Problems in bed...

[fetishdj]

Not sure if this is the right forum to post this (its not really BDSM but it is health sort of...)

Ok, I er, have a friend who, er...

Ok, I'll be honest... recently I have been having some problems with arousal. Its partly the heat of the summer but there is also an ongoing problem in that I seem to currently find it very difficult to get and maintain an erection during vanilla sex in the evenings. Mornings I am usually fine but mornings are not always convenient.

I would say that its possibly related to fetishism (a psychological dependence on an object during sex which prevents arousal when it is absent) but I don't think it is - it seems to also happen during kinky sex too.

Physical problems have been ruled out, largely, by my doctor (and a specialist nurse who insisted on showing me some quite scary equipment they use to insert in your penis surgically...). I was concerned that the diabetes was finally taking its toll on my blood vessels but, apparently, I have a very healthy pulse in all parts of my body.

So I am at a loss as to what may be causing it other than tiredness and/or boredom at routine sex in the evenings (and we rarely have time or inclination to make it less routine...)

Anyone got any thoughts or ideas which may be causes or solutions here?

[sdgirl]

I'd suggest a month of CR for you.

[TwistedTails]

Have you pulled any evening blood sugars? Perhaps a testing routine around your normal play time might reveal something.

[fetishdj]

I more or less have been on CR, which is part of the problem Which is why I think there is a problem somewhere, I just can't figure out where or what. Part of posting this was to try to organie my own thoughts and analyse things. Normally a short period of CR means that I am more capable but recently it seems to make it worse.

[fetishdj]

Have you pulled any evening blood sugars? Perhaps a testing routine around your normal play time might reveal something.

Thats a possible. It is *sometimes* noted to be due to blood sugar but it is not always obvious. It could be everytime and just not symptomatic. I'll give that a go, thanks...

[denuseri]

In the medical community we sometimes like to refer to an erection or the capacity to achieve and maintain one as the "dip stick" to a mans circulatory health.

Prolonged CR or CR done to certian extremes can physically harm the body under certian conditions, including hormonal changes which can directly effect mental as well as physical health that can also lead to some of the symptoms your speaking of, but it could also be any number of other physical or phycological matters or a combination thereof.

Is the erectile disfunction postural? IE does it matter what posture or position your body is in at the time,,laying prone on your back or standing up etc? If so its most likely a circulatory problem.

Depending upon your age and other genetic and lifestyle habits (ie do you smoke or have a pre-disposition for periferial artery disease, low testosterone, low/high BP, heart disease, ED brought on by inflamed prostate, late onset diabetes etc) you may wish to consult a urologist to rule out physical vs phycological cuases and proceed from there.

[fetishdj]

Its not postural, and circulatory has already been ruled out by a doctor's examination. In fact, it was the possible risk of underlying problems that led me to the GP (you forget, I also know medical stuff.. ). As I have type I diabetes I am at risk of circulatory and nervous problems but the GP seems to think that everything is fine. I was referred to an Andrology clinic (apparently, urology no longer handles this, its all andrology now, at least in our health care trust) and their examination seemed to suggest nothing wrong either (testosterone levels normal, circulation fine). Unfortunately, they did not want to do much in the way of examination involving things like MRI, they did it all the old fashioned way. However, I apparently have the healthiest circulation (based on blood pressure and testing of different pulse points) they have ever seen in someone my age.

Have never smoked, do drink but only to moderate levels. Diet and exercise could maybe do with some work at the moment as I have got into some bad habits lately due to lack of work (though when I am working I tend to eat even less healthily due to stress... )

Oh, and in case you misunderstood, the CR I mentioned was not linked to play or BDSM but a direct effect of the problem. i.e. it was not through choice. Probably phrased it badly.

Basically, as far as I can tell, it is either psychological (got into a rut, need something to shake me out of it - this has happened before, though never this bad and doing something different and fun helped a lot) or, as Twisted says, my blood sugars need a little tighter control in the evenings.

[denuseri]

What about depression?

[fetishdj]

Always a possibility, yes...

[Jennifer Williams]

: (

Is it just ED, or do you have trouble getting turned on, too? If you're not feeling aroused, then there are tons of factors you have to explore- it could be location, situation, there is something that's making you uncomfortable just enough (like you said it started in the summer; is your house warm? Perhaps just being overheated is a turn-off for you), did someone new just move into your house and you're shy of them (even if they're not home there could be fear of them walking in just then), maybe think about things that have changed in your life recently, and see if that could be the reason.

Or, at night, you could be just plain tired. Don't underestimate the power of tired. You might have to just relegate your sex to mornings on weekends.

If you're feeling plenty aroused but just can't stay hard, then I would think it less likely to be psychological/emotional reasons. In that case, they make a little blue pill for that...you should at least try that before you try any mechanical gizmos.

[serviam {PixieStick}]

Well it has to be either physiological or psychological and it seems you have pretty much ruled out the physical part so that narrows it down a bit. I have had dry spells on occasion and who knows what causes them but every guy I have ever known well enough to discuss it with has them too. When it happens I think it strikes at the ego and then it becomes a performance anxiety issue and a mental block that is sometimes hard to break through. As someone suggested, I got a script for the pharamaceutical aid and when I have the issue, I take it once or twice and it seems to restore the equilibrium, the problem goes away quite quickly and I don't need the pill until the problem crops up again.

[fetishdj]

Jennifer: It could be the weather. I do hate the heat and it does make closeness a problem for me at this time of year. There is no one new in the house (if there were, I'd want to know how they got in... we own this house and don't intend to rent to anyone else ). Tiredness is possible... though I'd give this more credence if I was actually doing much physical during the day (I really need a job if only to get me out of the house more!) and it could also be lack of work stress...

Serviam: Yes, been through the drugs route before (I get 'em free, hee hee ) but they were wierd for me. Viagra worked but not very well in that I would not get an erection at all until the next morning. Nurse did suggest Cialis as a better option (apparently it gives the ability to have an erection for a longer period than viagra) the last time but I have not bothered to try it yet as I do not think it is solvable by drugs.

An update: this weekend things worked fine., So I think it is just the weekday evening rut thing. So I need to think of ways to prevent that...

[Jennifer Williams]

Jennifer: It could be the weather. I do hate the heat and it does make closeness a problem for me at
this time of year.

If it's in your budget, you should try an air conditioner. I know my little one has a hard time getting off when it's too hot, too.

Tiredness is possible... though I'd give this more credence if I was actually doing much physical during the day

That doesn't matter; you will still be more tired at the end of the day than you were at the beginning, even if you did nothing at all. From having to wait until his parents go to bed every night, I can tell you that it simply being late can diminish a person's libido.

(I really need a job if only to get me out of the house more!) and it could also be lack of work stress...

Ugh, that is no fun, either.

An update: this weekend things worked fine., So I think it is just the weekday evening rut thing. So I need to think of ways to prevent that...

Oh, yay, that is the most fun of all...spicing things up. Good luck ; )

[fetishdj]

LOL in this country aircon is not a common thing unless you are very rich, work in an office that has it or have it in your car... It is rarely hot enough for long enough to justify the cost. Not in our budget anyway. There is a long list of higher priority things to do first...

Could be simple tiredness... have taken positive steps this week to sort out job front anyway...

Thanks all for the ideas and suggestions.

[Snark]

Better late than never...have had your testosterone checked? Both available as well as total. Make sure they also test for estradiol. High estradiol will negate even high testosterone. Low testosterone occurs in approximately 30% of males...and several of the conditions you mentioned can exacerbate it.