Sex, Sex, Sex... It's All About the Sex

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Originally Posted by subthoughts

I wonder about this a good deal. I am sexually submissive, but in my everyday life I am almost absurdly toppish. While flipping that switch in my head is very do-able in a sexual situation, and while I love to do the little things for people I care about as an expression of my affection, I have never made the leap to having a long-term relationship in which service was a feature. Perhaps I just don't have it in me, or perhaps none of my partners has happened to want that. But I feel a little bashed by reading that sexualized submission is somehow 'less than' service oriented submission. It's tough enough to find a way to walk this non-mainstream path without being told that what you feel is inadequate. Ouch.

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Subthoughts,
I too have gotten the impression that I am lacking because I don't feel this great need for service-oriented submission. I am glad I am not the only one who has felt it. It is obviously important to a lot of people but our sexual submission is just as valid as their service-oriented submission. What we need to understand is that we may be a minority and may be send as lacking by some who do not find this part of BDSM as a turn on or true submission. This is really okay as far as I see it because we would not pick them as our Dom or Domme anyway. In truth it boils down to matching the right people and needs together to form a good and successful relationship, which is what BDSM is about. We are all unique individuals with our own ideas and needs. We will not always understand each other but we can accept each other opinions.

Thanks for the encouraging words -- much appreciated :)

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Originally Posted by e.b.

Orchid Soul,

I completely agree with your comments... Thanks so much for posting!! :)

eb

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thanks so much eb. I'm glad you were able to extract what my tired mind was trying to convey.

subthoughts- I just want to say how your post rang to me. I have spent an awful lot of time learning of the mental, and for me the mental will be during sexual submission. like you, I'm not sure if it's that I don't have it in me or a variety of other reasons, but by no means do I think it lessens your desires or anyone with strictly sexual submissive desires regardless how deep those desires even go (level of pain, etc).

That is what I have spent time learning here (that everyones levels and desires are different and are none the less than a 24/7 submissive) and I truly hope that no one would tell you any different.

Do what feels right for you and be happy.

~os

I was just rereading everything that I've seen written out here and it made me see that to please a dominant I don't need to have sex, although to a point I knew that is true because of personal issues that I've described before its hard for me to have sex but with a dominant I surrender my all to him...or as much as I can from within. I believe true submission comes from the mind and soul not the pussy although once a dom has the mind and soul completely he can have the body.....but at times part of the body finds it harder to submit than other sides. So in my eyes sex is not needed for me to submit and I know with anyone it would take me a very long time for me to submit that although for a dom it would be more likely for me to submit in other ways.

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Originally Posted by Locked Advantages

I believe true submission comes from the mind and soul not the pussy

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So true LA.

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Originally Posted by Locked Advantages

So in my eyes sex is not needed for me to submit and I know with anyone it would take me a very long time for me to submit that although for a dom it would be more likely for me to submit in other ways.

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Trust. Such a simple word, but no light matter. Trust is to be earnt and shouldn't be given lightly. Don't be pushed into giving it. :) Or to give what your not ready to give. There are understanding men out there. I know. I own one. :)

caitlin :)