Why Do We Submit??

[phantasy_seeker]

I've actually been wondering the very same things myself! It's been only 2 years since I've discovered the subbie side of myself, which I suppose makes me rather new to this. But this is what I've sort-of figured out so far:

1. Why do you submit? What is the drive? What is the reward?
I've read a lot of blogs and posts where the subbies said that they submit because their Master's happiness is their happiness, etc etc. Sadly, I'm not exactly that selfless yet -- perhaps it makes me less of a subbie, but it's the truth. I submit because that is what I need. I realised pretty long ago that a relationship without at least some form of that could never work for me. There's just that satisfaction and pleasure, both mental and sexual, that comes from being utterly helpless, controlled, and dominated.

2. How did you ever start down this path? Any bumps along the way?
Hmm. Not sure if the 'path' means the journey of discovery about my submission, or it if means the active submission to a partner. I'll start from the former: I'd been having submissive tendencies since before puberty, but I never realized what exactly they were til a friend told me about BDSM. I read up on stuff on many sites including these, and, well, that proverbial light bulb just clicked on *grins*. I met my dom in an entirely un-BDSM-related environment, and, well, it goes on from there. The greatest bump, for me, was getting past my conservative upbringing and realizing that this is what I need, and there's nothing wrong with that.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? How do you switch back and forth? What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?"
In a way it's different, yet in a way not, for me. I don't let people step all over me, although I suppose I am the introverted kind who waits for others to make the first move, and who would rather give in than prolong a fight with people whom I care for. With my dom, there isn't really an exact 'trigger'... it's kind of playing by ear, so to speak. Our roles are always there yet sometimes buried beneath the surface depending on the situation. I suppose all that's needed to bring it back up is a hint from either party.

4. Anything you dislike about it? Anything you would rather change?
Hell, yes. If vanilla women think it's hard for them to find a satisfactory relationship, I believe it's much harder for submissive women. Especially if, like me, you live in a very conservative and close-minded society. Somehow, it seems that the submissive is the one with the most liability in a relationship, the one who invests the most and who is the most vulnerable to getting hurt. Sometimes, I do wonder if life would be so much easier for me if I was born vanilla. But then comes the acceptance: this is who I am, and despite the difficulties and hurdles, life as a submissive gives me so much more than what life as a vanilla woman would.

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner?
I would be a submissive regardless of whether or not I have a partner -- because that is just me, IMO. But much of the fulfilment, the satisfaction, etc, would be different without a partner. Having a dom changed many of my mindsets about dominance and submission as well -- I am sure that if I had not met mine, the answers above would be different. So is that a yes or no? I dunno, I think I'm beginning to confuse myself. *eek*