It feels like this conversation has come to a natural close, so I feel a little weird weighing in, but I guess I'm not going to let that stop me!

I'm not sure I entirely agree with the statement that "BDSM sadists are born not taught." Unless the meaning behind the statement can be broadened to, "Anything you will every learn/discover/become/etc. is innate in you from birth." If not, then I don't think I can agree. If so, then it would just be a disagreement of philosophy.

To make a somewhat more simplified analogy, I didn't like classic rock when I was younger. I found the sometimes crazy singing and week-long guitar riffs to be annoying. As I grew up and learned more about music and history, I gained an appreciation of classic rock and even came to love some of it. Now, was I born to a love of classic rock? I would argue no.

Moving back to this idea of gaining pleasure from another's pain... does that have to be an in-born trait, or is it something that can be learned? Can a person learn to love the sweet sound of agony? The look of anguish on someone's face as they endure pain for you? The tears you cause by pushing them over a line? I maintain that yes, just like a person can learn to love all manner of things, they can also learn to find pleasure in another's suffering.

What are other examples of things you didn't love and now do? Sexual or otherwise. Were they taught, or was it learned? Maybe it was something you were never exposed to... But, can it really be said that those passions are better/truer/more real than others? If a person, on first hearing [insert your favorite classic rock song here] -fell in love with the genre, can their appreciation for the music really be quantified as better or worse than someone else's? Changing analogies for a moment, a couple who falls in love at first sight knows in that instant it is meant to be. Compare that to an arranged marriage and the words of Golde in Fiddler on the Roof, "For twenty-five years, I've lived with him, Fought with him, starved with him. For twenty-five years, my bed is his. If that's not love, what is?" [lyrics by Sheldon Harnick]. Can those two loves be quantified and one found better or worse than the other?

Again, I maintain not.