Burnout

[Aesop]

My fellow dominants, I'm curious about what you do when and if burnout occurs. I know for me that it does happen from time to time. I just don't want to give orders or follow through on punishment right now. Sometimes it lasts an hour, sometimes it lasts a week, but it does happen. I deal with it by remembering my promises to my submissive and basically forcing myself to continue. I'm wondering if the rest of you have better ways to deal with those odd times when you just don't want to dominate anybody.

[Nikita]

In my limited and quite humble opinion, this question actually points to the plus side of 'switching.' And to continue on that vein, being really submissive and good all the time can be a bit boring...to both sides.

[Ozme52]

Heh heh, I thought this was a dupe until I realized one was posted for mistresses and one for masters. (I tend to browse by scanning the new posts.)

Can't really tell you or relate. I've never really tired of it... but if I'm just plain worn out from a hard day's work... or even play, I just put them in a corner and make them take a time-out or write a list of all the errors made that day... and the punishments that would be appropriate.

When I'm back in the mood, I can take the suggestions or punish them for their lack of imagination. LOL

[Tojo]

Do you spend time just getting to know your sub? We don't 'play' all the time, but chat for a while, then switch to playing.
I want very much to get to know her, to help her grow & be there for her if she has problems. I've just started doing a bit of life story stuff.
I think it has to be more than just a D/s relationship, she's a friend as well.

Tojo

[Aesop]

Do you spend time just getting to know your sub? We don't 'play' all the time, but chat for a while, then switch to playing.
I want very much to get to know her, to help her grow & be there for her if she has problems. I've just started doing a bit of life story stuff.
I think it has to be more than just a D/s relationship, she's a friend as well.

Tojo

LOL Yeah I've spent time getting to know her. She's my wife.

[Tojo]

Well you did ask.....
Can't you just take a break- just have some time off for both of you?
I've been married for 15 years or so & there's still things I don't know about my wife.

Tojo

[Ozme52]

Hey Aesop,

When you feel this way, do a roleplay with her. Make her your executive secretary/personal assistant. They do everything for their bosses, yet they're totally subservient to his/her needs. And when you're back in the mood, you can remind her what the "personal" in personal assistant means.

[Aesop]

Well you did ask.....
Can't you just take a break- just have some time off for both of you?
I've been married for 15 years or so & there's still things I don't know about my wife.

Tojo

Yeah we've done that and I enjoy the break, but she really doesn't. She likes to be mine all the time and feels somehow less if I don't give her my domly attention. And we have a contract which I feel obliged to uphold. Now don't get me wrong here. This happens about once every six months to a year. It just so happened that it happened recently and I was wondering how to get through it easier than I had been. Normally I can't get enough of dominating my girl.

[Aesop]

Hey Aesop,

When you feel this way, do a roleplay with her. Make her your executive secretary/personal assistant. They do everything for their bosses, yet they're totally subservient to his/her needs. And when you're back in the mood, you can remind her what the "personal" in personal assistant means.

That's not a bad idea. Thanks Ozme.

[Tojo]

Maybe you could also get her to learn something new, or improve on something she already does- or have her spend time writing out impressions of her role? I don't see that a Dom has to do all the work, & come up with all the ideas.

Tojo

[Ozme52]

That's not a bad idea. Thanks Ozme.

Every once in a while.... LOL

[Nikita]

My fellow dominants, I'm curious about what you do when and if burnout occurs. I know for me that it does happen from time to time. I just don't want to give orders or follow through on punishment right now. Sometimes it lasts an hour, sometimes it lasts a week, but it does happen. I deal with it by remembering my promises to my submissive and basically forcing myself to continue. I'm wondering if the rest of you have better ways to deal with those odd times when you just don't want to dominate anybody.

This is one of my more lucid moments, suggesting something you're probably doing already.

Take a break of a few weeks or more from play.

Plan to play on a specific date and time so that you don't have to deal with the asking and hinting.

Make it a standing date, structured to a certain degree with the exception of the activities that you, the dom, feel like doing. This plan is something your wife can count on, but with the understanding that if either of you don't feel like playing, there are no hard feelings.

[pejanon]

Burnouts?

Oh yeah. It does happen. The Earth does not shake (it should) the Moon does not stand still (it should) the warring armies of the world do not pause (it would be nice) but it does happen to ol’ Wolf here.

And, those are real burnouts. Not switching (yeah, I do that) but completely getting out of it, not in mood to play or order or take care of things or even RP … nothing! (Although RP play is a good way to get back into it.) What do I do? Take care of my sub! That is a must! And it is absolute! Standing assignments and writing essays are good. Dig out something you have already done and adapt it. Borrow or steal from others... but take care of her! (It is good idea to have some routines handy for the period of burnout if it happens more or less regularly.)

Talk to her about it (and anything else) … explain it is not her fault. She needs to know that. (THEN issue some punishment even if you are in no mood for that.)

Nikita’s ‘standing date’, is a good idea and until it comes immerse yourself in something else... discussing with a sub and finding other things for her to do is also good idea.

But Nikita… weeks? I though we were talking about minutes? LOL.

But mostly it depends on who you are of course.


Wolffie

[Primus_Pilus]

Aesop,

Personally, I haven't playing with my sub long enough to be able to sympathize or identify with your plight. However, I think the real root is more your personality type. Myself, I'm on the obsessive side of things and tend to be more in to "all or nothing" which makes my life a bit frustrating at times.
Bonzai isn't always the answer.

I've found, though that taking a break or maybe exploring a different perspective helps to re-kindle my interest in different subjects. I love science and I love music, but even passion can wax or wane. Just becareful that it doesn't wane away.

~Primus

[Sir_Russell]

I have been a Dom for 35 years and right now I have hit personal burnout. Most subbies know what they want from me and seem to have little concern about offering me a challenge. To spice up my personal life I am now learning all I can about being a Daddy Dom.

[Aesop]

What do I do? Take care of my sub! That is a must! And it is absolute! Standing assignments and writing essays are good. Dig out something you have already done and adapt it. Borrow or steal from others... but take care of her! (It is good idea to have some routines handy for the period of burnout if it happens more or less regularly.)

Yep. That's about what I do. I make sure I take care of her anyway and basically try not to show her what's up. And if she does notice I make sure she knows it's not her fault. Luckily it doesn't happen regularly - like I said about once every six months to a year or so - and when it does it doesn't last too long.

[Aesop]

Aesop,

Personally, I haven't playing with my sub long enough to be able to sympathize or identify with your plight. However, I think the real root is more your personality type. Myself, I'm on the obsessive side of things and tend to be more in to "all or nothing" which makes my life a bit frustrating at times.
Bonzai isn't always the answer.

I've found, though that taking a break or maybe exploring a different perspective helps to re-kindle my interest in different subjects. I love science and I love music, but even passion can wax or wane. Just becareful that it doesn't wane away.

~Primus

Yeah, it took me a looooong time to have this happen the first time. lol

[Aesop]

I have been a Dom for 35 years and right now I have hit personal burnout. Most subbies know what they want from me and seem to have little concern about offering me a challenge. To spice up my personal life I am now learning all I can about being a Daddy Dom.

First of all howdy Russell and welcome to the forums.

Secondly I've only been at it for a little over a dozen years so I can only imagine what it must be like after 35. I try to experiment with new things all the time as well to keep things new and fresh, but with three kids . . .well it ain't the easiest thing to do. lol

[Ozme52]

You could always invite in a pinch hitter.



LMAO "pinch" and "hitter"

[Primus_Pilus]

not till the bottom of the ninth, though.

[Aesop]

You could always invite in a pinch hitter.



LMAO "pinch" and "hitter"

Lol. Nah I'll stay in the game. Thanks though Oz.

not till the bottom of the ninth, though.

Not even then Primus. I started the game I plan to finish it.