Last night I had a very strange and scary experience. My boyfriend F. and I were playing with a female domme friend of ours named Gennia. He is usually dominant when we play by ourselves, but every now and then he likes to switch. He says it keeps him in touch with my perspective of bdsm.

So, about an hour into this scene we were both flying. I mean really high on endorphins. We have been flogged, tortured with ice cubes, spent a few minutes in inverted suspension, and as we waited for the cane to be applied I was kneeling before him, with my nipples clamped and chained to his cockring. To say he was excited would be a major understatement. And then it happened. After only four or five strokes of the cane I lost it completely. Totally crashed. My body felt cold and sore, as if I was being beaten with no warm-up at all. I began to panic. I can honestly say that without the endorphin build-up a caning is utterly unbearable. I wanted to give my safeword, but F. was really into it and Gennia could not see my face from where she was swinging. I tried to go on but after two more strokes I shouted my safeword and fell to the floor ripping the clamps from my nipples unintentionally adding more pain to a body that could not bear any.

Both F. and Gennia were very concerned, because I can usually take a lot more and only get more excited. I am totally puzzled and afraid. There was no mental distraction or stress yet I fell out of subspace without warning. I did not like the feeling and do not wish to repeat the experience. F has kindly assured me that we will only play again when I feel sure and unafraid but I can’t get the fear out of my mind.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through a similar experience I would appreciate your imput.