Punishment

[anna.kitty]

this last week or two has cause me to do a lot of thinking about being submissive and the nature of punishment... and it has caused me to wonder about how other subs react to punishment and what exactly, to them, constitutes punishment.

so, perhaps a little back-story is in order... Master was helping me with a class project... because i have fairly severe ADD and need the help focusing... we spent several days running around putting together all the contacts that i would need to put together a presentation for my disabilities studies class (ddst 310) the project was to be a lecture panel discussion, where the guests spoke about disabilities and the LGBT culture and how the two interacted and intersected...

the problem came when it came time for the presentation to actually happen... Master had been warning me for weeks that i would be punished if i did not follow through and complete the project because we had used friends and associates that we knew in the community as the experts that we were to use in class... no one showed up however because of my procrastination

this of course and rightly so... made Master very angry, the "punishment that was given was a mere 20 lashes with the paddle... nothing huge and rather tame... but for some reason the pain was unbearable and the thought of having had disappointed Master was even worse... after my punishment i was ordered to take a nap out of Masters sight for a while so that he could calm down (he wanted to punish me further)...

i spent the next 2 and a half hours trying to get asleep but failing due to being so completely upset that i eventually ran out of tears... long after the pain had faded and i had calmed down i was still incredibly upset and would burst into tears at the slightest thing...

this caused me to wonder how many other subs out there find that the real punishment... and the real pain, come not from having a punishment administered... but rather from the knowledge that you have somehow upset or disappointed your Dom. And, if this is a common sentiment with other subs... how do you go about correcting your behavior so that you do not disappoint your Master again, and what if anything can you do to calm your tears before you'd normally be done with them (trying to stop them earlier because it upset my Master to see that i was crying so long afterward)

[EmeraldRoseWidow]

i dont know from personal experience yet, but i know emotionally in my heart that to disappoint Master would be far more hurtful then any punishment Master could give. I only want Master to be pleased with me, and to have Master feel that way toward me is a scary thought. I can handle anger, but disappointment is something far worse to me.

[denuseri]

Well, sounds like youve experienced being punnished all right.

The disipointment factor is the hardest thing to deal with imho too.

To cease crying on command however...thats just sometimes unrealistic.

Its a good thing he made you go away for a little bit...especially if he was having trouble controling himself.

And sounds to me all thats left to do is for you to thank him for punnishing you and for you to quietly stop doing the things you did to get punnished to begin with, becuase actions always speak louder than words.

[EmeraldRoseWidow]

Well, sounds like youve experienced being punnished all right.

The disipointment factor is the hardest thing to deal with imho too.

To cease crying on command however...thats just sometimes unrealistic.

Its a good thing he made you go away for a little bit...especially if he was having trouble controling himself.

And sounds to me all thats left to do is for you to thank him for punnishing you and for you to quietly stop doing the things you did to get punnished to begin with, becuase actions always speak louder than words.

yeah, anna.kitty and my Master is wonderful, He really does care for us a lot and that makes a huge difference. I know i will try my hardest not to disappoint Master, but it will happen now and again and i will always do my best to make it up to Master when i can.

[*lil*minx90*]

The emotional pain is always worse for me. It doesn't matter how hard He punished me. i'll still feel worse about disappointing Him.
I cry just by cutting one onion lol. I can never stop from crying. Only thing i can think of that would help me stop is a nice solo walk in the woods. that would help me to refocus my thoughts, stop crying, and think about what i can do to make Him happy.

[BetaLuna]

Usually being comforted afterwards, being let know that you are forgiven helps ease the emotional distress.

[slaveboy 6]

Punishment is quite different from an erotic experience. For instance, I can receive an otk, that is meant to turn me on, especially when She uses her hand or a light paddle. Which is accompanied by caressing my body with Her fingertips and softly manipulating my cock and balls.

A punishment spanking is done with a heavier implement, such as a wooden paddle, which leaves angry red marks and some bruises. That is also accompanied by slaps to my cock and balls.

An erotic spanking leaves me with a raging hard-on. A punishment spanking leaves with a limp dick, a very sore bottom. I can remember one spanking that actually made my butt-cheeks go numb.

It's important that the Dom or Domme lets the sub know why he or she is being punished. Reward for complying to a Master or Mistress's wishes is very important to the psyche of the sub.

[OddCupcake]

The feeling of disappointment is probably worse. I haven't really been given a rough punishment since he tends to hate to hurt me and gives into me if I have a sad face....though I do wish if I have disappointed, than he would truly punish me since it would help me to remember not to do the things he doesn't like.

[baldkate]

Dear Anna Kitty,

You were telling us that your Master needed to calm down. And that you felt to have upset your Dom or Master. We are not the same. I'm a submissive lesbian girl and I have a Mistress.

But that your Master needed to calm down tells me that he wasn't calmed down as he started to spank you. I can tell you, My Mistress spanks me too. But never when she is not calmed down. She is always fully in control.

You were saying, that you have upset or disappointed your Master. My Mistress is never upset or disappointed by me. She knows me and she knows what she can expect from me. So there are never surprises.

My Mistress spanks me. I think that is very good. Her spanking has made a better girl out of me. And her spanking keeps me being a better girl. I appreciate her very much for spanking me.

Kate

[just_ine]

I'm so glad you are reading through the old threads and responding. There is much to be learned from these threads!

She is always fully in control.

You were saying, that you have upset or disappointed your Master. My Mistress is never upset or disappointed by me. She knows me and she knows what she can expect from me. So there are never surprises.

I just have to caution an using such absolutes as 'always' and 'never' as you do in your answer. It misleads people in thinkingthat a Dominant partner is somehow super-human.

A person I considered a mentor a long time ago used to say: If you don't want conflict or disappointment, go and work with flowers.
People disappoint. It doesn't mean they are bad. Just that they are human.

And although I respect my Doms Very deeply, I have to be honest and say I have disappointed them, and they, me.

Just as no-one is always in control... However, when punishing, control should be a minimum requirement.


Just_ine