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thank you. thank you. thank you. this is *exactly* my philosophy, that The Life is a spectrum, and that every single point along that spectrum is EQUALLY VALID for the people who find their balance and bliss there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cage
~elyse
CageFrom a couple who is just starting to try and figure this out, thank you for putting these particular words out there.Quote:
A D/S relationship is not really an alternative to a "normal" romantic relationship. It's just a very specific type of one. Some things are made easier by introducing a D/S structure. Some things are made more complicated -- like the question of "what happens when I'm not in the mood"? But all of the wisdom and best practices that can be used to build and maintain a good vanilla relationship apply to a good D/S relationship, too.
My thanks to you for this as well. :)Quote:
Yeah, so my name is Cage and I'm a long-winded son of a bitch.
All the best-
tessa
Glad my experience and long-windedness could help some folks feel a little bit better. I love hearing myself type, so feel free to hit me up if you'd like to see more of my opinions. :)
I for one also love hearing you type Cage. More please!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cage
cariad
Lots of good points & advice! IMO, I look at being a submissive as something that should be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically challenging – at least when we’re doing it “right.” ;) So, when other parts of my life require vast amounts of these energies, it can become difficult to fully commit to specific activities. Sometimes, this can lead to pushing my limits to the next level, but there are times I cannot be pushed any more. I don’t think that changes my being a submissive or changes the nature of my needs & desires, but, if you are anything like me, I don’t like half-assing something so profound & important to me. A move is a huge change in your life & you inevitably have your energies focused on all that entails. So, my advice: don’t be so hard on yourself; focus on the challenges you are facing right now, one at a time; &, perhaps, try looking at “shifting into sub mode” as a source of release after the stresses of daily life rather than a challenging goal that must be achieved. No use feeding the vicious cycle of adding more stress to your life regarding something that should be ultimately pleasurable, IMO. Good luck!
Hugs & Spankins
Stone’s Slut
i feel the same way, sometimes i feel i can really let go and enjoy it, i love everything about being a sub, then there are days when it feels like a chore, and it depresses me, but then my master looks at me and i remember why i am sub in the first place, wouldn't change him or me for the world
I am usually submissive by nature and it usually excites me. At times I did wish that I was not a submissive. It usually occurs after my master has been too rough with me. During those times when I can barely move from the pain, I wish I was anything but a sub.
This week I have been with Master and it has been wonderful, but definitely NOT one of my better summissive periods. I find I have been argumentative and crabby. I seem to debate everything that he says, always wanting to "win" the discussion. I have been resenting having to comply with some of my simpliest sub behaviors such as asking to use the bathroom or the PC or to eat something from the kitchen. I believe I may have actually pouted, God help me. I hate the thought of being a pouting sub. My pain threshold sucks. There has been very little BDSM play, probably because Master is getting these "don't hurt me today" vibes. We are only together every three months and I really hate it that I can't be in full blown submissive mode for the brief times we share. Sigh...........................
I am glad that this thread was here today. It made me face what was going on inside of me. I know what I need to do now, and that is to discuss my feelings with Master. I have found that in the past that when I get these feelings and he arranges a good long session with the paddle and quirt, et al, that I am often calmed and more even tempered after.
Thanks for letting me vent, "Peace" ~blizz~
I`ve been in such a mood once or twice. So my owner covers me up in TLC, while I snug within his embrace and everything is purrrfect after that.
Thanks Cage for this. I remember back to discovering this whole realm and how confusing it could all be sometimes, especially from a submissive standpoint. It took a long time to sort out all the definitions of what this lifestyle is and how I could define it for myself and what it was that I wanted and needed in my life....and how much etc. etc. etc. Reading your words then would have helped me so much, and I thank you for putting them out there for those who can use them now :)Quote:
The things that are likely to stick in your mind as you participate in a community like this are the most extreme things. If you're going to get your introduction to BDSM in a place like this, it's just important to realize and remember that it's not necessary for everyone to live at the extreme end of the spectrum. For every person who has 6 live-in slaves who wear chastity devices 24/7 and have highly structured rules about when they're allowed to speak, there are probably 30 people who like to tie up their partner, fuck them in the ass and then apologize for forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning. No spot on that spectrum is inherently "better" than another. It's just about finding the right place for you. So if you're not sure that you'd be happy being actively submissive every day, don't be afraid to try being submissive for just one day.