This is a thread for everyone & anyone!
Discuss how you got started o/l, and any tips, pointers, ideas, or anything else you can think of that you think might be helpful to pass on to others...
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This is a thread for everyone & anyone!
Discuss how you got started o/l, and any tips, pointers, ideas, or anything else you can think of that you think might be helpful to pass on to others...
After my divorce to an abusive vanilla person (I still have problems using the term "man" to describe him), I was involved, briefly, with a friend with benefits (that is a story in and of itself). He suggested that I go online to meet people, mainly so that I wouldn't think that our "relationship" could go any further. He introduced me to the world of chat rooms. When I first went online I was like a kid in a candy store. I was cybering left and right and got involved in phone sex with strangers a couple of times. I was in the vanilla adult chat rooms and met a couple of men whom I considered actually meeting IRL. None of those worked out and it probably was a good thing in the long run.
After I kind of cooled my heels I starting looking around more online and found the BDSM websites and began to decide what I was interested in, lifestyle-wise. I then went into the BDSM-related chat rooms. My first Master was a switch and also bi. I tried to be really cool about it, thinking that I could handle this, despite the fact that he also had a stable full of subs (more female than male). I really liked him, but I simply could not be a Domme for him, no matter how hard I tried. I also didn't like the fact that his affections were scattered in so many directions and that he couldn't focus solely on me. I really wanted a Master who would want only me and figured that he was out there; I just needed to search for him a bit longer.
My next Master was Gorean and I was a white silk kajira for about a year and a half. I enjoyed my time in Gor, but I realized that I didn't have the energy to do this full-time. I felt that the lifestyle was too restrictive for my tastes. So I begged release from my Master and He granted it. I don't regret the time that I spent with Him, because He was a good man.
There were two other Doms after that, both of whom collared me with the velcro collar. With one of them our schedules had suddenly changed to where he could only be online during the day and I could be online at night. Instead of just letting me go he told me that he had a two week vacation at Thanksgiving and he would think of a solution. That turned out to be for him to just collar another sub and not tell me about it. Another Dom had changed his name for me (instead of the other way around). He was chronically ill and in and out of the hospital, so I wasn't surprised when a couple of weeks would go by and he wouldn't show up online. Then one night I was in a chat room and was checking out profiles of people. This one sub in the room had on her profile that my Dom was her Dom and the name that he had created for being with me, was now the name that he was using when with her. Needless to say, that "relationship" bewteen us ended right then and there.
After all of these online experiences I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be with a Master. And then I met my One. W/we hit it off right away and I knew then and there that I wanted to be with Him and no one else. He was in CA and I was in TN when W/we met online in December 1998. He moved to MI over that summer and when He came back online He declared His feelings for me, and I did the same for Him. W/we continued to chat online, through e-mail, through snail mail and on the phone until W/we met IRL in December 1999. And W/we've been together ever since.
My wife and wonderful kajira Seri begged me for six months to come here.
She begged allmost another six before I decided to see what all the fuss was about for myself.
Thats it in a nutshell.
i am try to explore this lifestyle. i been read stories on this site for years . i got my husband to try get into it but he does not know when to do it or not. i don't want to do it front of my seven years daughter . need all the help we can get
i started by looking for porn lol..of the kind that I liked! and other people who liked the same things :)
the only tips i would have is dont be taken in by all the BS and believe all the crap you read...just use your common sense ignore much of what you're advised to do especially by Dom/mes (sorry to all the genuine people!) take what YOU like and discard the rest!
This way of life is a part of me, of who I'am so I went looking to be a part of it. My journey helped to bring me to this board, now all I seek is a proper pet to take command of.
my first Master directed me to the online world of BDSM, and all of its stunning delights. this is my first time in an online BDSM community, however.Quote:
Originally Posted by delia
Oy, this is gonna make me feel old ...
I first went "online" at sixteen in 1983 with a 110bps modem that could "turbo" to 300bps if the service supported it. To put this in perspective, today's dial-up is 56,000bps -- at 110bps you have to wait for each letter to appear on the screen ... the 80x25 character text screen.
Since the Internet was still ArpaNet and the exclusive domain of scientists and the military, "online" meant paying a service like CompuServe $12 an hour for a connection to their servers.
Online "porn" consisted of text files that could be printed out and viewed from a distance -- the shading of different letters and numbers on the page would make a black and white picture. This simply goes to show that any technology will be perverted to deploy porn, no matter how hard or relatively pointless it is to do so.
Compuserve had a bit of an underground BDSM community that I found and participated in and found the numbers to some BBSes in Boston and San Francisco. A BBS was a privately run Bulletin Board Service -- sort of like the forums and chat here, but run out of someone's house on a single PC with individual phone lines instead of an Internet connection (because the Internet didn't exist); if the guy had six phone lines, then six people could be online at the same time.
I was able to participate at sixteen because nobody really checked ages online in those days. Computers were pretty rare and modems even rarer and the authorities were completely clueless so nobody cared -- if someone was interested, they were interested and that all that mattered.
Once I turned eighteen, I wanted to actively participate in things, which is where the Boston and San Francisco BBSes were a godsend -- my town had absolutely no hetero-BDSM scene that I could find and the gay scene wasn't my primary interest, so the online connections I'd made in Boston and San Francisco allowed me to travel there already knowing people who could show me around. It still cracks me up that I had to go to San Francisco for straight-kink.
Between 1987 and 1990 I ran my own BBS, trying to get a local online community started, but expense of the phone lines caused me to have to shut it down.
By then I'd moved to AppleLink, anyway, which morphed into AOL when Quantum merged their three services: AppleLink, QLink and PCLink.
I've been avoiding posting in this paticualr thread for various reasons, but here goes...
I got started online in vanilla chats back when I was still in highschool, aol and yahoo however didnt really cut the mustard, so I only had very brief exposure.
After finding my current owner and his wife in real life quite by accident and spending a wonderful year with them until they had to move (he was military at the time), I went from one unfufilling D/s relationship to another.
Desperate to find the special someone that would meet the bill so to speak, I went on Alt.com and had a wonderful time for about a month despite all the wierdos and trolls on that site. I thought I had met an awsome couple there, so I arranged to move and meet them in real life.
Allmost three months of hell followed. It was a gigantic mistake that allmost cost me my life, and still huants me still in too many ways.
Part of that story is in the following link:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=15730
But...and its a very big but indeed.... it did ultimately lead to me finding my Owner again, well really he found and saved me, and still saves me to this day.
While living with him I slowly started to recover and I started going online again and reaserching in preperation to go back to school. I stumbled upon this site by accident and decided after serious consultation with my Owner and my therapist, that reading the stories might help me in my therapy, to sort of re-expose myself to bdsm and mabey even help make it possible for us to have/resume that type of relationship.
It worked very well in combination with other therapies.
About 2 years ago my father passed away and my Owner gave me permission to leave and move in my parents home in another state to take care of my mom. So I took my computer with me. One night I found out that this site had a chat room. (I have no idea how I missed that for allmost a year and a half) After talking with my Owner and weighing the pros and cons, (and begging him for the better part of half a year lol, he is very protective of me) he gave me permission to explore with certian rules I had to follow etc. He even did some online searches with me of different web sites to find the right/best one for me, naturally nothing else really compared, we allways kept coming back to this one as the best.
So here I am. As you can see above I finally got him to join as well. (he is anything if not a technophobe) Giggles.
This place has really really helped me alot. The wonderful people here are just great.
Between the constant resolve , love and support of my Owner, the help of some really great Doctors and therapists, and the wonderful people of this sight; Ive not only learned to enjoy Bondage again, I have learned to thrive in my submission to His dominion.
He and I now live down here at my mothers house together and recently married this last May 7th and are in the proccess of selling his house and business back home.
We just celebrated the aniversary of my collaring ceremony this past Nov 9th.
Found myself drawn more and more to bdsm and having more and more submissive thoughts. Took awhile to come to terms with it because I never really thought of myself as the submissive type before. Didn't have anyone to explore it with, so I started reading and researching online. Still haven't gotten "started" in the sense that I've never been in an online bdsm relationship. Not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, in real life, I'm not sure I'd want to be a 24/7 sub...I'd like bdsm to be part of our relationship, but not the entire basis of it. So if I don't necessarily want to be collared to a Mistress IRL, I don't know if I'd want to be online either. But on the other hand, I wouldn't mind meeting someone online who I had things in common with and would become friends with, who could help ease me into things and help me learn about submission, maybe tasking for her and stuff without the pressure of being owned/collared. It's kind of confusing, really. As a male sub, you're often already perceived as being a certain way, but then if you say you don't necessarily want to be a lifestyle sub, there's people that think you're not serious and you're just there for kicks or whatever. But it's hard to say one way or the other just starting out. I could find I feel totally different the more I get involved. Just new and trying to figure things out, I'm sure I'm not the only one. :)
I have a question. And this is gonna sound stupid, but how to you post an introduction?
I was married and bored football widow, after getting married our sex life had dried up and I needed more.. I first found all things BDSM when I started looking for porn online (this was using dial up) -mostly was a few slow loading pics, lots of toplists and text files of stories - reading the stories i realized that lots of people were turned on by "bdsm" and that it wasnt taboo!
from there i found chat rooms and gor and spent several years online in gor rooms, divorced and spent some real time with Masters i met online. After a time online gor got to be too much about silly rules and bitchy fw and less about feeling... so i moved on.
today i play some and think one day my Master will find me
Well that's a story and a half.
I had my first online acct when I was about 10 (AOL) within a year or two, my father took the parent guidance regulations off, because they were ridiculous. So I knew my way around the internet at a very young age.
In my family, sex has never been a secret. My father isn't a very good one, and... well, i knew all about sex and porn and swinging by the time i was 12. Add that to the fact that I was reading college level books by 4th grade... and we all know sex is a major component of most adult literature books... lol. I discovered "cybering" by the time i was 14. And if anything will finish off an education without real life contact, that's it.
I don't know when exactly I discovered kinky sex, I think it was just part of my explorations, and not a big deal because thus far, i had had no reason to think so.
But when I was 16 my first bf was kinky as well. My siblings and I over powered him once and tied him down, for fun. But he took this as something of an invitation and got his revenge later... We never did anything serious, but he sent me a link to a website with stories. The first one I read was "monica's place." Fairly extreme for a newbie, but I grew to like it after a few chapters, and from then on couldn't get enough.
So I was hooked. I had already been on yahoo, so I just naturally turned to their chats to find kink, but most people there are posers. I remember one Domme in particular who didn't have a relationship per se with me, but we talked and I learned a lot. One of the few genuine dominants on yahoo.
I discovered the library when searching for more reading material. And the rest, as they say, is history.
As far as advice? hmmm.
As others have said, take everything you are told with a grain of salt. Expect faults that people show online (especially in intimate relat's) to be worse in person. Pictures are rarely accurate if the poster is looking to find a date. And most internet doms (other than on nice sites like this) are just power hungry sob's that have no interest in your welfare.
I'm not trying to sat that it's all bad, just don't let your expectations get too high, play safe, and try to find a local kink scene to help add to your "education." Because nothing can really replace real experience.
Well I've been into BdSm for over 3 decades- found out that I'm dominant, when I by change stumbled over some bondage magazines. Long live Hom and Harmony.
I got online in the mid 90th and soon found the BdSm pages. After a very evil divorce I took a huge downfall, which I'm still recovering from. A couple of years ago I was very active in some other forums. I'm sure that icey will agree on that. Took another downfall and now I'm here. Sometimes I post a lot and in periods almost nothing
hmmm-I am another one of the oldies, here. I have been on the net ever since civilians were allowed to play here and did my share of exploring the porn sites. I didn't really understand what I was until my first ex started talking with me during my most recent divorce. I believe if we lived closer, he would have been happy to introduce me to the lifestyle in person-lol. As it was, he suggested I start exploring first by going to Alt.com which I did but I wasn't comfortable there. As time has gone on, I have become comfortable in identifying myself as a sub. Then, my current bf made it clear to me that he wants to be dominated and by me. After exploring the idea for a few weeks, I realized I was comfortable with it, but had no idea how to go about it-so, I began looking for a site where I might get some help. I believe i have found it-:)
I only started chatting in 1999 on a vanilla site that had cams and met some really nice as well as interesting people. Unfortunately Yahoo and msn closed its fight and booting rooms and a lot of those people came into our chat and took over. After persisting with it for a number of years I left the site after a woman I new was blackmailed into camming for a guy. I went through a number of chat sites including armature porn chat sites that were monitored and always found I was respected as a guy but it never felt like home but it introduced me to submissive women in real life BDSM relationships. After chatting with them even tho I had a lot of different ideas that I thought were "bad for a guy to be thinking of, I realised I was into kink and my thoughts and desires were for a lot of people just normal. from there I looked for chats and forums that held BDSM content. So here I am, lol.
I have been interested in BDSM now for a yea and met a sub recently that didn't workout. I've also been to my first play party, tho only to socialise (I have found I am far too new to participate in a lot of activities safely just yet).
I found a sub recently and spent some time with her and experimenting with bondage and rope. Even tho The sub and I didn't work out (we just ended up having too many differences) It was a good learning experience as it taught me to avoid trying things that A I'm not ready or lack experience in and to build trust with what we did do.
My main interest seams to be bondage. In particular rope bondage and suspension. Before I ever tied a sub I researched what rope can do to the nervous system as well as respiratory system constriction and affects of blood restriction to limbs.
As a dominate I take on the responsibility for my submissive (regardless of if its just a play partner or my One). The responsibility for her safety is in my hands. I need to know what I'm doing with my ropes and where they are safe to be laid as incorrect position of rope can lead to permanent loss of use in a limb.
The time we have while looking for our One can be a productive time even if its lonely. It allows us to research things of interest and become better acquainted with the things we wish to try, It gives us time to become ready for our One so we are not confused with the wannabes making us stand out further to our One.
I find I'm chatting less and less due to my desire to find my one as well as looking into things I enjoy. These include fisting and forced orgasm's and love watching a girls face as she comes and I try to make her come as many times as I possibly can (the sub I was with said she lost count at 20) and don't mind spending a few hours doing it. Objectification is another line of thought that interests me.
I hope in time I will be in a long term relationship that is fun and satisfying for both of us.
(Maybe 2yrs ago)
I started online talking with a Dominant on another site. it wasnt a BDSM site but it was a naughty site, where they have chat rooms and he saw something in the way i answered him and he was acturally looking for a real time submissive. So we discussed D/s, BDSM and a few other things. We talked for awhile and he started to top me just abit online, he didnt do much online because he wanted something more "in the flesh". So we just started that way. I dont remember what happened exactly but we lost touch, he was a really nice man, but wasnt the one for me at that time.
(bring you guys into the current)
Found this site, started talking to alot of ppl some in the lifestyle in rt..some online and made some really good friends on the stie. Sometime around March of last year, i started to get an itch that i couldnt scratch, i needed to feel it in real time. So i started looking for Munches(Kinky meetings of lifestylers in a vanilla settling), and i found one KFE, a North Jersey Kink Munch, and had to think long and hard if I wanted to go or not. I was so scared and very nervous, I think it took me til August 08' to decide that it was time for me to go and get out into the real life of BDSM...
So from there, ive gone to serveral munches, a few play parties..I havent been able to get to a dungeon yet because of the times that I work. Hopefully later on within this new year, I can get to go to some BDSM related events, I have a few planned.
I am extremely happy i went online and found those naughty sties, and now I totally understand why I am the way I am. Lol...
I read some BDSM erotica years ago ( late 80's ) that made me so hot I think it branded my entire being.
A little bit of time passed and I thought wow, I am just having some weird fantasies and it's nothing more. I am not exactly sure at what point I realized that it was not just fantasy but more the biggest part of who I actually am.
I am married to a really nice guy, but he is just not that into sex at all. I went through a long period where I blamed myself for that. Perhaps it was my fault, I wasnt trying hard enough , maybe he did not find my physically attractive. In the process of accepting who I am, I have also found that not everyone has the same sex drive. If I dont wish for myself to be judged, then I cant turn around and judge him because his does not equal mine.
Left alone to try and satisy my sex drive all of my internet searches were BDSM related, and thus I found another website that I joined a few years ago.
I went mostly to look at photos and get my 'jollies' . Recently there have been some changes in my life that leaves me with a whole lot of alone time and thus was spending even more time ...ummm being jolly LOL
Over the years I dont even know how many times I have seen "Seeking Online" threads, ads etc. Never thought that would be for me, how could that be any more satisfactory than my own self play ? That poor guy/gal cant find anyone in real life...then it dawned on me..I was that poor gal who could not find anyone, whose self play was unsatistfying.
I made a simple post in someone else's "searching" thread, about why I had not looked online, and recieved many PM's ....yea not surprising.
Most were obviously BS, some were I believe sincere....but one stood out. He said all the right things to make me not just want to peek out of the closet and think..maybe this has possibilities, but to jump out entirely nakkid . The only words I really want to speak are, here I am sir, yes sir.
I think my posts are nervous chatter more than anything else, when I came out of that closet it was not as if I were just visiting a strange county but another world entirely. One in which I need to learn the cutoms and language because it is THE world in which I have no doubt I belong. It is not mere images fluttering by on my computer monitor, but that is how my online journey has begun.
I have always been interested in kinky sex... I can remember my first sexual thoughts when I was around 5 or 6 years old... at that time in society, people were not as up tight about children exploring each other... it was a "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" mentality...so.. me and some of my friends would "play doctor." Over the years I found myself interested in porn and after suffering a stroke in December 2005, lost my job because of the stroke, I found myself with not a lot that I could do, due to the limitations of the stroke... I was at home alone a lot... so I started to explore...
I found BDSM Library through another site that specializes in erotica.. after lurking in the shadows for nearly a year, I joined... then I discovered the chat room...
I am in a vanilla marriage with a guy who lost interest in me when I had the stroke... The stroke may have changed somethings, but not my desire for sex nor the ability to enjoy someone intimately.
I am searching for a Master who will understand my desires, wants and needs... one who will accept that for now O/our relationship is on-line to begin with and may move to r/l at some point in time...
There was this seminal bondage site; House of Abductor ( one of the best on the net ). It was about bondage fiction, socializing, and bondage visuals. The site was run by Paige White ( the model & photographer ) and her then boyfriend MA. Most of the bondage industry's who's who was a member there in the past. Professional photographers,models,bondage,damsel in distress enthusiasts, kinky men and women gathered there. Everyone used to comment on each others stuff or leave a post at the personals. I met some lovely, intelligent gals there. So my first online bondage experience came from HoA. I was underage back then. Sadly Paige completely shut down the site.
I'm just starting out, myself, but have always been interested in subbing, particularly restraint. I remember always trying to talk the neighborhood kids into tying me up with a jump rope during games of Cops & Robbers. (Okay, it was the mid-80's. We were playing Knight Rider.)
I've only brought the subject up twice in vanilla relationships, with unsatisfactory results. One guy was just convinced that my proclivities were a result of abuse, although I am quite certain they aren't, and the relationship ended over the disagreement. (I was mostly hurt that he wouldn't take my word for it.) The other was willing to play along, but just couldn't take it seriously and kept alternately giggling and asking if he was hurting me/apologizing. It just wasn't his thing.
I've actually been celibate for about 3 years, and wandered in here one night when I couldn't sleep. Although I'd been reading bondage stories online since I had access to the Internet (I remember House of Abductor, too, Traveller, although I never commented or anything), I can't believe it took me 15 years to attempt to connect with other like-minded people online.
Welcome aboard, amanda. Actually House of Abductor was a huge community & half of the members were usually "safely" ;) lurking in the shadows...
Interesting that you mention the fascination starting from a young age. I have a really close gal friend & she always wanted to be the ransomed girl or the kidnapped princess when we were kids. I was happy to obligue. She was a year my senior and later, in junior high she also introduced the sexual connection to the whole tie up thing. Since then I practiced light bondage with some of my girlfriends & explored the s&m- bdsm side on the net.
just happened to begin at the right time...it's been over two years now and i can't even remember...oh well...i'm here and i'm communicating...:hihi:
I joined this site. That is pretty much all. I can't say I have done anything on this site beyond an occasional post or going into chat and not talking much. This site is my first foray into the internet.
Ok
Where to start.... I was married for some years. Everyday same thing I would go to work come home, have my wife bitch at me for something (dont remember anymore) I always tried to be the Dominant in the house but my vanilla side and I guess my upbringing stopped me from pursuing what I was feeling. Finally about 3 or 4 yrs ago I was surfing the web and stumbled onto a BDSM site. I started to read and read and read... Something in me new that what I was reading explained my thoughts and desires. Long story short my wife and I separated and I started to research what was around me locally. I found a local Munch that I got to know people from. I unfortunately started to travel a lot for work so I started using online communities to talk to like minded individuals.
My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is very much into bondage, spanking, etc. I'll admit, I don't know much about it. We have a few things ie. ropes and cuffs, but I really want to understand it. It means a lot to him and I really want to have a sex life that works for both of us. In my day to day life, I am pretty agressive, but I think I'm a "Submissive" in the bedroom. I'm not looking to meet any partners on here, but I am hoping for some helpful insight from a few nice people. To be honest some of this is a little scary.
Thank you.
invisibullity, you can learn a lot by reading in the forums as well as asking your questions. We're here to help each other in our journey :) Good luck and best wishes
I got started almost two yrs ago online. I was playing around with someone online and they mentioned something about being a dominant, i didnt know what the fuck he was talking about but i was interested. He wasnt really into r/p but he liked chatting on a chat program where i use to hang out. From there i started reading stories on some another story site, and he mentioned a story on this site. Its called "Zero", I personally didnt like it but it got me on the site and now almost three yrs later I am here and slowly trying to get back into the real life of things. *shakes both fists at work and school*
I got started real young. When I was about 12, a high school boy I experimented with was really into it and that's where I got started.
How did i get started online? hmmmm... it's been so long i can't remember. i started off in yahell bdsm chat rooms back when they had those, that's what i did for a few years. Then i took a break from bdsm completely. When i came back i knew i had to start all over again and mostlikely online was the best place in my thinking. But yahell got rid of the bdsm rooms.
So i googled different sites and talked to some kinky contacts i still had their sn's with. i stumbled across this site first and i'm still here, woohoo. i enjoy the topics over here more and the people in general. my online chat friend told me about collarme and fetlfe. i tried collarme, and i'm sure my profile is still over there, but i didnt enjoy it. Too many flakes. i do however totally enjoy fetlife. it has more local events, not that i'm intersted in local events anymore because we all know pgh is a black hole as far as kink is involved.
So my tips for online are as follow (most of them are pet peeves i have, as well as most my friends have, and that i know will make one's life easier to an extent online).
1. don't give out your phone number (publicly post it), dont give out your real name, don't give out anything personal. The whole world can see it, you write it you own it, and you cant get rid of it before the damage is done.
2. Post a photo on your profile. It could be a horse's ass for all i care, it shows you can take the time to post something up that strikes your fancy and is an easier way for people to start a convesration with you and you with them, "oh that's a cool photo....."
3. WRITE ABOUT YOURSELF. filling out a fetish list does not count. Your list of festish is just a list of things you like doing, it doesnt tell us anything about yourself. It also relates back to 2,IF you can take the time to write something about yourself it shows me alot. i took the time to write and post photos, you can take the time to do the same.
4. READ. . . do not go writting a submissive asking if you can be their submissive. i am a switch but i have no interst in owning a submissive/slave. . . i post that clearly, READ what the person you want to talk to is saying. it makes you look good. and if a person doesnt cyber, or anything else that they took the time to post they DONT do, please don't ask them to cyber/ect with you.
5.Do not post: i'm new, teach me, please. way too general. best suggestion: google is your FRIEND, use it. flip thru this site or fetlife and look at some terms people use. Fire play, knife play, breath play, impact play, bondage. . .. the list goes on forever (see the kinky list). read about those and figure out if your in general interested in learning more about that area of play. Then ask a question. That helps us to help you. "hey, i was thinking about knife play, but i wasn't exactly sure what it all included, could someone help me out and explain what they know about knife play?"
6. There are some dangerous people out there. . . in the detroit area some guy was killing submissive women. There are also some dangerous women out there men, so don't think just cause youre a guy youre safe. With the internet the same safety rules apply. IF you are looking to go from online to real life, remember: common sense should NOT go out the window just because something kinky is involved.
i shall stop there. . .it's past my bed time and i'm sure everyone is going: raven, stop fucking bitching already. . . i think i'll go read Oz's post about rough fucking for my bed time story today.
~j~
there was no one that i new in real life that wated to dominate me so i looked on line and strated reading the stories on here and those made me want to find a online femdom the search is still on.