Collarings

My husband and I are fairly new to the lifestyle. My husband is my Master and I have been given the duty of finding information on collarings. I find that when I ask people of the lifestyle what goes on or is said during a collaring the answers vary and are vague. I am looking for advice on where to purchase collars and find "vows" (lack of a better term). :confused: So we can do this right. Also, where can we find a good slave contract we could modify to fit our needs. With the information given this will help Master with deciding what he would like to do. I have looked for a thread that might answer this question only I couldn't find one. Any information that could be given is greatly appreciated.

submissive wife

Welcome ...

to get you on the way with your task check this threads:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ghlight=collar

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ghlight=collar

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...light=contract

after that there is search option as a part of the bar here ... try with collar and contract - she what comes up ...
also - Google is sort of deity ;) keywords BDSM contract, Bondage & collar .... etc.

The most important thing, this being the deal between you and your husband is that you both find what is important and meaningful to you! no "of the shelf" ceremony will cut it as much as something that you really desire, and that you (and him) do from your heart.

good luck :)

The reason the answers you find are varied and vague are because people are very diverse in their preferences. While one person might like a very formal ceremony with all the trappings, another person might prefer a simple but elegant ritual. Personally, I haven't read about one yet I like well enough to even use as a basis for my own ceremony. So, needless to say, I've never had one.

Where can you purchase a collar? Anywhere. Wal-Mart, Petsmart, or a variety of other places like that have leather (real leather) collars for cheap. If you're looking to spend a small fortune, though, then you can always check the various adult product suppliers online. Ebay is also good for collars, but you need a credit card to access their adult products section. Which begs the question: How 'adult' is a collar anyway?

Vows? I'd recommend writing your own. I would also recommend avoiding words like 'doth,' 'forthwith,' and the other wide variety of neat-sounding but pointless verbage and adjectiveage that most people like to associate so much with these kinds of things. Think back to your wedding. How involved were those vows? Use that as your template.

Contracts typically suck. Period. Sorry to rain on your parade, but they do. 99% of the ones I've seen make the submissive out to be the household whore, maid, cook, butler, dry cleaner, gardener, pool girl, and landscaper. The questions to ask when agreeing upon a contract are: What's important to you? What limits do you wish to set (They can always be changed)? Are there any extenuating circumstances that will prevent you from "being submissive" all the time? Also, are you entering intoa 24/7 TPE relationship or is this just an occasional thing that you each will role-play?

Sorry for sounding blunt, but I'm trying to type all this before I forget it all or lose my train of thought.

Links:

http://castlerealm.com/library/roseritual.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/collar.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/morecollars.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/contract101.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/signing.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/dsrituals.shtml

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

The reason the answers you find are varied and vague are because people are very diverse in their preferences. While one person might like a very formal ceremony with all the trappings, another person might prefer a simple but elegant ritual. Personally, I haven't read about one yet I like well enough to even use as a basis for my own ceremony. So, needless to say, I've never had one.

Where can you purchase a collar? Anywhere. Wal-Mart, Petsmart, or a variety of other places like that have leather (real leather) collars for cheap. If you're looking to spend a small fortune, though, then you can always check the various adult product suppliers online. Ebay is also good for collars, but you need a credit card to access their adult products section. Which begs the question: How 'adult' is a collar anyway?

Vows? I'd recommend writing your own. I would also recommend avoiding words like 'doth,' 'forthwith,' and the other wide variety of neat-sounding but pointless verbage and adjectiveage that most people like to associate so much with these kinds of things. Think back to your wedding. How involved were those vows? Use that as your template.

Contracts typically suck. Period. Sorry to rain on your parade, but they do. 99% of the ones I've seen make the submissive out to be the household whore, maid, cook, butler, dry cleaner, gardener, pool girl, and landscaper. The questions to ask when agreeing upon a contract are: What's important to you? What limits do you wish to set (They can always be changed)? Are there any extenuating circumstances that will prevent you from "being submissive" all the time? Also, are you entering intoa 24/7 TPE relationship or is this just an occasional thing that you each will role-play?

Sorry for sounding blunt, but I'm trying to type all this before I forget it all or lose my train of thought.

Links:

http://castlerealm.com/library/roseritual.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/collar.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/morecollars.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/contract101.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/signing.shtml
http://castlerealm.com/library/dsrituals.shtml

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Thank you for such an informative reply to my post. I loved this and I know Master will too. I am looking forward to my collaring. Red Eva thank you too on the link to the treads for further information. All of this will be taken into consideration by us for our ceremony. Thank you again.

submissivewife

I'm looking forward to my collaring ceremony. I have done lots of research on these subjects and TG is right that the opinions and how to vary greatly.

We have a contract that we will go over for our first year and sign once were in real life. We took one we liked and modified it to suit what we wanted.

The collar is something I about drove my Dom crazy with. I was against having something that looked like an obvious fetish collar for everyday life. I sent my poor Dom more links on different collars. The training collar for private I didn't care about, but the one I wear to the store or work I didn't want it so obvious I would get stares from people. *Fairly shy about exposing myself*

When we have our ceremony after our first year together we will design a collar for me and a ring for him that will symbolize our forever commitment to each other. I am sure that will be lots of fun. ;)

As for our vows I agree that writing your own is best. I also don't plan to ever say the word doth or forewith. :D

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

My husband is my Master and I have been given the duty of finding information on collarings. I find that when I ask people of the lifestyle what goes on or is said during a collaring

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Now that's fucking stupid.

And then what? You make summaries which you recite for him on the pillow at night? Or maybe use Crayola™'s to have a show and tell? A true master should at least make the effort of informing himself about stuff. Being a master excludes laziness. One should at least read. That's my humble opinion. "Be ordered to gather info for a master" ? :dunno: wtf is that supposed to be?

PS
I'd even go as far as saying that in some situations (not all) is even very interesting for a Master to know more than the slave... the teaching it involves by intruducing the slave to new things is quite a turn on. But a slave gathering infor for a Master... god help us all.

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Originally Posted by Master514

Now that's fucking stupid.

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Your post was a bit rude wasn’t it? What is wrong with finding info for your Master anyway? My Dom and I are very busy working on getting us to real life on top of learning all we can about D/s. He has often asked me to look into all kinds of things for him. He is very busy and I work at home and spend most of my day sitting at a computer. He specifically told me that when I find anything of interest for us that I am to send him the link or whatever it is I found out.

And are you saying a submissive is too stupid or incapable of gathering information? Thankfully, my Dom respects my intelligence and realizes that our D/s relationship is about us both and I have every right to have input and knowledge of it. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by His_pita

Your post was a bit rude wasn’t it? What is wrong with finding info for your Master anyway? My Dom and I are very busy working on getting us to real life on top of learning all we can about D/s. He has often asked me to look into all kinds of things for him. He is very busy and I work at home and spend most of my day sitting at a computer. He specifically told me that when I find anything of interest for us that I am to send him the link or whatever it is I found out.

And are you saying a submissive is too stupid or incapable of gathering information? Thankfully, my Dom respects my intelligence and realizes that our D/s relationship is about us both and I have every right to have input and knowledge of it. :rolleyes:

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His_pita thank you for your post. With Master514's post it just shows there are some really asinine Master's (if you call them that) out there. If Master514 had bothered to use his head (the one on his shoulders) then he wouldn't have posted what he had to this one or most of the posts he has posted at this forum.

Like you His_Pita my Master is very busy and gone most or the time. So I don't mind having to do the leg work, it is actually my pleasure to do so.

Again Thank You His_Pita.

submissivewife

I would just like to add my support to his_Pita's. Collaring and D/s vows are not something that are a part of my own BDSM life (such as it is), but if they were, and if my partner and I were to settle into permanent roles, I can't imagine that all the responsibility would fall on the Dom(me) to learn about new things.

I think it's wonderful, submissivewife, that your Master trusts you to take on this particular task. A smart Master realizes that his sub might have talents or interests that he doesn't share, and makes the most of their complementary abilities.

And if it were "fucking stupid," most of us would at least have the courtesy to keep that thought to ourselves.

OK. I thought I was talking to slaves or submissives. Turns out it was doormats. My mistake.

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Originally Posted by Master514

OK. I thought I was talking to slaves or submissives. Turns out it was doormats. My mistake.

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Your mistake indeed. Allow me to elaborate.

What kind of a "dominant" doesn't make use of the resources and tools at his disposal? Is not the submissive also a resouce to be used to perform services and tasks? Would you not, for instance, ask your submissive to wash your laundry? If so, then why wouldn't you also ask her to look a few things up online for you if you didn't have the time to do it yourself?

And what part of a submissive taking the initiative to perform assigned tasks without complaint and with a clean grasp of the information she is required to fetch constitutes her "being a doormat?" I would tend to think that a "dominant" who take it upon himself to look for his own information and decide for himself whether or not to dissminate that information to his submissive is doing more to make his submissive into a doormat than he would by giving her simple chores like this one to do. What? Is she too fucking stupid to look up the information on her own? Does the little woman not have the intellect to perform those "higher brain" tasks? Or is she only good for fucking, sucking and occasionally giving handjobs?

Give me a break. Fucking stupid, yes. Mistake, indeed. Doormats? Hardly.

:bigdump:

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Originally Posted by Master514

OK. I thought I was talking to slaves or submissives. Turns out it was doormats. My mistake.

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:blahblah: You are so clever.



Good post TG :)

I'm not sure why people are giving this poster credibility. BDSM is open to a wide range of tastes and intellects, but that does not mean that we do not have basic requirements that distinguish dominants from bullies and submission from weakness. I don't want to dignify assaults that come from simple-minded arrogance.

Submissive Wife's question was appropriate and I can recommend two sites where I found a lot of help in finding interesting "jewelry" and information on contracts -- Roxanna at "TieMeUp" has lovely things and good service; "SubmissiveLoving" has some well thought out ideas on contracts. (Not better than what has been recommended, just another perspective.)

her_Joe

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Originally Posted by her_Joe

I'm not sure why people are giving this poster credibility. BDSM is open to a wide range of tastes and intellects, but that does not mean that we do not have basic requirements that distinguish dominants from bullies and submission from weakness. I don't want to dignify assaults that come from simple-minded arrogance.

Submissive Wife's question was appropriate and I can recommend two sites where I found a lot of help in finding interesting "jewelry" and information on contracts -- Roxanna at "TieMeUp" has lovely things and good service; "SubmissiveLoving" has some well thought out ideas on contracts. (Not better than what has been recommended, just another perspective.)

her_Joe

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her_Joe, thank you for your post. You are right too. Why should anyone be posting because of Master514's asinine statements? Let's move on to what this thread was posted for: Collarings! If anyone else has real input and suggestions I would be happy to convey them to my Master.

submissivewife

Hi Submissivewife,

As you search for collaring ceremonies and plan to the future, I wish you the best. The ceremony itself can be as simple or elaborate as you desire. Alone or with a group of friends watching, it's whatever you and your man want it to be.

You might find this link usefull:
http://www.collarchat.com/merging_we..._162840/tm.htm

I recently collared my pet, Nathaniel. We created vows that are simple and work for both of us. We may change them as we see fit. Here is what we are using for now.

Ruby's vows to Nathaniel,

"Nathaniel, my sweet angel, son of God and man, I, Ruby, daughter of the Goddess and Eve, lifemate and pet to T, offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths to be your champion, miss, friend and lover. I will help you when you need help and will turn to you when I need help. I have the right to protect you, punish you and make decisions for you that relate to this relationship. I agree not to harm or damage you and that you will offer me the same trust and protection. Your moral code will be honored by me and I will seek to fulfill your desires with grace, dignity and a control of myself."

Nathaniel's vows:

"Miss Ruby, daughter of the Goddess and Eve, I, Nathaniel, son of God and man, willingly give myself to you to be your champion, devoted servant, friend and lover. I am a person and not an object. I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need help and will turn to you when I need help. As my chosen Miss you have the right to protect me, punish me and make decisions for me that relate to this relationship. I agree not to harm or damage you and that you will offer me the same trust and protection. Your moral code will be honored by me and I will seek to please you in all things with grace, beauty and a control of myself.”

We decided to skip any formal contract and either of us is free to end the relationship at any time, for any reason.

The decision to collar Nat didn't come lightly, especially because of my marriage to T. There was no elaborate ceremony, just two people exchanging vows and celebrating.

If someday, Nat would allow me to collar him in public, with a group of our friends watching, I would be thrilled.
However, maintaining his secret identity is a hard limit that I respect and admire.

To your success,

Ruby

Ruby, I was just browsing around looking for these same vows (which you posted elsewhere) as a great example. :-) I love that they're simple, that they demonstrate your commitment to Nathaniel as much as his commitment to you, and that they acknowledge each of your identities outside the relationship and your relationship outside of D/s (as friends and lovers). Thank you for posting them again.

submissivewife,

Just found this thread and it goes along with what I have been wondering lately. Simply put it is this. What does collaring mean? Is is exclusivity? Is it like a marriage or what? Since it appears that a Dom or a Domme can collar more than one person than I think it eliminates the marriage aspect but maybe to some that is exactly what it means. Just curious.:confused:

Hmm, I'm not subwife but I'll try to put my half-knowledge in anyway and hope that the more experienced folks on here will jump in...;)

From what I've heard there's different kind of collarings and they'll probably vary a lot between people, but generally it marks an official bond or commitment between a sub and his/her Dom/me. A lot of people seem to liken it to an engagement or marriage and it's often done in a ceremonial way. (Would be nice to hear some stories of people here who've been part of a collaring actually - maybe there is someone willing to share?)

To me personally, receiving a collar, being allowed to wear it for my Master, means that we both commit to the relationship...it marks a point where it becomes more than just casual fun or playtime, pretty much like going from dating to forming a relationship. That kind of step would probably be analogue to giving/receiving a training collar in BDSM terms. The next step, i. e. getting engaged or married, might be similar to what an official collaring would be about.

I tried to stick with the analogy of marriage here, but of course this comparison has a few flaws. Monogamy isn't really a rule for everybody in the lifestyle, so there might be subs with more than one Master or Masters with several subs - but to me it doesn't really change what the collaring is about. It's still a commitment between a Dom/me and a sub on whatever terms that have been negotiated.

Oh my, where are the people who REALLY know what they're talking about? lol

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Originally Posted by Warbaby1943

submissivewife,

Just found this thread and it goes along with what I have been wondering lately. Simply put it is this. What does collaring mean? Is is exclusivity? Is it like a marriage or what? Since it appears that a Dom or a Domme can collar more than one person than I think it eliminates the marriage aspect but maybe to some that is exactly what it means. Just curious.:confused:

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The collar is, like Silke says, signifies the bond and commitment that a M/s have decide to make. Sometimes, collarings couples with signing of a contract. (there is a contract thread around here somewhere.....)

Now what I am going to say is my opinion and mine only.

Some consider collarings to equal that of marriage. For me, it's more indepth. In most marriages they both have rights, control, and say so in the relationship. The collaring signifies the giving up rights, control, and say in the relationship. Now, that doesn't mean we can't have our say, but the dom/me has the final say. The slave gives them that right.

Right now, I'm collared....it's a temporary collar but it still signifies my dedication to my Master. Since we are not living together, at this point, I do still have my rights, most control, and say in this relationship. Once I walk into my Master's house I will be giving all of that to him.

Now, this isn't something that should be given to anyone at a whim. I respect and trust my Master otherwise I wouldn't submit to him. We communicate openly and he listens and understands me better than anyone.

If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them...if I am able to.

subwife

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them...if I am able to.

subwife

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No that was a very thorough answer. Thanks.

I'm not at all sure I could ever give up any amount of control in every day life. I guess that must say that my submissive tendencies revolve more around the sexual desires of it than an actual real life experience.

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Originally Posted by Warbaby1943

No that was a very thorough answer. Thanks.

I'm not at all sure I could ever give up any amount of control in every day life. I guess that must say that my submissive tendencies revolve more around the sexual desires of it than an actual real life experience.

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WB. Because it is open to the interpretation, to you it can mean total commitment and loss of control but just within a sexual context.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

WB. Because it is open to the interpretation, to you it can mean total commitment and loss of control but just within a sexual context.

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Oz,

Yes I think you have hit the nail on the head as far as I am concerned. I feel I do have those submissive tendencies but only to a point. Interpretation, as you said. I believe you're right. :11: Thanks.

Quote from Avralivia from another thread, "I also love to tie up and abuse and use a sub, play games with his mind and body and push his limits. My current bondage partner is like me, very cheeky and outgoing and sarcastic in life, and right up till i collar and bind him he is cheeky, then he suddenly becomes this other person that lurks deep inside him, his gaze lowers and his voice becomes submissive as he bends to my will, damn i love that!"

This is a good demonstration of a definition of collaring and a reason I wondered what it actually meant to people. I know it means different things to different people but, unless I missed it, I didn't see this meaning in this thread. I believe this is a more playful meaning under the term of collaring but, I imagine, is still considered collaring. Just an observation on my part.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warbaby1943

Quote from Avralivia from another thread, "I also love to tie up and abuse and use a sub, play games with his mind and body and push his limits. My current bondage partner is like me, very cheeky and outgoing and sarcastic in life, and right up till i collar and bind him he is cheeky, then he suddenly becomes this other person that lurks deep inside him, his gaze lowers and his voice becomes submissive as he bends to my will, damn i love that!"

This is a good demonstration of a definition of collaring and a reason I wondered what it actually meant to people. I know it means different things to different people but, unless I missed it, I didn't see this meaning in this thread. I believe this is a more playful meaning under the term of collaring but, I imagine, is still considered collaring. Just an observation on my part.

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ok.....not sure where you found this to understand what the original intent but..there's a difference here.

From what I read this is play....if my interpretation is wrong I apoligize to Avralivia. With the intent of this thread it's about the ceremony of a collaring that symbolized the giving of the slave to the Master. Usually, the collar is locked on and not taken off....ever (unless emergency requires, sometimes not even that).

I found it in another thread and just thought it demonstrated a different view of being collared. Nothing at all derogatory meant by it. Just thought it gave a lighter view to the term "collaring." :rolleyes:

Sure it is...on the lighter side...but the transition that her sub goes through is a wonderful experience. I loved when Master put my collar on me.....



No offense was taken....just wanted to point out the differnece between playing/scening and the kind of collaring I had intended this thread to be.

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

No offense was taken....

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Thanks. Did you know I may have to go and rape your sister but that is another thread. Hahaha.

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Originally Posted by Warbaby1943

Thanks. Did you know I may have to go and rape your sister but that is another thread. Hahaha.

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mmmm I missed that somewhere............

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

mmmm I missed that somewhere............

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I forget what thread it was but she wanted to be raped and I volunteered. But you know I'd chicken out. Haha!!

yep....I know that...and I do now remember that post...bad boy!

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

yep....I know that...and I do now remember that post...bad boy!

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Sorry. You know you'd still come first if I were inclined that way.

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Originally Posted by Warbaby1943

Sorry. You know you'd still come first if I were inclined that way.

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;)