The Joys of a High-Maintenace sub

Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this question of "High maintenance" subs quite a bit. I don't believe that I am as qualified as some here to make a definition as I seem to find most subs; Doms; men; women and children *high maintenance"-that is, for me, I have to work bloody hard to cherish those who mean something to me. I regularly fail, like today, but it doesn't prevent me from trying.

I suppose it is because I am sensitive to people's feelings and have an inbuilt desire to care. Some folk clearly like more attention than others, but I've learned that the quiet, undemonstrative ones crave that attention too. They are probably the ones who seldom get it-but who need it the most.

Of course, I agree that some people just wallow in the constant fawning of others. They are the shallow ones as are those who cater for them. I won't class them as requiring my maintenance at all-I just ignore them.

Can I add that I am a fluffy pink high-maintenace Dom?

Thought not...

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Originally Posted by Uncle_Ed

Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this question of "High maintenance" subs quite a bit. I don't believe that I am as qualified as some here to make a definition as I seem to find most subs; Doms; men; women and children *high maintenance"-that is, for me, I have to work bloody hard to cherish those who mean something to me. I regularly fail, like today, but it doesn't prevent me from trying.

I suppose it is because I am sensitive to people's feelings and have an inbuilt desire to care. Some folk clearly like more attention than others, but I've learned that the quiet, undemonstrative ones crave that attention too. They are probably the ones who seldom get it-but who need it the most.

Of course, I agree that some people just wallow in the constant fawning of others. They are the shallow ones as are those who cater for them. I won't class them as requiring my maintenance at all-I just ignore them.

Can I add that I am a fluffy pink high-maintenace Dom?

Thought not...

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Excellent point Ed, thank you for the input. the whiny, pouty, needy people are not who this thread is about, it is about the people we care about who we want in our lives.

And, since my subs assure me that I am a fluffy pink high-maintenance Dom, welcome here as well.

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Originally Posted by Uncle_Ed

Interesting thread. I have been thinking about this question of "High maintenance" subs quite a bit. I don't believe that I am as qualified as some here to make a definition as I seem to find most subs; Doms; men; women and children *high maintenance"-that is, for me, I have to work bloody hard to cherish those who mean something to me. I regularly fail, like today, but it doesn't prevent me from trying.

I suppose it is because I am sensitive to people's feelings and have an inbuilt desire to care. Some folk clearly like more attention than others, but I've learned that the quiet, undemonstrative ones crave that attention too. They are probably the ones who seldom get it-but who need it the most.

Of course, I agree that some people just wallow in the constant fawning of others. They are the shallow ones as are those who cater for them. I won't class them as requiring my maintenance at all-I just ignore them.

Can I add that I am a fluffy pink high-maintenace Dom?

Thought not...

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hmm Ed
are you sure you arent talking about me? Because that sure sounds exactly like me.
pink fluffy high-maintenance Dom? lol yeah why not lol
As long as you stand up for who you are you can be both pink and fluffy in my book.

I think the difference here that everyone is trying to make is

Drama/spoiled........very,very,very bad

...to

"High maintenance"......semantics here....but.........good


LOL

Did no one get the memo that I wanted this thread to return to being about me?


-snickers and runs off-

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Originally Posted by wingsofanangel

Did no one get the memo that I wanted this thread to return to being about me?


-snickers and runs off-

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Watch it girl, this is my thread and it is about who I say it is.

-pouts and bends over-

sorry.. it is just my high maitenance needy ways.. -smirk- Forgive me , Sir?

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Originally Posted by Rhabbi

Terminology and semantics often leads to misunderstandings. This is something I fully understand, which is why I try to look at everything someone is saying before judging what they mean. Why quibble over semantics if the important thing is the idea?

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Because the words have sexist connotations that can't be ignored. I don't see anyone here talking about male submissives being high-maintenance, you know? :)

p.s. when I mentioned the title of this thread to my husband, he said "High-maintenance submissives? You mean, all of you?" :D

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Originally Posted by Hime

Because the words have sexist connotations that can't be ignored. I don't see anyone here talking about male submissives being high-maintenance, you know? :)

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I have to admit that I do not, and that may be my fault. I spoke from personal experience in starting this thread. I have never had a male sub myself, but I would assume that the same type of dynamic applies in the adjustment phase. this, by my definition, would make them high-maintenance.

Also, as no less than three Doms, including myself, have weighed in and called themselves high-maintenance, I think that we are covering the sexist angle.

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p.s. when I mentioned the title of this thread to my husband, he said "High-maintenance submissives? You mean, all of you?" :D

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Exactly the point I wanted to make with this thread.:bdsmsmile

i am happy to say that according to the defined terms of this thread, i am definitely not high maintenance.

Attention Whore -- maybe once upon a time, but i have outgrown that phase
Whine -- nope
Pout -- nope
Temper Tantrums -- nope
Desires Cuddling -- yes
Desires loving -- yes
Acts out to get Attention -- nope
Bratty -- nope
Lovable -- yes
Good Girl/Boy -- yes
Worth it to their Dom/mes -- Coming up on 20 years together, so i would say so.

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Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

i am happy to say that according to the defined terms of this thread, i am definitely not high maintenance.

Attention Whore -- maybe once upon a time, but i have outgrown that phase
Whine -- nope
Pout -- nope
Temper Tantrums -- nope
Desires Cuddling -- yes
Desires loving -- yes
Acts out to get Attention -- nope
Bratty -- nope
Lovable -- yes
Good Girl/Boy -- yes
Worth it to their Dom/mes -- Coming up on 20 years together, so i would say so.

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One of the things about a high-maintenance relationship is that it eventually grows into a strong and lasting one if both parties are dedicated to making that happen.

I just found this thread in reading through threads before I joined the Library.

There's another aspect to the "high maintenance" issue, as I see it. And to address the sexist side first - I have never had a male sub - but consider myself a fluffy pink high maintenance Dom as well - lol.

We all talk about the gift of submission - and I imagine we all mean slightly different things when we say that. For me, submission isn't complete unless a girl can give me her spirit as well. I start with her head - taking that brings the body...with the body comes the heart, not necessarily immediately, but if the relationship is to last, her heart must come as well...and finally - when she has learned to trust me fully - when she truly knows at an almost instinctive level that she can be totally vulnerable with me and that I will hold her safe and warm and loved - the final depth of her submission is the submission of her spirit - her soul.

The legs aren't what get spread widest when a girl submits fully - her very being is. This makes her incredibly vulnerable to me - and - where she may need reassurance that her gift is valued and respected because of that vulnerability - I find that there is an equal need in me to reassure her that I do value her submission very highly. Caring takes effort - her need to be reassured that I care requires effort. The effort in either case is trivial in one sense, since anything worth having - truly worth having - is worth working for.

My girl's submission to me is truly worth having, and the more highly I value her submission, the more effort and attention I will want/need to show her...but then...caring for her is something I enjoy, so it isn't work at all. And just as she gives me her heart - she always receives mine - I can't stay aloof when I care - and love makes the relationship so much more profound, at least it's that way for me.

If W/we are going by the above criteria of being an attention whore, bratty, acting out, etc., then, no, I am not a high maitenance sub. However, I do rely emotionally on my Master and lean on Him quite a bit. I'm doing that especially since I have (so far) four chronic illnesses that can prevent me from completely serving Him as W/we would both like me to do. So I suppose in that sense I am high maitenance because so much of His attention is now focused on me to make sure that I am doing ok.

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Originally Posted by Whippett

I just found this thread in reading through threads before I joined the Library.

There's another aspect to the "high maintenance" issue, as I see it. And to address the sexist side first - I have never had a male sub - but consider myself a fluffy pink high maintenance Dom as well - lol.

We all talk about the gift of submission - and I imagine we all mean slightly different things when we say that. For me, submission isn't complete unless a girl can give me her spirit as well. I start with her head - taking that brings the body...with the body comes the heart, not necessarily immediately, but if the relationship is to last, her heart must come as well...and finally - when she has learned to trust me fully - when she truly knows at an almost instinctive level that she can be totally vulnerable with me and that I will hold her safe and warm and loved - the final depth of her submission is the submission of her spirit - her soul.

The legs aren't what get spread widest when a girl submits fully - her very being is. This makes her incredibly vulnerable to me - and - where she may need reassurance that her gift is valued and respected because of that vulnerability - I find that there is an equal need in me to reassure her that I do value her submission very highly. Caring takes effort - her need to be reassured that I care requires effort. The effort in either case is trivial in one sense, since anything worth having - truly worth having - is worth working for.

My girl's submission to me is truly worth having, and the more highly I value her submission, the more effort and attention I will want/need to show her...but then...caring for her is something I enjoy, so it isn't work at all. And just as she gives me her heart - she always receives mine - I can't stay aloof when I care - and love makes the relationship so much more profound, at least it's that way for me.

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can I please have this on a plaque to the entrance of every BDSM site hehe - very, very well stated Whippet - Thank you!

i have a lot of respect for Whippet and always take notice of anything he has to say,so thankyou from me too Whippet :)
maybe i should take more notice and not be quite so high maintinance myself lol

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Originally Posted by Whippett

The legs aren't what get spread widest when a girl submits fully - her very being is. This makes her incredibly vulnerable to me - and - where she may need reassurance that her gift is valued and respected because of that vulnerability - I find that there is an equal need in me to reassure her that I do value her submission very highly. Caring takes effort - her need to be reassured that I care requires effort. The effort in either case is trivial in one sense, since anything worth having - truly worth having - is worth working for.

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i dont think the effort is trivial in any sense, it takes a lot of patience, time and understanding, its what makes a good Dom (that should read person really) one who actually knows themself. they stand out from all the rest and thats exactly what the 'high maintenence sub' is asking for.

The Whippett is very wise :cool:

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Originally Posted by icey

i have a lot of respect for Whippet and always take notice of anything he has to say,so thankyou from me too Whippet :)
maybe i should take more notice and not be quite so high maintinance myself lol



i dont think the effort is trivial in any sense, it takes a lot of patience, time and understanding, its what makes a good Dom (that should read person really) one who actually knows themself. they stand out from all the rest and thats exactly what the 'high maintenence sub' is asking for.

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icey - I don't have personal experience with you - but we've known each other on-line for a few years - and I really would never consider you a "high maintenance" sub in a bad way - you have needs - as all people do. And I think Hawk would agree whole-heartedly.

I used the word trivial in a very particular sense, icey. Some effort takes real grab yourself by the bootstraps and haul yourself to do the job work - things like going to a job you don't like, or a social gathering you'd really prefer not to go to - but family obligations intrude. That's work - real grunt work.

Other things may require as much or more effort - or patience or time or understanding - but with those things, you go at it with a light heart because expending effort on those things is a joy and a fulfillment.

And that's why I see the effort as trivial - because it is something that I truly enjoy. There is no effort in making myself pay attention to my girl - none at all. She's my slave - and she's the centre of my universe as well. And my need and desire that she be truly happy make any effort for her sake a pleasure, not a chore, regardless of whether it's the firm whipping she needs so much, or being held and cuddled and allowed to cry her heart out over some past hurt, or showing her in word and action that no matter how ugly and unwomanly she might feel herself to be - she is a truly beautiful and dearly loved woman in every sense.

There was a comment above - I can't remember who made it - and I'm not going to look - it was likening maintenance of a submissive to the routine of maintaining the running order of a car.

That aspect is true (as analogies go) - but I thought about that analogy overnight - and I think it goes further. A good friend of mine had a rare and classic car (a 1929 Dusenberg if you must know) in pristine condition. He spent hours tinkering with that car - keeping it in immaculate shape, keeping it tuned and in perfect running order. He'd think nothing of putting his business on hold for a time to do that either. That car was his passion and it consumed him - in a good way.

In many respects, providing maintenance to my submissive - to my slave - feels very much like how my friend felt about that car...she is my consuming passion.

i just love you Whip!!!!


Yes, i guess i am still high maintenance then........and getting worse!!!!!!...........*wink*..what the heck is up with that........lmao



And.... sorry i couldn't resist this one......guess you can call it "junk in the high maintenance trunk"

lol - no - you're not bad high maintenance either thrall - but the junk in the trunk sure is - lol