The "Schools of Thought" on Training
While it is quite simple to ask the question "Why would someone want to train in DS without having a relationship first?", the answers are not always so simple. The fact remains, however, that a lot of people are far more comfortable "training" in an impersonal, objective, more clinical environment. Why? Because some people are not looking for realtionships; they are looking to learn to be dominant or submissive without the extra added baggage of forming a lengthy relationship or emotional connection.
"What's the point of this?" you ask? Well, there are many points to it. Mentoring, that is training in a non-relationship, non-emotional setting, is an excellent way for someone to learn the skills expected of them, or required of them, in order to further their personal level of experience, gain knowledge on subjects or skills about which they do not know or understand, and to learn certain practices and experiences for a more experienced partner in a "safe" and objective setting.
So, what does all that mean, then? It means a lot of things, really. It means that a person, dominant or submissive, it doesn't matter, can be taught by another dominant or submissive (dominant teaching dominant, submissive teaching submissive) what a potential owner might expect of them, what a potential DS partner might require them to do, or basic skills that a DS partner should know before entering into a relationship. Training also allows for the dominant or submissive to learn how to use certain types of equipment safely, assume certain positions flawlessly and without thinking, build confidence to give an order and stand by it even in situations where the submissive partner may be somewhat reticent, and/or for a submissive to experience certain types of situations, mundane, painful or servile, so she is prepared for her role in a DS relationship, when she so chooses to enter into one.
"Yeah, fine, but I want to train my own submissive." Okay. Go ahead. No one is stopping you. Obviously, by reading the responses in this thread, training isn't for everyone. Or rather, some people assume it isn't for them. When a person can look at their DS training and realize that it can prepare them for future relationships and events, it makes sense that it can be done, and likely should be done. Much for the same reasons that a mechanic goes to trade school or works on cars for years before actually becoming a licensed mechanic; to learn the skills necessary for the trade before getting the actual job. The same goes for DS training. A submissive, for example, can be trained by a dominant or another submissive in some very basic things, like how to kneel properly, how to sit properly, how to properly serve tea, or coffee, or food, without the trappings of a serious relationship, or sex, or comitment. A mentor can just be a person that another person that is interested in DS visits to begin his or her learning until he or she can get into a confortable DS relationship of their own. In fact, having a mentor can make DS more comfortable for people that don't quite understand all the elements of it, again without the pressure of being in a comitted relationship, assuming sexual contact will happen, or with the "expectation" of being pleasing to a partner even if the training isn't coming along quite like they wanted.
Being taught objectively can have some great benefits. The teacher can objectively offer, monitor and enforce expected training activities without their judgement being clouded by emotional response, and without leniency. The subject can objectively receive strict training while maintaining chastity and fidelity (if the training is at the request of another, possibly more experienced, partner), without worrying that they are displeasing to their partner, and while receiving strict, consistent and unwavering discipline.
Many more experienced dominants will often suggest that their potential submissive partners that are inexperienced receive some kind of training from an objective mentor (almost exclusively this is someone known and trusted by the dominant partner) in order to slowly and comfortably bring the inexperienced partner's level of experience and understanding up to a level where the more experienced dominant partner may work with the inexperienced submissive partner without frustration, or the uncertainty of inadvertently piling too much experience, discipline and knowledge all onto the inexperienced submissive too quickly.
"But won't that mean I might not be learning what my dominant wants me to learn? Won't I instead be learning what the mentor teaches me?" Not necessarily. If the dominant partner knows the mentor, he can give certain instructions to the mentor for certain types of training or specific activities to be taught. If the inexperienced partner is the submissive, and this is most often the case, then the mentor might not even be another dominant. Many dominants are content to allow a submissive to train their submissive partners. In the case that a dominant wishes to be mentored, the mentor is almost exclusively another dominant.
The instances of dominants mentoring other dominants are not all that uncommon. Many dominants in BDSM/kink/leather communities learn from watching, assisting, or learning directly from other dominants within their community. In fact, in the sense of SSC relationships, it's probably better that a dominant does learn from someone that knows what their doing, rather than trying to learn everything on their own. It is irresponsible for a dominant to assume that, just because they are dominant, that they know the ins and outs of all the equipment available to them. Certainly, a TENS unit comes with an instruction manual, but I wouldn't want to use one unless I knew someone that could show me how to use it first. When dealing with something that could be potentially lethal to my submissive partner, I'd want every bit of knowledge I could garner firsthand before even considering making an attempt. The same could easily be said for a variety of things: fire play, asphyxia, needles, injections, cupping, enemas, and a whole host of other fetishes and kinks could be better taught by a mentoring individual than they could by a book.
So, why would someone want to "train" in DS without having a relationship first? Why wouldn't they want to? For the most part, it can't hurt. It could even make a person a better dominant or submissive for their eventual partner, when that day comes.
