Originally Posted by
Darryl_S
I am BDSM curious and I am wanting to know how does a person know whether they tend to be a Dom or a sub?
The only way to really know is to get out there and interact with other people in the community. One persons dominant may very well be another's submissive. Some people start as a submissive and move into being a dominant later and vice versa.
Is there a difference between a sub and a slave?
Traditionally the difference lay in who was "collared" (and in essence then "owned") and who was not. With today's PC internet world all that gets grey and wishy washy...you will even find people who have no physical contact with each other who call themselves collared or owned by others who they will most likely never meet face to face...shrugs. Either way I wouldn't worry about assigning any titular distinctions to yourself until you've been in it for a while.
What does it mean to be "owned" by someone, and why would anybody go along with being "owned"? As you can see I am new to all this. I asked a woman out awhile back and she told me that she couldn't go out, but that she would like to but she was already "owned" by someone. I'm curious as to what this means.
Im an owned slave in real life and for me its a little something like this:
Regardless of what title you wish to use.
The path to that of being a kajira ( a slave) is one of self awareness and truth.
First you are free and curious and only really play at being a slave girl, eventually even submitting on occasion to the will of another or many as the whim may strike .
Then later, you start to actually feel as if it is right for you to be submissive and seek it out, craving the feeling it gives and find yourself submitting in more and more ways, sometimes to a specific individuals will. If you are lucky maybe even falling deeply in love and this is where most of us stop.
Rarely but it can happen:
When the strength of the bond between a dominant and his submissive is great enough (strength of character etc not merely the physical) and the, respect, trust and devotion is tempered by a sense of discipline that grows with a love that knows no boundary...
....you start to submit not only to your Master, but to yourself as well.
Any conflict you struggled with about your submission dies with this acceptance and what you thought was your submission before becomes something so strong the word love only begins to describe it, and the bond between you and he is made stronger than anything either of you could ever imagine...
It is then you learn what true joy and freedom lays in your utter surrender to another.
It is then that you wake up a slave at the feet of your Owner.
:confused: I'm also wondering if there is a lot of brutality and pain involved in the lifestyle or if there is a point where a Dom knows to stop before it goes "too far"?