I am in communication with a local man who has expressed interest in being a Dom to me. He has been incredibly communicative in chat and over the phone, and has consistently warned me to be very, very careful in my search and to know exactly what I want.
We are scheduled to meet in person for the first time at a coffee shop this weekend. He sent me a long list of in-depth questions and asked me to do the same, so that we can establish where the other person is coming from. I have painstakingly created this list from what I have learned from this site, and from doing Google searches for what to ask a Dom, turnarounds from his own list to me, and from my own needs of what I think I should know. I am worried, though, that I am missing something crucial, something fundamental that would really get to the heart of what he is about as a Dom. Even worse, I am possibly missing something that would be very, very important down the line. Or that I am asking a question the wrong way (for instance #18 about sadism).
I present this list to you look over with a critical eye - were a potential submissive to present you with this list, is there an obvious gap that would not allow you to express your intentions and needs as a Dom?
Obviously the last question "Is there anything else" is a bit of a catch-all.. but I'd rather be specific about the important things.
Thank you in advance for any help you can give to me, I appreciate each and every one of you.
1. How long have you practiced the lifestyle?
2. Why are you a Dom?
3. How adept are you at controlling your own actions and desires?
4. What do you wish to accomplish in a D/s relationship?
5. How many submissives do you normally have/like to have at once?
6. What attributes do you look for in a submissive?
7. Ideally, what level of control over your submissive brings you the most satisfaction?
8. How much of, and what kind of, involvement are you prepared to give to a submissive (face-to-face, phone, IM, etc.)
9. On an intimacy scale where 0 is “Indifferent” and 10 is “Loving”, where does your style of Domination fit?
10. Are you looking for a play partner/short term relationship?
11. If you are looking for a long term relationship, do you envision a monogamous, polygamous, open, or other relationship?
12. How important is sexual service to you, and under what circumstances would your submissive be expected to perform?
13. What acts would you never ask your submissive to perform/are out of bounds for you?
14. How important is physical appearance to you, and if important, what are your preferences?
15. What is collaring to you, and are you looking for a submissive to collar?
16. Do you require a written contract or agreement with your submissive?
17. Are there aspects of the lifestyle that do not appeal to you? (e.g., humiliation, sharing, needle play, etc.)?
18. Are you sadistic? If so, under what circumstances do you give pain to your submissive?
19. What is your stance on safe sex with your submissive, what precautions (if any) do you take?
20. Have you ever been a submissive in a scene or as a part of a relationship? If so, what did you take away from that experience?
21. Do you belong to any local or online communities? If so, what is your role (leader, participant, observer/learner) – and do you require your submissive to join any of these?
22. Why do you want to be my Dom?
23. Why should I be your submissive?
24. Please do tell me anything else about you that I may have failed to ask, or your desire to work with me this way.