Why are so many BDSM girls fat and ugly??

ok before anyone shoots me, please read my whole post here.
I have noticed that many subs and Dom/mes alike in BDSM are overweight.
However I have a theory on this.
BDSM is not based upon looks, in the nilla world people tend to see someone who is good looking and instantly chase after them, it is looks that first attract. Whereas in BDSM the emphasis is far more upon the mental capability of that person, i.e. how much they give as a sub or how strong they are as a Dom/me. In BDSM we tend to talk much much more and get to the know the person underneath the looks, this is ESP true o/l we talk, subs open up and reveal who they really are, their deepest fears and desires are laid out before the Dom/me and in the nilla world we just don't see that as much if at all.
I belive that people are drawn to BDSM as its meant to be a non judgmental lifestyle, so overweight people can be themselves and know that the Dom/me / sub isn't looking at what they look like, but they are looking at who they are inside.
And in case anyone is curious, yes I too am overweight, but I was underweight when I first discovered BDSM.

You may have something there. On Sat I was at a craft fair that was exclusively for BDSMers and was thinking about how the atmosphere in the room was so friendly and accepting, even to total strangers--especially since it was an open event and not a munch or a play party at all.

Another thing... that IMHO goes along with this, is that people in the scene tend to be comfortable with their appearance--and I think that makes them even more attractive. You walk into a room like that and see what could be considered large-sized women dressed in sexy, revealing tops and sporting a beautiful smile to match.

My partner and I are both considered "acceptable" weight for our height, but I definitely look underweight--and have always been a little conscious of my skinny arms. I would _definitely_ say that we were in the minority in that room, but once again--it is an accepting crowd, who would no more stare at us than expect that kind of behaviour in return.

THAT, right there...is beauty.


BTW: this thread may have been started by a moron, and looked a little like bickering from time to time, but I read the whole thing and appreciated how much it made me think... about many, many issues. Thank you all.

Some are, I admit, dut there's always going to be some that arn't quite to your likeing, so why don't you look at the ones you do like? For all you know, many people may like bigger girls to the twigs that we normaly get... maybe a bit of meat once in a while is not a bad thing, plus it may make you apreciate the ones that you like more (although I doubt it :D ).
Badspyro

I was looking at some vintage porn (Hey, it was for a project) the other night and thought of this thread while I was observing some of the women who were considered beautiful in the 60's and 70's.

The women who were posing then were curvy, beautiful women. They were long before the heroine chic that glamourized the 'tit's on a stick' look that is what the fashion industry is telling people what is glamorous today.

As an experiment, I'd be interested to purchase a garment made today in a size 11, and then purchase one from a vintage store from that era in the same size and compare.

I work with a lot of women who considered pretty back then. They're in their 50's-60's now and are still attractive. I wonder how the women of today who are starving themselves to fit into that size whatever are going to look in the long run.

Just kind of rambling here. It's funny how your mind works after being up for 36 hours.

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Originally Posted by Kalluss

As an experiment, I'd be interested to purchase a garment made today in a size 11, and then purchase one from a vintage store from that era in the same size and compare.

I work with a lot of women who considered pretty back then. They're in their 50's-60's now and are still attractive. I wonder how the women of today who are starving themselves to fit into that size whatever are going to look in the long run.

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I normally wear a size 6 american in Women's clothes, size 5 or 7 in juniors. I have a pair of vintage cords from the 1970's, labeled size 9, and they are slightly too small for me at the moment. Sizes have definitely changed seriously. I would imagine the difference gets larger the farther back you go, until you hit the era before store-bought clothes were common.

I have humbly decided to respond to this thread, not the originator of it.

This is an issue that has been so much a part of my entire life... my weight! God how I can remember my mother putting me on diets as a very young girl. So from as far back as that, someone has always tried to mold me to their idea of what my body should look like.

This continued through to my adult life and has plagued me, even somewhat to this day. I have always tried to maintain a body weight that just seems unnatural for me. And let me just say that big people do not necessarily eat gross amounts of food. I don't, but I am a big woman.

I must say though, that since being introduced to BDSM and my Master, i have begun a transformation. Actually beginning to understand more about myself and my appearance. I'm big, but I am not ugly. My partner finds me attractive and well proportioned, and has never once asked me to lose weight. He would support me if I felt I needed to make a change to better myself, but that is it!

Some day I hope to get to the point that I can look in the mirror and be totally pleased and content in who I am. I'm working on it... But I have to tell you, it helps so much to see everyday people showing off everyday bodys... how sexy, erotic and honest is that!!!! I admire each and every one of you for it!

Master's tehya

Number one:
Who is to say what is fat and what is not? It's in the eye of the beholder, a phrase which has been repeatedly used on this topic thread and yet has been ignored by those who refuse to find the meaning in the spirit of the phrase. If fat is defined as being a specific number of pounds overweight according to some stupid medical chart some overeducated doctor has thought up, then I am fat too. I am 5' and 130 lbs. And I'm okay with that. Yes, I look at Jennifer Lopez and Brittany Spears and Lucy Liu on TV and wish I could look like that; but in the end, that's not who I am, and even if I were to change the outside I'd still be the same person inside. And that person on the inside is what matters. I have to look at myself every day in the mirror and be happy with the person looking back at me. Therefore, I'll do what I have to in order to be happy.
Another thing to think about; there are sites on which pregnant women are in bondage too. Do they count also as fat, Alex, Whipit/Manwhore, and anyone else that has something to say about the way a woman looks or doesn't look? Most men seem to have a 'thing' for pregnant women (I was working as a cellular sales rep in a mall kiosk through the last trimester of my first pregnancy, and I was getting propositioned by an incredible number of men. Even AFTER they saw my wedding ring! Girls, we've all heard it said that men have a thing for pregnant women; I'll tell you something, being pregnant, petite, and Asian all at the same time was like holding a T-bone steak in front of a starving man! Fat can be beautiful, too. Don't let anyone tell you you're fat and ugly. As long as YOU can look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I'm beautiful' then you are beautiful. Regardless of how the outside looks.
Men: If you haven't seen the movie 'Shallow Hal', then I suggest you go and rent it, and watch it with an open mind. It stars Gwyneth Paltrow...and I forgot who the guy was. The lesson inherent in the movie is that no matter what the girl looks like on the outside, what's inside matters most. Do us 'ugly/fat/unattractive' girls a favor, and watch it. It's a wakeup call.
Number two:
The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America say that all persons are free to say what they wish, however they wish. However, the morals and societical norms of the time the Constitution was written vary greatly from the societical expectations of today. Things we say now could be construed as insults back then, and could actually cause duels to the death! Therefore, I call out Whipit/Manwhore. I demand that he present his sword and defend his opinion with his arm. And I warn you, I'm very good with a sword! I've had years of Tai Chi sword training!;)
All right, levity aside, what I'm trying to get at is that, while we are technically free to say whatever we wish, some opinions need to be CAREFULLY thought out before the words are allowed to fall. Freedom of speech also requires some common sense when one is speaking. If you don't think before you speak, you could get in a lot of hot water (the which you already know.) Temper your words with common sense. Nowadays, duels are fought with guns, rather than swords, and there are no steps counted/first blood rules. Piss off the wrong person and that person might come back and shoot you while you're sitting in the bathroom jacking off to Brittany Spears's picture!
Okay, that last was a little crude, and I apologize. But even the Supreme Court realizes that words should be processed with the brain before being allowed to leave the mouth. Why else do you think that Ku Klux Klan manifestos are suppressed and banned, and BDSM magazines, drawings, etc. are still sold? Because the one involves common sense and thought, as well as consent; the former involves uninformed racist views that do nothing but hurt people. If you go up to a Klansman and ask where the nearest good taco place is, I'll bet he'll be able to give you directions. Ask him whether he prefers wonton soup or hot and sour, he'd probably have an answer to that too.
Anyway, this is long winded enough. Please remember: Temper your words with wisdom, and respect the people around you (even online!). Remember, what you do will come back on you threefold. I hope that someday when the above-named offenders are old and gray and hobbling down the sidewalk, some young punk says 'what an ugly old man'. Then you'll know what it feels like to be judged.
Judge not, lest ye also be judged.

Dear Manwhore,
Apart from the usual cliche that 'beauty is in eyes of be-hold'er' and 'Looks are only skin deep', both true to a degree, usually when you are refering to someone who is plain and facial/body features don't comeup to YOUR idea of sexual, sensual, 'perfection'.
Guys are frequently 'ugly' whether Doms. or subs. but it's the overall sexual oooze that really counts. An ugly Man can be (is usually) FAR more sexy than the Brad Pitt look-a-likes. Personally, apart from his eyes, he doesn't appeal to me, but my big, ol' teddybear Hubby turns me on, even when making his Lunch box. In fact, yes, that too.

The following pics. are all beautiful, one is my real mom, in the silly event that guys voted, i'm sure the most beautiful of the 3 pics.

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Originally Posted by Kalluss

I was looking at some vintage porn (Hey, it was for a project) the other night and thought of this thread while I was observing some of the women who were considered beautiful in the 60's and 70's.

The women who were posing then were curvy, beautiful women. They were long before the heroine chic that glamourized the 'tit's on a stick' look that is what the fashion industry is telling people what is glamorous today.

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It's been pointed out that judging by her measurements, which were very much on record, Marylin Monroe would never get so much as a bit part in today's media unless they wanted someone to play "the fat girl".

She never had to worry about the size of her butt. When she and Jane Russell were asked to put their footprints in the pavement outside Grauman's, she suggested that it would be more appropriate (since they already had prints of Jimmy Durante's nose and one of Betty Grable's legs) if Jane pushed her boobs into the cement and she sat in it.

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Originally Posted by leo9

It's been pointed out that judging by her measurements, which were very much on record, Marylin Monroe would never get so much as a bit part in today's media unless they wanted someone to play "the fat girl".

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Oh, yeah--I remember a few years back, Elizabeth Hurley was at some exhibit where Marylin Monroe's size 12 dress was on display. Hurley exclaimed, "Oh my God, if I were that fat, I'd kill myself!"

Says it all.

Kallie

Its probably moot since the originator of this thread is long gone. I've been following it since it started and find the continuing contributions interesting. I had a previous post myself from over a year ago. I just read a recent one which brought up a good point. I don't think anything relating to the bdsm scene is different from the vanilla world. Not with regards to looks/weight. Personally I prefer the titless anorexic crackwhore look (without the actual crack). But that's just my personal preference and what turns me on. To each his own. Can't we all just get along!

This is Master's proof that no submissive is either to big or ugly - but just right to the eyes that look upon her.

Master's tehya

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Originally Posted by tehya

This is Master's proof that no submissive is either to big or ugly - but just right to the eyes that look upon her.

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That's a beautiful pic tehya...and i luuurve those chains! :D

Thanks for sharing it.

sl

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Originally Posted by slavelucy

That's a beautiful pic tehya...and i luuurve those chains! :D

Thanks for sharing it.

sl

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Thank you luce! This picture and the one of the nipple device in the Nipple Training thread are the very first ones I have ever shared. Was a little nervous about it, but wanted to join the ranks of the brave and the beautiful... LOL - But honestly, my Master makes me feel as though I am the most beautiful of all women... and isn't THAT what it is all about... Being all we can for ourselves and our Masters. *smiles*

Hugs to you luce...

Master's tehya

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Originally Posted by tehya

This is Master's proof that no submissive is either to big or ugly - but just right to the eyes that look upon her.

Master's tehya

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yes, she is sexy!
:)

mmm nice bum, with a great body to boot

I don't know where you are looking but in real life I have met girls of ALL types into BDSM. For instance, if you are looking at Vogue and thinking that most women are a size 0 and that is a reflection of what is a reality in our society you are going to be sadly mistaken because most girls aren't gorgeous or a size 0. And, I think, you are sadly mistaken here. Have you ever gone to a BDSM or PE club? I think you would be pleasantly surprized that many of the women there are NOT fat and ugly. That would be like saying all Doms are fat old guys... yes some are... especially over the internet... but if you go out into the "real world" you will find that BDSMers come in ALL shapes and sizes.

One of the great difficulties we have in the modern world is body image, and what a good looking body should be.

tehya by modern standards is a larger woman. But, to look at her body measurements she is very close to the proportions of Marylin Monroe, who lets rememeber was a size 16. And to this day, some forty years after her death is considered one of the sexiest women ever captured on film.

Doms and subs only have to remember one thing. Attitude is eveything. The ugliest Dom with the right presence can make the prettiest sub in the world orgasm on the spot.

The least attractive sub in the world can make their Dom's life complete, with just a little smile, or the clouded look of total lust that covers their face. :)

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Originally Posted by Manwhore

Have you ever noticed that many girls into BDSM are fat and quite unattractive???

I beleive many of these women succumb to BDSM as a result of not being able to get any "normal" sex from guys and thus are forced to do BDSM to get attention

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Quick answer: they are not. Look at the pix at this site. Also, before you cap on us, please post a pix of your toned, broad-shouldered, six-pak-ab self.

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Originally Posted by CCBlonde

Quick answer: they are not. Look at the pix at this site. Also, before you cap on us, please post a pix of your toned, broad-shouldered, six-pak-ab self.

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applaudssssssssssssssss :D

The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

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Originally Posted by GaryWilcox

The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

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no clue who that is :confused:

Originally Posted by GaryWilcox
The offending poster bears a strong resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman.

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Originally Posted by myri_SN

no clue who that is :confused:

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Whoa kitten!!!!
You are showing your age, or maybe Gary did with that remark. Alfred E. Neuman was and still is I guess, the name and face behind MAD magazine. Actually if you look at him closely and then President Bush (George W) you can see they were from the same test tube. Just kididng :rolleyes:


SirW

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Originally Posted by myri_SN

no clue who (Alfred E. Nueman) is :confused:

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kitten,

Check out this url (http://www.who2.com/alfredeneuman.html) for a thumb nail on Alfred E. Nueman. Or go on google. Lots there.
I was looking for a picture of him and found this below. I think it is the classic way to picture Alfred E. Neuman.


SirW

Back on topic. :)



I found a great article in the SandMUtopian Guardian (#36) about "Body Size and BDSM". Unfortunately the article is not available on line, but you can purchase the back issue for only $6. The URL is: http://www.aswgt.com/html/sandmutopian_guardian.html

I have excerpted a few lines from the piece that really struck home for me. I would recommend getting a copy and reading all of it. Also I have included the author's sources for his article below.

"Body Size and BDSM", Michael P. Marks, Ph.D.

"Michael Foucault, the late French Philosopher, wrote extensively on the role the human body has played in social and political development in the West over several thousand years”. Foucault’s thesis is that the body is a site where society plays out struggles over power… In his work on human sexuality Foucault argued “that sexuality is not something that people are born with, but constitutes a construct by which society names certain identities and practices as ‘normal’, and then proscribes behaviors that have been deemed illegitimate. Specifically, sexuality is constructed as embodying heterosexual intercourse, with auto-eroticism and homosexuality as uniquely prohibited practices”.
This was later picked up by Judith Butler, who wrote “the homosexual identities, as well as behaviors, are explicitly outlawed by the language that society uses to describe what is considered as the appropriate human condition”. “For Foucault, the body is where society invests itself; the way the body is named, medically treated, punished, and sexualized is a political act. For Butler, society ‘inscribes’ itself on the body through language.” Foucault suggested that the traditional regime of sexuality, which normalizes heterosexual acts and makes all other behaviors deviant, be replaced with a shifting repertoire of what he called ‘bodily pleasures’. While he did not specify this range of activities, Foucault’s followers have suggested that they include things such as gay sex, fisting, and sadomasochism.
The author Marks “believes that BDSM, seen in this light, is by its very nature, an act of political resistance. In doing so people who engage in BDSM activities shift the focus away from bodily objectification, which includes the denigration of people who do not adhere to accepted standards of body size, and re-ploy the language of sexuality against out oppressors”. Seen in this light, “BDSMers have an obligation inherent to resist the normalizing effects of objectification inherent in the dominant regime of sexuality that governs our bodies. Bigotries of any type have no place in our (the BDSM) community. While discussions of body size should be entertained, arbitrary prejudices against obesity are self-defeating because they sustain the oppressive discourse which not only marginalizes people of non-standard body size, but everyone who does not adhere to accepted and sanctioned sexual practices”.
“Instead, a commitment to the bodily pleasures inherent in BDSM permits us to escape the dominant culture’s emphasis on institutionalized normality, and embrace an alternate discourse which has the potential for sexual liberation”.

Butler, J (1993). Gender trouble: Feminism and subversion of identity. (New Your, Routledge).
__(1993). Bodies that matter: On the discursive limits of sex. (New York: Pantheon books).
Foucault, M. (1978). The history of sexuality: Volume I: An introduction. (New York: Pantheon Books).
__ (1980). Power/Knowledge: Selected interviews and other writings, 1972-1977. ed. C. Gordon. (New York: Pantheon Books.
__ (1995). Discipline and punish: The birth of the prison. Translated by A. Sheridan (New York: Vintage Books).

or maybe i am not american :p

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Originally Posted by myri_SN

no clue who that is :confused:

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Sorry 'bout that! I thought the whole world knew that goofy kid. Now you have a visual-- thanks to SirW.

Its amazing how defensive people have become because of this thread. Any dim wit can see that the majority of women that are into BDSM are fat or over weight. Its is purely a fact and matter of observation....to think other wise is to deny the truth.

How many seriously attractive women with good bodies are into BDSM?????
Well the answer is not many. The reason is that the attractive women are capable of enjoying a normal sex life because they get attention from the opposite sex.

Fat and unattractive women do not get attention and as a result have to resort to other "avenues" to get the same attention ie - BDSM.

I'm sure I'll have people shoot me down for saying this.............but before you start typing.......think about it............it does make a lot of sense

Think it might be a good time to look up IP's. Oh, and incidentally... here's Alfred E. Neuman, for easy viewing, myri_SN.

Player, you are out of line, so you are out of the forums.

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Originally Posted by player

Its amazing how defensive people have become because of this thread. Any dim wit can see that the majority of women that are into BDSM are fat or over weight. Its is purely a fact and matter of observation....to think other wise is to deny the truth.

How many seriously attractive women with good bodies are into BDSM?????
Well the answer is not many. The reason is that the attractive women are capable of enjoying a normal sex life because they get attention from the opposite sex.

Fat and unattractive women do not get attention and as a result have to resort to other "avenues" to get the same attention ie - BDSM.

I'm sure I'll have people shoot me down for saying this.............but before you start typing.......think about it............it does make a lot of sense

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I know he's gone... and I've studiously avoided this topic until now... but I feel I must address something. Especially as one of those women that have seen both ends of the weight spectrum scale.

My weight really is not attached to any of my proclivities. In "vanilla" affairs and relationships, only one man has given me an orgasm during sex. I've had fantasies and "leanings" long before I was ever aware of weight.

It just amazes me how many people equate thin with success in relationships/life. Hell I bought into that claptrap for years. Made me miserable when I was thin and made me miserable when I was fat.

That attitude is so amazingly unhealthy for our emotional selves it is unreal. Nor is it easy to combat as long as idiots such as this fellow are around. It's hard enough to deal with the personal challenges of facing the BDSM music without adding in some trumped up notion of another "flaw".

Overweight has nothing to do with BDSM. Being overweight can cause emotional issues which may in turn make a person feel like less than they are. And yes some of those women might seek out BDSM. But dollars to donuts, these women felt the bdsm stirrings long before they ever knew anything about the social pressures of being fat.

I honestly can't say if I know if there are more overweight women than skinny in the bdsm scene. However if there are, it might very well be because the women that are overweight have been flouting "convention" and societal standards for so long, it may have given them additional personal strength to go after BDSM. Once you've thumbed your nose at what society says on such a personal matter, it gets easier and easier to do it with other personal matters.

If there is any one thing that has bearing to my interest in BDSM it would be the emotional abandonment by my father. But then if you were to ask me, I would also contribute my heavier weights over the years to that too.

I get very tired of people like this. People that think in 2 dimensional terms. He might just as well have said that all dominants are insecure control freaks who never got hugged by their mothers.

BDSM is complicated enough. It's not like we need to add in stereotyping and high school psychology because someone can't wrap their mind around human complexity.

"Deny the truth" .... Grrrrr.... Pardon me, but he's an ass.

*Steps off soapbox*

:D

I'm curious if Player has any BDSM experience at all. Seems like he has no clue what BDSM is all about (the allure, how erotic it can be, the benefits) if he thinks the only reason a woman would be interested in it is because she can't get any attention "the normal way." Really seems like he has no idea what he's talking about ... or he'd "know." :)

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Originally Posted by player

How many seriously attractive women with good bodies are into BDSM????? Well the answer is not many. The reason is that the attractive women are capable of enjoying a normal sex life because they get attention from the opposite sex.

Fat and unattractive women do not get attention and as a result have to resort to other "avenues" to get the same attention ie - BDSM.

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Uh...excuse me. Because you're fat doesn't mean you're not attractive. A lot of the girls whove responded to this thread look perfectly allright to me. I consider myself fat, but I alsoconsider myself attractive...and if you, or anyone else, want to dispute that, send me an email and I'll send you a pic of me.
When I was pregnant I went from 97lbs before to 151lbs by the time I delivered. I worked the whole nine months, as a cellular sales rep for a local company. I got more propositions from male clients (and female clients) during my last three months than I did before I got pregnant. And now, two years and another child later, my weight's settled to 130 lbs (for a 4' 11 1/2" frame, it's a lot) and I'm still getting propositioned by guys and girls in the supermarket and in the local adult shop (for some reason, they don't see the gold band on my finger.) So kindly keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.
Also, have you thought that someone has to be extremely comfortable with themselves before they can be comfortable with someone else in a D/s relationship? Those fat girls are usually happy with themselves, or they'd be in anorexia clinics trying to make themselves look like Calista Flockhart. Those that are comfortable with themselves are the ones who are the most fun to be around; would you be comfortable if you took your girlfriend out to a restaurant and she did nothing but gripe through the whole meal about how thin (or fat) she is, and would you be happy say, going to Outback Steakhouse and diving into a 20oz steak while she picked at a spinach salad with lo-cal dressing? Or would you prefer to take out a girl who talked about a variety of subjects, could laugh at her own neuroses, and ate a nice balanced meal that didn't make you look like a pig?
Think about that before you go talking to us girls about looking like porkers. And I'll bet you got some cellulite around the belly, too. Maybe the but and thighs too. Remember, 'let he who is without guilt cast the first stone..." If you don't look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and have zero percent body fat, don't talk.

I've read this thread a few times, and still stunes me people are continuing to post, especially those like Player. Why are people so stuck on how they look? Weight actually has little to do with how healthy you are (unless you are tremendously over/under weight). You can be 50 pounds over weight and still have a healthier heart than someone in their weight range. If you are happy about how you look, screw those who have to result to comments such as those above and by manwhore. If they are only looking at how people look on the outside, they are the ones who will be screwed in the end. By the way girls, I just got a book, Jamima J, recommended by a good friend, and it kinda fits into this thread. Weight issues vs. finding a mate and such. People like manwhore and player give men bad reps. If they are dishing out comments like that, they are not happy with themselves, or too cocky and bigheaded. Just my two cents, take it for what it's worth. From a girl who is considered overweight (5'10", 200lbs) be happy with who you are. If you want to make a change, do it for you, not for anyone else. I would rather indulge in a pasta dinner, with a side salad, slice of cheesecake for dessert, then sprouts and a veggie burger. Enjoy the life you have, don't spend it counting calories and eating cardboard.

Yes ban the little twerp.

My first reaction to player's (great name for a nobody) post was pure anger... then I realized, that was probably his goal in the first place.

Then after I read all the beautiful posts from the intelligent, caring, and insightful people we have here on the forums, his opinion meant less and less! I have placed my needs into the hands of very egotistical people just like him all my life until this past year or so! Always trying to measure up to others ideals of what a real woman should look like...

Well I can tell you what a real woman should look like.... herself! I am drop dead gorgeous, curvacious, hot, sexy, spunky, cute, and oh so damn sweet... and it only took me 42 years to learn that! This is how I will forever more look at myself... and I have Canopus to thank, for helping me realize that. (He likens me to a Marilyn Monroe figure, how great is that!!!!)

So to any out there that thinks they need to look like what someone else thinks they should, i am here to tell you..... You are beautiful!!!!!

Master's tehya

I was interested in BDSM when I was thin. I don't think one's core sexuality changes as their appearance changes. If so, then it would stand to reason that all of the women in American society would turn more and more to each other for comfort as they age, while their just-as-rapidly aging male partners turn to younger and younger women. (Not ALL men act that way of course, but I'm just using that as an example).

Two years ago, after a breakup, I rapidly gained a lot of weight. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I gained the weight as a subconscious means of avoiding being hurt by a man again. "If no man wants me, then no man can hurt me." Blah blah.

I have learned a lot with my new extra 70 pounds. A FEW people at my workplace treat me as if I'm less intelligent, less professional, and less worthy of respect. I can't help but wonder how bankrupt of virtue these husks of humanity are, and how they can stand themselves. I mean, someone has to have absolutely NOTHING going for them if: 1) they NEED to feel superior to others, and 2) the only way they can do that is to weigh less than someone. Pathetic!

That's not to say that I hold it against anyone for not being attracted to me now that I'm not thin. Physical appearance does count. Some people are attracted to people of different skin tones, hair color, height, whatever. You can't rewrite your instincts of who you are physically attracted to, just to be more "politically correct". But there is never an excuse for thinking you are superior to someone just based on how you look. You can be courteous and human to someone without having to sleep with them!

At the end of the day, here is what I think: If being thin attracts people like "Player", then I'd rather be fat for life!

Fat and ugly? Who are you to say that fat is a liability in a woman's attractiveness? For many men - Doms (including myself) and others - large proportions are a distinct asset. The term "ugly" is so objective it's unreal - and it means that those who use that word are blind to the inner beauty of soul and spirit which lies inside so many who don't fit into the fashion-model 'norm' of beauty.
I will not trade insults, but I would gently suggest that you get real.

Ok I haven't posted allot on this forum yet but i've just signed up for a week and I've been thinking about this now so here goes my 2 cents, I dont want to offend people its just my opinion.

First of all appearance does count, i'm 20 years old and I work as quite a succesfull model so I know the importance of looks in our society, therefore I could never have sex with a woman wich im unattracted to. I am a perfectionist wich doesnt always works for me. However there are allot of girls that have the attractive looks but still are ugly ass hell, this is because of the inside of the woman, her personality, wich is reflected on her outside in the way she shines/looks/walks/drinks/laughs etc. (dont know the English word for this).

I'm gonna take this into more of a biological level. Appearance is a way for a woman to tell a man her genes are good. That is why we "the Western World" like thin peope and people in South Africa like fat woman (or men works the other way around as well). This is because in africa having fat shows that u can take care of urself and in the Westen countries it shows the opposite. This is a known and scientific fact wich has been studied. Woman also get more of an ) ( shape when they are futile and ready to mate, us men take this up in our unconciousness and find here more attractive at that moment.
And are more likely to have sex or flirt with her at those days. This is also affected by the psycological state of a persons mind. If a person feels not well they tend to reflect that in their clothing and care for their own body, that is why slim people are looked upon as more succesfull people.

I hope that explains why we (generally) like slim people over fat people on a deeper level...

Now why do I think the're allot of girls into bdsm fat?? First of all I think this is quite overstated but its a fact there are a little more fat people into bdsm then into regular sex.
I think the age is to blame, most girls on the net here are way into their fourties, by then woman get a bit fatter because of age, this is normal and happens with all woman. Yes even the "casual sex" type woman.

Here's the real point, I personally am 20 and attractive however I've not engaged into bdsm to this day. I've been interrested and have read websites since i was twelve though. I've done a bit of bondage (like 2 times soft bondage) but its quite a step to take at such a young age, u doubt if ur toughts are normal and stuff so u keep it to the regular sex. When u mature u will be more open to it and it doesnt matter as much anymore if u'r liked by other girls and woman (or men) the way it does on highschool and beyond. Then u want to fullfill what u always wanted, how u wanted to live ur life. But how do u do this, this is something I dont know how to do, how do u tell the girl u love u want to tie her up and dominate her.. and how to get her into it if she's not? Maybe she'll just think u are a weirdo and leave u. By that tiime u probably have a long term relationship u dont want to waste that easily.

I myself have a beautifull girlfriend wich is not into bondage wich I told her I like, I didnt told her I like bdsm cause she freaked out totally just about handcuffs. So im finding a hard time convincing her.

On the net u are sure the person u meet is interrested in bdsm what would he/she do on this boards anyway?? That makes it easier for woman who lost their relationship but want a bdsm 1 to find it online. Its a shame the're only US sites for this though cause iim from the netherlands :(

So here u got it, u'll find mostly woman on the net who are old enough to liuve up to their fantasies and woman who are seeking a man wich is into domination for sure. This also happens at high age because its kinda scary when ur just 18.


Last point, the're allot of sites featuring very beautifull girls into bondage, these are models but i've read somewhere in a thread they do this just for money is this true?? U think they dont like bdsm? Why dont they just do regular sex sites then?? Can somebody please explain??

I hope I clarified my opinion.. I did not mean to offend any1

Gerben de Oude

Mnemonic, you have some very good points, and I agree with you that older (sorry everybody, but I'm 20 and 40 years old is kinda old...) people generally do have a much more grounded sense in what their desires are in life. that's not to say that younger people can't have the same type of awareness, but I think it is fair to note that people with more experience in the subject of sexuality would be more equipped to deal with issues such as bdsm. As far as your last point/question about models on American porn sites that appear to be doing it only for the money, I believe that is an accurate observation for the average porn star. However, I would suggest to you that you should check out any of the sites put out there by CyberNet Entertainment LLC (hogtied.com, meninpain.com, whippedass.com, wiredpussy.com, waterbondage.com etc..). I am convinced that the women (and men) that star on those sites are truly into bdsm and the like, and also would be considered main stream attractive (in the slim sense).

Man, this thread. Talk about flogging a dead horse!!