Getting into the Bdsm scene

[mynrand]

Hi, I'm new to bdsm library and would like to become active on the scene in the real world. I don't know that much, other than what I've read on the internet. So if anyone would be willing to share their personal experiences on how they first got into the bdsm scene, and what goes on both at the clubs and in private I would really appreciate it. Also I could use some info just on how financially costly it is to be involved. Any other relevant info, books, resources, or websites would also be great. NYC related info is especially appreciated, but I'd like to hear from everyone.

[delish]

The first thing that caught my attention was your inquiry about the financial costs. I'm wondering if you mean getting into clubs/parties/etc, or if you mean one on one scening? I'll be honest, the last thing you need to have a good scene is a lot of money. I'm sure it helps, but finding ways of using what you already have with you is a big part of what makes it fun. As far as money for clubs and whatnot... I have no idea; I've never done that. I don't think my local group has actual dues or anything, I think they just meet up, but I don't know for sure. To find a local community of people, I'd suggest googling your city and state with "bdsm" and see what comes up. Yahoo used to have a great directory to find them- Actually, Yahoo is the only place I can find a reference to my exact area, but I'm not in a big city.

I don't know that I can provide the help you're looking for, because I was never comfortable meeting up with the local lifestyl-ers, but I got into bdsm pretty much the same way you did- I read a bunch of stuff online. I think if you can meet up with a community, that is the best way to learn, because you'll be surrounded by people with common interests at varying levels of experience, and if your group is a good one, they'll... I don't remember the term, but they'll kind of make sure to look after your well being, to see that you don't get hurt in a bad way (Dom and sub alike). I'm sure that NYC will have a great many local groups that you can meet up with, at any rate. Good luck!

[Ozme52]

If you equate specialty clothing to fashionable clothing and things like floggers and restraints and such to expensive dinners and theater tickets, then it is no more or less expensive than dating at the adult level. More than when you were in highschool, but not for people in the workforce.

As far as meeting people, find your local munch groups. Places where people get together for a meal and get to know each other. Most aren't for hooking up... but you get to know people and you invariably will meet someone you like or someone who knows someone perfect for you. The bdsm scene works just like any other in that regard. You just need to go where bdsm minded people tend to congregate and munches are perfect for that.

One thing leads to another and you will find out about events, seminars, support groups, and the occassional party.

[_ID_]

start with this link.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#New%20York

[Tojo]

All you need for a bit of BDSM fun, is a willing partner & a piece of rope.

To join in the 'scene,' there's sites like Collarme, & so forth- just look up BDSM in a good search engine.

I'm only conversant with the S/F scene, but it might be worth looking at places like the Fetish News site- bear in mind that some clubs etc prefer couples, they can be a bit prejudiced against single men.

Many people meet someone online, get to know them & then meet in person.

[badlyguidedlittlemis]

Hello mynrand,

I can only speak of my own experiences, and it for certain is not the only way, or the 'best' way for anyone but me but I hope it will help.

Oh, and this is the UK scene...

I got into the scene after moving away from home, I had always had an interest, but was in a new town away from my old life and family. I looked on the internet for resources etc and the same reoccurring theme or advice to getting into the scene was to find and attend a local munch. (google munch if you are not sure what this is) .
So... I went to said munch, and have not looked back. I have met so many people from all parts of the scene. I was obviously scared when I first went, but since the munch had a website I used the 'meet and greet' service so I knew a veteran member outside the venue, this made me feel much better.
I have now been able to go to several munches around the country, they are all so very different.

I have now gone to several clubs in the UK also, like the munches they differ greatly and I won't go into this much as I expect clubs are like personalities - there are no two the same.

Also I could use some info just on how financially costly it is to be involved. Any other relevant info, books, resources, or websites would also be great. NYC related info is especially appreciated, but I'd like to hear from everyone.

As to the cost, I am by no means well off, but I don't feel this lifestyle has to be expensive. My Dom and I make some of our own toys now - simple floggers or paddles. For example - a wooden spoon from a kitchen shop for less than two pounds makes an excellent paddle, I recommend using this thread for information and tips on this. Fun Household Items

When it comes to costs for clubs/munches etc. Munches, where I am from do not charge for entry or membership and most of them do not have a dress code as it is a 'vanilla' event.
Clubs are different, and the membership and entry fees vary. I do not feel that they charge massive prices, and you don't normally spend any more than your average night out.
I would say that the biggest expense for me and my Dom is clothes, especially mine. I like corsets and leather things to wear and he likes to dress nice too!
I find that charity shops are fantastic when looking for things to piece together an outfit. I have dressed as a schoolgirl (cliche) or something easily done without spending too much and had no problems.

You should never feel obliged to purchase anything to 'fit' in, or have the latest shiny outfit or £150 bullwhip. You make this lifestyle fit you, your budget and your style.

... so in summary...

I would advise going around your local hardware store and look at the kitchen utensils section in a different light!
Search online and make enquiries about local 'scene' groups in your area.
and keep using the web for information, it's helped us all at some point, and during the first tentative few months can help a great deal.

Hope this helps

Badlyguidedlittlemiss

[lily27]

Another tip when it comes to buying toys. Don't think you necessarily have to buy them in a sex shop, or from a BDSM website. Especially anything equestrian-based... just go to the source.

We picked up a riding crop and a bull whip at a tack shop a while back for about $10 a piece. Exactly the same (if not better) than what you would get at a sex shop, for about a tenth of the price.

When it comes to outfitting your toy chest, it pays to shop around, and get a little creative.

[Euryleia]

I totally agree with Lily27--shop around. The hardware store (rope), a feed store (crops), military surplus (handcuffs) and even the local grocery store (clothespins and ginger) will get you lots of bondage gear for not a lot of cash.

Sure there are some things (harnesses or leather gear) that are expensive. It pays to shop around--sometimes you can get deals online. I would suggest first going to a sex-positive store (Toys in Babeland has two NY stores) and talking to the folks there for suggestions about what to look for, what are the best manufacturers, etc. Most of the workers are pretty passionate about good sex and are happy to help.

I'm not familiar with the NYC scene but the Society of Janus site lists a few local resources. Try http://www.soj.org/main.html

Good luck and best wishes.