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Wife wants a set of rules/punishments to live by. 3 small kids with her staying @ home makes my options somewhat limited, but she wants a set of tasks that she has to do on a daily basis (shaving daily, working out x minutes daily, etc) that she has to follow. I've got a rudimentary list, but looking for input/ideas others may have had in a similar situation. Thanks in advance.
Hey, DH.
Sorry about the delay in responding. It's been a wild week.
In general, I'd approach this as an exercise in backward design. Start with the end - what you want her to experience - and work backward from there to generate specific obligations. You don't want to end up wasting time with rules (the salt shaker must always sit to the east of the pepper shaker) that don't accomplish your larger goals. For many couples, the larger goal is something like "to be repeated reminded of, and regularly reinforced in, her proper role in a sustained and sustaining relationship."
In general, I guess I'd imagine rules which were (1) effective, (2) intrusive, (3) unobtrusive and (4) enforceable.
What does that mean? (1) "Effective" means that the rule has to have a logic connection to the state of mind that you want to induce. (2) "Intrusive" means that it consciously interrupts the rhythm of her daily activities. Most of us get through the day using a series of mindless, well-oiled rituals or routines. You want to impose rules that disrupt her ability to move efficiently and thoughtlessly through her day. You want to make her stop, calculate and realize what's happening. (3) "Unobtrusive" means that the requirements must allow her to function effectively, without interference in her ability to fulfill her other obligations. If she's a corporate lawyer, she needs to be able to fully discharge her professional obligations to her clients. Likewise if she's a stay-at-home mom or a neighborhood volunteer. You want to enhance the quality of her life, not degrade it. Finally (4) "enforceable" means that you have to be able to establish the fact that your will has been executed promptly and precisely. The tether created by a cellphone is utterly invaluable there.
Hmmm ... our bathroom rituals are generally mindless. One possibility would be to disrupt hers. Most of us shower standing; have her shower squatting. Most of us rinse in warm water; have her rinsed in cool. Women sit to pee; deny her use of the toilet seat. Adults pee when nature calls; require her to receive texted permission. (Don't, by the way, be a jackass and abuse the requirement by excessive delay in permission.) Americans are naturally informal so another possibility would be to force her to be formal. Forbid contractions in her speech; if she says “can’t,” she needs to stop, apologize, back up and re-do the statement with “cannot.” Require her to address all adults males as “sir” and adult females as “ma’am.” If she's scattered, leave her a list of three exact times (10:27 a.m.) when she must stop what she's doing, kneel, and text the phrase "i kneel for you." Be clear that the requirement of a text <i>at the exact minute</i> is firm. Text the letter "x" to her, at which point she has 30 seconds to text "o" back and slip a coin (or dried pea) into her bra; count them when you get home. If she's right-handed, make her do her household writing (lists and notes) with her left. If the kids are of an age to nap, give her a writing assignment to complete (copy, without a single error, an obedience journal which details each occasion in the day when she consciously bent herself to your will). Read it when you get home. If it's not done, or not done to standards, punish her. But remember, punishment needs to be prompt, proportionate and final. Prompt doesn't need be mean "immediate," but “as soon as practically possible.” Proportionate means that the magnitude of the punishment is tied to the magnitude of the offense. And final means that once the punishment is done, it's done. No lingering resentments, no grumbling on your part, no going to bed angry. The slate needs to be wiped clean and loving harmony restored at the moment that the punishment ends.
Likewise, you've got to recognize and reward good work. There's nothing more disheartening that putting your best effort into a project and then having people treat it as if it were beneath notice. Notice what she does. Tell her she's been good when she's been good, and tell her she's been wonderful when she's been wonderful. Find a treat (a small hard candy? "points" that she can later redeem?) that she only gets directly from your hand and only gets when she's been good. If you eliminate sugar from her diet, a small candy might become major. If she's not permitted to watch TV or access the internet, points that will allow her to see a favorite show or email a friend might become major.
Just keep the end in mind: strong, sustained, loving relationship that she's ever-more devoted to. And, with luck, that you are, too.
With respect,
S.
A well explained offering of ritual interruptions for both working and / or Stay at home wives to build upon their submission. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Thank you, sir. I constantly battle the impulse to use three words when one would do. I'll keep working on it.
As ever,
S.
My Husband/Master and I have a very well established daily routine. We have two kids at home, both over age 10, and we have to be careful never to be 'inappropriate' around them. Some of the things He requires of me may seem small and insignificant, but when I look at my vanilla friends and their relationships, I realize that we are MUCH more old fashioned than they are. For instance, I clean daily. And I mean CLEAN. I stay home, so my house is always spotless. My Husband/Master expects nothing less from me. We recently had two of our married friends over for a bbq. The three of us ladies were sitting at the table talking, and the men were on the couch. My Master was telling them how happy we are and much we love our home. The two men looked at me and complimented me on how absolutely clean and neat our home is. I blushed and thanked them. I explained that I am very OCD about it, leaving out WHY I am.....and they both asked me to speak louder and to rub off on their wives, who were seated next to me. I was slightly embarrassed as I did not want to lose friendships over such a silly thing....but I was also elated! My Master was proud of me!
I am also required to ALWAYS look my best. No matter where we are going, I always do my hair and makeup, my nails are always painted perfectly, red, His favorite, and I always maintain soft, perfumed skin, shaved legs, well manicured toes, proper landscaping...... and everything else a woman would do, as if every day is our first date. By doing these things, I am pleasing Him and I am making myself feel more beautiful and more like a lady.
He requires that I am ladylike at all times. This sometimes can be tricky...especially during football!! I cook all meals and I make His plate and serve Him before anyone else gets served. When we are at another friend's home, I do the same. I refill all of His drinks, take His plate, get Him whatever He needs.
As I said before, these things may seem like menial common sense things to you and I, but to most couples, they are not the norm.
He always opens my doors and treats me like a lady.
When we go out, I do not go to the toilet or anywhere else unless I ask permission, usually like, "May I please be excused for a moment?" So as not to raise eyebrows among the unenlightened. ;)
It's the little things that really make Him happy and proud of me. Every man wants a lady He can be proud of and a home He can relax in. I ensure He has it all and He is the King in the castle. His word is law. I am allowed an opinion, of course. We discuss, debate and sometimes even disagree! But He is always considerate and in control. And I have never been happier.
If I should disobey or get out of line, or, god forbid, do anything to embarrass or undermine Him in front of the kids or others, well.......I pay the price. But fortunately for me that has only occurred once. And even then it was unintentional.
I am rambling...so I guess I would recommend a daily schedule...something like:
7am rise and shower and get yourself ready for the day (or whatever time works)
745 cook breakfast and have His clothes ready for Him to put on, ironed, washed...whatever
0800 serve Him and clean up after Him
0830 Begin housework (sweep, vacuum, mop, dust, wash clothes, make beds, clean toilets...blah blah...)
allow for some time online, some tv, a nap....
in the afternoon, a walk maybe? dinner is prepared, cleaned up, kids are taken care of throughout all of the day, of course. And before bed, she should prepare the bed for you, prepare herself for you, and then await your command!
Should you find anything in her schedule lacking, then you can mete out the proper punishment. Say the shirts aren't ironed for your work attire and you need them.....make her wear nipple clamps/clothespins while she irons them. One of my least favorite punishments is going out in a dress without panties. I tend to be 'at the ready' at all times. That makes it quite uncomfortable when I am pantiless. My thighs get wet and I worry that it shows! Some form of punishment that is a constant reminder that you are her Master and something she cannot get any relief from is a good way to get your point across.
Okay, I will stop my rambling now. I hope my nonsensical word spewing helped in some way. Best of luck to you both!!
Mrs. MM1
This was very informative, thank you!Quote:
Originally Posted by Ownedfyre (mm1)
Thank You for your response. You have a good combination of sense and order within your relationship. I have a similar situation in my own house and basic polit asking of your Master is appropriate in both settings.
Thank You for your response again. I have shared it with my sub Wife.