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mmmmm.... who ever wanted a midget for a Dom? Brain definitely! but if i can huff and puff and plaster you to a wall – you cannot ever start your input into my brain! man is supposed to be BIG and strong!Quote:
Originally posted by bdsmbill
...I will have trouble, then. I am 6'2" and about 250 lbs...
Well, I have always been big, and I use my Bowflex three times a week to stay strong. I am not twice my wife's size, but then again, I prefer a little more woman.
BDSMBill
rE YOU SAID IT THE BEST!Quote:
Originally posted by redEva
mmmmm.... who ever wanted a midget for a Dom? Brain definitely! but if i can huff and puff and plaster you to a wall – you cannot ever start your input into my brain! man is supposed to be BIG and strong!
You know... it's really hard to find a happy medium in this world today.
When I was a kid I was skinny...I mean bean pole skinny and really tall for my age. By the time I was 14 I was already 5 foot 8 inches and skinny as a rail. I got teased because I was too tall and too skinny. Plus hitting puberty and wearing a full size bra in the 4th grade didn't help much either. I got teased and physically harrassed so badly I had a nervous breakdown in the 4th grade. Why? Because of other people's perceptions of what is beautiful.
Not I am 27 and I have not grown and inch since I was 14, unless you consider outward. I am genetically doomed to be a big woman (that strong scandinavian background) and there really isn't a whole lot I can do about it. From the time I was 10 I played baseball, participated in charity runs and the lot. I road my bike the 6 miles round trip to and from my baseball games 4 times a week. When I got older I stared going to the gym, I took Judo lessons and rode in rodeos (and just because you are riding doesn't mean it's easy. Controlling a 1500 pound animal with one hand is not always easy). I also worked as a stable hand for and outfitter, slung hay bails around for my own horses and was a baker and had to help 60 50lbs sacks of flour twice a week from the truck aside from having to lift anywhere to 10lbs to 140lbs in a shot. I ate reasonably healthy as I don't really care for really greasy food. So it is not like I sat on my ass and did not exercise.
And you know what happened? I still got fat. Why? Who the hell knows. At first it really bothered me because I figured no one would ever want someone as big as me. I thought this way because my borther, his friends, and all of my friends (who were all male) would see a woman on tv who was thin and beautiful and say "Oh wow look at her! I'd do her." and yet when I heaft woman they would say "Eww look at her!" I have even had people call me a beached whale or make moo-ing sounds on the street at me. I even had one guy say "Oh my God, what the hell is that!"
But you know what, I stopped caring. Not stopped caring about myself but stopped caring what other people thought about me. I look at my father and my brother. Both are men who are in reasonably good shape, tall and thin but their wives are just like me. This holds true for a lot of people I know. While they themselves are thin or in good shape their spouse or significant other is not. While I don't always like who I am or how I look I have learned to accept that this is who I am and if people don't like it then they can kiss my ass... plain and simple.
My opinion is that unless you are looking for a work out partner, why should it really matter what they look like or if they are over weight? If they are confident and are well groomed then it really shouldn't matter. I don't know how else to explain it other than through my own experiences as an over weight person who can never be thin short of lypo suction.
Basically, I don't care what anyone thinks. I have people who love me for who I am...not what I am.
and that, is the most important thing of it all :)Quote:
Originally posted by Finding_Fantasy
I have people who love me for who I am...not what I am.
You and your life are the reflection of what you think about yourself. If you are a beautiful person it is because you think yourself beautiful and everything you do leads you to become more beautiful still.
The only comment I can make to Faibhar is that you will attract into your life the people that you decide are right for you. If your first attempt to join the BDSN scene was not pleasant it is maybe because you tried the wrong scene. Look some more. There are different levels to the BDSM scene in every town. And if I could give you a piece of advise that cost me a lot of anxiety to learn: be more concerned about mental and spiritual beauty than the physical kind.
- Finding FantasyQuote:
I have people who love me for who I am...not what I am.
- slavelucyQuote:
be more concerned about mental and spiritual beauty than the physical kind.
-William JamesQuote:
Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
- Albert EinsteinQuote:
A person starts to live when he can live outside of himself
- Mark TwainQuote:
There is no security in life, only opportunity
-YuanwuQuote:
Who has no faults? To err and yet be able to correct it is best of all.
- Bernard HaldaneQuote:
If you want to get the best out of a man, you must look for the best that is in him
Excuse me for butting in, and I apologize if I skipped this same comment on pages 2-4 (low on time, high on things to do) but i think -angelstar- had a very good line in what he/she wrote.
and be physically in good health
I think this is the epitome of whats really important. Myself, I'd sure as hell never be called a small guy, (5'7" and 250 lbs) but at the same time, my ability to function (defined by me as my ability to move/work/relax) as a person is not limited by the fact that I'm large. The counterpoint to this was a woman that I worked with, she could barely walk because of her weight, was in SEVERE threat to her health and her life, and she kept gaining weight. I hear almost every day women complaining about there weight. It truly frustrates me to look over and see a chick who's waist is literally smaller than 1, yes 1! of my thighs. But I suppose thats where our society has brought us, so all we can do is ignore society and continue our lives as we choose.
Wow! You know, this is the first thread I've seen where I'm worried about getting the crap kicked out of me! (probably I should take that as a sign to keep my opinions to myself, but no one ever accused me of being smart)
My best friend is over 150 pounds overweight and my spiritual adviser is at least 100 over. These are fine people, good friends and with minds not in the least flabby.
BUT, I would never think of either of them in a sexual context. (Yes, I've heard that BDSM isn't primarily a sexual activity. I disagree. It is for me.)
Faibhar's experience mirrored mine with the MENSA group in Syracuse in the early 80's. Not a good place to meet people, no intelligent conversation, pretty uniformly unattractive, and already paired off. ("The food was terrible! And the portions were so small!") I went to their meetings for the same reason Faibhar attended his munches. Playboy magazine kept referring to MENSA as "the high IQ sex club". If there was any sex going on, you couldn't prove it by me and -- yuck! -- who would want to?
On a slight tangent, my 350 pound friend tells me that "big boned" is a myth promulgated by overweight people to justify their overweight. He says that every fat person he's ever met claimed they were big boned. Of course they were -- their bones thickened from having to support all that weight.
Isn't it great to have a Forum where people will accept for just who you are?
"big-boned" is a term euphemistically employed by many-especially the hefty in describing their girth (I just want to beee meeeeee...). Curtis writes with a hilarious note and even if one chooses to disagree with him his post is still very funny.
Anyway, genetics (big-boned) do appear to play something of a part in being on the heavy side, but my original impression included the mentally flabby, along with the physically overweight.
Chalk any preceived "anti" fat comments up to an ignorant novice who thought that somehow, someway the BDSM lifestyle was supposed to contain sexual elements. Personally, it is difficult to find the overweight sexually attractive.
Given the relative "size" of the munchers tended not to be the turn-on that was expected. Coupled with talk of "toys", etc., try as I might it did prove difficult to find much allure with what was assumed to be an entre into the world of BDSM.
But, if it mitigates any ill feelings of the hefty/toy minded, then just shrug at one clearly not as sophisticated as you, on the machinations of the BDSM lifestyle.
Thanks for your kind and gentle response, Faibhar. My impression is that this is your first thread and I remember how good you were to me over at the Pedestal/Pillar of truth, so I wanted to give you what support I could. You may not be as happy with this post.
I think it's pretty obvious (and not only from this thread) that Faibhar is an elitist. I can recognize the breed because I consider myself one, too (though, ironically, I don't come up to his high standards).
What's wrong with being an elitist? Shouldn't people have standards? Is it wrong to demand that the people you associate with come up to those standards? (For those of you trying to keep score, the answers to the second and third questions are, respectively, "Yes" and "No". The first I deal with below.)
I always roll my eyes when people say size, looks, brains, or personality doesn't matter. It ALL matters, just not all at the same time. I wouldn't mind having sex with what Lord Thomas (I hope I have the name right!) refers to so aptly as a Dumb, as long as she met my physical standards and I didn't have to listen to her. I don't mind discussing politics with old/ugly/fat people, as long as they can hold up their end (and they're not a LOT smarter than me...). Just as long as you have the proper tool to suit the job.
I can see only one thing wrong with being an elitist: It's lonesome-making. And the higher you set your standards the lonelier you become. Not only do we isolate ourselves, but we get ostracized by those "reverse snobs" out there (and there are a lot of them, ALSO including me) who feel threatened by our betters. (Remember those kids in school who used to pick on "the brains"?)
Okay, I'm stuck for a wrap-up paragraph, so I'll just end this here.
It was posted here: "I wouldn't mind having sex with what Lord Thomas (I hope I have the name right!) refers to so aptly as a Dumb, as long as she met my physical standards and I didn't have to listen to her. "
Sorry, I disagree completely. By your standard, the partner could be passed out, dead, or a poodle, as long as she looked good. Sex is a highly mental activity, and I want a partner who can hold up her end. If she can't, I might as well get a blow-up doll.
I am very much an elitist, but my primary criteria is mental, not physical. Where the physical is concerned, my taste runs toward women a bit larger than the fashon mag standard. I would say 150 to 200 pounds (or a bit more) is the perfect range -- big enough to not seem childlike, but still small enough to easily pick up and carry.
Bones? Yep, I prefer she have them, and they do come in different sizes, no matter what you may read here. I know women with tiny little hands that won't even wrap around my dick, while others have hands almost as large as mine. I suppose there is an attraction about a tiny woman as a sub. After all, if you are one of those 120 pound wenches, I can easily hold both of your wrists in one hand and pick you up. While I hold you off the ground with that hand, I could have some fun exploring with the other.
I would just want you to be smart enough to appreciate what was happening.
BDSMBill
Faibhar, I just realized that I misspelled your name throughout my last post. I do apologize.
Now for the reason of my post. I have to say that a lot of people are still being very unfair to Faibhar's original meaning of this thread. Too many of the posts on this thread are focusing on Faibhar's mention of appearance. He has made other points and has not limited himself to appearance.
I would also venture to say that some of you are not as open minded as you think you are.
With all due respect BDSM_Tourguide (and I am being very sincere about the due respect), this is also a judgment of appearance. I have a few friends that are very skinny because of high metabolism and they try to gain weight but can't. They would find your post very insulting. We shouldn't always assume that skinny people are trying to be skinny.Quote:
To be very blunt, I find skinny people to be terribly unattractive. I cannot stand looking at some of the pictures posted in these threads and seeing a 90 pound waif with her ribs and hipbones poking out with an obvious fake rack that border on the triple E size. I mean, come on. Get real.
Again I say reread Faibhar's posts. He is not just focusing on the outward appearance. He looks to the mind as well. But he also doesn't claim to be some open minded saint and I think that his honesty and lack of hypocrisy is refreshing.
(Please do not jump to conclusions and assume that I am calling any of you a hypocrite. If you feel that I am talking to you, then maybe you should wonder why.)
I think that a lot of you are being unfair and ganging up on Faibhar. As many of you preach that judgement is unfair, I think it wrong to judge Faibhar for his preferences.
julise
(by the way bdsmbill, that picture you painted with your description of holding your sub up by both of her wrists and using the other to explore was a very nice picture indeed.)
Quote:
With all due respect BDSM_Tourguide (and I am being very sincere about the due respect), this is also a judgment of appearance. I have a few friends that are very skinny because of high metabolism and they try to gain weight but can't. They would find your post very insulting. We shouldn't always assume that skinny people are trying to be skinny.
If I can interject... How many of those skinny friends have large breasts? How many of those are fake? How many of those friends lives are based solely on looking perfect in front of a camera? Thats that Tourguide was getting at if i'm not mistaken...
Yes, I appreciate that Steely, and you do bring up a good point. But the first line in that paragraph is...
He then goes on to describe one type of skinny, but that original sentence is very general and would seem so to my skinny friends as well.Quote:
...I find skinny people to be terribly unnattractive.
julise
I find skinny people to be unattractive. I do not find thin people to be unattractive, nor do I find people that are slightly underweight unattractive.
I find people that are massively underweight unattractive. I don't want to see bones sticking out everywhere from my partner. I would rather them have healthy looking bodies with nice curves and round things where they are supposed to be. And not storebought round things either.
Yes, Steely hit it on the head when he said I was referring to people that spend their lives in front of cameras and have to look "good," as relative a term as that is.
The truth of the matter is that, with the exceptions of Aria Giovanni and Dita von Teese, I don't find any porn stars or models to be all that great looking. That was my primary motivation for starting the Personal Photography thread. I wanted to see real people in their real settings, not a bunch of fakes posing for profit.
For the record, I also find many mainstream actresses to be not worth a second look. Courtney Cox-Arquette comes immediately to mind, so does Jennifer Aniston. Sarah Michelle Gellar looked so much cuter in seasons one and two of Buffy, before she went skinny, too.
Fortunately, the trend for skinny may be disappearing again. I'm noticing that the 60s/70s fashions are starting to go "out" again and the 80s seem to be coming back around. If the 80s do make it back "in," then we should start seeing healthy-looking models and women again, rather than twigs with baloon racks.
Also, remember that this is just my personal preference. I know plenty of people that like the emaciated look. It's just not for me.
Lastly, from my personal experience, it seems turning thirty will do away with that nasty old metabolism thing. So will quitting smoking, drinking, drugs, as well as will getting married, having a baby or getting cookbooks for Christmas.
What is it about the Weight Thing? Is it only me, or is here a whiff of defensiveness in the air?
Actor Sly Stallone's mother, remember her?, used to say that Sly liked them emaciated as he liked to see their ribs show. Well, anyone who has worked out knows that the rib cgae does expand with exercise. True, diet also provides further definition, but really...Emaciated? I think not.
Thank you all, and julise with a lovely name such as yours there is no need for apology about misspelling another's name. Your thoughts are appreciated.
As are those of Curtis, but I must disagree with the elitist handle. True, it is, as you say, 'lonesome making', if only through a (natural) selection process. Bdsmill, while somewhat coarse in his post appears accuarate, and BDSM_Tourguide, well, he describes life experiences many of us have enjoyed/endured. Such happenings though should in no way give one an excuse to become slovenly be they BDSM Lifestylers or more vanilla-mainstream types.
Curtis,Quote:
I think it's pretty obvious (and not only from this thread) that Faibhar is an elitist. I can recognize the breed because I consider myself one, too (though, ironically, I don't come up to his high standards).
Whether that entire post was dead serious or tongue in cheek. It doesn't matter. It was just too funny. Thanks for the laugh.
To borrow a phrase from Maxwel Smart, that's the second most ridiculous thing I've ever read.Quote:
Originally posted by Faibhar
Letting one's self go, as in allowing one's self to get...FAT indicates to others that you simply do not care about yourself, and by extension, care about others.
How fortunate it must be to (seemingly) have heard only just two ridiculous things as has Delia.
Perhaps you should read that again, there was a key adjective you missed.Quote:
Originally posted by Faibhar
How fortunate it must be to (seemingly) have heard only just two ridiculous things as has Delia.
Should I ask everyone here to consider mercy, or is it fun to spar?
This is a forum for people who enjoy games of Domination and submission... and no one's asking for a white knight or a peacemaker. Yet I feel I should step in and say something... that's silly of me, but I feel it nonetheless.
Hmmm...
:: Promptly butts out ::
No, it is hardly any fun to "spar", especially when you spar with some dolt.
RubbrSpatula is quite correct in sensing untoward antagonism, some sort of defensive mechanism, or whatever. Much finer pursuits can be had here, rather than continued pointless sparring...
I see the discussions and debates that we have here as being healthy exchanges of opinions, in most cases. There are some cases where it's just purely brainless and insulting, but for the most part, I see it as good, clean debating.
How are other opinions to be explored if everyone agrees or if the essence of politeness keeps the free flow of thoughts and ideas from being unleashed? (©2003 BDSM_Tourguide)
If I feel there are cases of pointless bickering, then I will let the offending parties know, even if one such party is myself. Hence my limited replies to some topics on these forums. I frequently bite my tongue and keep my fingers from typing "God, what a dumbass" to keep the domestice tranquility of these forums. Besides, I hear I'm supposed to set an example for others. Bummer, eh?
oops..
I do apologise..wrong reply..in wrong topic..
is there a 'red faced' smilie in here?
A couple of issues raised by the post from Cleo671. As the post resonnates earlier comments made, perhaps adressing them again is called for.
Are we using the plural here or just the singular second person tense? If the latter, let's say in October I turned double nickels. That much said, it should also be added that yes, the issue of cosmetics in the past has been of a concern, and that females known have also worked hard at maintaining their physical, as well as, mental "looks".Quote:
I don't know your age
Speaking of which, is it my bias or Cleo671's who begins by stating that she is a "female". Does this matter? Is it really that much more important to be a female? Much easier to not wear a bag over one's head so as to not chase members of the opposite sex away? Do females care less about their appearance, or have greater standards than their opposite gender? Are they as a whole more mature and wise?
If the above questions appear a bit naive, please pardon. It's just that as stated previously here attempts to meet bdsm lifestylers through entry level munches were a tad disappointing in the titillating department. Distinctions over which sex appeared the superior were purely secondary to just finding anyone of any sex attractive.