So, I went to my first munch...

Because I so much want to talk face-to-face with other women like me. :) And it was fun. Really nice welcoming group - I met a few people, particularly a very nice woman. She hosts a monthly gathering for submissives/bottoms/slaves that I plan to attend in May.

Truthfully, it has taken me 3 months to work up the nerve to go and I was shaking like a leaf when I walked in, but gathered up my nerve, told the greeters I was completely new and they just took me in hand and made every effort to make me feel welcome and comfortable. I'm really glad I went and would recommend reaching out in this way to anyone.

Have a wonderful day! :wave:

Well done his j. This was such a big step to take. It would have taken alot of courage. Bravo! im so glad your experience was a positive one, and hope you have many more of them.

big hugs on your courageous steps forward!

smiles!!
cali

Do they bite?? Please say yes...please say yes! ~giggles~

I am so happy for you, reaching beyond the comfortable to search for more.

~hugs~

that's awesome
i have never attended one but would like to one day
how nice to know that there is a seperate meeting group you can go to - thats too cool!

Eden, cali, tessa, orchid ... Thanks for the awesome encouragement ya'll!
Well, tessa, I bet they'd bite if you asked really, really nicely...on your knees...naked...let your imagination fill in the rest! :)

I guess I met about 10 people overall, (out of 50-75 total) probably split 50/50 between doms and subs. You really do see a difference - the subs look really happy and have a glow about them - the doms have this look in their eye, not really sharp but just very direct and powerful, enough to make me have to stop myself from taking one very slow step back. It was incredibly interesting! (and exciting - you know what I mean! ;) )

Have a great weekend
jeanne

chuckles.....am glad that you got past the door and big big hugz to you.
there is nothing worse than going somewhere for the 1st time and it turning out to be a disaster!!!

Munches and socials are quite fun. everyones makes everyone else feel welcome, they never leave anyone out.
and the best bit...you can be who you truely are.

big big hugz to u jeanne

ceegee

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

It was incredibly interesting! (and exciting - you know what I mean! ;) )

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Hmmmmm....sounds it!

Pleased the venture went well for you, and wel look forward to hearing what happens when you do ask really, really nicely...on your knees...naked...

cariad

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cariad

Hmmmmm....sounds it!

...look forward to hearing what happens when you do ask really, really nicely...on your knees...naked...

cariad

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LOL - now I'm not going to be able to concentrate at work today, cariad!

I don't see that happening anytime soon (other than at home, and boy oh boy do I have some intense fantasies about that! :) indulging in one......okay now I'm back), but if there's one thing I've learned lately, it's "never say never".

So very happy that it was a positive experience for you. Truth be told, I don't know if I would have the courage, myself.

(Although the image of those Dom's making eye contact...mmmmm.) *catches breath*

im extremely happy for you and your new step forward, Congrat and many more positive experiences

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pixie_dust

(Although the image of those Dom's making eye contact...mmmmm.) *catches breath

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...mmmmm, is right. Rather overwhelming, to tell the truth! (In a sexy, I wonder what he's thinking about but I'm not sure I really want to know, way)

Wow, that's so brave.
But what is a munch exactly?
'Cause I'd like to meet likeminded people, but I wouldn't like to worship all the cocks in the room immediately and be expected to spread my legs.
I tried to look it up on the internet, but all I find is Edvard Munch's Scream.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_delilah (GS)

Wow, that's so brave.
But what is a munch exactly?
'Cause I'd like to meet likeminded people, but I wouldn't like to worship all the cocks in the room immediately and be expected to spread my legs.
I tried to look it up on the internet, but all I find is Edvard Munch's Scream.

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That's what I was afraid of, even though everything I read said it wasn't. Let me tell you, if anything remotely like that would have happened, I would have been sooooo out of there!

But, it's nothing like that! Just a bunch of people, semi-organized, who get together to eat and talk. It was in a restaurant banquet room. The dress was mostly work or casual or very soft BDSM type stuff (corsets with lace underneath, slinky dress, a little bit of leather). People are very polite and cheerful. There was an announcements portion - summer activities, BBQs, etc.

The only difference between that and any other gathering I've been to where people shared a common interest is that the common interest is BDSM, so lots of very frank talk about sex and play, etc. It was actually a relief to not have to hide that part of me for a couple of hours.

No "on your knees" type of stuff, nothing overt at all. Just a bunch of people standing around talking about what they like, don't like, who they like to play with, who they want to play with, how they came to the lifestyle, etc. Very comfortable and friendly (in a warm way, not a creepy way!) :)

How I found the group: go to Google, try these search terms together: your nearest bigger city, your state (or country), BDSM, pansexual, munch. I hope you'll find one nearby to go to. Some groups I think request an email or phone call from you beforehand so they can put you on an admittance list, but the one I went to did not.

im soo pleased to see this thread :)

im going to my first munch tomorrow and id yet to see a thread talking about them so this is good to hear.

im going with a friend off this site and ive emailed the munch people to ask for a meet and greet.....really looking forward to it!

^ good luck and hope that u enjoy urself smiles

ceegee

ohhhh love the description of the direct look in the Doms eyes
mmmmmm

Sounds wonderful!!! :)


Anyone care to explain exactly what a munch is to me? Maybe where the name came from?

kisskinky - have a great time, you'll have some interesting conversations! ;) And let us know how it went...

orchid - yep, the look. Now I know what it is and the effect it can have (is it just me or is it getting warm in here - fanning self) I hope to see it in my husband's eyes soon (he is getting a little glint of it :) )

dorkalicious - (I love your name by the way) I don't know where the name came from, but what little I know from reading and the internet is that it is just a gathering. Think Rotary Club or Jaycees or something like that, but instead of organizing charity luncheons and going on bus trips, they are all talking about BDSM. If you are interested in play parties, you will begin to get invited as you get to know people.

I can't recommend strongly enough - if you get the chance, go.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

dorkalicious - (I love your name by the way) I don't know where the name came from, but what little I know from reading and the internet is that it is just a gathering. Think Rotary Club or Jaycees or something like that, but instead of organizing charity luncheons and going on bus trips, they are all talking about BDSM. If you are interested in play parties, you will begin to get invited as you get to know people.

I can't recommend strongly enough - if you get the chance, go.

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Thank you very much for the compliment AND explanation :)

If I get a chance, I will most certainly do so.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dorkalicious

Sounds wonderful!!! :)


Anyone care to explain exactly what a munch is to me? Maybe where the name came from?

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Most "munches" start with lunch or an evening meal hence the name. Altho it is up to you and your Dominant partner as to whether you attend the meal before hand or just go straight to the arranged meeting place.
A munch is a social gathering held in a bar or function room where people can get together to put faces to names and where newbies can ask questions of the more experienced subs/Doms.

Typically it is a 'no play' evening as some venues will not allow public displays of sexual activity or lewdness but there are always 'Afters Parties' somewhere or you can visit a local club or party back in your hotel with people who have taken your fancy.

Dress code for Munches and Socials:
Smart/casual/fetish. In some cases where the venue owners may not be aware that we are lifestylers or if we only have part of the venue available to us and members of the public may be in the vicinity of the munch you may be asked to tone down your dress code. It's a common sense approach and we're all adult enough to act accordingly.
Basically... Black shirt, Black trousers, Corsets, babydolls anything that you wish but under no circumstances NO trainers, no jeans and no tshirts.

Hope this helps

ceegee

ceegee - it sounds like you know a lot more about it than I do - do you have any other tips/information to share with us? I'm a total newbie, just sort of feeling my way and willing to step outside my comfort zone to get the information and support I so desperately need! :)

BTW, that "domly" glint glowed in my husband's eyes a little brighter last night, I think he may be turning the corner from "I'll try this because you want me to" to "okay, I'm getting off on this". Yeah!

Have a wonderful weekend - spring has finally sprung up here!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

BTW, that "domly" glint glowed in my husband's eyes a little brighter last night, I think he may be turning the corner from "I'll try this because you want me to" to "okay, I'm getting off on this". Yeah!

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LMAOOOO good sign

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

ceegee - it sounds like you know a lot more about it than I do - do you have any other tips/information to share with us? I'm a total newbie, just sort of feeling my way and willing to step outside my comfort zone to get the information and support I so desperately need! :)

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Sure...smiles

The main one is always respect others around you. never be bratty. Other lifestylers in the comunity do not like bad behaviour. And bad behaviour always reflects on your Master/Mistress. Word travels fast in this community and if the disrespect carries on then you will not be allowed entry to another munch or club.
- Always remember your please and thankyous.
- People always notice the quiet and polite ones....
- Never drink too much. One should not be allowed to play whether Dominant or submissive if they have had just that bit too much to drink. That is when it becomes dangerous.
- Always make sure who the Dungeon Master or Mistress is for that night. So that if you do have any problems that either you or your Dominant can not resolve with another member, you can report it to them and they will deal with the situation.
- If you are going on your own make sure that you have a "safe call". This basically means that a friend is always on hand if you fall into some sort of trouble.
- Don't feel pressured into doing anything you dont want to.
And last but not least....remember NO means NO and all should respect that.

I hope that helps some more...smiles.
If you want anymore info then just holla me

ceegee

Excellent advice ceegee, I am wondering though how others feel about someone who attends who has a vanilla partner.

Unless I have dumb luck, I was going to attend one of the local munches in my area.
When I was first learning about my submissive nature, I befriended a few subs on another site. The only way to attend a munch here is to have another member invite and vouch for you.
The other subs were going to help me get into a munch, but found out that I had a vanilla b/f who was not yet aware of my interests and was not at all interested in the lifestyle.

I had no interest in meeting others to play or meet any potential Doms, but I was abruptly labeled a wannabe and a cheater.
I was told that I was not welcome in thier group unless I was fully into this lifestyle.
Maybe because I felt that at first my own personal life was not anyone's business, and asked a lot of questions that led them to believe that I was ready to embrace and practice BDSM, with others.

I thought that they were a little hasty with thier decision, but then again maybe I got the wrong impression as to what a munch really was.

Sounds rather petty to me.

The whole point of a munch is to learn more about the lifestyle by talking to others who live it. also to help you on your journey..regardless whether your partner is in the lifestyle or not.
I have been in this lifestyle real time for 9 years now and been with Benz for 3 years, and every day I learn more and more. The day you stop learning is the day you quit it or die.
Every munch or social you go to there are new people there, like minded people who wish and want to learn about the lifestyle. not just to "play".
They were def being hasty with their decission or being rather selfish and was a clicky group to start with.

I hope your experiance has not put you off in attending one again

ceegee

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}

^ good luck and hope that u enjoy urself smiles

ceegee

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thanks, i had a great time :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}

Basically... Black shirt, Black trousers, Corsets, babydolls anything that you wish but under no circumstances NO trainers, no jeans and no tshirts.

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Wait... what? People run munches where you can't wear jeans or t-shirts? What the hell?

Yes.

It is a strict dress code that is found all accross the world for all munches, socials and gatherings.
The Dungeon Master/Mistress has full right not to allow anyone in who does not apply to the rules.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}

Yes.

It is a strict dress code that is found all accross the world for all munches and socials.
The Dungeon Master/Mistress has full right not to allow anyone in who does not apply to the rules.

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Nods & smiles at my girl.

Discipline and standards are essential at munches.

As a Former Dungeon Master I would EXPECT dress codes to be strictly adhered too. Its a standard set at all major places worldwide.

There is also a major respect issue in the lifestyle which sometimes is sadly lacking.

As a Master I also realise that my girl enjoys the opportunity to look her best for her Owner in dressing the part. I also know my cg spends alot of time selecting her atire for an evening munch that means so much. It is a true reflection of her love for Myself and the lifestyle.

Munches are a fantastic gathering of wonderful people and essential means for future learning. It gives people the opportunity to be with like minded people who enjoy a similar lifestyle. Alot of work and planning goes into organising these events.

If you wish to wear trainers and jeans simply go to the pub.

Respectfully said!!

Master Benz.

im speaking from inexperiece but there was no dress code at the munch i went to yesterday, so this obviously isnt an across the board thing, surely. id say 9 out of 10 people there had jeans on or were dressed casually. probably a case of finding out about particular dress codes for particular munches and id imagine this would depend on venue, time of day, country, individual organisers and so on. as a newbie, i would not have felt comfortable going to the munch if everyone had to be dressed a certain way because i simply wouldnt know where to start!

Most Munches take place in the evenings but some are gatherings at lunchtimes....and generally those are casual wear...inc jeans. I was refering to those evening munches/socials.

My local "munch" is on the sunday of every month in a pub and starts at 1pm where there are famiies eating their Sunday lunches lol. So the dress attire has to blend in with that venue (they really dont want grannies and kids choking on stuffing balls!!!! LOL)
Another local munch within the area has a really strict dress code. black dress for the men and all out for the women inc nudity if so wished but under no circumstances no jeans or trainers.

As I said before all depends on the venue

ceegee

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}

Sounds rather petty to me.

The whole point of a munch is to learn more about the lifestyle by talking to others who live it. also to help you on your journey..regardless whether your partner is in the lifestyle or not.
I have been in this lifestyle real time for 9 years now and been with Benz for 3 years, and every day I learn more and more. The day you stop learning is the day you quit it or die.
Every munch or social you go to there are new people there, like minded people who wish and want to learn about the lifestyle. not just to "play".
They were def being hasty with their decission or being rather selfish and was a clicky group to start with.

I hope your experiance has not put you off in attending one again

ceegee

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I will say that they did hinder me from ever attempting to go again.

Now that I have a better perspective on things, and armed with more knowledge, I will eventually attend one in the future.
I know now that I will not be bullied by others with narrowminded thinking.

I doubt that I will choose a local one, but do know of other places close enough to where I live that I can attend.

Am glad it has not put you off at all....smiles

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ceegee{Benz}

Another local munch within the area has a really strict dress code. black dress for the men and all out for the women inc nudity if so wished but under no circumstances no jeans or trainers.

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Not only dress codes, but double-standard dress codes?

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

BTW, that "domly" glint glowed in my husband's eyes a little brighter last night, I think he may be turning the corner from "I'll try this because you want me to" to "okay, I'm getting off on this". Yeah!

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~claps and giggles and hugs jeanne~

I am so happy for you!!! Isn't that look just the BEST!

~hugs agan just 'cause~

Glad to hear you're warming up. :)

tessa

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NatalieD

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

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~hands Natalie some ginger ale~ So sorry you aren't feeling well. :)

Maybe the different dress code is a reflection of that particular group. If the group members all agree to it, well good for them. One of the local munches here meets for lunch in a family-style restaurant, so relaxed casual is the dress code, for both genders.

Different strokes and all.

tessa :wave:

cadence - do try again, it's just like anything other group of people - some groups are more or less open to newcomers. Since I will not be attending play parties unless my husband decides that is something we will do (I expect hell to freeze over long before that happens :) ) I'll never be a "fully participating" member of the group whose munch I attended. But, I did not get the impression that it was a requirement. You have given me food for thought though, so I'll probably ask one of the officers of the group if play party attendance is expected of those who want to attend munches regularly.

Benz and ceegee - thanks so much for adding your information and voices of experience to this thread. For myself, attending the munch was so fraught with emotions (anticipation, curiosity, fear, desperation to meet other submissives, discomfort) that I was worried that I would behave inappropriately or rudely without realizing it. I did lots of research about munches in general and studied the guidelines, many times, for this particular munch that the group posted on the internet.

Here are my thoughts on the sometimes stringent guidelines for attendance and behavior: Our sexuality and/or kink is so much a part of our innermost psyche and so directly tied to how we feel about ourselves, that revealing this to others may feel safer within a clearly defined context.

tessa - thanks for the hugs, I needed them! Realized Saturday morning that I need to be more cognizant of my word choices when thanking my husband - the word "sometimes" can definitely be misunderstood, depending on where you put it in the sentence! Otherwise, a great weekend! So today I am not only "well", I'm actually feeling really good. My insides are dancing around like dorkalicious' avatar...
Lots of hugs back to you! :wave:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by his_j

BTW, that "domly" glint glowed in my husband's eyes a little brighter last night, I think he may be turning the corner from "I'll try this because you want me to" to "okay, I'm getting off on this". Yeah!

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ROFL

I know the feeling...
Thank you for your advice.