Crying?

To All Submissives,

This is a bit of a doozy, and I am a little embarrassed to ask, but I find it a major turn on!

As you may know, I am fairly new to this scene. I find I am feeling so much emotion for my Master, passion, love, pain, desire....In some cases I am reduced to tears because of the depth of emotion I feel for my Master. I want him to love me, hurt me, hate me, kiss me, fulfiill me. I want to fill every desire, every want, every need he has.

However, it seems as though he may be slightly confused by these tears, they are a turn on for me and a turn on for him...but he seems to want to take a step back if I am crying because he doesn't understand what it means to me, he seems to be concerned that he may have pushed the boundaries or hurt me in some way. We do not have an established safe word, but we do have an understanding.

I do not feel as though it is a negative aspect to let my master see my tears, although I have tried to reassure him, to the best of my ability as a submissive, that it is not a negative thing. My master keeps requesting of me to give myself completely to him and when I do, I cry....I can't help it. I have never let anyone see me cry before, I tend to think it is a weakness.

I need to know that this is not uncommon. I wish for my master to understand that in order to give him all of myself, I am giving him everything I have ever held back from anyone else...to see my tears is the ultimate power...I am giving that to him.

I should clarify that I have only been introduced to bdsm less than a month ago. Always felt there was something missing in my life. Never felt fulfilled. Until I met my Master. Am now in a 24/7 relationship. Although a month may seem like a short amount of time to be introduced and enter into a 24/7 relationship, we both knew it was there from the very first time we met. This has come naturally to both of us.

I do not cry when recieving physical punishment...this I can endure. I fell for my master long before this relationship was established and I have given him everything..why would he be confused by tears if he is asking me to give him everything?? :confused:

Any advice would be much appreciated. Have any other subs experienced this?

Men often associate tears with sadness and want to stop whatever it is that is causing those tears in a loved one. It is his way of showing you how much he loves you, in my opinion.

I don't believe you can turn them off or even want to but if you can find some way to convince him that your tears are tears of happiness he may be more receptive to them.

Just tell him chicklet. And get a safe word. That way he won't think he's hurt you (emotionally or physically) in error.

It's mere existence will provide him the additional confidence that he's getting what he asked for. You never have to use it... but you do need it for this reason, if for no other.

Tears make most people feel helpless and they want it to stop, to comfort the person who's crying or even walk away.

I'm sure the more you talk to him about how you feel and what the tears mean to you, he'll get used to this and learn to love the gift you give to him. If he's never been good at dealing with this, it might take a while to get over the reflex to slow down, but he'll get there. I've been a bit like that most of my life until I started working with patients and learned that a lot of the time, their tears were a huge step forward for them - it was a good thing. What a revelation, lol.

I'd second what Ozme said...establish a safeword to give him a tool to know where you stand emotionally and physically. He's still learning to 'read' you and this might give him the safety to move forwards. :)

And yeah, I've never cried in front of anyone else - he's broken that spell. Even a simple 'I love you' can make me cry sometimes, not only because of his feelings, but also because I realise that I'm allowing myself to feel that way, too, and share it with him. Those are happy tears...*smiles*

Thank you for the advice, that certainly cleared a few things up.

We have now established a safe word which will allow both of us to understand each other better, and draw a clear line.

:)

*nods his head in approval*

Pleased to hear that you have your safeword now.

To me, tears are an expression of the depth of emotion you are feeling, and that emotion can be good or bad. So on that basis, I am pleased to say that I also cry 'good tears'. I hope this is normal, because I would like to think of other people feeling so wonderful, and pleased it is the case for you.

Now all you have to do is help him to understand....guess time will help, when you have reassured him repeatedly that you are fine. The problem then might be explaining that not all tears are good ones....sighs.

It is lovely to read between the lines of your post and see your obviously powerful and loving relationship.

cariad

Nice one Oz.

I firmly believe if we all cried a bit more often we wouldn't be half as messed up as we are. Regardless of whether we're happy or sad, & preferably with someone holding our hand while we do it.

Tojo

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Originally Posted by Tojo

Nice one Oz.

I firmly believe if we all cried a bit more often we wouldn't be half as messed up as we are. Regardless of whether we're happy or sad, & preferably with someone holding our hand while we do it.

Tojo

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Tojo,

i definately think You're right about that that. So why is it that i rather cut off my right arm than cry or let anybody see or hear me cry for that matter. *scratches head and looks very confused*

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i definately think You're right about that that. So why is it that i rather cut off my right arm than cry or let anybody see or hear me cry for that matter. *scratches head and looks very confused*

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Don't know about you, frankee, but for me it's a matter of not showing weakness, not making myself vulnerable...and I didn't want to put anyone in a situation where they would feel uncomfortable. *sighs* The list is endless. ;)

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Originally Posted by Silke

Don't know about you, frankee, but for me it's a matter of not showing weakness, not making myself vulnerable...and I didn't want to put anyone in a situation where they would feel uncomfortable. *sighs* The list is endless. ;)

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That's it!!! In my mind it's a weakness yet when a friend cries on my shoulder i never think they are weak. *really big sigh* Now i'm really confused lol.

My dear, we women are an emotional bunch...and one of curses is over-reactive tear ducts...If he pulls away when the waterworks start, pull him in and explain yourself. That is the only way he'll know that you're really (better than) okay.

Crying, eh?

OK *takes deep breath* I lost three close relatives when I was 20-during my first year of married life. All three died in a 10-day period.

I was busy being dutiful son and new husband so didn't cry for my father or either grandparent.

It took me years before the dam broke. When it finally did it nearly finished me.

I now have learned to cry-when I'm upset or just when I'm emotionally affected by something. I'm not ashamed to say that I cried at cari's post recently...and likewise at the tender bits in the movies. My kids know I'm just a big pussy-cat and so does my wife. (But I have claws...)

Crying is good! I cried as I held my mother's hand and whispered for her to go...and I feel tears at the memory. These are for me. They help me to let the emotions out and not bottle them up.

So-a sub crying for her Master? Bring it on, girls! Show him/her how much you love him/her. Oh blimey! I've gone and used the "L" word!

I've always been quite "over-emotional" by male standards. It was a curse when I was a kid, now as an adult I don't see it that way at all. I no longer feel "weak" for crying, though I did still feel "vulnerable"... isn't that part of what sharing emotions is though? Exposing a part of yourself, being vulnerable to them (if they were out to hurt you). It's through sharing yourself with someone that you find those worth being with.

I've always been known to cry at movies, or sad books, but when it comes to crying over something that upsets me, i keep the tears inside. I freaked my husband out the first time we had sex by crying right afterwards. He couldn't comprehend why i would be crying. (he told me later the usual male thoughts were running through his mind.) I cry almost everytime after sex now, and sometimes when we play. Its an emotional release, but also, on my part, something that is very intimate. To trust someone that much, to allow them to be that close to whom I am, emotionally, physically, mentally, is too much for me to bear at times and i release it in the form of tears. its a beautiful and wonderful feeling for me.

Violenteers_Slut, i do hope that your master cherishes the tears you shed for him, and that he realizes that its not something cause because you're upset or scared. *hugs*

To Uncle Ed *big hugs*

To Timberwolf,
i get what you're saying. With my Mistress it's so easy to let my guard down, break down the walls and let Her see my emotions, especially the crying. She makes me feel safe and protected but yet i still feel weak when all the crying is finished. i have vastly improved in the last few years but i have been known to bottle everything up for weeks alot of times for months. Then, as Uncle Ed put it, the dam breaks and i'm an emotional wreck. Weird!

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To trust someone that much, to allow them to be that close to whom I am, emotionally, physically, mentally, is too much for me to bear at times and i release it in the form of tears. its a beautiful and wonderful feeling for me.

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brattyone - you said it so much better than I could ever do. This is exactly how I feel. :) I don't trust a lot of people to see me like that...but when I do, the feeling is wonderful. *sighs*

On a more humerous side - the first time I had sex I cried for a looong time afterwards and probably shocked the poor guy badly. I just couldn't stop...as if a dam had broken and he was standing right underneath it. I was terribly embarrassed about it, but he gave me the reassurance I needed...cool guy. :)

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for replying to this thread. I guess this was more for me than anything! sub is quite in tune with her emotions, and I do not profess to be the "Master" Master, if you catch my drift.

The establishment of the safe word seems to have helped a great deal. Thanks for that. I do comprehend that the tears are those of release and happiness, it is just that sometimes your brain is telling you one thing, while the emotions are tugging at the other side. The photo that is my avatar was taken at one of these times. Hopefully that can explain it better than I can.

I consider the tears to be an unconditional gift.

Once again. Thanks everyone for clarifying this to Myself and sub. She is a gorgeous lady with a heart like a supernova. I know she will reply soon, she is just a little tied up at the moment :rolleyes: Nah! Just joking. But seriously she is. Jokes! Life is busy that is all.

Speak soon.

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Originally Posted by frankee

Tojo,

i definately think You're right about that that. So why is it that i rather cut off my right arm than cry or let anybody see or hear me cry for that matter. *scratches head and looks very confused*

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Well if you ever find out frankee, let me know eh? :rolleyes:

I went for years without shedding a tear myself, it was a relief to find out I could even feel sad, let alone have damp eyes.
I can't talk about it in public, but I think you know me well enough.


Tojo

We've had a couple of PMs about feeling things too deeply. i'm still not sure it's such a great thing . But i guess if you'e not feeling it then you're pobably dead lol. i'm not sure if i'll ever figure it out, but i've made great friends *smiles thinking about Tojo* here that will help me along the way.
Sending a big huge cuddly hug to you!!!

I cry all the time, rather embarassing really.
Books, movies (Toy Story 2, in the movie theatre!), when I'm annoyed, sad, frustrated, angry, and strong emotion really. Or being beaten....
Generally trend is towards the end of a hard scene I start bawling. In the aftercare stage I'll sob and whimper for a few minutes, and then perk right up and hit the giddy silly stage. Drove The Guy crazy until he got me fiugred out. It doesn't mean I'm upset, it's just the ultimate in stress release. :D

I don't like crying in public, I just can't seem to help it. If my body decides it's going to cry there's very little I can do about it. control over those tear ducts would be a nice skill.

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Originally Posted by frankee

We've had a couple of PMs about feeling things too deeply. i'm still not sure it's such a great thing . But i guess if you'e not feeling it then you're pobably dead lol. i'm not sure if i'll ever figure it out, but i've made great friends *smiles thinking about Tojo* here that will help me along the way.
Sending a big huge cuddly hug to you!!!

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Hi frankee,

Myself and sub are sitting at the computer reading the responses. All great!

Just one question: Your two responses seem to contradict each other? In the last you are saying that people are feeling too deeply for each other/the subject/something. You say this has happened through PM's (personal messages?). But in your previous response there is the admission of feeling deeply.

Either I have missed out some meaning/message. Or am just plain stupid and cannot read properly. Can you clarify? I noticed text was in a different colour?

Thanks. Speak soon all. Sub says: "Hi!"

i'm sorry i didn't mean to confuse anybody lol.

Tojo and i have traded PM in which i told him my situation, i expressed to him that (for me) feeling things too deeply is at times too much to deal with. So, i try not to let the feelings get too deep rooted in my heart and mind.
Bottom line is, i feel things but they scare me because my Mistress has made me feel things that i never thought i would ever feel. That can be very overwhelming at times.
As for the crying, i hate doing it but i do cry. Slowly learning it's not a weakness or character flaw.
You'll have to excuse my babbling, i was up very late and unfortunately chose to get out of bed too early lol. i've probably confused you even more lol.

Yeah frankee & I just swapped a couple of PMs, getting to know each other a bit & exchanging a little of our circumstances- I've been through a rough time myself & damn well enjoyed talking to her.

I think both her & I found feelings in the D/s scene that blew us away somewhat & left us reeling a little. It's real nice to talk to someone who understands. :)

You keep having those feelings frankee, & remember ole Tojo is always happy to hear from you. :wave:

Tojo

The sharing of feelings is, for me, the most intimate experience of all. When Pita cries during a consensual activity we share, either in pain or joy or -- sometimes -- anger, it is a bonding moment as powerful as (maybe more powerful!) sex.

Yeah, I mean that.

As a child I wasn't allowed to cry. When I met Pita I hadn't cried since my father's death, 23 years earlier. But my submissive is teaching me and I"m rediscovering whole areas and depths of emotion that I've envied for a long time. The first time with her was unbelievably cleansing for me.

Tell me I shouldn't be crying and I'll practice my single tail up and down your sorry ass! :30:

hJ

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Originally Posted by her_Joe

As a child I wasn't allowed to cry. When I met Pita I hadn't cried since my father's death, 23 years earlier. But my submissive is teaching me and I"m rediscovering whole areas and depths of emotion that I've envied for a long time. The first time with her was unbelievably cleansing for me.

hJ

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Oh, now that is such a wonderful thing for you both. I am so pleased to see that you are now discovering the healing power of crying. To me, a real man in one that is not scared to show how they are feeling, including crying if the moment calls for it.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us all.

Aussiegirl

Thanks for clarification. Feel a tad bad for the sticky beak!

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But i guess if you'e not feeling it then you're pobably dead lol.

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If I may quote a line from frankee- I think that about says it all.

The world is full of people who are dead inside. Give me feelings anyday- well most days anyway. :rolleyes:

Tojo

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Originally Posted by Violenteer

Thanks for clarification. Feel a tad bad for the sticky beak!

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No problem. Must have been one of my rambling babbling days, i confuse myself most of the time :)

I am so surprised that no one brought this up in response to this thread. If you, or both of you are finding crying a turn on, just maybe, you may enjoy the SM paraphilia called dacryphilia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dacryphilia

Just a thought. Keep communicating!

More and more, recently, I find myself shedding tears when my Dom and I are intimate. Most of the time, I don't understand where the tears are coming from. I only know that the feelings I am experiencing at that time are so intense, they seem to need a form of "release".

The first time this happened to me, I was somewhat confused, to say the least. It was after a fairly intense scene, and I had gotten up to get something to drink. As soon as I sat down, I just broke down and started crying. He came in and held me, asking if I was alright and telling me how much I meant to him and that he loved me. He was quite concerned as to whether he had hurt me either physically or emotionally, to which I assured him that I was fine, and that there was nothing wrong.

Since then, we have both learned that my tears and crying are part of what I feel for him and are not to be regarded as a negative aspect, but a positive one.

*nods at pixie_dust*

Happens to me fairly often. The better the "play", the more likely I'll cry. I think it's a cathartic thing. It's not intended. It's like it's such an intense relief, such an intense high, that when it's over, I can't help but cry.

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Originally Posted by sheepish(DW)

Its an emotional release, but also, on my part, something that is very intimate. To trust someone that much, to allow them to be that close to whom I am, emotionally, physically, mentally, is too much for me to bear at times and i release it in the form of tears. its a beautiful and wonderful feeling for me.

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Sheepish, I just wanted you to know sweetie, that when I read your words, well, not to be funny, but I had tears in my eyes! You described perfectly and exactly how I always feel when I am with Max. In the beginning my crying sorta freaked me out! But after talking to him, and others that had the same thing happen to them, well, it let me know that it was just that! An emotional release caused by something so powerful that it literally overwhelmed me. Part of it was my love for him, and part of it was what you said, the fact that I could trust and give every part of me to another. But he is never overwhelmed....he just takes me in his arms and holds me, and cuddles with me, and then looks into my eyes and says, "I love you too beautiful." *sigh*

and big hugs to you Violenteer's_Slut:)

ooh i'm an emotional one for sure! crying from physical pain is actually something i have found that is easier for me to deal with than crying from an intense emotional situation. with the physical pain crying...i know what is causing me to shed those tears...be it a paddle, belt, clothespins..~shudders~ so i am more accepting of it. yet, with emotional crying, it always stuns me at first. it surprises me when i apparently cry for no reason. then i have to stop and actually think about my feelings...process what just happened and realize that i wasn't crying for no reason. whether you are crying because you are happy...or crying because you are sad, there is always a reason behind it. even though i know that to be true, emotional crying still catches me off guard!

recently, for example, such a simple thing as being sent to the corner ended up with me bursting into tears. as usual, i was shocked at first, until i was able to stop and think about what exactly it was that had me crying. disappointment...disrespect...humiliation...all those things had brought me to tears. i worked through it all in my head though, and also talked to a couple of wonderful friends to kinda get things off my chest. in the end the tears were gone and i felt better for the whole mess.

i think it's important to talk about these emotions and not keep them bottled up inside. whether you are writing in your journal, talking to your Dom, or wearing out a friend's good listening ear...it's always important to just get it out there. but that's just my opinion. ~smiles~