No more choices

Ok, will give this a shot. Any help appreciated please and thank you. :p

No more choices

It was late, the Mall was closing and eerily my car was one of about 5 left in the parking lot and was parked away in the darkest spot. I walked my groceries and bags out by cart and started putting them in the trunk. With the trunk full, and three bags still left, I turned to put them in the back seat. Reaching with the last bag, bending over to place it on the floor, I felt hands grab my hair, holding my head down in a way I couldn’t turn to see who it was, all I knew was this person was strong. Then something slipped over my eyes and was tied tight, blocking my vision completely. I tried to wiggle out of the hold, but firm, muscled thighs were pressed right up against my buttocks, allowing me little movement.

He then grabbed my arms, dragging his hands down to my wrists and capturing them and tied then behind me, then unbuttoned my pants, growling. “Don’t you dare scream or say anything”. Yanking down my pants and buckling my knees to the floorboard of the car, my bum now bare, I felt his hands touching me, yanking open my labia then he drove his huge thick member right into me and held there with a moan for a second before he started battering me, in and out so hard and deep, so fast I could feel my teeth chatter and my body started to respond. Oh my god, no…please don’t let this happen, don’t let me respond! Don’t let me enjoy this; my body cannot betray me like this!

“God you feel so good slut:” he said, “so damned wet, I know you are getting off on this, but I was told not to let you cum…how does that feel? Knowing you are being fucked by someone you don’t know, knowing you are enjoying this, knowing that I know and you are not allowed to cum…”

He let out such an evil laugh and then he grabbed my hair, and gruffly said, “and it ain’t stopping here, this is the beginning for a very long few days for you sweetie. Someone wants your ass good and is going to teach you a few lessons. By the time he is done with you, you will know everything about serving, fucking, sucking, being used, being submissive, obedience and respect; in the end you will probably not want to cum for a while after cause everything is going to be so goddamned sore from use…but you will love every minute of it cause you are a slut…got it? That or you will constantly crave it more…”

Sinisterly he added “and I will be there slut, to help him train you”

With that he gave one huge lunge with his long shaft, driving right into me while letting go of me at the same time and I fell face first into the back seat. He smacked my bare cheeks hard a few times leaving such a burning feeling, tied my feet, and reached in my pocket for my car keys, humming away, and closed the door getting in the front.

I heard him start the car, trembling from fear and frustration, shock sinking in fast, yet curiously I was leaking, wet and dripping. I know he didn’t orgasm so what the heck?
It seemed to be such a long drive, he didn’t speak another word and I stopped trying to figure out which direction we were going. All i knew is we were out of the city for some time now.
Who would do this, would want this, why? Did I hurt someone? Piss anyone off? I couldn’t figure out or find any answers so I tried to talk to him, he again told me to shut up or it will be a gag next. This shut me up really fast.

After it seemed to be a couple hours of driving, the car slowed down, and I groaned softly, fear growing again of the unknown, of what was to come, being completely helpless, yet also a dark thrill deep inside me which I tried so hard to quell.

After parking the car, I heard him get out and open the back door, picking me up, pants still down at my ankles and he threw me over his shoulders, my bared bum up in the air, where he smacked me really good a few more times…”oh yeah, nice ass you have here for smacking…so much use”, with this he started walking. I heard a door open and a voice quietly say “good… you have her” Every thing is set up and ready, come on in.

I started to squirm, which was greeted by more hard slaps on my legs and butt and a tighter grip. It was useless to struggle; I knew this now, it was much too late.
Inside, I could feel the warmth, hear a sudden silence, then suddenly I was plunked on the floor on my back, my privates bared, hands still tied behind me, blindfold still tightly in place. Next thing I knew my shirt was ripped open or cut, my bra was definitely cut off. My legs were untied and pants gone, then tied back up and still left lying there in the silence.

Quickly becoming very unnerved my mind scrambled to think, figure out who, why, what next, will I even live through this evening, or how many days? That creep did say days?

Then there was a hand softly tracing my cheek, under my chin, grabbing me there and squeezing…"ah, my slut how are you? You might not remember me, but I certainly remember you, you rebuked my offer once, scornfully saying I was not a true Master…do you remember now?”

(But I did remember his voice and telling him no, not because I didn’t think he wasn’t a Master, but because I was afraid of how he would affect me, I felt a pull with him and told him an excuse, the first excuse to come to my mind so he would leave me alone, never thinking this would happen. God what have I done!?

“Now I will show you that I am a true Master, show you the control I have over myself, my friend and you, and what you will do for me, what I will do to you and you will remember this and maybe, just maybe if you perform good enough for me, for us, I might make my offer again, something for you to think about…

You will learn much over the next few days, enough to find out what you are made of and for, if you are good enough for me and enough for you to decide if I am who you seek.

With that He let go, then pain shot through my sensitive nipples, eliciting a sharp gasp and I heard a snicker of laughter shoot out from close by, the pain intensified until I thought I might not be able to take anymore yet determined I would not beg or show weakness and I fought this so hard, damn him!
“Don’t fight me, he spoke barely over a whisper”…and with this I felt rough fingers jam deeply in between my legs followed by his soft laughter…”yes, oh yes, you like this don’t you slut, already sopping wet.” He shoved his fingers into my mouth and ordered me to clean them off completely and quickly, then turned and told his henchman to untie my legs and cuff them to the bar.
I felt my legs being stretched almost unbearably, cool air hitting and spreading everywhere, completely exposed now and felt myself blushing red. “Oh no slut, this is no time for embarrassment, you wont have time to think in a bit and I have a feeling you will love every minute of what will happen if you let yourself, you will give yourself to me, one way or another.”

So I am the first one to read your story and give an opinion, it seems. Well, here goes:

In the beginning I wasn't too happy, because it seemed like a rape story and I feel rape is too serious even to be considered in stories. But you explained the background quite neatly later, so that problem seems laid to rest.

Other than that I loved it. You took us right into the action, but still set up the situation nicely. I'm really curious what is going to happen to the heroine next.

The thoughts of the heroine are described well, too. I thought her reaction a little on the cool side inititially, but as she turns out to be a submissive at heart, it sounds more natural.

The man is sufficiently mysterious to keep him interesting, but his movtivation is human enough to make him believable.

Ther is only one small suggestion I have to make. Go through the story again and check your verbs. You did slip from the past to the present a couple of times.

Please continue the story. I for one want to know what happens next.

Hi annie and thank you for helping and reading this.

There is no way I would endorse rape, and you have shown me that even though I might know where the story is going or what thoughts inspired it and that it is not real, to always be aware of the readers interpretation, perspective and feelings. I have hurt a few with my poetry and stopped writing them, I do not wish to make the same mistake with writing stories.
Yes I think you are right, there should have been more fear displayed and anger (again the mind set where I knew where the story was going)
Ah verbs, past and present! At least the future was not mixed in with this also ;)
I will go back and reread this and try to find and fix these. I guess the best way would be to read it aloud and listen to the junctures.

Again thank you for taking the time to read and help out.
sincerely and hugs
~echoes~

Hi Echoes,

I'm glad you took my remarks in the spirit they were meant in. It is so easy to offend people, when you criticize their work. But keep at it. I'm burning to read the next part.

Anne

Your helpful comments on this beginning are truly appreciated. Sometimes my words come out wrong...all I meant was that I am sorry if I hurt you with the beginning of this or how it started out.

I apologize for being away for a while, a few things cropped up that needed be dealt with.

I will try and figure out the next part :)

Thank you

hi echoes
I also like your story a lot. still you should think about shortening your sentences a little.. not actually saying less but structuring the whole a bit better..
I´ll give you an example what I mean by a Paragraph which I took out of your Story.. just hope I won´t put to many Mistakes in as I´m no native speaker..

After parking the car, I heard him get out and open the back door, picking me up, pants still down at my ankles and he threw me over his shoulders, my bared bum up in the air, where he smacked me really good a few more times…”oh yeah, nice ass you have here for smacking…so much use”, with this he started walking. I heard a door open and a voice quietly say “good… you have her” Every thing is set up and ready, come on in.

After parking the car i heard him get out and open the back door. He picked me up, my pants still down at my ankles and threw me over his shoulder. My bared bum was hanging in the air. He smacked me really good for a few more times "......."
with this he started walking. I heard a door open and a voice quietly say “good… you have her” Every thing is set up and ready, come on in.

;-) not sure this is better than yours, still I sometimes can´t remember the beginning of your sentence once I finished it.
And I´m with Anne, you could describe her feelings a little more detailed.. you could easily make a whole paragraph of one of your sentences
Thats all I don´t like ( no hints at the times etc as I won´t know anyway ;-) and won´t do any better)

What I do like is how you develop your story, I like that you begin reading and think.. now she´s getting kidnapped by a stranger .. then you realize that he must at least know her.. then you get to know she knows the master as well.. and she had a crush on him.. Your story keeps beeing surprising.

The story is definitely woth working on it for some more time