To Let Go or Not??

First I would like to thank you TG for suggesting this idea! A few people here know my story, some know just bits and pieces. So..to get the answers that I need I will tell all now :eek: Did I say all??? Okay all joking aside...I met my Dom almost a year ago online. We met on another site that was not BDSM related. In my introduction , however, I had written some things that made him realize that I might be submissive, although I had no clue that I had submissive tendencies. We e-mailed on the site at first, then moved up to messenger and mostly did a lot of flirting. (Btw, I was married then and still am, and he was aware of this! I do plan on leaving my husband, but not for him. I will leave him because I no longer love him as a wife should love a husband IMHO) One night on messenger he asked if I wanted to be his "little love slave"! I immediately answered yes without knowing the first thing about being a slave or sub. (Yea I know, stupidity and naivety will get you screwed in more ways than one!!) He asked me if I had ever had a Dom before, and I was honest. He told me he would teach me all I needed to know. The problem was he never taught me much of anything. I never got a checklist, although he did ask about certain things I would or would not do. One of my hang-ups was anal, as I hadn't done it often and only enjoyed it once or twice. More on that later. Eventually we moved up to phone conversations, and may I just add that this man has a voice that will make you sooooo hot! And I was hot each and every time we spoke. Finally I was instructed to send him fantasies by e-mail every week. They had to be my fantasies and not what I thought he would want to hear. I did okay at first, according to him. Then I was asked to visit him! OMG, I have never been so nervous before in my life! I had someone to call me after I got there to make sure I was okay and all, but it was still stupid of me. Yet he was so kind, so sweet, yet stern when teaching me how to respond or something. And he had the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen, and such a sexy smile. Our first scene or session or playtime...whatever it's called was him forcing me to have multiple orgasms! I truly thought I had died and gone to heaven! The sex was great too! It was quite an experience! He wanted me to come back soon and I wanted to. But there were times he would have to cancel due to work or I would cancel due to a kid's dentist appointment or something. I have always found it very difficult to think when I'm around him or even talk to him. I forget appointments, work, home, everything! He has such power over me it seems and it is quite scary at times. Well eventually as months passed he started to critisize my fantasies, saying he wouldn't do that or be into it. This hurt as they were supposed to be my fantasies. So I soon quit writing them saying I didn't have the time. Maybe that's when it all started to go downhill. If I didn't have time to do something he wanted then why should he make time for me? Oh and I did tell him how he had hurt me by saying those things, but he said he was just commenting on them. :dunno: So, now we rarely talk on the phone or messenger. An occasional e-mail I might get if he is sick or if work is canceling plans we have made. I send him an occasional IM on messenger and that's it....until right before Christmas. I had decided that this was not going anywhere and that I possibly felt more for him than I wanted to. I also felt those feelings would never be returned. So I wrote a "Dear Dom" letter. I also told him I had talked with people here who felt that it was probably hard for me to let go being he is my first r/l Dom. Huge mistake! He immediately sent me a text message saying we needed to talk, but when I tried to call.... no answer. So I did nothing and eventually about three weeks ago he let me know how angry he was for coming to this site. He feels that people come here to meet others to play with only. I explained that I come here to learn mostly, but have made some good friends! And I have! He said I shouldn't tell people his business or mine. It should only be between he and I. I had not heard from him for two weeks until today...well yesterday now! After posting a response to TG's "Who Really Has the Power in A D/s Relationship", I got ready for work and after leaving home, cut on my cell phone. Lo and behold I had a text message AND a voice from him! He wanted me to call him when I got his message. And yes, I did dammit! He wants to see me this week, and I told him I would go. He has always said if he doesn't want to see me anymore he would tell me. Maybe that is what he plans to do or maybe he just wants to go on like nothing is different. So gang....what the hell do you think??? Do I keep hanging on to this and take what he chooses to give me? Or do I somehow grow very strong and let go? I simply don't know the answer anymore. I know how I feel when I am with him and it is very good! I also know how I feel when I go for so long and hear nothing...it hurts! So to get the good I must endure the hurt??? Doesn't sound right to me or healthy, but what the heck do I know??

All comments and suggestions are eagerly encouraged and welcome! Please :help: :confused:
Ltp

I know this is confusing and long...but that would be my life!! Also as to the more on anal...we tried, he's huge and it hurt like hell and he did stop when I asked. Oh yea...nothing about a safe word has ever come up in this "relationship". He told me in the beginning that he had only been with two other subs before. So maybe he needs to come here and learn??? Jost wondering.....

Prolly to be continued more later....lol!

ltp, he dosen't sound very caring or considerate to me. I don't understand why he wouldn't contact you. I know he's given you potent sexual experiences but if he's not respecting you it's not so good. Considering that there are buckets of Dominants/Men out there, I'm sure you can do better.

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Originally Posted by AndrewBlack

ltp, he dosen't sound very caring or considerate to me. I don't understand why he wouldn't contact you. I know he's given you potent sexual experiences but if he's not respecting you it's not so good. Considering that there are buckets of Dominants/Men out there, I'm sure you can do better.

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*points up*

What he said. Just reinforcing.

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Originally Posted by learningtopleez

All comments and suggestions are eagerly encouraged and welcome! Please :help: :confused:
Ltp

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Dump him! I'm speaking as someone who was shit on from a very great height but I was too blind and too enthralled to see it coming. His demands on you are too excessive and he sounds like he is giving up nothing for your relationship.

This is all a little complex to go into here but I had a four year relationship with someone who attached what I thought were excessive conditions and I told her why I thought they were excessive right from the beginning. I was straight as a die with her but looking back I guess she was a suspicious and a cynical person. However she wouldn't bend and in the end I gave into her conditions which involved leaving my wife because I was crazy about her. Once I had fulfilled her conditions she then turned round and said she owed me nothing and that she didn't want my wife's cast off. Giving into her conditions cost me my relationship with my daughter, I had a breakdown, it cost me at least $200,000 and probably more, I daren't count, certainly it has put my retirement back several years. She however, was putting nothing on the line. I never even got an apology from her. She rationalizes away what she did to me, saying she had flawed ethics. Well No! Her ethics might have been flawed to have anything to do with me but to tell me to basically 'Fuck off!' when I had met her conditions was just her being an EVIL BITCH! She also said she had changed her mind about me some six months earlier doh! Why didn't she tell me that six months earlier? Why didn't she tell me when I told her I was going to fulfill her conditions? Probably because my latest estimate of her being an EVIL BITCH is about right.

So I would say DUMP HIM before he shits on you anymore. He has given you enough reasons to walk away. Don't be a stupid naive fool like me. The irony was when I had my breakdown, my wife was the first person to come to my aid. Sometimes you just don't know what you've got. Love, infatuation, call it what you will, makes one blind. Get rid of him. There are plenty more blokes out there.

Before I met this woman, I hated no one. Now I find part of me is an angry bitter person and I hate having those emotions, it ruins ones enjoyment of the world. So I say it again. Get rid of him, go through the hurt but in the future you will probably look back and think it was a wise move to walk away.

LTP,

In my experience, a D/s relationship is balanced only when all parties involved are happy and getting what they need. Your fantasies are very valid and should be heeded, even if he is "not particularly interested" and to insult them is very callous of him.

I can only relate from personal experience as there are things that TG likes that I don't particularly care for (intrest wise) but since I do not find them revolting, I am willing to do them. As you said, anal is not enjoyable for you. I can sympathize. It isn't my favorite either and ever since having my daughter, I have not been able to do it without a large amount of...discomfort, but I am willing to try and 'fix' that problem. And TG is willing to do things that aren't particularly stimulating for him, like giving me writing and reading assignments. If I had a fantasy, I am sure that he would go out of his way to give it to me (within reason of course).

One thing you did say kind of hit wrong with me that makes me perhaps fear for your safety. It was when you said:

"So I did nothing and eventually about three weeks ago he let me know how angry he was for coming to this site. He feels that people come here to meet others to play with only. I explained that I come here to learn mostly, but have made some good friends! And I have! He said I shouldn't tell people his business or mine. It should only be between he and I.

This, to me sounds dangerous as in he is overly possessive and he is trying to dictate who you can speak to and share your personal life with. It is your life and you should be able to share it with whom ever you choose. You are a human being and not an object. And, being human, you have the right to share and communicate with others. What I fear for you is that he may have the feeling or idea that he must possess you completely and if he feels that you may leave him, the "If I can't have her, no one will" attitude will show up.

Maybe I am being paranoid, but I would rather be paranoid than dead. I would suggest that when you meet, do so in a very public place. If anything feels off with him, if his demeanor has changed, leave.

My ultimate advice is to break off any sort of relations with him. I don't mean to be alarming nor am I trying to instill fear in you, but I have a bad vibe about this.

... and make a few realizations.

First off, of course the sex is great. It's sex with another man, who you have not been married to for X amount of time. It's also "forbidden" sex, so that just makes it all the better. Plus, it's sex with someone you don't know very well, giving it that mystery man element. So, of course it's going to be good... for awhile. Then the mystery wears off and suddenly he's just another person. Judging by your reactions and his, this has already happened.

So, what does he do for you? Does he respect you? Is he considerate of your feelings? Do you trust him? Do you feel like he really cares about you and your feelings?

You've answered most of these questions already in your post. You know what the answers are. So, here's the real question:

Do you feel that you should meet him again, or continue your relationship with him?

Ultimately, the decision is yours. You have to make it for yourself. We can give you advice and we can give you instruction, but whether or not you follow the advice and instructions you receive is completely your prerogative. Just be sure to ask yourself the right questions and answer yourself truthfully.

What is it about him that appeals to you? What makes you think he's any different or better than any other dominant man out there? If you don't feel he's very knowledgeable, then would a more experienced dominant not be a better choice for you? Or perhaps one that is willing to learn? Finally, if he's trying to isolate you from this community without actually knowing its purpose or trying to understand it, what does that say to you?

Answer those questions before you make your next big decision.

I want to thank everyone who has responded thus far, whether here or in PM's. I honestly appreciate the care and concern from all of you! You are all right about this. And yea TG, I probably did know the answers before posting this, but I guess I needed to hear it just one more (or several more) times.

Thanks Andrew and craftygirl! No he is not considerate nor caring, except when we are together. But in between counts too, at least for me. For him I don't fit in anywhere...he actually said that to me once.

ProjectEuropa...I'm so sorry you had to go through that!! No one deserves to be treated that way, not for any reason! Not you and not me! He hasn't asked me to leave my husband for him though and I don't think he would. I would be leaving my husband whether he was in the picture or not. That's another story that could last another fifty pages...lol! Sorry to open old wounds for you, but I do so appreciate your caring enough to respond.

Thanks FF...I will heed your kind advice as I too choose paranoia over death.

TG...You always ask the tough questions don't 'cha?? No he is not better than other Doms although I have met only one in r/l and that would be him. So as far as meeting someone and knowing them he is it, and I don't feel I know him that well for a whole year to have passed. The Doms I have met here, as friends (and sometimes to flirt and play!) have treated me better than he has. Yet all the ones I have met are taken or too far away, so that leaves me in the cold. Of course I'm sure I haven't had a chance to meet everyone, so who knows??

Thanks everyone and I'll let you know what happens when I call and cancel. (Please pray for me to have the strength to do that!)

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Originally Posted by learningtopleez

ProjectEuropa...I'm so sorry you had to go through that!!

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I suppose I should have seen it coming but I thought so much of her and had so much faith in her, she had never given me any reasons to doubt her integrity up to that point. I should have put that in my posting because I meant to add, the man you are talking about has given you every reason to doubt his integrity.

*Walks in giveing ltp a big bear hug of dooooooooommmmmmm!!!!!!!*

*echo echo*

It's time to leave.

I had a part time dom that thought he was up to full time snuff. But he wasn't. Everything was on his terms. And that's not how d/s works. There is a give and take.

My asshole left me hanging for weeks at a time too. Because of work, his mother, his daughter, his kitchen sink, his aunt's hamster... etc. Yes I'm being flippant. But those weeks without him really taught me what abuse is about. Neglect is just as much a form of abuse as a punch in the gut.

Your guy sounds very selfish. Nor does he really sound like someone that is truly dominant. He sounds more like someone that is trying to hold onto dominance with white knuckles, a desperate grasp. Real dominants don't have to do that. It's within them, not something they have to strive for, struggle with.

I invested more into the relationship than I ever should have. There were red flags I should have heeded. Just as there were red flags that you should have heeded. The only thing I can say for myself is that at least I finally did act on them. It was a learning curve. A steep one.

And yes it hurt. A lot. It hurt during the relationship, at the end of the relationship, and it even hurt letting him go. It still hurts a little. But now it's one of those melancholy twinges. I get angry sometimes with myself for those twinges, but that can't be helped. Time heals all wounds and time wounds all heels.

For me, the highs were very high. But the lows were very low. That made it all the more difficult to let him go. The times we were together were heavenly for the most part. But in the end... the highs weren't high enough and the lows too low. There was no balance.

It's a shame that for every good dominant there seems to be so many bad ones. It really makes it hard. But I guess one thing I've learned from my adventures is that there has to be an element of realism to d/s relationships. If you build castles in the sky... they'll fall. Castles need to be built on terra firma. Or better yet, give me a nice little cottage with a play room. ;)

I imagine you've learned and will continue to learn a great deal from your experience, and with time you'll learn a great deal more. Regardless of what your guy says, this place is an invaluable resource. It's what got me through my darkest days.

Any dom that you have in your future should at the very least respect your needs as a person. That means taking time for you and not being selfish. So often we get so involved in our d/s relationships that we lose focus of the relationship and just focus on the d/s.

It can't be that way. Any partnership that stands the test of time will have an equal focus on both. A d/s relationship is still a relationship. The things that make a healthy relationship also make a healthy d/s relationship.

All the things TG mentioned - trust, respect, consideration, communication - those are foundations that must not be lost sight of because of the d/s element. And also like TG pointed out and like you've admitted... those elements don't seem to be present.

Nothing is ever guarenteed with relationships, but we can hedge our bets by looking out for those pillars. My new credo is relationship first, d/s second. So far... it seems to be making me a happier person. :)

I seem to have wandered all over this post, but I hope I have given you some perspective of time. What once was, what is now and what can be.

And it's nice to know for me personally that I've been able to come far enough from my experience to even post what I have. I guess I'm not hopeless after all, eh? :D

ibid ditto

LTP its hard to add to the wisdom of the previous posts. So let me quote a little Franklin "Those things that hurt, instruct", "Love concidered mearly a passion, will naturally have but a short duration..." and "Men and mellons are hard to know".

******scooping up a big bucket of warm Florida sunshine and sending it to you to warm your winter heart****

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So I did nothing and eventually about three weeks ago he let me know how angry he was for coming to this site. He feels that people come here to meet others to play with only. I explained that I come here to learn mostly, but have made some good friends! And I have! He said I shouldn't tell people his business or mine. It should only be between he and I.

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I have to reply to this section, and say that this is not the way that someone who is supposed to care about you should be. I think I can sort of understand the only between you and he part, after all, some things can be considered a bit too personal... but the rest of it.. oh man. For example, my Dom, albeit online only, has said to me that he understands WHY I need to be here. He knows that I need to learn and talk to others. I need to do this. He's concerned I might get hurt, but he understands. That's all I ask, and it's not much is it? So why should it be any different for you?

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No he is not considerate nor caring, except when we are together. But in between counts too, at least for me. For him I don't fit in anywhere...he actually said that to me once.

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Oh dear God hun, get out and get out now. ::shudders:: That's no way to speak to anyone, let alone someone as awesomely nice as you... please, leave, now if not sooner.

::hugs:: I care hun, we all care, but like TG said, ultimately the decision is yours. Decide wisely, that's all I ask.

A dom(me) should encourage you to ask questions and find answers. I encourage my subs to look around (and always suggest this forum since i thinkthis is BY FAR the most accurate) and ask here or me (or both) if they have questions.

Get out. yes, it hurts emotionally. But dont let him pull any of the emotional bs (you need me/i need you, etc)- as others have already mentioned you can't let yourself be abused or pushed around by him! It's just not worth the risks.

LTP, i'd have to say i'd probably agree with everyone else, he isn't a good person, for you personally, as a dom or as a person. However, when someone can be charming and, as TG points out, sexually appealing, it's so very, very difficult, so i hope you find the strength to make the right decision and stick to it. Try to focus not on how he once made you feel, but how he makes you feel and worry now, because i wouldn't mind betting that negative thoughts like worry, unease etc currently outweigh any good.

Goodluck and we're always here for you to come and talk to, sound off at etc.

*big hugs*

sl

Well I did it...not with all the "This isn't working out" speech...but I canceled our meeting which was to have been today. After reading all the responses from everyone, several times over, just to make sure there wasn't one bit of hope in there...(and I guess seeing it all written out in black and white helped too), it just finally hit me. He does not care about me, he is not considerate of my feelings, he is actually rather rude and selfish and he isn't even good at being dominant. Plus he never even went down on me!!! :eek: The most wonderful thing in the world and he never even did it! :mad: I've never had that problem with any other man in my life...so I have decided that this guy has some major issues.....and I really don't want nor do I have time for that in my life! Plus I deserve better! So I called him from work during an unusually quiet afternoon (Tuesday actually). He answered (probably cause he didn't recognize the number!). I asked, as I always do, if he was busy and got a very stern Yes! So I told him my car was in the shop and I couldn't make it! He asked me to call him later that night when he would be home, but it got super busy in the ER and I didn't get off work till 2am! So someone was watching out for me, because I didn't get a chance to call and he didn't leave a message (and still hasn't), so I was not tempted to call! I was actually pissed off all over again because he didn't leave a message, which has since proven to me what I have already said! Now I know you're all thinking...well that doesn't solve anything Ltp! But... I plan on writing him an e-mail and letting him know that this time I'm done. I'm not gonna be nice or put any "I hope we can still be friends" crap in there. I'm just telling him what I feel.... I'm not getting what I need and I don't want to see him anymore. Let him figure out the rest! Or do ya think I should not write? Wouldn't that make me rude as well? So that's where it stands as of right now, and I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang! :D

ProjectEuropa: Your absolutely correct Sir! He has no integrity!!

Nightstriker: Thanks for the bear hug Sir! But I think I will skip the doom!!! :p

Pandy: When I first joined and started reading here on the forums, I read about you and your PT Dom. I responded, (I think) cause some of this had already started for me then!! I'm very happy for you and proud of you! You are now the teacher for those of us that have been through an experience similar to yours! Thanks for all the great advice hun! I very much appreciate it, especially since it brought up bad memories for you. And I just love the pun on words..."Time heals all wounds and time wounds all heels" Nuff said!

Dngnkeeper: Your sunshine is due to arrive this weekend!! Thank you Sir for the wisdom and the warmth! :)

Babysub: Thanks hun for the hugs, sweet thoughts and advice! :yourock: Love ya!

midnightsky: Thank you Ma'am for your kind words...your right, it's not worth the risk!

slavelucy: As always you just seem to get it! Charming....he was that! Notice I said "was"!!! Thanks for the hugs hun!!

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Originally Posted by learningtopleez

But... I plan on writing him an e-mail and letting him know that this time I'm done. I'm not gonna be nice or put any "I hope we can still be friends" crap in there. I'm just telling him what I feel.... I'm not getting what I need and I don't want to see him anymore. Let him figure out the rest! Or do ya think I should not write? Wouldn't that make me rude as well? So that's where it stands as of right now, and I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang! :D

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Write him and tell him why. Though just don't take any crap like. "I will be better" or anything like that. From what I have read and when we talked it seems like he is no good for ya.

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Originally Posted by learningtopleez

Nightstriker: Thanks for the bear hug Sir! But I think I will skip the doom!!

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But without the doom!!!! it is just a simple bear hug. Sides after takeing the doom!!!! you can then pass it along to another, and it can start a doom!!!! cult.

Yea a doom!!!!! cult would be awesom. We could all sing the doom song.

*Begins to sing in as high a voice as I can muster.*

Doom doom doom, doom doom doom doom doom, doom doom doom

Good for you, ltp! Stick to your decision! I could not add a thing to what everyone else has said - but I completely agree that you should make your break. This man shows no concern for you at all, and the longer you stay attached, the harder it will be to leave. I'm so glad you did not meet him - you go girl!!! :congrat:

You deserve a Dom who is considerate of your needs, and does not ridicule your fantasies. There is one out there for you!

I wish you luck.

G

Crikey...well done, LTP, it is SO hard to let go of a relationship, even one you suspect isn't fair or good for you...especially when it's tied in with sexuality...i have a serious amount of respect for you for doing it.

i'm tempted to suggest just not writing to him at all, but you're right, that would be to bring yourself to his level, just write and tell him you're ending the relationship, i'd definitely not suggest being friends, it gives him a chance to get his foot back in the door and hints at a weakness that he could exploit. Plus, who the hell would want a friend like that, you're far too good for him, even in a friendship capacity.

When you feel that gap in your life for a while and miss him (not meaning to sound depressing, but you will)...come and read this thread and talk to us lot.

Love

lucy x

Even though I didn't get any honorable mention in your last post :bawl: , I say you should write him. If nothing else, it will give you closure. What you certainly don't need is lingering emotional doubts or the feeling that some things were left unsaid between you. Get it all off your chest and don't pull any punches. You will feel a lot better for it in the long run. And you know what? Sometimes it feels pretty damned good just to get really mad.

Good luck to you. I hope you find better in the future.
:hail: :woman: :hail:

You're welcome. And thank you. :)

And thank my mother for the pun. (Now you all know where I get my wicked predilection for the bad pun. :D )

Write him. Don't even need to say why. He probably knows in his heart of hearts that he's an asshole anyway.

As Lucy said, when the going gets tough, come back and re-read and talk. When you can't stand on your own, let us stand for you.

Been so busy, I just read through this thread.

Congrats on the big "no to a meeting". You go girl and keep going far away from him.

Send him a letter/e-mail? Sure, as long as its short, sweet and to the point. Something like a "cease and desist" letter will do.

From this moment, I am no longer your submissive and do not acknowledge you as my master. You shall honor me and my wishes by no longer contacting me. blah, blah, blah.

Harsh, but worth it and it will give you not only that sense of closure that TG mentioned, but puts the power back in your hands. He has no right to contact you and if he tries you can get a restraining order. You don't need his bullcrap. Period.

The long letter about what went wrong? Write it for yourself. He won't get it and you don't need it in his hands. Write it, print it, store it someplace when you want to remember lessons learned or burn the thing. But he doesn't deserve to see it.

It's all about respect and he didn't get you enough, if any.

A big hug from California and wishing you the best.

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Originally Posted by learningtopleez

I do feel alot better knowing that I wasn't feeling badly about something for no reason! Thanks gang! :D

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Just make sure you stick to your decision! Changing and going back will just make things worse than they were before!

Congrats!

First of all I need to once again express how so very much you have all helped me through this process of letting go. I have never before felt such kindness and compassion from others who only know me through my words and posts on this forum. This truly is a community and a family! So consider yourselves adopted!! :D

TG Sir...I had been told by others that knew my story to get rid of him before now. I even wrote letters before, but you know that now! But it was your thread that truly opened my eyes! I am grateful that you are here, keeping us all in line :rolleyes: , and truly thankful for your kind words since I began my rant on your thread! Btw dear Sir...you did get a honorable mention in post #7, right after FF!! I wouldn't dream of leaving you out Sir :eek: I especially don't wanna make you cry again Sir! So sorry :) Now that I think on it a bit, I probably should have let you write the letter! Then it wouldn't have been as wussy....lol! ;)

Nightstriker...thanks for the plain 'ole bear hug! Just what I needed!!

Garnet99....I'm gonna keep what you said in mind and hope that there is someone out there for me....but not till I'm ready! Thanks for the encouragement! It was needed!

Pandora....thank you for being so kind! Your words mean the world to me, especially since you have been there, done this! Btw...he is an asshole! :D

lucy....If you have respect for what I have done, when I think you are just so smart and sweet, then I am honored! Thank you sweetie! ox

Ruby...I used your exact words at the beginning of my letter....it just sounded final....and that is the way I want it now....although you all may have to remind me of that from time to time. :(

ProjectEuropa...thank you again Sir! I will do my best to stick by my decision, cause I don't wanna do this again!!!

To all of you who who sent me private messages...know that I truly appreciate your kind words and encouragement also...and to my most special and dearest Sir... and you know who you are!!....H,K,& L to you!

So know that I did send the letter and expect no reply, but if I do get one I will not reply. I also deleted all messages I had saved from him (didn't take long...there were so few!) and I deleted him from my messenger, so I will not be tempted! So keep up the prayers and good will! Thanks again all!

~Ltp~

Always remember that your needs DO count!

Too often, I see submissives who seem to take whatever their so called Dom wants to hand out, without regard for their own needs.

IMHO, the relationship is symbiotic. Your ideal Dom's needs will complement your own and there shouldn't be questions such as these.

There, having gotten that off my chest, I wish you well.

Well it didn't take long for him to send a reply. While I was here thanking you all for your support he was sending me a reply. I have decided to post it here so that you can all read what he had to say and hopefully, once again, give me your opinions. Btw, he sounds really bitter to me, and mostly because I am married; which he knew from Day 1! So here it is... honest opinions please!!........

Don't e-mail me with your bitter remarks that I AM
mean. I've never once been mean to you. Ever. As
for the remark that I didn't give the "part of myself
that truly mattered" well my dear...I've got new for
ya...it's because you're MARRIED ! I refused to
let myself get any closer than I already had to you.
When I felt INSIDE MYSELF that I was caring TOO MUCH
for a MARRIED woman I shut off a lot of the
communication. Period.

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters
release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you
choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

From my perspective it's YOU who doesn't
understand...not me. I tried to see you...you had
reasons you couldn't.

As for me...and my world...I'm moving to another state in a
month. I've know for a little over a month. That has
left me not quite three months to find an office, sell
my house, find somewhere to live, and still continue
to try and make a living. I've been painting my house
every night after work for the last ten days. I'm
tired...I just took a break to check my mail tonight
and got this. I listed my house lastnight, and they
are already showing it tomorrow at noon...and it's not
ready. I have to go to another state next weekend for a survey
on a boat I have under contract...I'm driving so I can
pick up the buyer in another city and state. Then...the
following WEEK I'll be in another state working 12 hr. days on
my feet at a Boat Show. THEN I get home, and
the following weekend I have to deliver some
guy's boat...that puts me at the first of March.
At which point my house needs to be sold, and I have
to open an office, and find a place to live within'
ten days.

You're right...I've been soooooo selfish (my name)...I've
been nothing but mean and nasty to you...how did you
ever stand it?

You take care of yourself too my dear, and good luck
with your future.

Don't worry...I won't contact you again.

So there it is....a very painful read, eh?? Btw I deleted places and my real name with "another state" and "my name"! I will honor his privacy even though he isn't worth it because as lucy said...I don't want to lower myself to his level. And no... I did not reply!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

---

Dumbass...

The man is an egotystical asshole who dose not know what it is to be a dom. The man while he may be slightly educated. Though he seems to fail to grasp the three big words. Safe, sane, and consensual. The last of those three being the most important.

Don't listen to a single word he says you are above that.

I'm pretty sure there is steam coming out of my ears here....but ok I'll try to calm down some and reply as you have asked me to LTP......

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

Don't e-mail me with your bitter remarks that I AM
mean.

---

He said it himself...."I AM mean"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

I've got new for ya...it's because you're MARRIED ! I refused to let myself get any closer than I already had to you. When I felt INSIDE MYSELF that I was caring TOO MUCH for a MARRIED woman I shut off a lot of the communication. Period.

---

Bullshit....you never shut off communication it you want things to work....you expand it....idiot....and if he had a problem with you being married he should have stayed away in the first place....double, self-serving, idiot

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

---

TG said it best...."Dumbass..."....but let me add that slaves/subs, whatever, you do have a choice and you can move on....sounds like he wanted you to think that all the choices were in his hands and none in yours...which would also explain why he didn't want you talking and learning with people on this site.....hhmmmpppffff.....I think it deserves caps this time...DUMBASS

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

From my perspective it's YOU who doesn't
understand...not me. I tried to see you...you had reasons you couldn't.

As for me...and my world...I'm moving to another state in a month. I've know for a little over a month. That has left me not quite three months to find an office, sell my house, find somewhere to live, and still continue to try and make a living. I've been painting my house every night after work for the last ten days. I'm tired...I just took a break to check my mail tonight and got this. I listed my house lastnight, and they are already showing it tomorrow at noon...and it's not ready. I have to go to another state next weekend for a survey on a boat I have under contract...I'm driving so I can
pick up the buyer in another city and state. Then...the following WEEK I'll be in another state working 12 hr. days on my feet at a Boat Show. THEN I get home, and the following weekend I have to deliver some guy's boat...that puts me at the first of March. At which point my house needs to be sold, and I have to open an office, and find a place to live within' ten days.".

---

Ok so what are you supposed to be a mind reader?....Mister I-cut-off-communication wants to dump all this on you as a last minute guilt trip?!...pppfffftttt......self-important, why-can't-you-read-my-fucking-mind, asshole!....also....he probably didn't tell you any of this because he knows you would realize that a man that can't manage his own life any better than that obviously cannot manage anything else.....especially the tender care and keeping of a submissive's heart

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

You're right...I've been soooooo selfish (my name)...I've been nothing but mean and nasty to you...how did you
ever stand it?.

---

Again....he said it himself....so he knows just how rotten he is inside...I know he is intending this to be sarcastic, but I look at it as a break through of honesty on his part :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

You take care of yourself too my dear, and good luck
with your future.

Don't worry...I won't contact you again.

---

Two words.....GOOD RIDDANCE

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

So there it is....a very painful read, eh?? Btw I deleted places and my real name with "another state" and "my name"! I will honor his privacy even though he isn't worth it because as lucy said...I don't want to lower myself to his level. And no... I did not reply!

---

I want to say too that I know that this is painful for you LTP.....connecting with someone and having to cut that connection, for whatever reason(s), is painful....but I believe you did the right thing...but I know it still hurts....so you know where I am if you want to talk with me and just spill out whatever needs to get out to cleanse it out of your system

And I want to add that this guy doesn't have issues...he has a subscription....so please keep that in mind when you (and I know you will, cause I would to) get to those points where you think, "Maybe it is was my fault".....It's not a fault to look out for your own desires and interests and try to find a way to express them.....and he should have been encouraging you to do just that, not trying to emotionally beat you down....emotionally impotant dickhead

Was that calm enough? :D

~~nibbles~~

Oh LTP I am so sorry. I've received shit like that too. Excuses excuses excuses.

He can come up with all the excuses in the world and try to blame you, but the thing is that it is entirely his fault. If he's been so damn busy, which I seriously doubt, he'd have found a way to communicate if he truly cared.

This is a rationalization on his part. It's him making excuses to himself. Not to you, but to himself. He's trying to find a way to foist it all on you. And it's NOT your fault. He's an asshole plain and simple.

He can have dreams of grandeur about domination, but in all reality he sounds like a little boy. A very mean little boy.

Heh, if it had all the mis-spellings it could have been written by the asshole I was with last year.

You so do NOT need this. He's the type of guy that'll carry you to hell in his handbasket. You are so wise to walk away now. Safegaurd yourself from this type of behavior.

Please realize that this is completely him. Not you. At all. He's the shmuck, he's the one that can't deal with bdsm or rejection.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish".

He never was what you wanted him to be. Or what he wants to be. He's delusional.

You deserve sooooooooooo much more than this. You're better off without him.

He's an asshole. Perhaps he can get together with my ex and make excuses as to why he's such a cocksucker. Heh.

Stay strong. You know you don't deserve this crap.

I'd kick his ass for you if I could. And I'd enjoy it too. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by learningtopleez

Oh...and FYI...slaves don't dis-own Masters...Masters
release slaves upon request and careful consideration.
Take that into your next relationship should you
choose to stay in some form of the "lifestyle".

---

:mad: Oh good god, this guy is SUCH a class A wanker!

Anyone who calls someone 'dear' in such a (poorly written) email...well, it just about sums him up.

He isn't worthy of any more of your energy, LTP, he's way beneath you, as he has now just about proved.

lucy x

Hi LTP,

I did not contribute anything earlier to your thread because everyone else was giving you such excellent advice, and I don't know much about relationships where a lot of the interaction is online or per phone.

It seems to me that a lovely woman like you can do perfectly well without someone who almost exclusively talks about himself.

Might come in handy for future Dom checklists.

You are rid of him.
I wish you a light heart. :heart:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pandora's Box

I'd kick his ass for you if I could. And I'd enjoy it too. :D

---

And I'd gladly help Pandora's Box kick his ass. :sword:

Good for you for getting rid of this inconsiderate, selfish prick. You deserve so much better.

Good for you!
I haven't heard such self-serving defensive drivel in ages.
File it and don't look back.
:bravo:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pandora's Box

I'd kick his ass for you if I could. And I'd enjoy it too. :D

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by acissej

And I'd gladly help Pandora's Box kick his ass. :sword:

Good for you for getting rid of this inconsiderate, selfish prick. You deserve so much better.

---

I have a boken that I still need to blood.

*Begins to contemplate evil things.*

Hi,
just a suggestion for the ass-kicking faction.
With every sympathy, but this is a serious issue.
It might sound like fun, but I doubt that this sort of anger-cultivation talk really supports LTP.

The topic of this thread is 'To Let Go or Not?'
I'd say: Let go.

My goodness. Geez.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with that piece of asswipe.
*hugs LTP*

Seems like quite a few gals on here have had some serious toiletpaper dudes in your lives.

just.say.no.to.asswipes.

And just cuz this is my 100th post on this forum [took me long 'nuff], I will say publicly that I will gladly join Pandy and beat him over the head with a very hard stick. :mad:

i'm so glad you got out of the relationship when you did. You deserve much better than this guy had to offer you. i won't expand further as everyone has had excellent comments...just wanted to let you know that i'm glad it worked out for you.

hugs...

spirit

Hey sweetie,

First, I owe you an apology for not getting to this thread WAY sooner than now. School has been crazy, but I still think it's important to put friends first and I haven't done as well as I should have with that, so I'm sorry, love. I've been thinking about you though...

At this point, let me just add a big "what they said". You are a lovely, intelligent, thoughtful woman who will make an excellent sub, if you so choose, for a dom somewhere that actually deserves you. Congrats on breaking it off for good...I know how tough that can be. Thanks also for sharing with us; it's great having you here!!

BTW, it sounds like you already know much, much more about how bdsm relationships (and relationships in general) are supposed to work than he probably ever will, so please, please don't let his clinging, obnoxious behavior and replies make you doubt yourself. He has some nerve trying to tell you how bdsm "works" considering his lack of respect and inability to take responsibility for his own behavior. You are amazing and I'm so glad you're standing up for yourself.

I hope things are going as well as possible for you with school and life. Hopefully we can find time to meet for lunch again before too long. :)

eb

Well, it has been just over a week since I sent the letter and received the reply. I have not received anything further from him, and I'm quite sure I won't, due to his pride. Or it could have been what he was waiting for....a reason to be rid of me. Although, I guess for him this all came out of nowhere since he actually felt he was treating me well. :dunno:

It has indeed been a very rough week for me. As many of you warned me, I do miss him, and it does still hurt. I know in my head I did the right thing, but in my heart, I have done nothing but question myself. He made me a CD once, and every time I hear certain songs on it, I miss him even more. Never told y'all that did I? So yeah, he could be nice to me, but I needed more than he was willing to give. So that leaves me where I am now....listening to songs that remind me of him, remembering his touch (whether gentle or firm), the times we laughed over something silly, his cat...yep....I had even fallen for his damn cat! This is why I don't believe in true love, at least not for me. I know risks have to be taken in order for a relationship to begin and to flourish. But every time I take those risks, I seem to get hurt. I wonder why it is that the people we fall in love with don't feel the same? Or why people that fall in love with us, we don't feel that connection with? Is it always this hard?? And confusing?? I am sure this could start a whole new thread, so I'll just go into my thank you's from the friends who responded last. Forgive me for taking so long to thank you, but I've been so busy wallowing in self pity! :p

Valkyrie Thank you so much for the well wishes! I like the way you think! Relationships should be symbiotic and thank you for reminding me.

TG "Dumbass!" LOL! Thank you Sir! I needed that!

Nightstriker Thank you Sir for thinking I am above that! And for wanting to kick his ass!

nibbles What can I say sug?? Your post had me ROFLMAO! You nailed it! And you put some things in perspective for me! And the subscription thing...OMG...I'm still laughing over that one! Thanks sug for being my friend and for helping me out! Don't worry, I'll be bugging you soon enough, to either bitch or cry on a shoulder!! Thanks hun!

Pandora Thanks again Pandy for your continued support throughout this whole thing! You are my inspiration! Thanks hun!

Slavelucy LMAO at Wanker!! Thanks for being here for me during such a difficult time! Even though I have said I don't think true love exists for me; you and Wontworry give me hope! Thanks hun!

Ranai You wished me a light heart...so very sweet and kind of you! Thank you for that and for worrying that the kick ass faction would upset me! (They didn't though!) It shows how thoughtful you are! I appreciate you and your kindness! :)

acissej Thanks for taking the time to respond to my thread! I appreciate it! And I may take you and the others up on the ass kicking :D

Magister Filed Sir! :D Still working on not looking back though. :(

smartasskitten Thanks for the hugs hun!! I need all I can get! I've missed seeing you around! I will remember the J.S.N.T.A.W (just say no to ass wipes) for future reference!

spirit Thanks sweetie for being here for me! I appreciate you and your kindness and am so happy to count you among my friends! :)

e.b. What can I say love...I am a mess! But seeing your post helped alot! Maybe by spring break, we can both take a break and have lunch again!! I would love it!! I've missed ya! :)

You'll get there hon, it'll take a bit of time. But with each day, even in incremental tiny steps, you'll get there.

Songs. Songs suck. I had those too. Even songs we didn't share, but ones that reminded me of 'us', pulled at my heart strings. Music is a weak spot of mine. Even now, certain songs will still bring about that twinge. Granted it's a different kind of twinge now. And not really painful. But I do make it a point to avoid those songs now. Used to not.

I don't want to go back. I've worked hard to move forward. Plus I have so much more now than I ever had with him.

Why does love hurt? Because we are exposing ourselves. And when the person is no longer there, it reminds us of our vulnerability.

Why is it so hit and miss with love? Because that's the way it is. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer, but that's the truth of it. It's just practical reality. Emotions can be a crazy mixed up thing, but it's not just emotions. It's personalities, minds, souls and selves. All mixed up. Some shaken, some stirred. ;)

If one thinks of it that way, it's kind of a miracle that it works out at all.

But what I think makes the true difference is effort. People have to try. Relationships are work. They don't 'just happen'. The people involved have to not only have the 'spark' but they have to work to maintain that spark.

A lot of people don't really get that. Between Cinderella, Hollywood and our culture that expects instant results... there's a lot of misguided people out there.

My asswipe was extremely misguided. He thought love was enough. Truth is... it isn't. Love without effort is just a sentiment without actions.

To my shame, I went along with it far too long. To my pride, I got away from it and have vowed not to let it happen again. To my hope, I try to keep that promise to myself. To my joy, so far I have. :)

Allow yourself to feel the anger. If you are like me, on some level you feel betrayed. That anger is what kept me strong when I felt the most weak. It's okay to be angry. Just like it's okay to feel sad. But it is your anger, not your sorrow, that will see you through the hard times.

The anger will pass and after it does, with the help of compassionate friends, you'll be able to rebuild.