Public Displays?

Hi, I'm somewhat new to the Ds scene, and I'm in my first relationship where it is prominent. My sub, jules, and I have been talking, and one of the things that came up was basically what sort of public displays of dominance or submission can we each do? There are a few things I can do as the Dom to show her, like holding her wrist instead of her head, leading her around, one light playful spank, things like that. But we were hard pressed to come up with something suitable and discrete that she can do in public to show her submission to me. Does anyone have any ideas or comments on this? Also if anyone has any good ideas of what I can do as a Dom in public, those are appreciated as well.
Thanks all
Adam

Although some of this isn't relevant, certain parts of this thread immediatley came to mind when i read your post:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1079

As i said, it may not all be relevant, but i think you'll find some of it helpful.

HTH :)

sl

I can think of a million things to do, in just a restaurant alone, to demonstrate dominance and submission, and still have fun being well-mannered, even gallant, with your submissive. Some of what I'm suggesting is meant for a special event, like an anniversary.

I wouldn't take this as a step-by-step instructions, either, even if I write them out that way. Think of it as one approach. I'm sure some of the fulltime Dominants and Submissives around here have vast improvements to the idea.

Note: this is a M/f scenario I'm suggesting. While I think it would work okay in some communities as F/f, I'm not sure M/m or F/m would work, as it requires unconventional gender roles in a public place with no guarantee of acceptance. (Would love to hear a F/m or M/m take on the idea, if any female Dominants have ideas.)

First of all, most of these ideas don't exactly work at Arby's, or even Applebee's. Fast food doesn't have the formality to work within the role of D/s. Even Chili's, Outback Steakhouse, and the like fail to provide the right atmosphere. You want smaller, more intimate restaurants for this kind of experience.

If this will be a special night and you have the kind of money to really make the most of the experience, start by getting her measurements and picking out an appropriate dress, with matching shoes and choker. If you can't get both, don't bother-- the shoes are vital to the dress. You want something classy but daring, as that will bring more attention to your submissive.

If you're like me, and on the lower end of the economy, try finding a choker to match the color and style of a favorite dress. Chances are, she's got the shoes to match that dress. If she tells you she doesn't, or that they're in poor condition, prepare to buy new shoes. That's just the way it is.

Plan the night in advance, and tell her to make arrangements so she can be certain she will be off and free for the late afternoon and evening. Have her report to you as late afternoon approaches, bringing the dress, shoes and choker as you desire, or present them to her as a gift, if you purchased them yourself. If you don't have a special date in mind, you might plan it as a benchmark of the progress in your relationship-- a reward for obedient service.

Tell her to prepare herself for a night out, and to be ready in time (for the ride to the restaurant and the night after, but you don't have to tell her where she's going-- fear of the unknown is a yummy treat unto itself). Meanwhile, you can do those things you need to do-- grooming yourself and confirming the reservations with the restaurant. Doesn't hurt to mention that it's a special night. The maitre d' is as human as anyone else, and might overbook; establish a rapport with the person on the phone, using their name in the conversation, and showing the proper respect are important to making the night go smoothly.

I would definitely recommend you ask for a table with some privacy. If the D/s goes as planned, some curious idiot might come over and try to engage you and your sub in conversation. Use common sense. It's a public place.

Cryptically instruct her that when you arrive at the destination, she is not permitted to hold conversations with others, and is only to make eye contact with you. That's very hard to do in a busy social setting like a restaurant. If you both like a little punishment in your relationship, establish punishments for breaking the rules. She should also avoid physical contact with others. You will help her out of the car, into her seat, out of her seat, and back into the car.

When you arrive at a restaurant, the usual rules of good manners apply, for both of you. If there is valet service, instruct your submissive not to unlock her door until you have handed over the keys to the valet and approach the passenger side of the car. Be polite if there's a doorman offering to help her out, but dismiss him and do it yourself. That's the last time in the evening you should intercede on her behalf. She should avoid the contact as instructed and look to your for commands.

Don't give her a menu-- pick her meal out yourself based on the kind of activity you plan for later that night and usual diet restrictions. Demand good posture and eye contact.

There are further ways you can take this... plugs, vibrators, kneeling and apologizing for mistakes... and you can plan these to the nature of the relationship. I would recommend keeping any physical contact to a minimum, and certainly, you don't want to order your submissive into position for a spanking and have the restaurant owner remove you from the restaurant...

That sounds like a wonderful night, Gary. And I can think of other things to add to that. You have set my imagination on go. =)

Thank you sincerely to those who have replied to far with ideas, but I am thinking maybe I worded my original questions wrong. A vanilla couple can walk through the mall (lets say the mall) and hold hands, or kiss eachother, and doing these things show they are committed to eachother. What I am more looking for is things like that, something that jules can do for me in public to show her submission to me. I, as her Dom, can hold her by the wrist while we are walking around, and other things, but these little things are more of what I am looking for, although Gary definitly had a great night planned, and I'm sure we all as Doms have thought of a night similar to that. And lucy, thank you for the link, it had some great tips on keeping jules in line ;)
Thanks all.
Adam

Oh! : smacks forehead : Here's an idea for you, then.

Dress her, take her to the mall, and have her walk a certain number of steps behind you with her hands clasped behind her back, as one display of submission. She should not be allowed to talk to strangers or answer other without your permission. Do not dress her in ways that will get either of you arrested or assaulted, naturally. When you sit down for a rest, say, in front of a fountain or some other crowd drawing area, have her sit at your feet and draw herself around your leg, like a slave-girl from a Conan cover, resting her cheek on your mid-thigh.

That just sounds like a good exercise-- whether it will suffice or not, I couldn't say.

SIGH! Gary, where have you been all my life! :p :D

My sub and I have enjoyed the following:

Keep in mind, BTW, that we live in New York City area, so you can get away with quite a bit....

1) I require that she wear an impossibly short miniskirt in public, and then periodically finger her in front or back as we walk.

2) While riding in the car, I pull her panties down to around her knees and leave them there. We get some very interested looks from people passing in trucks, minvans and SUVs.

3) I require that she finger herself, or I finger her, fully exposed, as in the above.

4) I require that she have an "accident" and wet herself in public, then walk around all day in that state.

5) Wearing her little miniskirt, having her sit on a park bench with her legs spread, and sitting nearby to watch the looks that she gets while I enjoy her humiliation.

6) Keeping her collared and leashed at all times in public, and walking her that way.

7) Sitting in the park, and requiring that she sit at my feet on her knees, with her hands behind her back and head and eyes cast downward.

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Originally Posted by Adamoverjules

Thank you sincerely to those who have replied to far with ideas, but I am thinking maybe I worded my original questions wrong. A vanilla couple can walk through the mall (lets say the mall) and hold hands, or kiss eachother, and doing these things show they are committed to eachother. What I am more looking for is things like that, something that jules can do for me in public to show her submission to me. I, as her Dom, can hold her by the wrist while we are walking around, and other things, but these little things are more of what I am looking for, although Gary definitly had a great night planned, and I'm sure we all as Doms have thought of a night similar to that. And lucy, thank you for the link, it had some great tips on keeping jules in line ;)
Thanks all.
Adam

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There are several small things that you could do but they might not be noticed by the public. Many of these would only be noticed by active participants in the scene. The smallest things would by how there head is placed. My mistress has placed the rule that my head is never to be held as high or higher then hers. Me owner enjoys showing me off in public making it blatantly obvious that i am her slave. She walks me on a leash, sometimes she instructs me to walk ahead of her and to go to where I feel like going only to give me sharp jerks on the leash attached tp a correctional collar (which is a collar with prongs pointing into the neck) I am never to sit at the same level she is. If she is sitting on a ledge or bench I am to be seated at her feet clinging to her legs, or occasionally kissing her legs or feet if instructed to do so.

o hmm ive done that with the correctional collar before in a formal setting (though it was someone i wasn;t involved with- they just needed some quick training :) ) neways...


...what about loose handcuffs/something that binds the arms together? or even the legs? handcuffing the person to you (or one of each person's arms to each other) can be amusing too, just make sure you have the key handy

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Originally Posted by midnightsky

o hmm ive done that with the correctional collar before in a formal setting (though it was someone i wasn;t involved with- they just needed some quick training :) ) neways...


...what about loose handcuffs/something that binds the arms together? or even the legs? handcuffing the person to you (or one of each person's arms to each other) can be amusing too, just make sure you have the key handy

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I have had my hands tied together and led around by that strap... so yeah handcuffing would work. It can get complicated though. The reason being that i live in las vegas and she decides to do this on the strip where there are an ungodly amount of people so i cant really fall behing or else people would get caught in the strap.

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Originally Posted by midnightsky

o hmm ive done that with the correctional collar before in a formal setting (though it was someone i wasn;t involved with- they just needed some quick training :) ) neways...


...what about loose handcuffs/something that binds the arms together? or even the legs? handcuffing the person to you (or one of each person's arms to each other) can be amusing too, just make sure you have the key handy

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Would people (mainly police) let you walk around with handcuffs on or being lead around by a leash in public? Not to be pessimistic or anything but I am just curious as to how that would fly in public.

-Topper
:confused:

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Originally Posted by muhshilltopper

Would people (mainly police) let you walk around with handcuffs on or being lead around by a leash in public? Not to be pessimistic or anything but I am just curious as to how that would fly in public.

-Topper
:confused:

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My mistress does it to me all the time. It freaks people out but we haave never expierienced any problems. Sure some people are assholes and will say something to the dom/domme and sub but they can't do much about it. It is not breaking any laws. The laws also depend on what state you live in. If you are interested but live in a state that oppresses many sexual acts you might want to make sure there is no law against public humiliation.

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Originally Posted by Adamoverjules

...what sort of public displays of dominance or submission can we each do? There are a few things I can do as the Dom to show her, like holding her wrist instead of her head, leading her around, one light playful spank, things like that. But we were hard pressed to come up with something suitable and discrete that she can do in public to show her submission to me. Does anyone have any ideas or comments on this? ...

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Something I do for my boyfriend sometimes, at least when it is not snowy outside is to walk barefoot next to him. On the street, at the mall, even church! It is a hardly noticeable display of submission but the significance is deep. Believe it or not, no one has ever commented on it!

The walking with a sub on a leash thing; I think I'd feel really daft in public. You must get everyone staring at you? I don't think I'd do it in my home town, if at all, but at the same time it's exciting. Please, you folks who have done this, tell me more about it, it's a very interesting idea.

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Originally Posted by AndrewBlack

The walking with a sub on a leash thing; I think I'd feel really daft in public. You must get everyone staring at you? I don't think I'd do it in my home town, if at all, but at the same time it's exciting. Please, you folks who have done this, tell me more about it, it's a very interesting idea.

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Yeah people stare....but i am used to that. I have a 12 inch green mohawk and that tends to draw attention more then walking on a leash. If you are going to do it...if you are the Dom.Domme thenjust make sure you don't care if negative attention is drawn towards you. if you are the sub...well...deal with the humiliation if any is derived from it. heh.

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Originally Posted by AndrewBlack

The walking with a sub on a leash thing; I think I'd feel really daft in public. You must get everyone staring at you? I don't think I'd do it in my home town, if at all, but at the same time it's exciting. Please, you folks who have done this, tell me more about it, it's a very interesting idea.

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Again, bearing in mind that I live in the NYC area, where the unusual, while not commonplace, does not get the same reaction as it might in a small town in the Midwest.....

Reactions vary, from no reaction at all (from the vast majority), to

1) Stares from people we are approaching.
2) Those same people turning around after we have passed them to stare some more.
3) Giggles, outright laughter, and finger pointing
4) Comments, such as "Oh, shit...look at that"
5) Comments and questions directly to the submissive, such as "Why are you wearing a leash?" (to which she is instructed to reply "Because I am the property of my Master") or "Do you like being out in public this way?"

This is not, obviously, an activity for everyone, but only for those who enjoy public humiliation play.

Also, it is probably not advisable to do this in a place where you may be recognized by someone you know, unless you are open about your relationship and the lifestyle it entails.

I do not know I could walk a submissive on a leash in public either. Especially, in my area. I would either be arrested or bombarded with "hate actions". Being in a small area, people wouldn't take too kindly to such actions.

I've seen some FREAKS in the mall, but never anyone leashed...just collared. Maybe someday I'll get the titanium balls to do such. ;)

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Originally Posted by muhshilltopper

Would people (mainly police) let you walk around with handcuffs on or being lead around by a leash in public? Not to be pessimistic or anything but I am just curious as to how that would fly in public.

-Topper
:confused:

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umm im pretty sure some police saw me and a guy handcuffed together...they didnt care where i was at the time as long as you werent causing a distrubance etc. they would however have a problem with it in the city i live in (other was a place i was during the summer) cause the town is small and really really conservative.

I havent had problems ever with guys on leashes in formal/nonformal settings (past maybe being told that they should take it off).

well thanks for all of the responses,
I guess I will have to think about it a bit more. I think that I may feel uncomfortable the first time around just like anything else (BDSM or not) but after that I would get more used to it.

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My Master does not allow any resistance in public. He is very thoughtful but also will not hesitate to slide his hand up the back of my long skirt, at a business party or anywhere else and put his fingers inside me and keep that hold. i have taught myself to ignore my immediate impulse to move away from such an intimate touch in public. After a year has passed with my training on this...it is my honor to have my breast openly touched/held...or my nipples badly sqeezed..or his finger inside me holding His place. Something more mild is always practicing the positions which is easily done in public and only another D/s would recognize it. I always have my hand clasping my wrist behind my back...when standing or walking...even when He holds my hand...standing with feet flat and ankles together..good posture : straight back..breasts forward..eyes cast down. When sitting...legs together...palms flat on the lower thighs...Always asking permission is very important..(Master may i drink please..may i eat please..ect..may i pee please)If he uses a public restroom..i wait outside the entrance in full position , sometimes instructed to have my backed turned to the public...He always cuts my meat or anything large on my plate when we go out to eat..into small bitesize peices..and infact , practiced this when i took him home to meet my family. I find you develope your own strategies to satisfy your needs for this ..and they soon become your rituals..and would be heartbroken without them.

Theirs a number of things you can do in public, there’s been a significant number of comments and suggestions made. Two I didn’t see made were under clothes bondage and corsets. Public play can be highly erotic.

To me, a number of these suggestions I find highly disturbing. I live in a reasonably large area, (Long Beach California) as well as a reasonably liberal area. But some of these suggestions I’ve heard I find utterly repulsive.

Learn Humility, let me ask you… as I pass you by in my minivan and my 11 year old son sees your fingers buried between your subs legs and everything else she has, what am I suppose to tell him?

I just because this is fun and erotic for you doesn’t mean so for everyone around you, to force your lifestyle on others is no different then them forcing there dislike for it on you, neither one is correct. Play in public is extremely exciting and fun for everyone involved but like anything else in this life style do it responsibly not just legally.

I must admit that I'm a bit jealous of those who live in a place where being lead in public on a leash wouldn't have the real and morality police beating down their door
I think however, you were probably looking for some actions that were a bit more discrete. So, thought I'd just give you a few ideas Master and I have used or seen implemented by others.

Instuct your girl walk only on your right side, one step behind.
Have her open doors for you.
Don't allow her to sit/stand until you have first.
Have her ask permission to leave your presence.

When out at a restaurant:
Order dinner for her. This can actually be tricky sometimes. I've seen so many instances where the waitress will turn to me after Master has ordered the main part of my meal and begin asking me questions such as what kind of dressing or potato I'd like.
Don't allow her to begin eating until you have.
If you drink coffee, have her prepare your cup for you. Adding the right amount of sugar, creamer ect.

Hope those help just a little. :)

I agree, there's lots you can do in a restaurant, or out shopping.
for an evening out, ringer is in 5" spike heels, thigh highs and a very, very short "fuck" skirt (doesn't cover her ass, and when in the spikes, it almost doesn't cover her pussy either), NO panties, a sheer blouse, NO bra, and a collar. The heels get instant attention anyway, but they also keep her walking slowly which only rivets all eyes on her. As you might guess from her handle, she has nipple rings, a clit/hood ring and two inner labia rings. When she walks, you can hear the pussy rings jingle (another attention getter).

I usually get a booth at the restaurant (Bennigans, Chili's) on the back side. the skirt is split up the side, and is held on by only one snap at the waist. After sitting down, she knows to remove the skirt, fold it up, and place it on top of the table. The only thing covering her pussy is the napkin. Depending on the mood, I'll also have her undo the blouse, a button at a time, on my instructions. If we get a good waiter, I'll also have her open the blouse a bit and show some cleavage (as if you couldn't see it already !!). If things go well, she might even have the front of the blouse open to her aureola, or nipples.

On one particularly good evening (late I must add), the waiter cued his manager in on the game. In the credit card folder that they bring the bill in, there was a note explaining that he liked what he saw, and that the manager was cool to it also. He'd taken the credit card to the register for processing, and the manager came up to ask how the dinner was. I was the one to be surprised when the manager turned out to be female !! She gave me some discount coupons and encouraged us to return as often as we liked.

It may take a bit to get your sub trained to perform this far, but it is well worth it.
jtiggr

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Originally Posted by jtiggr

I agree, there's lots you can do in a restaurant, or out shopping.
for an evening out, ringer is in 5" spike heels, thigh highs and a very, very short "fuck" skirt (doesn't cover her ass, and when in the spikes, it almost doesn't cover her pussy either), NO panties, a sheer blouse, NO bra, and a collar. The heels get instant attention anyway, but they also keep her walking slowly which only rivets all eyes on her. As you might guess from her handle, she has nipple rings, a clit/hood ring and two inner labia rings. When she walks, you can hear the pussy rings jingle (another attention getter).

I usually get a booth at the restaurant (Bennigans, Chili's) on the back side. the skirt is split up the side, and is held on by only one snap at the waist. After sitting down, she knows to remove the skirt, fold it up, and place it on top of the table. The only thing covering her pussy is the napkin. Depending on the mood, I'll also have her undo the blouse, a button at a time, on my instructions. If we get a good waiter, I'll also have her open the blouse a bit and show some cleavage (as if you couldn't see it already !!). If things go well, she might even have the front of the blouse open to her aureola, or nipples.

On one particularly good evening (late I must add), the waiter cued his manager in on the game. In the credit card folder that they bring the bill in, there was a note explaining that he liked what he saw, and that the manager was cool to it also. He'd taken the credit card to the register for processing, and the manager came up to ask how the dinner was. I was the one to be surprised when the manager turned out to be female !! She gave me some discount coupons and encouraged us to return as often as we liked.

It may take a bit to get your sub trained to perform this far, but it is well worth it.
jtiggr

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Eather she was a Domme (Top) and wanted your slave or was a sub with out a Mater and wanted to be used and put on display like yor slave was.

I have to agree with Merrioc. Being a teacher, my community/town, would not stand for seeing me being on a leash or leading someone with a leash.

Also, I do not feel you should subject the public to your own sexual taste either. Merrioc is right, try explaining a leashed or exposed slave to a child under the age of 12. "Mommy, why are those woman's boobs showing?"

There are excellent, discreet ways to humiliate submissives in public as mentioned in those thread.

Just my useless 2¢ :)

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Originally Posted by PoeticSnsualDom

Also, I do not feel you should subject the public to your own sexual taste either. Merrioc is right, try explaining a leashed or exposed slave to a child under the age of 12. "Mommy, why are those woman's boobs showing?"

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Right. After all, it's hard enough to explain to my life partner's kids what that man and that woman are doing with their faces stuck together, why their brother was shipped off to die looking for weapons of mass destruction in a place that hasn't had them for years, or that the constant violence streamed into their consciousness from daily television isn't real. Not to mention that if they shoot Johnny down the street he won't:

A. Be saved by some over-paid actor/ twit in a white coat who has no idea as to the difference between systolic and diastolic blood pressure

B. Avoid the bullet like it was part of a dodge-ball game

or, C. Rise from the dead as a zombie

But tell us, kittenfemme, how do you really feel?

I can see both sides of the "flashing" issue. As a middle-aged guy, "Thank you, mam. Your contribution is greatly appreciated." As an uncle to a not-yet-5-year-old, I don't want to have to explain that sort of crap.

I think Gary's idea is a nice compromise -- do it somewhere children should not be found. A high-class restaurant, a movie theater (showing PG-13 or R rated films), a wedding (anyone who takes a child to a wedding deserves any discomfort that can be imposed upon them), a bus or subway after 10pm. Hell, after 10pm, practically anywhere!

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Originally Posted by kittenfemme

Right. After all, it's hard enough to explain to my life partner's kids what that man and that woman are doing with their faces stuck together, why their brother was shipped off to die looking for weapons of mass destruction in a place that hasn't had them for years, or that the constant violence streamed into their consciousness from daily television isn't real. Not to mention that if they shoot Johnny down the street he won't:

A. Be saved by some over-paid actor/ twit in a white coat who has no idea as to the difference between systolic and diastolic blood pressure

B. Avoid the bullet like it was part of a dodge-ball game

or, C. Rise from the dead as a zombie

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Very well said, kittenfemme. :)

I agree that some precautions should be taken in order to prevent children from "seeing too much" (like don't take your slave on a leash walk past an elementary school during recess), but if the worst thing a kid sees is a D/s couple being safe and consensual in public, that's a lucky kid.

I'd rather explain why somebody is leashed than trying to explain the above examples any day.

It would be kind of like having the general public seeing me walk down the street wearing my ceremonial robes (for those who don't know it, I'm a witch) and burning incense and chanting invocations to the Goddess. It's something that could be just as easily done at home without drawing attention.
It's also kind of like having Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door and attempt to spread their 'good news' in a place/to a person who neither needs, wants, or welcomes that particular worldview. If you're doing D/s activities in a place with children or otherwise 'innocent' persons, you're kind of forcing them to witness your worldview, flaunting your different view before them. And if you are doing that, then they aren't going to like you any more than they like those door-to-door preachers, and instead of fostering understanding and tolerance for your way of life, you're just irritating others and confirming their belief that these sorts of things shouldn't be okay. activity between consenting adults should be carried out between/among consenting adults, and not where anyone can see them.
(My apologies to any Jehovah's Witnesses out there. I meant simply to use an example, and you happened to be the ones I thought of, since I received a visit from two Jehovah's Witnesses last week. They were extremely persistent about my taking one of their bibles and pamphlets and talking to them later again. Even though I made it clear I wasn't interested.)

I'm editing an article that appeared in our local newspaper last week. It's an Associated Press article, but it happened fairly near to where I live.

"A couple who bared themselves during a boat parade for charity last month have been charged with public lewdness.
"After the September 18th parade...[the organizer] received several calls from angered spectators. One of the spectators provided a video tape of what happened.
"Troopers used [the tape] ...to identify Ricky E. Setzer(34) and Cindy M. Cramer(29), both of Brewerton.
"Police claim the video shows Cramer topless and wearing a string of Christmas lights as she spanks Setzer's bare butt.
" 'We've been doing the parade for ten years now, and of all the things I've tried to ensure against...it never in my wildest dreams occured to me that I would have to make sure that people didn't go dancing in the nude...in a kids' parade,' said organizer Patti White."

Well, that pretty well illustrates my point of view.