What Does Our submission Do For You??

I am posting this in the Master section, but it is equally for Mistresses as well.

I have been doing an awful lot of reflection on my own submission lately. As a part of this journey, I have asked my fellow subs a number of soul-bearing, not-so-easy questions in the Questions for a Sub section. The responses have been incredible.

Now that I have their perspectives, I am looking to learn about the Dom/me side as well. Not so much what do you get out of being a Dom/me, but what do you get out of our submission?

A subtle difference, but an important one. Why do you Dom/me, is a whole other topic.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

When we top from the bottom?

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

Yes, submission is a gift. But let's unwrap it, and see what is inside the package.

Although I am asking a number of questions I am hoping you will just use this as a jumping off point. I would like to start a discussion, not necessarily complete a survey. Please feel free to answer as many or as few as you would like, and add any other thoughts as you wish (not that you wouldn't anyway....y'all are Dominants, after all....).

-lily

ohh nice one lily. I can't wait to see the answers for this..

Also eagerly waiting to hear the answers.

cariad

I think I'll make you wait til tomorrow- just because I can....:)



Tojo

Evil Dom......

Oh very nice question. Ok, I am new here but maybe this will let everyone know some of my own personal beliefs. But let’s start with your first question and go from there. WARNING: just my one views and not intended to upset anyone or reflect on anyone but myself.

What does it feel like when a sub fully commits to a Dom? That is very hard to describe for there are a lot of emotions that come with that. If being dominant is euphoric then having complete submission is euphoria x2 with a side of heaven. Like I said really hard to describe. Here is another shot at it, read the following:

Control,
Power,
Love
Lust
Love
Control
Fuck
Caring
Fun
Mind
Love
Control
Sex
Control
Lust
Caring
Love
DOMINATION…

Doesn’t make much sense does it… Well it doesn’t; for me either. I know that total submission makes me feel all those feelings and more but as if they were all shoved in a blender and set on frappe. As cheesy as it sounds, it make me feel like I’m on top of the galaxy.

How does it feel when a sub is pleasing me? Well, pleasurable…. Sorry had to. Again, for me it heightens the normal pleasure. Ok, simple scale of 1-10If getting a blowjob from your girlfriend is a 2, and getting a really good blowjob is a 4, then getting one from a sub at your command or because she is determined to please is an 11.

How does it feel when a sub disappoints me? Ah now that’s very different then above. When my Pet disappoints me it is not only a let down for me, it also makes me feel like I have fail to a point as a Dom. Kind of like of a teacher would feel with failing kids.

What do I get out of it? Well, to me the best description is that it’s like a drug. I’m addicted to the feeling of euphoria that the control and power gives me. But its not so bad that I could live with out it, I just wouldn’t want to. But like with all great things, it happens slowly. I have had much better D/s relationships that have grown slowly then trying to jump in feet first and control my partner.

Ok, I think I’m done. Next!!

My sweet friend, you ask such tough questions. One of the reasons I enjoy our talks so much. Well, I got to answer the sub questions. Now I'll flick the switch and try these ones on for size.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

There is a satisfaction in seeing all the training "take" and actually hold, in seeing your mind make the concious choice to serve Me and do as I wish. I don't pick "easy" girls, I seem to enjoy a challenge. Strong willed women. And as such it makes that submission all the sweeter to witness. Seeing a woman submit makes Me proud, and content.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

"How does it feel when a sub is pleasing me? Well, pleasurable…. Sorry had to. Again, for me it heightens the normal pleasure. Ok, simple scale of 1-10If getting a blowjob from your girlfriend is a 2, and getting a really good blowjob is a 4, then getting one from a sub at your command or because she is determined to please is an 11."

Havensov's answer mayb have been a bit cheeky but I can still echo the concept and agree with him. It's hard to explain why exactly things feel more pleasureable coming from a sub who chooses of their own free will to serve... it just does. I haven't been a Dom in my time as much as I've been a sub so I can't give a better answer than that, yet. Perhaps in time.

If a sub is dissapointing, it depends on what happened. Simply failinag a task can range from mildly displeasing to rather highly upsetting, depending on the nature of the failure and the task. But the constant is, assuming the sub is serious about her submission, that if a sub doesn't obey a command of some kind I do take it as a failure on my part to have trained you as fully as you needed. It doesn't mean it crushes me inside anytime a sub doesn't follow my commands to the letter, but the teacher analogy above is quite sensible.

When we top from the bottom?

This depends... some subs do it on purpose and their Masters enjoy putting them in their place so to speak. Others are totally intollerant of it. Myself, I walk a fine line. I like strong willed, confident women. Ones that don't necessarily give in easily. But once someone chooses to give in, I expect them to mean it and frankly not make me fight for inches. You either give in or you don't and topping from the bottom is a game I won't tolerate for all that long. I don't ever want a doormat by any stretch of the imagination, but at the same time I don't want to have a power struggle either. As a switch, that is quite franklly an unfair game to play with me personally.

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

I've never had a "full time" sub. For me, I think it would take a very special woman to hold that role with me. I admit I do have a desire for it. But she'd have to meet a very specific set of criteria for me to take on a full time sub. I'm still learning what some of those criteria are.

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

I get a few things. One, there is a discipline that comes with being the Dominant in a relationship, a responsibility of the role. I enjoy the challenge that it presents. Both for myself to maintain a certain style, as well as the challenge of training a sub. From either side of the D/s coin I enjoy the incredible intimacy one can build in this lifestyle, the trust and respect that must surely develop for the whole thing to work. Of course, I enjoy a degree of the sexuality of it all. That goes without saying, but really it's the trust, the respect, the satisfaction of seeing a sub serve and serve well that is at least, if not moreso, appealing. What would bring me back for more would have to do very much with the individual, and their own personality.

What allows me to put up with all the trouble? Simple. I don't just love women, I happen to like them too. :D

Well that's my try at answering, I hope it helped you my friend. I guess I probably have a somewhat unique take on this, but hopefully it still provided a bit of useful info in there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tojo

I think I'll make you wait til tomorrow- just because I can....:)
Tojo

---

Sheepish, Tojo is very good at playing this game, but the wait is always worth it !:D

Ok I'm answering this without reading Wolf's answers, because I usually agree with him. Despite my current free status, I have had women submit to me before.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?
It gives me a surge of confidence that someone trusts me so much. At the same time, it provokes an equal sense of responsibility. And frankly, if the submission involves something sexual, I do get hard. Very very hard.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?
I am more comfortable with simple "pleasing" as opposed to "fully submitting". When I reflect on that, I do wonder if I am a wannabe, because I enjoy it so much. I've not been disappointed yet - though I'm not a hard line guy who wants everything just so. And again, if the pleasing involves something sexual, I do get hard. Very very hard.

When we top from the bottom?
I don't mind being told what the gal wants, but using emotions to try to get your way will always leave me cold and/or confused.

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?
I don't: I can be patient because I don't want to be the type of dom who has failed relationship after failed relationship. I've had one serious (mostly) online relationship so far, and it didn't work but I know we both learned a lot and are still close friends. If my "next" submissive is as good a choice as my last one, I suspect that will last for a while.

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?
The idea that a woman wants to willingly submit to me, yet will still be herself and not a mindless slave, that is probably what I'm looking for. I frequent the chatroom a lot, and it's ALWAYS the fiesty, funny gals who turn me on (in mind and in libido) the most. It's why I'm in there so much - I doubt I'll meet my partner in there, but the (mostly collared already) gals inspire and stimulate me. Yeah, I'll admit that sexiness helps too, which is again where I sometimes wonder if I'm a wannabe. But hey, virtually every BDSM story involves impossibly beautiful people, so maybe everyone thinks that.

Thanks for the questions lily.

Q xx

Thank you Havensov, Wolf, and Q for your responses. I will let all of this settle a bit, and then post a better reply.

Tojo, we are waiting with bated breath.

I promise....my next thread will be easy.

Now that I have their perspectives, I am looking to learn about the Dom/me side as well. Not so much what do you get out of being a Dom/me, but what do you get out of our submission?

The simple response to that is, in a word, happiness. To expand on that though, so to better understand why or how. When a woman, or man for that matter submits to me. I feel as if I am being worshiped, or another way of looking at it, would be as if I am put into a leadership position, a position of authority.


A subtle difference, but an important one. Why do you Dom/me, is a whole other topic.

Why do I do it. Well that is linked to the above response. Ultimately however, I enjoy the activity, the mental and physical actions as they occur. I enjoy learning and experiencing new things, and seeing new things.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

This particular question can have such a varied response depending on the submissives opinion of fully submitting. Lets use a few examples, and also remember that in some ways how a submissive submits can be perceived as topping from the bottom, depending on the Dominant.

If a submissive agrees to a flogging, is this submission? Yes, it is, is it fully submitting? It can be if the submissive doesn't enjoy pain, and finds the act of being flogged displeasurable, or perhaps submits to the flogging as a learning experience having never done so. It is not fully submitting however if a flogging is just a warm up to more intense events, the warm up intending to get the submissive on the edge of subspace.

So now that we have evaluated what fully submitting is, we can answer the question of how does it make me feel, and what does it do for me.

I makes me feel powerful, controlling, possessing of something valuable. Being able to contort a submissive into whatever bound position I desire (without breaking her/him in half). To be able to inflict whatever level of pain I desire, to bring the pain level in such a way that the submissive finds it pleasurable is a talent/skill that is not easy to accomplish, and if done wrong will cause you to never play with or see the submissive again. To be able to toy with his/her mind to the effect of making them wonder ponder fear/anticipate whatever activity you might decide to conduct. Is to me ego inflating.

So to be able to do those things, to have that ability to do what I will. For me, it gives me a charge of pride, and fulfillment.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

Two separate questions.

Pleasing: When a submissive is pleasing, as the others stated, it is pleasurable. It brings satisfaction and joy.

Disappointment: This particular feeling can be double edged. Disappointing to whom? Do you think my disappointment will cause you pain? If you do, then I find that pleasurable. Do you think that you disappointing me will cause me to think of you as a failure as a submissive? If you answer yes to the latter question, then you must understand that really this disappointment really doesn't happen unless you as a submissive have disappointed me by being disobedient because you disrespect me as a Person and as a Dominant. Short comings, and failures are not disappointments, they are simply missed goals, or anticipated achievements that were not realized.

When we top from the bottom?

When a submissive tops from the bottom, do they do it subconsciously? If they do, it is just simply annoying, and if I realize what is happening as it happens, then it is my duty/responsibility to correct this. If they do it consciously well then, that falls under disappointment. Ultimately I would probably elect to withhold my Domination or attempted Domination from them in response to this.

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

When I was without a submissive, I looked forward to when I would have that opportunity.

What do you get out of it all?

I get to feel appreciated, wanted, and happy.

What brings you back for more?

The memory of what was enjoyable.

Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

The love of the lifestyle, and all the feelings it brings to me.

Yes, submission is a gift. But let's unwrap it, and see what is inside the package.

Submission is a gift, as is Domination, without one there wouldn't be the other. I enjoy the trust that is involved in submission. I enjoy the depraved nature of having someone submit to me. I love how a submissive craves for me to mark their body. For I crave to do it as much as they wish for it.

V/R
ID

Quite a hard question when you think about it, thanks for asking lily.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

- It gives me a warm glow that I'm loved that much, & is of course a turn on.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

-When you please, it just fills me with love. On the rare occasions you disappoint, I feel....disappointed. I consider whether a punishment is appropriate, & try to remember that you're doing your best. Unless you're not!
In which case a punishment may be appropriate. :D

When we top from the bottom?

-I love it. I've always said lisa is sassy & sexy. I think I probably encourage my girls to be honest & speak their mind. Of course there are limits.....

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

- N/A at this stage.

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

- What do I get out of it? My greatest reason for living. I love to care for my girls, whether they're my sub or not. To see someone take charge of their life, to learn to love themself & to tell me how they're feeling is darn nice.

Trouble? Oh yeah!

That's what fascinates me- to be able to come up with a way to have someone do things that I want- whether it's something I feel they need to do, or just what I happen to want is a challenge sometimes.

When you get right down to it, to make someone happy is the quickest short cut to your own happiness.

Tojo

i don't know if i'm really qualified to post this or not, but it was interesting so i replied :)


When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

- honestly, i feel very proud and confident. my wife doesn't trust very easily and for her to submit to me, is a great honor.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

well obviously when she is pleasing me, it's awesome. she gets better and better everytime. i'm almost thinking she's practicing on someone else ;) just kiddin.

the only time she disappoints me is when she refuses to try something new, but she is getting better everytime!

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

- well i'm still new at this, so if i didn't have a current sub...i wouldn't know any different.

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

makes me feel strong, confident and very pride, which is why i come back for more. and i'm used to the trouble she gives me, i've been married to her for four years! she's worth it though.

well hmmmmmm
I think what i get out of it all is the willingness to submit to me and what i want.To give yourself freely to me.To be mine body mind and soul.What i get out of it its a high allmost drug like but better.What keeps me coming back???? hmmmmm that is all the reasons above,but in this is the need to give you what you want to please you. i know when you are being a bratty little slut that you want to be punished and i am willing to give you what you want to get what i want.this is a really complex subject i could go on and on.
topping from the bottom????hmmmm i think all subs do that its how you get what you want. i dont mind it makes me know that you want something and makes my cock get hard.and dissappoint us hmmmm well for me alot of that is just little things like not begging good enough but its still begging. ask me anything about this and i will explain further

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?


The simple answer is a womans submission makes me function as a human being. I need a submissive woman at my side or frankly....I'm fucked.

I'm a pretty sensitive guy and I pick up on a lot of subleties whether I like it or not. I've had relationships with not-so-submissive women and it always eats me up inside. I always end up as a nervous wreck.

I am very strong when I have a slave at my side but weak without it. I don't show it though, and I think I'm good at fooling others during those slave-free periods. But I need it. I need a woman I can call mine, that will stay no matter how "badly" I treat her.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?
I never get angry. disapointed and a bit sad.

When we top from the bottom?
What from the where?

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?
Answered above


What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?
It's worth it. It makes me complete.

I find that by treating my sub with repsect, dignity & love rather than force, fear and anger she is MORE than willing to do anything I request of her! To me a D/s relationship is just that, a RELATIONSHIP, subs have feelings & rights & deserve to be treated with respect & love.
Here is something that a friend had sent me (She's a Mistress & a Mentor & to her this is how she saw me as a "Dom")

A man who diplays sensitivity
will be a Master who is sensitive to you.
~
A man who displays humility
will be a Master who
will show you respect.
~
A man who is not afraid to cry
will be a Master who
understands your tears.
~
A man who is quiet
will be a Master who
will hear your quietest whisper.
~
A man who will listen to a child
will be a Master who
will always work to understand your words
~
A man who can stand alone
will be a Master who
will not crush you under His weight.
~
A man who does not have to
prove His point will be a Master with
many worth while points to share.
~
A man who never makes demands
will be a Master who
treasures anything you give.
~
A man who doesn`t run after you
will be a Master
you will never need to run from.
~
A man who is calm
will be a Master who
can weather your storms.
~
A man who has walked the path to peace
will be a Master
able to guide you along that path.
~
A man who does not shout
will be a Master who
will never deafen you.
~
A man with an open mind
will be a Master who
never stops learning.
~
A man who never stops learning
will be a Master who
never stops growing.
~
And
~
A man who always seeks to be
the best He can be
for you
is the only man truly worthy
of being called MASTER

I know this reflected for a "MAN", but I believe it also works for "WOMEN" as well.

that was beautiful. Thanks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

I am very strong when I have a slave at my side but weak without it.

---

I'm veering a bit off-topic for this thread, but that is totally hot.

canEHdianMAN,

Thank you for posting that wonderful piece, it is oh so true. I have been very lucky to have met two men online who both fit the description you posted. I wish everyone could be so lucky.

Aussiegirl

canEHdianMAN,

I would add:

A man who not afraid to accept love
Will be a master who
can say "I love you"

Oh blimey! I've used the "l" word again...

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

Well, to be honest, it scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid my responses will be quite a bit different from the others you have received, nonetheless, here goes. Yes, it scares me, but it excites me too. I guess I can best describe it as the feeling of being in an airplane about to jump out. Excited but fearful. In that state you are fully aware and that is the difference. Total awareness. Your comment "fully submit" is also the key. Subs submit, that is what they do, but fully submit? That is much rarer than one would think. You can not equate trust with submission and that is a mistake I feel is made far too often. They are componenets of each other but are not interchangeable. Giving up free will is not something most people or subs even can handle. I am awed by the resposibility when it does happen and fearful that I will not be up to the task. I always say that the best way for a Master to be sure he gets what he wants, needs, and desires, s/he must make sure that these same conditions are met in his/her sub. If they are, the sub will do almost anything (some to the point of the ridiculously extreme, like snuff) to make sure the Master is pleased. Therein lies the responsibility. I have to let you extrapolate from here or I would be writing a book.

What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you?

Here again the question is incomplete. Do you mean pleasing sexually? Intimately? Respectfully? Intellectually? Emotionally? Do you get the point? Pleasing can not be limited to one aspect......you need to be specific with this question. As most everyone has taken it to mean sexually, I will broach this from a different perspective. Intellectually and Emotionally when a sub uses her brain or her feelings to please me, I am ecstatic. It is she who makes me feel special. I always try to take on a sub who can stimulate me in many ways not just in the dungeon (or for vanillaites, bedroom, LOL). If I wanted a sex toy, there are plenty of ways of getting one without all of the effort that goes into Dominating one. So, yes I love subs who have a mind and a will of their own even when it comes to pleasing me. Just for the record, it is quite thrilling to use a sub......wake up in the morning and push her head to your cock or come home and lift her skirt (no panties for my subs) and take her over the couch. But this is for my pleasure and pleasing includes the sub. Is there any Dom that doesnt thrill at seeing his sub cum? That is pleasing to me too.

Disapointment. I never expect perfection, just progress. I do not discipline with spankings, beatings, long periods of time in bondage or other common tecniques. These are playtime activities and are not to be confused. Plus, a Dom should never, ever, ever strike a sub when angry and dissapointment is another way of saying angry. I prefer to withhold affection. I find it very effective. A sub is constantly looking to verify her worthiness and the value of her submission. When that feedback is withheld it stings more than any crop could ever.

When we top from the bottom?

If you are talking about during play I am confused. It has always been my practice to discuss scenes ahead of time. Maybe not right ahead of time, meaning we discuss several and maybe act out one and a week later act out the other without the immediate knowledge but certainly prior consent.

Again, I seem to Dom differently, I dont want complete submission all the time in all ways. My subs generally know when I am serious and want complete submission, and they know when I want them to participate. It is the communication that is key.

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

I guess I dont really understand the inclusion of this question. It seems ambiguous. So I will just say that in that case, I am unfulfilled and looking to become whole again.

What do you get out of it all? What brings you back for more? Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

Well, lily this is the easiest question of them all. It is who I am. Once having exerienced the wonder of the possibilities and the accomplishment of a great relationship, how do you not come back and try again? What wouldn't I put up with (bad choice of words there), to have it again? I agree with someone before me who said "not only do I love women, I like them." To that I say hear hear!!

Domtotrain

Ok, not reading others posts, if I redundasize, do forgive.

For Me, its about the Love, I find it easier to Love one whom is "under" Me. Knowing one depends on Me for her needs is very satisfying indeed.

Having her look to Me for her strength, safety, fulfillment is a responsibility I treasure.

her submission means, for Me, that shes found One important enough in her life, to trust, obey, and want to please. One whom she can confide in, talk to, be a friend and servant to. shes sought Me out as hers.....to complete her.

When she is disobedient, I'm crushed, as I find her lack of desire to please sad. I punish only disobedience tho, not disappointment.

I wont tolerate being topped from the bottom.....period. I discuss things with My sub(s), give them opportunity for input, but once agreed upon, the terms are strictly enforced. If she must play games with My authority......is she truly a/My submissive? Is she worthy of all the attenion I lavish on her/them......in short...no, not at all.

I guide, listen, love, and cherish those who choose to submit to Me......I focus on her pleasures, as this in turn satisfies My needs as well.

Now for the debaucherous side, I LOVE, making a girl, get on her knees......look up to Me......and freely do as shes told...regardless of her mood......regardless of anything other than her desire to please her Master/Sir.

I'm short on time, I hope this answers some questions.

Thank you to everyone who has replied to lily's question, I am finding this thread fascinating. I have asked similar questions of one man, but reading all these replies gives a much broader flavour, and one I am excited by.

cariad

Wow, a resurgance. I love it.

Please keep them coming.

Lily, these are all very good questions... In response, I want to say I love the way you think! In fact it is refreshing to see and read the posts from people who actually do think, as it is one of my everyday beliefs that common sense is not so common any more… much the same, people have become so lazy in this fast-food society that we live in that they choose not to think as often as possible.

When we fully submit to you, how does it make you feel? What does it do for you?

Submission of another to me is very much a gift. I view another’s submission to me as a belief in their confidence of me as a leader, their understanding of me as a person, their trust in me to care for them as well as caring about them, and also as a sign of respect in which they place so much of their faith in me to do the right thing not just for me, but for us as a common group.

What about when we are pleasing?

When a submissive pleases, it gives me a feeling of gratitude from them… in some way they are grateful for what I offer them, and in return they please me as a form of showing their approval in the way I conduct myself, treat them, and care. I also see their pleasing me as a selfish act on the part of the submissive, as their pleasing me, also gives them a feeling of pleasure… a double-edged sword!

When we disappoint you?

Disappointment, on the other hand, may be their way of telling me that they are dissatisfied with something I have done, without actually saying something, or it may be just that I have set the bar too high. Regardless, disappointment gives the submissive the feeling of having let down the very one they care for, and most times, the feelings they bestow upon themselves are far harsher than any punishment a Dom could give.

When we top from the bottom?

Topping from the bottom is likely a great way for one to have her butt spanked. :) I quite appreciate the chances I might get to see this in someone, as it will offer chances to get to see how they think, and plot their own courses for themselves, without guidance.

What about if you don't have a current sub/slave?

I do not at this time have a submissive, and have not had one in some time. This has been my own choice as I felt I required some reflective time to grow as a person both inside and outside BDSM.

What do you get out of it all?

Once I find the right person for myself, that one submissive that I want to spend my time with, and focus my energy on, I believe the rewards that I will gain from that will be many-fold. For the most part, it gives me a chance to gain much insight into that other person, and to live a life that is far greater than a vanilla relationship could ever offer. I view my life in BDSM as one that is far freer with communication, feelings, and such, that we are both gaining what we want.

What brings you back for more?

The knowledge that I am able to share myself with others, and that I might have something to offer that will allow them to grow as a person in ways they are unable to otherwise. I also believe that I can not grow to reach my own full potential as one, without having those bonds with another that offer so very much to me… Intellect, passion, lust, fun, psychology, trust, respect, love and so very much more.

Allows you to put up with all the trouble we give you?

What trouble… <insert whip cracking sound here>

canEHdianMAN I hope you dont mind, but I have cut and pasted that onto a Word doc. I am rating those words right up there with Kipling's IF as ideals to gain or stand by.

Oh, Ed. I stole the addition you suggested too.

As for the original questions. I dont feel qualified to answer fully as yet. The only thing I can say with any authority is that childbrides submission is the most wonderfull thing in the world to me, it gives me sense of completeness that I find hard to put into words.

Tasker

I am not going to read the other posts here because I think this one should be personal.

To me the submission of my slave shows a trust and love that brings me great pleasure. I know that some will think that I am speaking about the gratification of having my way, and, to be honest, that is part of it. But only a small part.

When I look back on my vanilla relationships, I see that I am looking for the same committment from them that I am from a slave. Not the ownership, but the trust and respect. A slave would never compare me to her exes, but nilla women do so wiothout thought. They do not understand that this disrespects both me and their ex.

The level of resepect that a slave must have to give herself to me is deeply gratifying and personal. She must know all of my foibles, fetishes, and be familiar with my dark side, yet trust me to keep that side in control. She must subjigate her worries to me and trust me to take care of them.

What does this do for me. To know that a woman knows everything about me, yet trusts me warms the cockles of my heart. It makes me want to protect her, care for her, and love her. I have learned to respect slaves more than I have ever learned to resect nilla women because slaves know themselves and respect themselves.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lily27

... Not so much what do you get out of being a Dom/me, but what do you get out of our submission?

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One of the defining characteristics of mammals is cuddling and physical contact as a means of social interaction and bonding. I'm not a person who forms true connections lightly. I'm not a person who participates in that mammalian behavior a whole lot.

When someone submits to me, I get the opportunity to experience that connection on my terms. They are indicating that they value me enough that they are willing to expose a hidden part of themself. They want to feel my touch on that part of themself and they trust me enough to let me in. They want to feel my touch on my terms -- in whatever way I see fit. When I reach in and stroke that part, I am indicating that I value them enough to accept the burden of the responsibility for their wellbeing and I am demonstrating that I value them enough that I want to explore them more deeply.

Yes, it feels powerful. Yes, it makes me feel like more than a king to have someone want to serve me for no other reason than I am who I am -- just because this person feels like giving me everything she has is the right thing for her to do. Yes, it feels great to have some demonstrate that much trust in you.

But really, it's about a deep connection made on my terms. It's about sharing an intense experience -- trading a little bit of my human essence in exchange for someone else's. For me, it's about being a mammal.

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Originally Posted by lily27

... What about when we are pleasing? When we disappoint you? ...

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When you are pleasing, I am proud and impressed by your creativity and commitment. I am aroused by your desire to please and inclined to reward you and then challenge you to go even further.

When you disappoint, it is a weight on my shoulders. I am not one who must force discipline on someone for my own fulfillment. If a sub needs that, then I see that as a service I provide in return for their submission. I see that as one of my contributions to the relationship.

I have certain things I expect from people with whom I share any part of my life, even if it's just an acquaintance. I expect to be treated with respect and honesty and all of those typical things. I am not about to try to enforce those things on a sub through rules or discipline. If someone does not meet those expectations, then they are simply not welcome in my life. No amount of corporal punishment or domination will change that. If I do enforce real, serious rules on someone, they are going to be rules that that person wishes to follow. In that context, I am just loaning them my strength and will to help them be the person they want to be. If they disappoint me in that context, then they have let themselves down. I don't take any joy in that.

Maybe I'm just taking the word "disappointed" too seriously. I would only really be disappointed if someone was being dishonorable, abusive or something like that. If a sub snaps at me or has some other normal human lapse that violates my rules, I'm very unlikely to be disappointed. I may be annoyed or angry, but it's very unlikely that I would be disappointed. Annoyed or angry are sometimes fun, sometimes not. That just depends on the situation.

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Originally Posted by lily27

... When we top from the bottom? ...

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That's a sticky point for me. I hate it. I hate it more than I'd like, and so I try roll with it. But my first inclination is to call the whole thing off. Anything that smells of attempted manipulation sets me off. And yet I know that certain types and levels of manipulation are as human as can be and don't necessarily come from a bad place. I'm just insulted that someone would think they could get one over on me like that, and so it's almost the same as if the attempted manipulator had just stood up and said, "I think you're an idiot. Now go make me a sandwich."

But in my experience, most attempts at topping from the bottom are pretty harmless. A sub might "accidentally" break the position you ordered her to hold because she's in the mood for a little punishment. But the thing is: the only thing that's better than forcing someone to do something they think or pretend they don't want is when you push them to the point that they revel in it and beg for it. So if someone's in the mood for a little punishment or humiliation, I want them to ask me for it. I want them to say it out loud, so that they can hear it. I want them to need it so badly that they are willing to work for it and prostrate themselves for it. I want them to push their superego aside and let their id rampage. I want their ego to sit there and watch, horrified -- and yet, oddly aroused -- so that when it's all over their conflicting inner voices have come a little bit closer to understanding each other.

So something as effortless as "accidentally" breaking a rule or being a brat just isn't an acceptable shortcut around all of that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cage

But the thing is: the only thing that's better than forcing someone to do something they think or pretend they don't want is when you push them to the point that they revel in it and beg for it. So if someone's in the mood for a little punishment or humiliation, I want them to ask me for it. I want them to say it out loud, so that they can hear it. I want them to need it so badly that they are willing to work for it and prostrate themselves for it. I want them to push their superego aside and let their id rampage. I want their ego to sit there and watch, horrified -- and yet, oddly aroused -- so that when it's all over their conflicting inner voices have come a little bit closer to understanding each other.

So something as effortless as "accidentally" breaking a rule or being a brat just isn't an acceptable shortcut around all of that.

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Oh my...my, my, my! Words completely fail me. So very glad they didn't do the same to you! Thank you ever so much for sharing that little gem. ~begins the process of trying to breathe normally once again~

Wow, Cage. What an insight you have provided us. Thank you.

You definitely should post more often. Everything I have read of yours has been excellent.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cage

One of the defining characteristics of mammals is cuddling and physical contact as a means of social interaction and bonding. I'm not a person who forms true connections lightly. I'm not a person who participates in that mammalian behavior a whole lot.

When someone submits to me, I get the opportunity to experience that connection on my terms. They are indicating that they value me enough that they are willing to expose a hidden part of themself. They want to feel my touch on that part of themself and they trust me enough to let me in. They want to feel my touch on my terms -- in whatever way I see fit. When I reach in and stroke that part, I am indicating that I value them enough to accept the burden of the responsibility for their wellbeing and I am demonstrating that I value them enough that I want to explore them more deeply.

Yes, it feels powerful. Yes, it makes me feel like more than a king to have someone want to serve me for no other reason than I am who I am -- just because this person feels like giving me everything she has is the right thing for her to do. Yes, it feels great to have some demonstrate that much trust in you.

But really, it's about a deep connection made on my terms. It's about sharing an intense experience -- trading a little bit of my human essence in exchange for someone else's. For me, it's about being a mammal.

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Get out of my head. ;)

Very well written post.