as her Master. We have hadk difficulties but we have come through them stronger. In the beginning my slave would buck at a command and there would be days of trial and where I thought we would give it up. Through these trials I only found out more about my submissive wife and her needs as a sub. I also learned a ton about dominating someone, especially someone you love dearly. It is much easier when you don't love them, I think.

There is still much we need to learn from each other and I need to teach to my slave. The primary one is communicating her needs to me, telling me her desires and fantasies. She is a sub, I think by nature, but she has a huge pride and is very private with her feelings. The more she opens up the closer we get. There have been some incredible moments in the past years when she has opened up and revealed some deep fantasy (which we usually act out at a later date). I think the fantasies scare her because she does not think 'normal' people have these types of fantasies. Once she gives them to me and she sees that these are fantasies that we both love than she is much more comfortable with herself. She has only reach 'sub space' a few times in our sessions, but she has been in bliss everytime.

Hope someone enjoys this. I love this site and I like coming here to read the board posts. Thank you.

Surprisingly, few if any (dis)credited organized religion for giving them a head start on bdsm. I wonder, can I possibly be the only one? Visions of martydom/black&white habits/etc. started at least the sm part years ago.

The "only one"? Naaawww...

Of all of the responses to this thread, issyri's seemed the most revealing. Maybe a bit confused about differences between "slaves and subs", his post nonetheless speaks volumes. Mostly issyri relates his bond with his wife; mutual or her feelings, not simply his. As it should be. Either that, or the post mentioned is a clever ruse to appeal to garner responses from soft-hearted females. One hopes that this is not the case.

Thanks for the comment Faibhar. Not trying to get responces from soft hearted females. What I posted is how our life is. Love it.

Thanks again for the comments. I appreciate it.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Faibhar
Surprisingly, few if any (dis)credited organized religion for giving them a head start on bdsm. I wonder, can I possibly be the only one?

Visions of martydom ... /

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I second that notion. As a youngster I was regaled with any number of horrific tales of the martyrdom of 'Catholic' saints. Needless to say, the iniquities of the Inquisition were barely mentioned.

But a fascination with the idea of physical fortitude, which I believe was described as one of the cardinal virtues, has stuck with me all these years.

A secondary influence, I think, may have been the sword and sandals films that were popular in my formative years. Most of them were rather chaste by modern standards, but there's something about a scantily-clad barbarian princess ...

I suspect that most of us have read tales of martyrdom and war-time heroism under questioning, and wondered how well we might have measured up against the brave martyr/hero.

I don't suppose I'll ever find out about myself (I certainly hope not!) but I take considerable pleasure in testing the heroines of my stories in the fearsome forge of torture.

And I'm happy to say that they all have conducted themselves admirably under the most difficult circumstances imaginable.

Here's to the ladies!

Boccaccio

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I have been excited by bondage and discipline since I was a teen. At that time I figured since I wanted to tie women up and administer spanking that I was screwed up mentally. I lived in the country and had little sexual contact with women. I had found an old porn magazine and one of the pictures showed a women having her bra ripped off. I thought that was stimulating.

The great revelation that I wasn't alone came when I bought a book titled "The Joy of Sex" modeled after "The Joy of Cooking". One chapter was devoted to bondage and it touched lightly on pain as a stimulant.

What was its appeal to you?

I found that the gift of trust and submission was much deeper and more filled with emotion than a vanilla relationship.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought that there was something wrong with me. I tried tieing up girlfriends and found it to be very exciting but believed they were only going along with it to please me.
One night as I was playing with my trussed up girlfriend she said "Hurt me". I was pretty shocked. I had heard rumors about girls who liked to be hurt but this was my first real life encounter. I wasn't too sure what to do so I slapped her ass. I liked the girl and it seemed that administering a spanking was not something you would do to someone you cared about. Over a period of a year I tried hurting her a bit but still didn't really accept my feelings.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

I am a sharing person so when a friend told me he and his girlfriend were trying bondage and didn't know what to do. I loaned him my "bag of tricks". A gym big with leather cuffs, braided nylon ropes. I had ran all of them except the leather cuffs through my washing machine to make sure they were clean. I told him to keep them if he wished since it is my conviction that these items are too personal to share. He didn't mind but I think that these toys should not be used on more than one partner. I start fresh if I change lovers.

If I could pass on the knowledge that whatever you wish to do should be talked over first and then accepted as a normal part of lovemaking. It's alright to have these feelings.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I would say "occasional player." I don't want to be responsible for another person all the time. I don't want to pick out her clothes for everyday use or choose the entertainment every time. I prefer someone who is capable of telling me their wants and desires and opinions.


What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Sadly I broke up with my long time companion. I haven't found anyone that I like yet. The ones I like don't like me or the ones who like me I don't like. Did I just end a sentence with a preposition?

Norton, I think many of us are part time only, like you.

Mostly I wanted to comment on "The Joy of Sex." That book saved my troubled soul and opened my eyes to what sex could be.

I hope you find that someone soon.

Quote:

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The ones I like don't like me or the ones who like me I don't like. Did I just end a sentence with a preposition

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You ended with a verb Norton. =)

this thread is very interesting to me for many reasons.

Many times when i meet a "Dom" online and you are doing the getting to know you thing, i am often asked.. "How long have you been "in the lifestlye" which is kind of like TG's question of are you a lifestlyer or a part-timer...

i never know how to answer this question. i've always been this way.. it's kind of like asking someone when they knew they were gay... isn't it? do gay people say well on february 12th an 9 am it dawned on me that well i'm gay? i dunno but i know that i certainly have always felt the desire to submit to a man.

So i try to explain the concept and they then ask.. when was the first time you were with a Dom?
*sigh* a Dominant man or a man who says "HI I AM DOM LET ME TEST YOUR LIMITS"

i don't really have a date that i can trace it all back to. it's just me. and yeah i did get into the Gor series a few years ago.. i buy into the whole "the feminist movement has emasculated the males"

I just want a MAN. I long for a relationship with traditional gender roles. It is REALLY not a sexual thing for me. and i am not a painslut. i'm fairly intelligent and i want my man to be smarter than me ( it's really not that hard lol). I want to submit 24/7 but for me that does not necessarily mean wandering around in a collar (though i have been known to enjoy that) waiting for "commands".

Don't get me wrong... i have grown to love the D/s sexual stuff but that is not what this is at all for me...

i'm distracted from this thread so i will just post.

Ok, first post and I will just jump in here.


How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I didn't realize it was a lifestyle until 4 years ago. I thought people just payed for that. Don't laugh! I had a job for a short time as a Dominitrix when I was 21. It was a short time. I had read the Story of O and the Gor books prior to that. I had put myself in compromising situations.
I learned that it was in fact a lifestyle on the internet. Erotica. Websites. I went to a chat room......that sucked. It was confusing and tiresome. I met some guy on line...that sucked. I tried to initiate it with a partner....that sucked. Yet, here I am back around reading the erotica.

What was its appeal to you?
I don't know. I over analyze entirely too much. Secondly, I am still thinking about it- not doing it and the reality of it may be completely different from what is in my head. I prefer to leave it at that.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Besides the fact that its not just a job?

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Neither. I am an every so often obsessed woman that reads the erotica.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
How to reconcile what feels like a split personality.

This is exactly how I was defined from a young age. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it as I have enjoyed carrying this with me for so many years, with very fond thought.

In 1978 I was 15 years old, I am now 40 years old but remember this as it happened yesterday. The thought of this first encounter with BDSM and trust still makes me thankful I am who I am.
One evening my entire family and I were sitting outside talking in the early evening and a young man that worked at the local feed store came by our house. I knew him as an aqaintence from going with my dad or bothers to buy feed for our cattle.
He came by and was really friendly and finally asked if he could take me for a ride in his brothers truck. My parents thought it was ok, but we had to be back at midnight. Off we went.
We drove all over my home town, chewing the fat, but what mostly stuck out in my mind that night was all the situationual questions this young man asked. He was very interested in my home life, had my 3 brothers ever picked on me, did I defend myeslf.
He brought me back home at 10:00 p.m. that night, needless to say my parents were greatful, not the least bit the wiser.
The next week he came to my house unannounced before noon and asked if he could take me out for a picnic. My parents said sure, but as before be home before midnight.
We got into his brothers truck and drove to southeastern Oklahoma, never once during this trip did we ever go through a town. (If you have ever been in this state we have more podunk towns than Carter has peanuts.) As we drove along the questions came only this time it was with a little more ease and confidence on his part.
After nearly 2 hours of taking every red dirt road in this state, we arrived at our destination, a house quite hidden from anyone. There was a very big pond, an old barn and a very old house. He walked towards the house, all the windows and panes were still present, the door opened easily.
The receiving room was a bit small, to the right was a set of stairs leading up. The great room was to the left, and then the kitchen; the cabinets were still in place, the cabinet tops were wide and the old floors in the house had tar linolium with a large flower print. The bathroom was off of the kitchen, not in very good shape, an old claw foot tub, mirror and a stool. A small hallway lead back to the receiving room and the dining room. Upstairs was three bedrooms but they were very small and shaped like the roof on top of the house. This old house was amazing, you could feel all the family and hominess even just standing alone there for a minute or two.
Outside we went and laid a blanket on the ground and just sat and talked. It was in June and already if was very hot. My friend suggested a swim but we hadn't brought our bathing suits and *I* knew I wasn't about to get naked in front of anyone! The thought of that scared me, but only because I was so excited. I stand 5'3" tall, I have not grown any since I was 12 years old, however my friend was 6'6" tall and very lean and muscular. As we talked about how hot it was, (and it was hot!) Kurt said I could turn my back and he could get undressed and get into the pond. He assured me it would be alright, after all every kid who grows up in the country skinny dips. He got into the water and swam to the other side of the pond.
Part of my trepidation in this case was I was not an experienced swimmer, and I was afraid I would drowned, I was sure if that happened my parents would be upset.
Kurt called from the water to come in and swim with him, but I didn't want to take my clothes off and I was terrified of that. Well, being the gentleman we was he said he would turn away from me and put his hands over his eyes until I could undress and get in. That didn't sound so bad.
I undressed and made my way into the water, it was cool but not cold.
I finally made it up to my neck quite litterally, it was hard for me to keep from getting into the deeper water and I was afraid to make a fool out of myself by not being at least as deep as Kurt.
This is where our game started.
He moved in front of me and asked me if I trusted him; I told him I thought so. He asked if he could pick me up and take me out just a little deeper into the water, I looked up at him and said I thought it would be alright as long as he didn't let go.
Other than ever seeing my brother's naked as kids, he was the first man I had ever seen. He must have had alot of self control because he didn't have an erection.
I slid into his arms, going deeper into the water, in my ear he promised I would be safe. His voice was so calming because I was so scared; I thought I would drown.
Kurt asked me again if I trusted him with my life, a million things were racing through my head, heart beating so fast I thought it was coming out of my chest! Like a lamb being lead to slaughter I told him yes; he told me he was going to let go of me and that I shouldn't be scared. Yes, the water would go over my head but don't panic, he would be right there and he would make sure nothing would happen to me.
I held my breath, he let go; my body slipped into the dark, murky
pond water. As soon as I had gone under he immediately brought me back up again but this same thing went on for awhile. Each time he would pull me up, a gentle hug in his arms.
I'm not really sure how long we stayed in that pond, but we were really wrinklely.
Kurt said we needed to get out and dry off, we laid there on the blanket naked. I was not ashamed, he was laid beside me looking at me, stroking my back.
There was no kissing, just touches. After sometime we were finally dry. Dressing together seemed so natural, he never had an erection the whole time and I suppoed if he had I would have been raped or worse.
Going back into the house to the kitchen to eat he told me it was his grandmother's house and that she had moved to a nursing care center but he still loved coming here. In the kitchen he picked me up and placed me on the cabinet, our food was a bit soggy but that didn't matter.
Soon after we got in his brother's truck and started our drive home on the back roads, he driving and I sitting on my side of the car.
I wanted him so badly at that point it was driving me crazy. He knew that I am sure. More questions followed, was I scared when he let go of me in the water, was it exciting, would I do whatever he asked me to do. We talked about so many things.
When we arrived at my house it was 8:30 p.m., he walked me to the door and exchanged pleasantries with my family. He told me he would see me again very soon, no kiss, nothing.
Being 15 years old, I just couldn't figure this out! I was sure he would come back and I could only be left to wonder what would happen next!!
I have never told this to anyone in my life, locked up inside me waiting to be shared with others like me.

doubletake

That was a beautiful memory, and thank you for sharing it. Not just an awakening to BDSM, but an awakening of sexuality, and awakening of trust. Didn't 'get me hot', it got me... warm. A rare sensation from reading.

I read it through, and really enjoyed it. But I stopped before moving on... it occured to me that your gender is never mentioned in the story.

As a heterosexual male, I have always been the odd one in my set. I never found men having m/m sex to be particularly disgusting, or women having sex to be particularly erotic. Being a silent witness to people having loveless, joyless sex makes me feel... filthy. Watching people have intimate moments makes me feel innocent. Tonight, I feel innocent.

There is brilliance in what you wrote, honest talent. If you never wrote anything for BDSM Library, it would be a great pity.

I am definately a woman, but just a shy girl back then.

Apologies for ever doubting your motives, issyrj, and Best Wishes for continued "enjoyment".

Boccaccio's post harkens back to a pre-pubescent time, and by doing so, one does wonder if maturity is ever enough to chase away those old fantasies springing up from Sword & Sandal sagas. Perhaps these are things that should be savored for all time as they are based on tales much older than our own lives no matter how many birthdays one chooses to celebrate.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I will not claim that it was brought about religion or fantasy tie up games as a child. Like many in my generation, I discovered BDSM through television. I was up late one night and caught a show on HBO called Real Sex when I was 16. I didn't think much about it, I suspect because I didn't know much about sex let alone BDSM at that point. It wasn't until later that I was playing around with a boy friend and he pretended to tie me up. I got a thrill out of it though was disappointed when I found out he wasn't serious. Not long after that relationship (which ended very poorly) I moved to the internet. I stumbled on an adult chat site (Adult Friend Finder). I visited a while and eventually got up the courage to go into the Basement, a BDSM oriented chat. There I met a lot of other people and realised that that was where I belonged.

What was its appeal to you?

That's hard to say. I guess it is that I like to have certain choices made for me. Not because I am weak or don't have a mind of my own, but because it gives pleasure to those I care about to do as they like. I enjoy pleasing people, making them happy and will go that extra mile, given the chance, for that extra special someone.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought that it was all chains and pains. I know now that it was a wrong idea. I also thought that anyone who would give up their actions to another was weak and those who would dominate over someone was nothing but a tyrant. Again, I found I was mistaken. I also thought that they all walked around in leather pants with spiked collars etc but I saw that they were just normal people. They weren't deviants or bad people... which came as a big relief to me since I was interested in all of this.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Be tolerant of each others little desires. While it may not be your preference, just remember, to people who aren't into BDSM, you're a freak. lol

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Right now I cannot honestly say. I am in a kind of transitional stage.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

**See what appeals to me.**

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Patience. He has been very patient and understanding while I sturggle to find my balance.

Just curious FF, you mentioned you were in a transitional stage--which way? TO occasional or TO lifestyle? WHen my wife became a mother, that role of mom became the raison d'etre for her existance and play came second.

"Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Right now I cannot honestly say. I am in a kind of transitional stage. "

Quote:

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Originally posted by BruceBoxer
Just curious FF, you mentioned you were in a transitional stage--which way? TO occasional or TO lifestyle? WHen my wife became a mother, that role of mom became the raison d'etre for her existance and play came second.

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But I can't give you and honest answer in the immortal words of your former president (which one I am not certain lol) "I cannot tell a lie."

When I was in Texas it was totally 24/7. It was easy I had no other worries. Now I have all these things happening in my life and I struggle to find where I belong.

TG and I still do the occasional scene when the baby allows and it's not 4 am and out of energy. So right now I guess we are sort of leaning towards to "Occasional" but wishing for "Lifestyle" If that makes any sense what so ever.

How did I learn about it?

Well, actually, I write whenever I can, and I also read a lot. I was doing some research when I was in about, oh 10th Grade, into slavery for a story I was going to write, and inadvertantly ended up at a information site about BDSM and D/s. It actually made me think, and I came to realize that I liked it. My girlfriend at the time and I tried to incorporate it into our relationship, but, it ended too quickly. I joined a few online communities, including a group of Chrisitans who are also into D/s, and tried to learn as much as I could about it, despite hostilities. (These were expected, teenage and sexual philia don't really go together in many people's minds.) It actually suprisied me, this year (I'm a senior, and 18), at how many people, Doms and subs, that are in my school, including one girl that I am probibly going to end up training as My sub.

Anyway, that's My unusual and totally boreing story. :o

I only do BDSM online, so keep that in mind.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Well about 3 months back I was on ICQ and looking for cyber when a guy asked me if I was into BDSM. I had only been 18 for a short while (December 2003) and since I (IMO) have good self-control I had not drunk alcohol, viewed porn, or viewed anything with adult warnings until I turned 18 (as tempted as I was). I had figured the law was there for a reason and if I held out, it would be better. Anyway, I asked him what it was. He gave me a very basic overview and said he was a sub. He asked if I was interested. Yes I was. I then did some research and looked it up on the net.

Leading up to that...
When I was younger I used to be a tomboy. I hated dresses and skirts (still do) and being 'pretty'. I was cruel to insects (pulling wings off flies, burning ants with a magnifying glass, etc.) and the pets (putting the dog in the trees, putting pegs on the end of the cats tails, nothing to really hurt them). I got along better with the guys than the girls (until they went through they boy/girl germs phase).

I enjoyed watching movies and TV shows where men were humiliated or hurt. My parents used to tell me I was a sadist and I shouldn't scare/hurt the animals or enjoy watching those things. Of course I denied it. Ever since I was a little girl I had dreamed of things like tying up male TV characters (or my teachers) and doing things like tickling them. Of course nothing sexual in those dreams, but as I developed, so did my dreams and fantasies.

Last year as I was going to school there was a tall boy on our bus and 2 of the other girls used to occasionally try to tickle him. He hated being tickled and he usually managed to stop them. One day they invited me to gang up with them and on a codeword we would all tickle him. They were closer and he managed to stop them, but he then had no limbs to stop me. I was going to tickle him, but he begged and he was such a good begger that I decided not to tickle him and just listen for a while before agreeing not to. That was the best moment in the whole year, when he begged. Even now it brings a big grin to my face. :D

What was its appeal to you?

Hmm, I think what appeals is that there is material out there that works with my fantasies, and that I can be more creative, and the sense of control.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well I didn't really know what it was. I knew that sadism was bad because of the way my parents would call me a sadist and tell me I shouldn't be.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

As my life goals are to seek knowledge and improve myself, I can apply this to BDSM. I want to learn as much as possible and I encourage others to do the same.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Neither. I only play online.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

I must say having control over a man and the situation. Being able to use my creativity. Also, I know I can be stubborn at times and although I am happy to do things for others (so long as it is not a major issue for me) I will only do it if we do it MY way. But mainly the control.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

At the moment I have no online subs, but I am looking. I had a couple for a while and what I liked about them was their initiative without topping from below. They would ask my permission or beg for something rather than telling me. I only recently lost them due to my lack of being able to come online.

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

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I kinda of fell into it. A wonderful girl named Jewlie after a high school dance and a silk tie. Just two kids playing around, as I tied up her hands. A few days later a shy smile and she said "tie me up again."

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What was its appeal to you?

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For me it's the willingness of the sub to give herself over to me. Submission is the ultimate way of saying "I trust you."

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What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

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I'm not sure. It always felt natural to me.

[quote]What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? [/auote]

An ex-girlfriend/sub told me once that she learned to trust men again.

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Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

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I am just an explorer.

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What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

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That for a little while I can be somebody I'm not. That I can let the walls of society drop for a little while and "buy a slave" or "beat her because I feel like it."

The fact that she trusts me enough to allow these things to happen.

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What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

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I am in an open relationship with someone who is not submissive (in fact she would make a great Domme) but has no interest in the lifestyle.

So I'm looking.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Well I'm going to have to say the internet as far as open exposure. My father always had "dirty" magazines around when I was a kid and some of them would hint at it now and then. But I don't ever recall running into the full term BDSM before my internet exploration and good ol' AOL.

What was its appeal to you?

I don't know if appeal is the right word. Drawn, sucked into, enrapt... perhaps those are more accurate. There aren't many times in a person's life when they run into something that feels so inherently right for them. Although can one "run into" something that's been felt inside for their whole life? Perhaps, introduce is a better term.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Many and varied. Cruetly vs desire, finding the meaning behind some of the terms. From the outside looking in, the words "power exchange" sound mighty damn scary. In fact it wasn't until just very recently that I've come to understand that term better and appreciate it. Although it still has that funny ring to it for me.

One of the things that surprised me was the level of communication that takes place, just how much is shared. And equally as much, how quickly addicting that level of connection is.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

To learn? That's a tough one. I've learned so much already but know that I've barely begun my journey. I'm just a baby, so to speak. I know one of my biggest things to learn is patience. But that's been lifelong, not just D/s related.

To teach? Well because it was my biggest stumbling block, I would have to say that just because you've discovered the big wide world of BDSM and the name for your secret desires does not mean that the world has suddenly turned upside down. That you can, and indeed should, only do what you are okay with. In my opinion this is especially important in the beginning.

To pass on? Perhaps one of these days, after I have learned even more... it might be nice to be able to contribute some written words of encouragement from my experiences. Perhaps someone will find my meanderings of value to their journey.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Is there an inbetween? I'm a feisty opinionated and educated redhead... that just happens to love to please her man and have kinky sex. :D

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

In short, I like to please. I like to see him happy with me. On the physical side, I am in lust with ropes and nipple clamps.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Well the man I am currently getting to know, he is truly the "loving dominant" type fellow. He knows I am not that experienced and has been very patient with me. And in turn, it has made me want to do more for him.

Also he doesn't take himself too seriously. It's not like he's a joker by any means, but he doesn't stand on all the ceremonies that so many do. He knows that the title doesn't make the man, but the man makes the title. If that makes any sense.

Lastly, he appeals to my romantic nature. He is very sweet with me. Never disrespectful and always considerate. He has shown me his tender side.

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

my current BF got me into it during a game of truth or dare with me, him & one of my other felame friends.

What was its appeal to you? Well at first, I wasnt. But now, its all about testing my limits & feeling things I have never felt before. Sometimes it may not be a great feeling, but you wont know till you try it.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now? They were all freaks & degenerates. As it turns out. I find its just a physical & mental release that some people (perhaps not all) need to feel life in different ways that everyday life doesnt give.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? Honeslty dont know.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? In between. Probably never be a lifestyler, but never will go without it I suspect either.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? OH MAN. the idea of being completely helpless & having no choice but to accept whatever fate deals you. As a Dom, which I ger a chance to do occasionally, I enjoy the ability to "even the score" for some of the things I have had done to me. Nothing I love more than seeing another female helplessly tied up & unable to do anything but look at me with helpless eyes as I use her body & do what I wish to her.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

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Hmmm. That he got me into it. That he generally cares about me & I know that he would never do something dangerous to me & if he did he would immediately stop if it was too much of a sefety issue. I love the idea that he will let me try things out without him if I ask & assure him I'll be careful. Hes the best (imo) & I cant imagine life without him now.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle? I found out it was an actual lifestyle (not just something I made up to feel better) when I got my first comp and met other BDSMers and found out there were clubs and other people out there with the same interests.

What was its appeal to you? The appeal, for me, is that I could use it as an outlet to push myself and learn how much the mind, body and spirit could take under the best possible conditions.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now? When I first started with the BDSM thing, I thought I was alone and I thought I was a freak. Now, I know, I am not.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? Safety and a sense that it isn't all just about sex but a path to empowerment. (Yes, even for submissives and slaves.)

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? Neither. I consider myself a submissive by nature and a slave by choice. I think that humans are far more complicated than definate one or the other.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? What I enjoy most about being a submissive is learning from my Master about life in general and my life in specific.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)? I love my Master because everything he does has meaning and purpose and the lessons he teaches me are significant.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Well for myself my first BF introduced me to this lifestyle, some 10 years ago.

What was its appeal to you?
I enjoy the fact that I don't have to hide part of myself from the one I love

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Before I'd entered the lifestyle I had not heard fo BDSM so I have no preconceved notions

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Well over the years I have learned a great deal about this "lifestyle", I have also helped other sub/slaves to understand their needs and to understand what they are looking for. I hope to be able to help others not make the mastakes I made, but to also enjoy this lifestyle and all that it can offer.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Totally a lifestyle choice

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
This is hard ta answer since for me it is the most natural feeling in the world for me to be of service to the one I love.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I love my Master very much, we are do to get married sometime next year. I can not imagine ever not being with my Master, he is everything that I could want in a Master.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Short version, I seduced my physics tutor in college (or so I thought), gave him a blowjob...he was extraordinarily well-endowed and quite impressed by my "ability and determination." When he realized I was in tears because of his digging fingers into my shoulders and hair, but still managed to cum just from making him cum (though I think his fingers sent me over the edge) he realized I had potential. He was an experienced Dom, and trained me for the next 3 years.

What was its appeal to you?

Pain....and incredible sex...and discovering subspace....and finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

None. I had no clue that any of this formally existed. I was a total "innocent." (at least BDSM-wise :p )

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Haven't much thought about it. Perhaps that there's no ONE way to live this life.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Something in between. We live 24/7 but it's just part of the rest of our lives, not the whole focus.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

It makes me comfortable in my own skin.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

He just "fits" for me. Like the other side of the same coin. In his arms, at his feet, I'm home.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I was two and a half when I saw the first Star Wars movie. I went home fantasizing about what happened to Leia when Darth Vader used the interrogation droid on her. I'm not kidding, either. The other two films left me with equally kinky fantasies, all before age eight.

What was its appeal to you?

In my fantasies I was always the sadist AND the masochist at the same time. I enjoyed thinking about people in pain, and imagining what it would feel like to receive that pain.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

After I was a teenager, I felt like I had to be one or the other (dom or sub) but couldn't be both. I was wrong.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

That it's okay to want more than one type of relationship, and more than one type of sex. The possibilities are nearly infinite, and I want to encourage others to explore everything that interests them -- even if "everything" includes seemingly contradictory desires.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I'm having a hard time answering this one... BDSM is a major part of my life, and has been for as long as I can remember. But for me it's mostly a sex thing.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

Dominant: I'm not really a domme, I'm more of a sadist. I like tying people up (especially cute girls) and making them sore and tearful and gloriously orgasmic, but I'm not interested in managing their lives outside of bed. I just want to play rough and then go back to being equals once we leave the bedroom.

Submissive: I'm very outgoing and aggressive outside of bed, so it feels wonderful to turn the reins over to someone else and just let go of everything for a while. While I think of myself as being more of a masochist -- I usually need at least a little pain in order to come, whether the sex is otherwise vanilla or not -- I do have a submissive streak that makes me want to please my dominant. I also enjoy the trust and intimacy that submission inspires in me.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

My dom lets me be myself and express all the different facets of my sexuality and my personality. And it doesn't hurt that I'm in love with him... :)

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

>>>A one-night stand turned GF, I threw her on a table the night we met and we went from there

What was its appeal to you?

>>>Release. Freedom. Exhiliration. NO-holds-barred fucking. I was fascinated about the Master's Mentality. What it took envision a person as property.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

>>>Basically I've learned that like most things, the most important thing is to continually revise your conceptions with new information.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

>>>Right now I want to learn better subspace-navigation through pain and pleasure, orgasm-control, rope tech, and rudimentary training tech. I would love to pass on the physical skills, but that's far down the road. What I want most is to develop a greater understanding of the lifestyle mentality, its communication tech, psychology, and the metaphysics of "play."

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

>>>Ha. I used to THINK I was a lifestyler, I just play when I can though.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

>>>Control. The ability to manipulate one's emotions. Being worshipped.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

>>>I like how eager they are to see me. I've never liked chasing tail, and the subs who I'm involved with tell me I'm fairly good at what I do, and they enjoy being topped by me.


I wanna learn as much as I can, play as often as I can, and do it as well as I can. Its responsible and it feels good, baby. Peace

Interesting Topic....


How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I knew from a very young age that I found bound women attractive. I loved seeing Daphne in Scooby Doo tied up. I just wish one of the villians would hogtie her. At the same age I watched a couple of japanese live action shows, Johnny Socko and his Flying Robot, and Ultramam, where the japanese heroines were regularly tied up. Always thought that it was soooo cool. Wanted to be one of the villains. I always thought I was a bit odd for liking those images. Later in Jr. High I would sit in class and fantasize for hours about pulling one of my teachers into the basement, tying her up and exploring her body in detail. I tied up two girlfriends in high school. Still thinking I was odd. Then I joined the Navy, while in port, I'd work as a barback at a local dive bar, which had a private party once a month for the owner's friend's.... who were in the local scene. At last I was not alone or a freak. Been learning ever since then. I learned ever so much about it from a very nice korean woman who spanked the bargirls when they misbehaved.


What was its appeal to you?

Not entirely sure, I just know that no woman looks more beautiful that when she's laced tightly in rope.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Always thought I was an oddball for fantasizing about it, that I was broken somehow. I used to think that I could hurt a woman very easily, surprisingly, they're pretty tough when you consider what you can do to them.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Safety & Respect. I'm very much a YKIOK kind of person, and just because some folks want to be wrapped in saran wrap with peanutbutter and egg yolks... who am I to judge? I have a tremendous amount of respect for subs, both male and female. It takes incredible inner strength to walk to a post and let yourself be attached when you know someone is about to flog the bejesus out of you.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I've never considered it in that way. I took a zen approach to life a while back and only consider it a part of who I am. I used to play more often, but with my wife's sickness our activities have curtailed immensely over the last two years.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

It's hard to put into words. When I'm in my Dom headspace, the world is just different. I'm not a meglo-maniac, but when I'm there, I KNOW the world is mine, it shudders where I walk, and it trembles at my voice. I feel the power, and know then why some folks refer to it as Sex-Magik.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

There have a been a few over the years.

One that I think of often is Sessy. She was a true pain-slut, and the look in her eyes when she was exhausted from a whipping or caning, then hearing her wavering voice ask for more.... memories give me a pleasant shudder to this day.

My wife is my dorei now. Which means rope slave. I treasure the playful way she'll goad me, or the teasing we share before a night of play. I love that I can speak twelve words in her ear and know that she'll be soaked in moments. I have the image of her looking over her shoulder at me the first time I truly spanked her engraved in my memory. There's a look in the movie "THe Secretary" when the spader spanks gyllenhall the first time. It pales by comparison, because I know that, that look is for me and me alone, and I get to see it often.

Yum to "Secretary"....

Interesting topic so I thought I'd "jump in"

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

This is a kind of 2 part question for me. I didnt really know what BDSM was until discovering it on the internet around 19. Typical "reading stories" etc. type of stuff. My "first" real exp. was my college roommate when I decided to "push" the envelope when she lost a bet and had to "be my slave" for 1 weekend. Considering that we frequently made this bet and cleaning/cooking etc. was the general extent of it, you can imagine her shock when I layed out an outfit for her to wear to the pub that night - we went from there and ultimately she served me for 3 years.

My true "1st experience" though in looking back was at a slumber party at 14. My friend's mom had made her invite a "not cool" girl to the party. Being shallow teens we kind of ganged up on her and made her feel pretty geeky playing T or D and stuff. We got a bit of a "mob mentality" going and ended up "forcing" her to do all sorts of humiliating things. To give you an idea we had her wearing my friend's sisters bikini and doing jumping jacks - the biking was for an 8 year old girl and you can imagine the blushing on a developing, slightly overweight 14 year old girl doing jumping jacks. By the end of the night though my 2 friends were quietly uncomfortable but I kept pushing on including having her ask me to spank her (and happily obliging) for some "transgression". I found the power intoxicating! (I still masterbate to memories of that night now - although I have learned to "harness my power" a bit).

What was its appeal to you?

Absolutely the control.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well, when I first started reading more I thought that it was purely physical. I have since realised that the mental aspect of the control is at least as big (or bigger) part of my attraction.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Much to my chagrin I am occasional now. I own a small business and have to be VERY discreet - makes it hard to find an appropriate partner. Since my college roomie and I went our seperate ways (5 years ago) I have dabbled but not much in the way of "full time"

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

THe intoxicating power of knowing that my sub will do ANYTHING I desire for the simple reason that they are told to.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Dont have one currently but...what I liked is that Lisa wasn't a "mindless" sub. She could converse, express opinions etc but always knew where the "line" was. I dont want a zombie - I want a submissive girl.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Looking back, I remember that as a fairly young kid I would tell myself stories while in bed about being kidnapped, and doing what I now realize was masturbating.
I've been aware of the term BDSM for a while, but only really realized that I did like that stuff when I started reading fanfiction online. i always prefered the romances, then I moved onto PWP, then into kinkier & kinkier stories. Ran out of fanfiction, started looking for original work, then started reading non-fiction information. Which led me here.
I've never been in a chat room, and my worst encounters with the creeps of online BDSM has been badly writen stories.

Around the same time, I started exploring a little bit with my boyfriend, but I always wanted to take things farther than he did, and it didn't work very well.

Unlike many people here, I never really felt like I was the only one, because I got all my early material from fanfiction, and the writers and reviewers aren't shy about saying how much such and such a scene turns them on. Every step of my exploration I've known that I wasn't alone.

What was it's appeal to you?

The freedom. Choice and decision making are removed, you don't lose all responsibility, but you lose the need to think much.
The one time that my (ex)boyfriend really took a strongly dominant role, after it ended I was in a state of euphoria. I was grinning and felt like I was floating. He kept asking if I was ok, because I was just lying there smiling.
I want to feel that freedom, and that phenomenal afterglow again.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Even though I knew there were other people out there who felt the same, it still felt wrong. In most aspects of my life I'm a strong person, I don't let people push me around, or cater to me, so submitting to another person seemed wrong. I knew it happened, but it still seemed kind of sick. And I didn't think that a BDSM forum would have such friendly open discussion.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Barely even an occasional player. I have very little actual experience, and I don't think I'm quite ready to go out and seek it yet, it was easier when I was already in a very comfortable relationship.
So an occasional player wannabe. As a lifestyle...I've got a long ways to go before I could even really consider that.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

There is still a lot I want to learn, since I really don't know much. I've been reading a lot, but there's only so much you can learn from books and forums. I need to learn to remember that, and not wait forever for some real life (or even real online) experience.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

As I said earlier, the freedom that comes with the loss of control. I want to be challenged, and pushed to my limits, but not making the decisions allows me to just lose my inhibitions and just enjoy without worrying.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

None right now, or ever, really.

One absolutely dirty conversation in Sitges, near Barcelona in Spain. :D

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

i enjoyed feeling pain as far back as i can remember. i only found out what this was called when i was about 13 or 14 by means of the internet.

What was its appeal to you?

BDSM in general has served to be very therapuetic for me. It has helped me come to terms with a lot of stuff that happened to me when i was young, but i don't want to start that novel.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

i didn't think there was any love between Domme/Dom and sub. this was a long time ago though. i now see the BDSM lifestyle to involve more love then most vanilla relationships i have seen. And i certainly feel more loved or wanted in my current relationship which is a 24/7 then i have in any of my previous vanilla relationships.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

i would like it to be known that BDSM is a very good form of therapy. It may cause unwanted flashbacks, but with a loving Mistress or Master, coping with what happened to you when you were young is a lot easier.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

i am a sub 24/7 so yeah i am a "lifestyler" there are actually very few times when my Mistress likes us to be equal.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

i love the feeling of worth and being wanted as a submissive. Being treated as a prized possesion. i love pleasing my Mistress and just seeing her smile when i have done so.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

There really is nothing i do not like about my Mistress.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I think my first exposure to BDSM was Mr. T's website --seeing tied-up women. I knew I liked it--but wasn't sure why. Then I bought handcuffs from a head shop in T.O. Tried them on my wife during sex, she tried them on me during sex, Couldn't really get her excited about sex anyway, so not much success. Next gf was more experimental. We experimented; I figured out what I liked. Finally I met someone who is compatible with me on other levels--and interested in domination/punishment. We had started playing full-time before I realized that there is a "lifestyle" and that there were other people out there to connect with. It makes it more fun. Some people know about the lifestyle before they ever get the nerve and/or opportunity to try it; some people are doing it first, then realize that it has a whole culture around it. The internet is good for that.

What was its appeal to you?
Feels good?

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
For a long time I considered play to revolve around eventual orgam. I now realize that the process of bondage and discipline can be erotic release in itself--as obvious at a play party. I have developed that love for pain-for-pain's-sake.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
I want the vanilla straight world to understand that sexual preference comes in as many flavours as Baskin Robbins ice cream. People are starting to understand that some women prefer women, some men prefer men... Well some men prefer to dominate, some women prefer submission, and some men like pain, and some women like to give it. It's all good. YKINMK.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Not 24/7... For reasons of parenthood, and career. But I consider myself a committed lifestyler.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Surrendering control. And did I mention I'm a pain slut?

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
She is creative. I cannot remember two scenes that were the same ever--even a quick bedroom playtime is a work of art. She puts out amazing amounts of effort into play--and doesn't even realize that I would be satisfied with less. Most of my fantasies revolve around things she's already done.

I already answered this question rather simply in slut4u's post, but then I found this thread and i thought, what a great way to introduce myself!!

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I was doing a very innocent search through my parents' drawers looking for photos... and before you ask, I knew there were photos there before I started looking. They showed them to be before. How was I supposed to know there was more stuff?! Anyway, I found this book with a line drawing of a medieval tavern wench in chains and "S & M: short stories" on the cover. I love to read and thought "COOL!! NEW BOOK!!" I read the first chapter and realized that my urges had a name. Well, I got curious, got on the internet (a wonderful, wonderful tool by the way) and did search through google. Oh the relief!! There were others out there like me, there were pictures and stories. While I admit that I am slight insane and crazy, I was relieved that I wasn't the only one.
What was its appeal to you?
I dunno. I think I've always been a masochist with violent tendencies as well as a control freak. I loved the idea of being tied up and having no control over those situations as well as being dominated.
What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I never really had any. I didn't know it existed until I read that book and then I started to learn through the net. I'm still a baby at all this. I've never had a Master or Mistress.
What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Learn? Everything. I have this insatiable thirst for knowledge as well as a photographic imagination. I want to know everything and eventually do almost everything. And, I hope to learn more about myself. Teach? Dunno, don't have anything to impart just yet. Pass on to others? Well, don't suppress it or deny it, doesn't matter what "it" is. It only gets worse with time and then you start going a little nuts...
Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
I think I'm a lifestyler. I fantasize about having a permanent master and well, if this was just a "stage" then I think I would have grown out of it a long time ago. But then again, I don't have much experience to go on.
What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Oooo.... submissive, I love the lack of control and there something about being tied up. I don't really know what it is. Also, I'm a people pleaser. I'm happiest when I have someone that needs to be pleased and I have the ability to make that happen.
What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I don't have anyone and it's frustrating. Not just that but I'm not a social person, I'm not outgoing. I don't know how to meet them and as much as my friends "accept" this part of me, they still tease me too much for it to seem like they're comfortable with it. They still make me feel abnormal and freakish and slightly ashamed. I'm too embarrassed broach the subject.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Actually, it was more like, I found out what it was called. i had always experimented with mild pain and bondage. It was actually when I was about 8 years old. I don't remember the circumstances, but I found a book entitled "Sweet Gwendoline" and oh boy! It was full of pictures, and wonderful female forms and what's this? Woman tied up and whipped/tortured! It was relatively mild (and so am I to this day) but I thought it was awesome. Best thing was that later, after my father died when I was approx. 24, my mom gave me that very copy. I will always keep it.

What was its appeal to you?
I really am not sure. I guess the sex and a little bit the power. But mostly the shape of the female body. The helplessness that I have the power to cause, but just like the pain I cause, it is so very pleasing to make it go away and sort of "rescue" her.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I had no misconceptions except I didn't realize how bad some stuff actually hurt and how high a pain tolerance some people have. One time Aletta and I were in a club and watched a girl get spanked silly. It was strange to imagine how much that actually hurt and it really put it in perspective for me.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Huh? It is for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of my partner...I think that is all.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Definitely an occasional player. I like to look at photos more than I would like to actually participate. I could be a pretty intense voyeur, but only an occasional participant.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Dominant...see question #2. That explains it all.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
So much, I can even begin. She is just amazing. Maybe more later if I like this forum, maybe not.

:)

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Like Valerio, I finally found out what it was called, but had been doing it before that. I recall, as a fairly young child, maybe a 4th grader or so, perusing my grandfather's stash of Variations and Playboys. I would masturbate to the stories and the photos and always wished I could have pictures of men, too. Alas, my grandmother didn't have a complementary stash. :( By 7 or 8th grade, (what's that? 12-13 years?) I found myself using my belts to constrict my waist, chest and hips and tying myself to the bedposts and masturbating. I was not surprised, but very interested when I learned that there was a name for it and that others enjoyed it even more than I.

What was its appeal to you?
I like the feeling of being controlled and being in a position where I am not my own person. I am the type that needs to feel utter trust with the other person and I have that in Valerio. We suit each other quite well and I am not sure if BDSM would appeal to me in another relationship. On the other hand, maybe I would get into deeper if his desire was stronger.....I'm pretty laid back and would go along with it, at least for a trial. Its appeal is definitely in getting and giving love and in the exhange of power that is different from our nonsexual lives.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Valerio

I had no misconceptions except I didn't realize how bad some stuff actually hurt and how high a pain tolerance some people have. One time Aletta and I were in a club and watched a girl get spanked silly. It was strange to imagine how much that actually hurt and it really put it in perspective for me.

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That is exactly what I would have said....so a quote will do. I didn't realize others enjoyed so much more pain than do I.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
I like sharing my thoughts on BDSM with others in very select situations. I would hope that I could convey that 'normal' people participate, that it's perfectly okay to enjoy it and that it's not like what people hear about on television...at least not always.;)

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
My overall personality is pretty submissive in my whole life...but sexually, we get into play only at times. I am, in all aspects of our sex life, pretty submissive though and nearly all of trysts include some mild form of him holding my hands down or playing that I don't want to have sex, for example. On the other hand, I have fits of wanting to control him, as well. That's rare and gentle, though.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Submissive....I really enjoy being controlled and being told what to do. It's nice to make no decisions and just enjoy life with no responsibilities.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I love the look he gets in his eyes when he is mean to me...the sheer enjoyment I can see in him and the way I still see the love. I love how considerate he is, despite the pain. I can't even explain it all....we're just a perfect fit.

I was introduced to the bdsm world when I was fifteen by a class mate. I didn't start participating in bdsm activities until I was seventeen. I had started hanging out with a group of friends who were interested in the field. They held parties hoping to hook up subs and masters. I hooked up with a guy and we had sex in the bathroom. It is mentioned in some of my other posts. Anyway the guy was very much into bdsm. He fucked me in the bathroom and took me to his house and that is how the relationship started. It might not sound healthy but I did learn a lot of things.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

In terms of an exposure that told me anything concrete, online stories from a site I guess I probably shouldn't name here.

What was its appeal to you?
At first, none to be honest. It didn't hook me right away. FemDom seemed "scary" (I ran into too much masochism and sadism for my tastes even now), and I wasn't confident enough in myself yet to connect with MaleDom characters.

I didn't really get into it until I started chatting with a specific Domme, who I was also becoming fast friends with. I still chat to her when I can, and she's helped me explore at least the submissive side of me a great deal.


What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Let's see: everyone wears leather all the time, whips the hell out of each other, and all sorts of other silly ideas. I've honestly forgotten a lot of it by now, thankfully. The one other big one I had at the time was that ANYONE and EVERYONE in the BDSM or D/s scene was either a sadist or a masochist, which is obviously not the case. Once I discovered there was a lot more of a power exchange only side to things if you wanted it to be that way, I began finding my comfort zones.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
What I want to learn: hard question. As much as I can. Tech or pass on: just hopefully finding others to enjoy the process of learning and experience with, and if I could encourage a newbie or two along the way that just being yourself is the best thing you can ever learn to do, so be it.


Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
An occasional player looking to become much more.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
As a switch I get to answer twice.
Dominant: I enjoy the mental challenge associated with it to be honest. I find being a sub (for the right person anyway) easier, but I also am learning to take control, and there's a lot of responsibility that comes with trying to be a good Dom. It's a challenging role, but I enjoy the challenge.

Sub: I've always loved pleasing a partner. It's probably what opened the door to me experimenting with submission to begin with. And also, in both a D or s role, enjoy power exchange a lot, and giving over power to the right someone else... I love it. It holds a certain intoxication to it.

(Slightly edited to expand my answer on misconceptions I used to have.)