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Hello, my name is Carol and I'm looking for some help to enter the BDSM lifestyle. I always had some curiosity about it, I use to read some blogs and now I'm thinking about starting to fulfill my fetish of being submissive during sex. I'm divorced atm and I'm a little afraid scare my current lover since he is a little conservative regarding to sex, I've been thinking of using dating sites like this, but honestly I don't know if thats the way of starting. I'm all open to suggestions.
I would suggest you look at it from a different angle. You say you want to "enter the BDSM lifestyle" but really your primary aim should be to satisfy your (and possibly partner) sexual and social needs and desires. This means ...
- identifyting what you already like and may like. This is both sexual activity and relationship.
- learning about new activities and deciding if they interest you.
- exploring those new activities
- deciding in your mind what you like-dislike
Now you know what you want so now its a case of doing it.
The lover may lead to the old potato of kinky woman vanilla man. My suggestion would be to watch porn and flag stuff with mild to medium level bdsm activities eg spanking, tying up. Then watch them with your partner and talk about it to guage his interest, ie does it turn him on AND a means to tell him it turns you on. You may then be in position to iniate a play sesssion. At worst you will have closer idea as to how he feels about itl.
One of the things I love about this lifestyle is that there simply isn't a right or wrong way to go about this. Well...perhaps there is one way of doing it wrong: without consent.
So, basically, whatever you and your partner like, and have consented to.
A good way of starting off would also be to watch a movie eg The Secretary, and asking questions of your partner... or saying: I'd really like to feel what that feels like.. etc.
Often 'baby steps' is the way to go with very conservative people.
In the meantime, keep reading. These forums are full of amazing information. It will give you wonderful insight into the mind and attitude of both the Dominant and submissive.
And the most important of all! Have FUN.
Hi Carol, and welcome. We all started from somewhere and I totally agree with the posts above. Read, look around, what excites you and your partner, then explore. Its an old book but consider 'Screw the Roses, send me the thorns' Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism: Philip Miller, Molly Devon: 9780964596009: Amazon.com: Books The Romantic side of this life style is most delightful, sensuous, loving and amazing. Trust your instinct, listen and communicate with your other. Above all talk to those that have the experience, this way you can stay safe sane and consensual, this is paramount as you have fun .
Sett x
My Lovely Carol,
You want to be submissive during sex. Only during sex? And not beside sex?
You have had a couple of bad experiences. There was your divorce and your current lover is a little conservative regarding sex. You were not lucky. You haven't found a good man in your life.
My suggestion. But let me tell you. I'm a lesbian submissive girl. So no men for me. My suggestion. Go the lesbian way and submit to a Mistress. Let her control your life.
How to find a Mistress? You could visit a lesbian bar. Look around and see the girls and women that are there. If one comes to you, talk to her and see how she is. Too wild? Forget it.
A Mistress will make love with you. She is using a strap on. And a strap on never gets soft. She will also spank you. But that is what I know. Spanking has made a better girl out of me.
Good luck.
Kate
I'm at a loss as to how a lesbian mistress helps a (presumably) straight woman "enter the bdsm lifestyle". I hope there is no implication "bad experiences" only happen with men or that women are somehow better doms or sex partners.
Carol, and others like her, would be best suited by finding the shoes that suit her preference best rather than those that suit the sales girl's.
btw - many think leather shoes are better than plastic ones. It's true plastic may be made to stay hard but it doesn't have the smell, touch and above all taste of the real McCoy :)
I couldn't agree more, Doctor Slocum...
However, You deserve a gold star for this::applause:Quote:
Originally Posted by Doctor Slocum
Thank you just_ine. Well I thought I would continue with the shoe (should have said slipper) analogy and if kate is going to pitch for her side then I will go to bat for my side.
With all these sex toys and tools around I have become a Luddite !
LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by Doctor Slocum
Feeling the need to cross Your legs protectively, Doc? Don't fret, this is a safe space...consent etc.
Also, *grins* many women prefer the real thing. But, that said, plastic can be useful too... :D
The problem is some of us old timers struggle to operate 24 hours non-stop like a hitachi wand. Being British we need to stop every hour or two for a cup of tea before getting back on the job again.
And as for real deal, think of it this way. Imagine you're out shopping. There's something you desire, something you must have, something you need so bad its driving you crazy. You put plastic in the hole in the wall and its not accepted. There's a technical hitch. Gremlins! The power has gone down. Now wouldn't you regret not having cash, There's something about cash, the look, the smell, the feel and indeed taste of it. Its the real deal. You know that when you're staring at a Benjamin Franklin gripped tightly in your hand he may be old and crinkly but he wont let you down. You will be able to get that something you wanted. And all the other girls with plastic in their hands will look at you and think, there's an all american girl who when she wants a fuck turns to an old buck.
But I suppose you are right. The best is to have both, when you go to the restaurant you can use the plastic to satisfy your hunger but when you see the waiter and think of the tip, you dont want your flexible friend, you want hard cash.
^ Doc, I can't seem to read any of Your posts without seeing terribly dirty connotations to almost everything You (sometimes) so innocently say...
And I'm not disagreeing... I think one way, always, may become monotonous.
In my professional capacity as a doctor I've come across that often in women. Its called mens vulgaris or more simply put ... a dirty mind. I normally prescribe a hard spanking followed by a good shagging.
And yes one way can become monotonous, thats why its best to roll over for 30 minutes every few hours. But the subject of monotony may be a good topic for a new thread.
btw - empty your mail folder.
Perhaps because we seemed to have taken this one totally off track...Quote:
Originally Posted by Doctor Slocum
Yes perhaps that was naughty of me. A one track mind is prone to take topics off track. Apologies.
*stands with my hands behind my back, innocently giving some options*
A good ol' spanking helps a lot with feelings of guilt and remorse... Ask any subby!
One can be organised... I know a few Sadistic Doms *nodnod*
I'd like to enter it too. Ive had some experience but not alot. I wojld really like to learn more about it.
Hi how it going in your Journey?