victims of abuse support for submissives

[13'sbadkitty]

thank you cherri for sharing this, i am deeply touched and honored to have been allowed to read it. i am grateful we all survived that have been through this and lived to show others that they can live too.

[scheherazade]

For everyone who has shared their experiences, thank you for your bravery and your openness. I have never been abused myself, but I am a sexual assault advocate at a local rape crisis center. I wanted to offer another resource for anyone who has gone through, or is going through, sexual abuse or domestic violence. There are literally thousands of rape crisis centers across the country just like mine. (If you would like a list of some in your area, feel free to PM me.) We offer free counseling to survivors of abuse and their families, free legal advice, help in finding a job/relocating, beds in a women's shelter for survivors and their children, and a complete children's advocacy center for our child clients, just to name a few things. Additionally, many hospitals will call the local rape crisis center when they perform a rape kit/domestic violence intervention, and the center will send an advocate to the hospital for support and information. This is especially important for women who feel that they can't talk to their families about what has happened. There are people out there who care about you and love you and want to see you thrive in the midst of these dark times.

[denuseri]

Thank you so very much for offering access to those services sheherazade!

[wettoy]

It's been a while since I have been back here, and like always densuri, it's always been a pleasure. I am a survivor and a stronger soul as a result, I was purely vanilla prior to meeting this man, and he introduced bdsm without my consent and he encouraged himself to have sex with me even when I have said no. I do enjoy submission and bondage and all the fantastic dynamics that play along, for I knew when he introduced this to me, I didn't know they had a name for it. And it was many years before the internet. Alot of terrible things did happen and the first time I left him he said he would kill me, I ended up staying for a total of 23 years and spent two years running, a condition to leave me alone was to leave my children and promised me to death, they would never be mine. They are grown but they are silent and are kept away from me. I love them unconditionally but they have become as cruel and as manipulative as he, I tried to do everything I could for both myself and the children, My freedom and and the support I get from my current Daddy, assures me that my interests and intentions are good as he tells me, I am an angel flying too close to the ground. There are alot of good people in the world but alot of bad ones... always and please always make sure you know what your getting into before you commit yourself to anything. An important topic densuri, good Job!

[wettoy]

I would also like to note on the therapists out there, I tried three... one said, He probably did kill your daughter, the next one said, " it was my fault....NO WAY! and the third one said, Here's a prescription for prosac... needless to I didn't take the drugs, and I know what happened to my daughter and it wasn't my fault. The best thing that has helped me, was believing I was a good person, finding little things to do for people to show me I was good. I was always glad when they were appreciative, but that wasn't what I needed, I needed to know I was good, then when I really truly knew by my actions, I asked myself.. " If I am good, then where is the good I deserve... It took about three months and I knew I found him. When I had decided to leave no matter the risk, I was at the point of suicide, so there was nothing to lose even if he did kill me. I see through clear eyes because I took the time to show myself that I am good and worthy of honest open loving goodness, from myself and from others, and when someone is cruel, I walk away.

[slave_gurl_(tmk)]

It's strange, replying to this so late after it was started... But I still want to say that I'm so glad this is here. This site has helped me grow in my submissiveness and learn to overcome my abuse. It might be weird to say but in some ways, my abuse uncovered my unknown submissiveness. I am proud to say that, though I am still plagued with panic attacks and large crowds of people are hard for me to deal with, I am moving on and my abusers do not have power over me anymore.

[lvgrl1212]

My story: Still attempting to cope with it all....
I have been nervous to ask for help and even to reach out on here... but after talking to a few people in the chat rooms, I feel it is time to attempt to move on and tell my story.

Nov 19th 2010 was a day I will never forget. 1130pm rolled around and my father and I decided it was time for bed after watching a movie. As I started to fall asleep I had a odd feeling that something was not right, I ignored it, and went to sleep. I awoke at about 2am to a muffled scream of my father. I jumped from bed and attempted to find out what was happing. I quickly found out two people were in the house who did not belong. As i reached for my cell phone i was grabbed, held down and beat. The men then raped me over and over for what felt like hours. One then whispered in my ear, that he hopes i told my father i love him. He beat me some more and left me helpless on the floor screaming for my father. After a while I manager to get to a phone and call for help. When the cops arrived i quickly learned my father was killed and I was badly injured. Days later we learned who the men both were and that they had found me through the internet by hacking my computer. It took me weeks to go home and months to be comfortable sleeping at night. I was forced to move because I could not handle being in the same place. I am still learning to cope with the loss of my father. He was all had since my mother died when I was young of cancer. If anyone has advice or would like to talk, feel free to message me....

[MasterShamrock]

My story: Still attempting to cope with it all....
I have been nervous to ask for help and even to reach out on here... but after talking to a few people in the chat rooms, I feel it is time to attempt to move on and tell my story.

Nov 19th 2010 was a day I will never forget. 1130pm rolled around and my father and I decided it was time for bed after watching a movie. As I started to fall asleep I had a odd feeling that something was not right, I ignored it, and went to sleep. I awoke at about 2am to a muffled scream of my father. I jumped from bed and attempted to find out what was happing. I quickly found out two people were in the house who did not belong. As i reached for my cell phone i was grabbed, held down and beat. The men then raped me over and over for what felt like hours. One then whispered in my ear, that he hopes i told my father i love him. He beat me some more and left me helpless on the floor screaming for my father. After a while I manager to get to a phone and call for help. When the cops arrived i quickly learned my father was killed and I was badly injured. Days later we learned who the men both were and that they had found me through the internet by hacking my computer. It took me weeks to go home and months to be comfortable sleeping at night. I was forced to move because I could not handle being in the same place. I am still learning to cope with the loss of my father. He was all had since my mother died when I was young of cancer. If anyone has advice or would like to talk, feel free to message me....

*Huggles* I know many people who have been raped, beat, and abused in the vanilla world. And if you'd like I can be your protector and friend on here and nothing else. And you just need to remember that you are a strong girl. Also there are always martial arts vitims for abused women available in pretty much ANY area throughout the world and that's what I suggest to help you cope.

[chantress]

I wanted to say something here for awhile. I am am horrified at the abuse that happens at the hands of another person. To all of those that have shared their story here kudos and know that there are people listening and caring. I hesitate to tell my story in any amount of detail on a website as open as this but I will say that my childhood was full of abuse in many forms. I have done some amount of work on this with the help of a therapist but acknowledge that I have a long way to go. I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and DID (dissociative identity disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder) due to the abuse in my childhood. I am a part of several online abuse related communities and actually am the owner of one of them, however even on my own website I have not yet brought up the topic of BDSM. I think there is such a stigma that I am afraid to broach the subject. Actually while I am in the mood to be open and honest perhaps I shall write something and post in my community and maybe one other that I feel fairly safe in. If anyone here is looking for a place to talk about their abuse history I would be more than willing to lead you to my forum. Just drop me a private message. My forum isn't terribly active but it is full of good supportive people.

chantress

[MasterShamrock]

lvgrl is no longer on this site and is in My good hands as I've helped her through quite a bit of this. It turns out there was a 3rd guy and his last court date should be Friday. He's looking at 50 years+ from her cases AND other cases against him! Also the other two guys got 35 year no parole and the guy who JUST video taped the whole thing got only 10 years with parole after 5 and he even wrote her an appology letter in which she read. So she's getting through with VERY well with My help, support, and training!

[naughtybitch]

i feel like i should tell my story it is not a pleasant one my abuses mental physical and sexual happened at the hands of my former Master and his new mistress i moved in with my former Master on my 18th birthday i had how ever been talking to him online sense i was 16 at first it was wonderful then his words came harsher calling me worthless and such shortly after i became worthless he revoked my name saying i deserved no name when his frequent and already harsh punishments became move inventive one of his favorites was to beat my whole body with a hot freshly cooked in frying pan or the mental spatula that was hot from being left in the pan soon his use of tools turned from a living hell to a welcome escape from the closet where i was locked when i wasn't being raped and beaten by him and his friend and eventually by his new wife who i found out later would make stories up so that he would be all the more cruel to me the abuses i suffered from his friends and wife when left in their charge were mostly of the sexual nature they would tie me down and have me raped by all manor of things human and non so 3 failed suicide attempts and a death threat later i left him and while it has taken me forever it seems to quit looking of my shoulder and to at least glance at other peoples eyes it is still hard 8 years later the therapists i went to didn't and don't understand so i am very great full that this post is around

[angel01]

Wow...reading all of these made me cry. I am currently trying to get out of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I just discovered bdsm and really want to get into it deeper. I like the idea of being helpless but im always waiting for something to happen, for them to get mad or hit. I still tense up when ever anyone touches me. I want to get more into this but im afraid to let go. Reading everyones response on here really helped.

[scarlet_85]

You have my highest amounts of respect. *hugs*

[angel01]

ME?! I don't deserve it. I feel like its all my fault, that if i had just done what he wanted it wouldn't have happened. Our divorce is my fault, in the end he wanted to try and fix things between us but i couldn't do it anymore. Maybe if i just stayed and gave it one more try....

[denuseri]

Thats the kind of talk that leads so many of us to stay in the abusive situation to begin with hon.

The fact of the matter is, the abuse is never our fualt, no one, absolutely no one, "deserves" to be abused or terrorized in such a way.

[angel01]

I'm sorry. I just...I feel like its my fault.

[denuseri]

Thats actually regretably a common feeling that we all seem to go through hon however false an assumption it may be.

Are you getting help in real life?

[angel01]

No, i have never told anyone before i posted it on here.

[denuseri]

I highly reccomend that you do get help in real life then, having someone who understands who is a professional can be very benifical and if your still in the abusive situation can help you get out of it.

http://www.rainn.org/ is a good place to start as well as http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/

[Demon_Goddess_165]

I’m having a rough night.. And I’ve got a blank screen in front of me sooo.. I guess I’ll tell the quick and dirty version my story.. Sorry if it’s a bit rambling.. I was sexually abused 3 times from the time I was 2 until I was about 11.. I never told my parents about the two later abuses but the first time was my uncle who turned out to be a pedophile and the family found out when he abused me and my brother, who was old enough to say something... Details of what happened later aren’t really important.. Basically I was put into a situation where I didn’t feel I could tell anyone about what was happening… Then when I got to high school someone had basically told a group of the upper classmen that I was an easy but unexciting lay. I spent the next 6 months or so getting harassed and dealt with it by cutting and burning myself.. If you keep a straight face and don’t start crying most people will except it when you say your fine..
Flash forward to the college years… For the most part these were good times.. Yeah I was still cutting more often than not but I was free of the people and places… And then I went and got drunk at a friend’s dorm room. He left and his suit-mate came into the room and tried raping me.. My friend came back into the room and a week later the guy moved out and left the university..
Flash forward again to present day… I just met this guy (online not r/l ???yet???) and it’s all bright and shiny and I don’t know how explain that sometimes I’ll get in a really dark mood.. That even though I haven’t in over a year sometimes I still want to stick a blade into a fire and press it against my skin so that my outsides will hurt as much as my insides because it’s way easier to deal with the external hurt.. That that’s something I can deal with when I can’t deal with all the rest.. And when I am in a bad head place part of the appeal of S&M is that the pain gives me something to focus on so I won’t freak out about the fact that someone is touching me..
I know on the one hand I can’t keep shutting down and keeping everyone out but I also can’t help feeling that if people knew just what was going on in my head it would just.. Scare them off or something..

Sorry about being all rambling, ranty, and incoherent..

[denuseri]

No don't be sorry hon, your very brave and it shows how strong you can be to come forward.

We all go through the feelings of self loathing and doubt, depression, shame. They can be omg hard to deal with, we all fear rejection that if people know they will think we are tainted or dirty etc. But the fact is what happened to us was not our fault, we are not the one's to blame and we are deserving of respect and understanding and those of us who are lost or in the dark place sometimes can see us when we do stand up and sometimes that can give them hope that it doesn't always have to be that way.

And you know something...it doesn't it really doesn't have to be darkness forever after. We can all be strong again and live life to it's fullest.

[georgygl1977]

I was abused as a child and I still have much hatred and anger in me. That being said, I have also come to see the positive spinoff from the abuse. I used to say "what if" as in what if it had never happened etc. Now I say what can I do to make my life better? I'm still in therapy and I still have nightmares, but I make an effort to greet each day with a positive frame of mind. Posts like these are wonderful, we must no longer be silent! We must speak up and help each other! The dirty little secret mentality needs to be banished. Together we can make a difference to others and maybe help prevent more abuse from happening to others.

[ksst]

I was attacked and abused by a stranger as a child, and only recently have I been able to have it cross my mind and not feel total panic. I still have plenty of hate and anger. And I always think "if only I had done x, I could have avoided it." But this is not realistic, I was a little kid, how could I have known?
This phrase I saw recently applies "Some people are only alive because I can't afford a hit man".

[enseignez-moi]

I was abused as a child and also as a young adult. One of my abusers attempted to use bdsm as an excuse because she knew that my previous girlfriend and I had been into it. I have since learned that rape is rape, no matter your sexual preference or turn-ons, but I still struggle with being a sub sometimes. I feel guilt over enjoying consensual play, wondering if some part of me did "want it" (as my abuser so frequently told me) and asked for it. I know that being a sub does not me I can be used/abused in a way that I don't consent, but still sometimes the struggle is hard.

My Dom (also my wife) has also gone through abuse and that has lead to a lack of any form of intimacy (bdsm play or otherwise) for nearly 2 years now. It's hard to work through my feelings on the whole abused sub thing when I have no situations to work through. Also, I'm what you would call easily-excitable and that leads to frustration over the lack of touch. I am so desperate to be touched, yet I feel so ashamed of it. I am so desperate to return to the role I used to play, begging, coercing, topping from the bottom, and being told what to do in the bedroom, but I am afraid to upset my Dom.

Can anyone relate to this or give advice? How do I go about getting the pleasure I so greatly want without guilt? Sex is currently out of the question, but any advice on vanilla-ish alternatives that will give me the authoritative relationship I crave?

[denuseri]

I totally relate to this especially since my situation came about with someone who called themselves a dominant too who abused my trust.