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about your submission, to you?
It can be as small as having confidence in yourself to be naked in front of them. Or it can be as big as giving up that trust. I know a few of my hang up about submission are silly and seem childish. But when i get advice from others here at the library they tell me they were worried about the same things. So to restate my question, what was the hardest thing for you, about your submission?
To date - admitting it and still knowing there are/will be far more challenges to come.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon
never thought about this one but now that i do i completely agree with you,thanks!
The hardest part. Hmmm. I think just admitting it to myself and accepting it was hard - I spent a lot of years denying that I was wired this way.
After the acceptance, the hardest part was/is dealing with the need. The vulnerability. Understanding that He wants that from me, that He won't turn me away in it. Or turn away from me. I still struggle with accepting that needy, wanting, vulnerable is exactly what He wants from me.
The hardest thing for me was not being naked in front of him. I'm quite comfortable being naked in front of just about anybody. It also wasn't play. I'll play casually with people I've never met before, albeit in a dungeon setting with a dungeon monitor. I trust people I probably shouldn't in that regard, but I don't worry much about my body. *smiles* The hardest thing for me was trusting him with what's on the inside...my heart of glass. He had it in his hand before *I* was ready, and I fought to get control of it before he could break it and ended up breaking it myself. *smh* It "only" took me 1 year with him, 6 months without him, and a month back with him to finally see that he *can* handle me and *wants* to handle me. I don't need to "protect" myself from him. I actually find the idea quite absurd now.
*blushes* I think that was TMI.
i agree totally in what simon said
I'd have to say admitting that somethings I do actually are wrong, and not whats in my best interest. Changing bad habits, and allowing him to help me. I hate accepting help, yet he's always had a way of offering without making me feel bad about it.
And tied would be the constantly changing relationship. It requires lots of communication, and I've never been good at sharing my feelings. At least not the really deep ones. I'm still learning to recognize feelings when they happen, and tell him right away. I have a lot of work ahead of me still.
Nice Red... because for a chicklet who is all "out there" and full of opinion and self assured and even sassy (all good things, no knocks)... it's really nice to see what makes you blush... :rose:Quote:
Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead
i tend to worry over little things more than most probably do but even though i have only begun to fully submit to my Lord (online now:::Real life later) it is both terrifying and exiting to feel myself transforming; being broken down to nothing only to be rebuilt as my Lord's perfect slave..... and the idea of letting go of the person i have grown up to be (until now) is unsettling, but i trust my Lord more than anyone in the world to take care of me and help me through this "rebirth" because i love my Lord......
i hope this helps if it is something you have worried about or think you may worry about....
bree
Submitting - getting over my pride and admitting that I need Him.
Thanks for all your comments so far, i guess the things im "scared" of are very low on the todem pole compared to everyone that has commented. I guess that all stems from my body issues. Im not scared to let him have my heart, nor am i scared to trust, also im not scared to let that guard down either.
I guess im just scared of doing something wrong, or in the wrong way. Or saying something wrong, not answering correctly. Also, the way i look when im doing the things that are demanded of me. In my mind, he can tell me ten ways til sunday that i am the most beautiful woman hes ever seen, but i still wont think that i look sexy kneeling or crawling or things of that nature.
So then let me propose another question, does anyone or has any other submissive felt this way? Had theses problems, or fears? I guess the same question could go for a Dom, was he ever fearful that the submissive wasnt going to take him seriously, or was he fearful that he was going to say something wrong, or do something wrong?
*sighs* so many questions!
I can sympathize with the body image worries- i'm perfectly comfortable running around naked, but that doesn't mean i'm convinced that i look sexy, especially after all the things that mess up the carefully prepared appearance!
Personally, my biggest issue is letting him find his way. He is exploring his dominant side, and i think he enjoys it (especially the part where he can tell me to make videos etc) But i have to bite my tongue from saying 'no you're not doing it right!' sometimes. It doesn't help that i'm bossy (in general) when i'm not eager to submit and do whatever makes him happy.
(an example, yesterday i failed to do one of my tasks, and i was genuinely disappointed in myself, but his response wasnt what *i* wanted, and what to me didnt seem like much of a punishment (a mild admonishment and a threat of punishment when he sees me - a month from now) made me less eager to do as i'm told...)
heh. i think the hardest part wasn't discovering it--it wasn't even admitting it, really. the hardest part is the "what now" part. there's times when i actually feel two sides inside of me battling, the 'submissive side' and what i like to call 'the side of logic'. one is based completely on my own assumptions and connotations, the other is based on what assumptions i have about what is viewed as being an objectively 'normal' reaction and what isn't. [pff i don't know if this makes sense, but i'm trying hard here]
however, i'm not sure if submission for me is the final result, but this struggle i referred to, one side battling another--and every time the submissive side wins, at least in a D/s context. Therefore, the difficult part of it is actually submission itself, for me, personally, allowing myself to go through the battle, every time, and discovering new things about me that other times shocked and other times reassured me.
i'm not really afraid of what my Dom--or, indeed, any Dom might do to me. What really scares me is what else my own mind will come up with to make me stumble and reflect and wonder about who i am and what my purpose in this life is etc. etc. etc... Right now the biggest difficulty is finding out [and, to be completely honest trying to manage] how _big_ a part submission pays in my life. I started out thinking of it as a sexual thing, i mean, some rougher kinky sex, but the more i think and the more i feel, the more it comes out that i need it to be a bigger part of me as a being.
[because i read it and re-read it, and then read it some more, i do believe that the last part i poured my thoughts over was really trying to say is that up until now i thought of my submission as being a role. now i'm discovering it's part of my identity. and yes, that terrifies me]
i'll shush now.
Great question, S.
It's always, always a fight with my pride and allowing myself to be humble and vulnerable, and to allow myself to really feel it and not just go through the motions. I feel burning shame that I let my (vanilla) self go so far, but I'm learning that it's just what my submissive self needs.
I used to find my own cunt an absolute traitor to me, but it tells its own truth.
Of all the things I have had to overcome with other dom/dommes and myself, my fear, ignorance, angst, pride, you name it the list goes on and on.
They all pale compared to having to overcome the feeling that when my Owner looks upon me he doesnt see all the terible things I once endured at the hands of others.
That he doesnt look at me as a broken shell of a woman, that it wasnt just pity that filled his eyes that when he looks at me.
That I can more than trust him.
That we can see each others souls and know that when I look back all I will see in his eyes is love.
The hardest thing for me and it took me a VERY long time... was coming to the understanding, realization and acceptance that my Master has every right to do whatever he wants to do...period. Whether that means doing whatever he chooses to do to me, or whether it mean fucking the girl who lives 2 doors down...or my best friend. It is not my place and is just NOT acceptable for me to attempt to stop him.- Whether that's through words (begging), manipulation (tears), anger (being sulky)... whatever. When I agreed to having no rights... wow... I have never regretted it for a minute, but I also had no real understanding of where that choice- my last one- would lead me. That is why, though I am a BIG advocate of consentual non-consent for slaves- I really urge ppl to think it through very, very hard before doing it. I've known ppl to sign their very lives away to such agreements with such little thought. It's scary. I always say- imagine the absolute worst nightmare you have regarding what your Dom could choose to do if given true absolute control... if there's no way you could live in that worst nightmare you should not do this.- In that case, stick with your basic hard limit, soft limit, safeword, rights and responsibilities D/s arrangement, because you have to be prepared for anything and everything with consentual non-consent.
i can thuroughly promise you that ALL subs feel that way, but i think that it is a trust thing..... you have to be able to trust that your Dom will give you constant feedback, but if you dont believe that your Dom is then POLITELY ask him if he would.... but i honestly dont think you will have to ask though.....
hope this helps
bree
Quote:
Originally Posted by Submit2Dom
Your right i didnt have to ask, and i didnt even have to ask politely *smiles* thank you
Hi All,
This is my first post. I've been here a few times before but never joined, I wasn't going to post but felt that I had to post after bip0lar's post.
I'm in the same position as bip0lar, (after a long vanila relationship which ended badly.) I've know for along time that I needed more :4: from a relationship, but I need to find the right person to share it with.
I think there are lots people who strugle with similar thoughts, but we all tend to look at our selves a lot more criticly than anyone else does.
If your Dom cares about you as much as you imply, I don't think thoughts like that even cross his mind.
:cayvvotg:
Apart from the struggle to actually accept myself as submissive and move past the associated shame, the actual act i have the most trouble with is using crude words about myself.
It seems like a little thing, but i found, and still find, it hard to use words such as cunt, slut etc when my Master told me to. i have never minded him using them - i love it in fact - but i still sometimes choke as i try to get them out of my own mouth.
hardest thing? hmmm
For me the hardest thing, is believing that my owner SEE'S all the things that I don't like about myself. Things that I don't find acceptable or attractive, and loves me anyway. From body issues to bad hair days, emotional baggage and family issues. HE loves me and there isn't a thing about me that he finds repulsive or unlovable. Just accepting that is probably the hardest thing I've done in my life to date.
Wow yes I agree here, a lot. I struggle with this one, and am still tempted to sit a certain way, or wear certain clothes... It's rare these days, but it still happens. I can't believe he loves me anyway!Quote:
Originally Posted by SUBtly_shy
The hardest thing about submission for me was the trust to believe someome actually wanted me .. needed me.. to trust he wasnt going to leave me... many Close people in my life have left me for one reason or another.. in my vanilla life i am often described as cold hearted and having no feelings.. this is b/c i have numbed myself to pain.. but when i became HIS.. i had no choice but to open up to him, to trust him with how i felt.. to ask him for help.. to learn that he WANTS me to be needy to depend on him.. i wont lie it is nice to give up control.. but the more control i give him the more it scares the hell out of me, he may leave me.. i tried to run away from him a couple of times (so to speak).. telling him he deserved better, i was too much to deal with, etc... he always would write back telling me he knew what i was trying to do and that i was only hurting myself.. he actually made a comment the other day that i was "almost half as needy as he wants me to be" lol ... it made me wet knowing i had been improving and therefore pleasing him but at the sametime in the back of my head i am thinking ... MORE NEEDY i dont think i can get any needier lol... and then on top of all this i too have issues with my body.. Master knows i do and tells me i am beautiful and gorgeous but i dont believe it.. i actually got punished once b/c he gave me a compliment and i said oh Master you dont mean that... he said i will learn to take and appreciate a genuine compliment and my nipples would serve as a reminder to that... nonetheless they were a lil sore after that incident... so anyways for me the hardest part of submitting was trusting my Master with my feelings and that he wont leave or hurt me once i do.
I have similar difficulties. When I am submissive in my fantasies, I am really being submissive in a way that is all about ME. Being submissive to a real person is much harder. I must work a lot more to keep my motivation, eagerness, and discipline.Quote:
Originally Posted by SauvagePouline
i am going to have to agree with you on this one, i have the same problem. I have pushed him away (or at least tried) so many times, saying the same thing you did, such as "you deserve better" and "you cant handle me, its better if we just stop". But i guess we will always feel this way until its plainly clear that they wont leave, and we should stop pushing them away bc in the end, would we really want them to go?Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky#13
my biggest problem is giving up control....knowing that i have to but lacking the courage to do so....in my r/l i have to be in control, im a single mum of a teenager, but with my Master its so different...i have loosen my grip on some things, growing my hair etc but not on more important issues....hopefully with time it will become easier, but atm its still very hard
the hardest part of my submission, and it has brought me to tears even now, was when he made me quit drugs, i went crazy, but he was there for me. even after i nearly killed the both of us in psycotic breaks, he still loved me and i was his slave.
I'll keep it simple.
The hardest thing is giving up control. Its not hard sexually, just hard in every other way - and yet, so fulfilling.
I posted my fear immediately, before reading any responses, simply because I thought I knew what my biggest fear was. After reading through the posts, this sentence hit home for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by bip0lar
My biggest struggle in submission is having my radically left-wing, uber-feminist self try to justify why she wants to serve a man.
The hardest part for me i'm still going through. Master and i were in a vanilla (with BDSM sex) relationship for six years. i found that i needed to be submissive. It's really hard for me to give Master the control over everything when we have shared it for so long. i automatically want to help make the decision or do something my way, when His way is law. i don't even realize sometimes that He does things differently than me until i do it wrong. It's hard for me to give him the control even though i deeply want to. He is learning how to take it though. :) Also, i'm having problems keeping motivated to do what he asks. Sometimes i feel he's not noticing what i'm doing so i stop, and then He thinks i don't care which makes Him not care.
And the biggest issue i am having right now is accepting that His idea of TPE and mine are quite different, and that even though it was my idea, He has needs that need to be met for Him to be my Master.
for me the hardest part would be....knowing that i am different then most, yeah there are alot of kinky ppl out here, but no one is like me, that i am a different type of submissive then most..not better, not worst just different. That i am who i am..and i cant change it...that i want to be involved in the community, but afraid...that i am naughty..but very shy....that i want to service and be a good girl for my Daddy but sometimes a brat..lol..thats hard....but always handing over that trust, as jeanne and a few others have said..feeling vulnerable, knowing that i am laying so much on the lines, from my submission, to my heart...and my body and mind.....makes me scared, as i am sure it does for a few others...but knowing that He(Daumon) has my best interest at heart, and that he wouldnt do anything without running it pass me, and respecting my opinion on it...
being a submissive is hard at times but we find the strenght and the drive to want to submit to someone who will take care of us..no matter the bases for the relationship!
The hardest part about my submission was finding someone who made me want to submit. Once i met Master it was all very simple for me. It just feels like something that i need to do.
The hardest part for me so far came today, actually.
We just had a weekend together and He went home yesterday. He was very tired & needed to recover, sleep and feel better. Honestly, so did I but I am at work.
The NEED for him is the hard part.
I love him. I worship him. He's my heart and my breath. But I had not realized just how much I depend on him because he has never NOT been there before. We talk every day, for hours. On the phone and on messenger. Not having him today was just... unbearable. And I was upset with myself for needing him so badly. I wanted him to get well, why was I being so needy when he needed time for himself?
He has been reassuring me, telling me he loves that I need him so much. That he loves me.
I have never needed anyone this much in my entire life. I'm very much an independent woman.
*sigh*
This will take some mental gymnastics to get used to. :D I'm sure there will be more challenges to come, but this was the hardest one to date.
I could have written this a year ago. In fact, I may have! :D Thanks for sharing, and for reminding me how far I've come.Quote:
Originally Posted by BryansGrrrl
I'm more comfortable with the need now.
After reading through this thread i'm not sure anymore what was or is the hardest part. I thought it was admitting my submissiveness to myself, but other things seem to be just as hard. Like calling myself names or being separated from Master when he's on business travels abroad.
But i learned that as hard as those things might have been, i managed to go through them. Or at least i'm learning how to deal with them. And that gives me a lot of confidence for the future.
I agree with a lot that was said in the above posts. Maybe the hardest part for me is believing any one would want me. Me with all my flaws, with this huge body of mine, with all my hang ups and insecurities, with my inexperience, with my resistance and smart mouth, with my self-centeredness, with my laziness.... well you get the idea no need to bore you with the inexhaustable list of my flaws.
Next to that is probably living the reality of a relationship as opposed to my extensive fantasies
I don't know yet, because I haven't had a real experience.
I have to say though, that Claire gives me hope.