The virgin BDSM sub

So, I am a virgin who enjoys BDSM. I have been able to orgasm before and I am comfortable in my skin. I have been approached many times by people who would love to 'break me in'. But I have an aversion to that unless they are someone I love.
Is this something anyone else has gone through? In case you want to know I am 21/f but come from a strict family and therefore have never even considered this.
I was encouraged to join this site by my friend - and I just wanted to get to know what you guys think.

I think virginity is overrated, primarily by virgins. I'm not suggesting that you go against your feelings or beliefs, but it is the rare person, who upon losing their virginity voluntarily, afterwards, were actually glad that they had waited.

Sex is as powerful a motivator and necessity as food and sleep imo. It is only because men (meaning the gender) want to guarantee their own children will inherit their wealth and/or power that they have "enslaved" women with this moral dilemma to be hot and sexy on the one hand, and chaste on the other.

I am in the same position as you. I am 18 years old, a virgin and have become fascinated with BDSM.
It is difficult. I don't wont to jump into anyone's bed, but I want to explore sex.
:/

I don't really have any advice other than it's your choice how you want to do it the first time- whether to wait for love or just find a lover for a short fling. I couldn't wait to lose my virginity. I was only 16 and have never regretted losing it. But I was also lucky enough to be in love with him as well (and still am completely besotted many years later). IMO, as long as you have safe sex, there is no reason to wait for "the one" or marriage. It's kind of an outdated idea.

It's not really common, but just so you know, it is possible to explore BDSM without actually having sex. If the pain and the bondage is what you want to explore, there's really not a reason to just boink someone. For instance, I know a male Dom who had a lesbian sub. They never had sex, she just wanted to explore her boundaries with pain.

I didn't wait until I found someone I loved (or even particularly liked for that matter), if I could go back, I might actually chose to. My honest recommendation is to explore if you want, but if sex isn't the objective the only look for doms that are okay with that. BDSM can be intense, whether or not sex is actually involved, so make sure you're completely ready and have the lines clearly drawn from the very beginning.

And as a small side note to the above: my Dom and I aren't 24/7, normally we're just like any other couple. A lot of our play doesn't involve penatration of any sort. Just so you know that I can actually back-up my position :)

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

I think virginity is overrated, primarily by virgins. I'm not suggesting that you go against your feelings or beliefs, but it is the rare person, who upon losing their virginity voluntarily, afterwards, were actually glad that they had waited.

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IMO it is something to get over with so you can start to enjoy sex. The first time isn't normally much good - and often quite painful.

I am the same as you too.. A 23 year old virgin who is into BDSM.. Just wanted to let you there are a still a few of us out there and you are not alone in this.. My advice is explain to your Master that penetration is a hard limit for now and when you find the right one you feel you want to go all the way then just do it... I know some thinks virginity is nothing but to some it means something... you don't want to just sleep with someone because it is what everyone is doing... just do what you feel is right.. Sorry if my advice is such cause im a 100% hopeless romantic ;-)

Explore what is comfortable to you. There is some great advice here. You need to understand what your desires are for BDSM so you can understand if you can explore them without losing your virginity to it. There is so much more to this than sex.

I think to still hold your virginity above the age of 18 is a beautiful thing, perhaps because I had done so as well. So I give Extra Kuddos to you Big Virgins out there and Tons of Chocolate kisses :D


I do want to say I agree that if you are seeking to explore bdsm and dont wish to have sex it is possible! your rules, your limits!
When your ready your ready, just do it for you not because of what other people think, whether they are family or strangers!!
and Like the pretty pink lioness said, THERE IS SOOOO Much more to this lifestyle then sex!!
In all honesty, for me, The deeper I fall into my submission the less Sex I seem to have.. hahaha.. oh thats cause Im a B!tch..haha.

MAKE IT A SWEET RIDE !!

^^^ Oh is that why I am getting less sex????? Haha, never considered that being a bitch could be the reason!

lol @New, well might not be the only reason but it sure doesnt help much..heheh

Are you still a virgin?

I'm quite lucky I think - I'm eighteen and I have no idea if I'm a virgin or not since there was one night where it was 50-50, maybe 60-40 that I lost it (I was exceedingly drunk at the time and only have about three hours recollection of the entire evening)

So in my mind I just flick between being a virgin and not being a virgin, depending on what suits the situation best :P

I am also a virgin and i am 18 and into bdsm

like others have said, you can still be a virgin and be into the lifestyle, however, just be sure that the Dom/me you choose respects your wishes to keep it that way and that if the opportunity does come that you are fully okay with it and talk about your decisions. Just remember that every dom you find is not going to be someone that you can count on or trsut and even tho it is hard to find there are some out there that care about more than just the sex you just have to find them. If you can stay a virgin and can find that one Dom that can guide you into what and who you are as a submissive then that gift that you give when you are ready may be more valuable to that Dom more than you'll ever know.

i lost my virginity at 18 when I was raped. Because I was trying to get rid of the memory i threw my self into sex. It was a massive eye opener, and I think had I lost my virginity in any other way I would have wondered why I waited so long and if it was really worth it.

Main thing I'd say is make sure you practice safely

I wonder what it means to "be a virgin"? The oldest root of the word (virga) seems to describe a young shoot or young sprout. The earliest meaning beyond botany was "fresh and unused." The historic meaning was "chaste, unmarried and pious."

Perhaps at one time that only respectable sex, at least the only sex that you'd want to admit it, was penile-vaginal intercourse. So, okay, there's a "bright line" test: if you've been involved on either side of the P-VI routine, you've checked "lose virginity" over your bucket list. But what do we make of the effects of some large, throbbing, perhaps day-glo artificial phallus and the various portals that might welcome it? Does it matter whether she or He is operating the device, or whether penetration is a matter of her whimsy or His direction? Or the always popular penis-gone-a'wandering?

Philosophically,

S.

Sweet Sexonthebeach,

You have an aversion against people that want to break you in. I understand you are talking about male, that you do not love. We are the same. But I'm a lesbian submissive girl.

Let me tell you about myself. I was in BDSM as I was younger. I was 19. But I was 23 and then I really got started with BDSM. I had met a Mistress. She gave me a thorough introduction into BDSM.

I was in a lesbian bar for the first time. She was there too. She looked very strong. I was impressed. She came sitting next to me. We talked and then she invited me to come to her house.

In her house a lot of things happened. But she had me submit to her. There was a lit of love from me to her and from her to me. She was spanking me and I felt that was all right.

Mistress was working as a director in a big company and she was moved to a factory in another country. That is how our relation ended. I don’t know. Has she found a new submissive girl? I have found a new Mistress.

My suggestion. Try to find a Mistress that will break you in. When a Mistress comes to you, talk to her and see how she is. If you feel she is all right, join her and let her control you.

Kate

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Originally Posted by ksst

I don't really have any advice other than it's your choice how you want to do it the first time- whether to wait for love or just find a lover for a short fling. I couldn't wait to lose my virginity. I was only 16 and have never regretted losing it. But I was also lucky enough to be in love with him as well (and still am completely besotted many years later). IMO, as long as you have safe sex, there is no reason to wait for "the one" or marriage. It's kind of an outdated idea.

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Nice words, I couldn't say better. Sex is meant to be a good thing! It is not devil or rude like you see in porn so much times. Sex is something personal and it is only your business! it is your body and your mind, noting else!

I’m 21 (F) and am a virgin, too. I’ve been interested in BDSM for a long ass time but I also come from a relatively religious background and thought for a long time I would wait until marriage, which now seems so not right for me. However, I can’t help but want my first time to be with someone... maybe not that I love, but someone I know very well, trust very much and have good chemistry with. At heart I’m a complete hopeless romantic so in my total heart of hearts I would find my soulmate (who is my ideal Dom and man all around) but I 100% know and understand how unrealistic that is. I don’t feel ready yet to become sexually active but I don’t want to put too much worth and weight on my first time, so I’m unsure of where I’m at right now. All know is that I read too many romance novels 😂