(i'm new here so forgive me if i'm steeping on any toes)

What I discovered is that I am seeking what I was missing when I was growing up. Don't get me wrong - my parents loved me very much and did their best for me, but more often than not they were too involved in their personal lives to really focus on me. I always had everything I needed - but was more or less left to my own devices.

I was a pretty good kid, and was quite independent from an early age. I could easily coast by in school without much effort. I never did anything that caused my parents to distrust me. As such the words "do your homework," "be home by midnight," "practice your music" or "eat your vegetables" were never uttered in my direction.
Because of this, I have often looked back and wondered what I could have done if someone was there to push me a little. What potential could have been reached if only I had something more to rely on than the typical teenager's sense of what is important.
Wow, icould have written much of your post myself, except that i had a rather strict early childhood but after their divorce that changed. My Dad had been to the one to set and really enforce the rules, but we lived with Mom after the divorce and i think she was scared i would choose to go live my Dad if she tried to get tough. As far as my Dad went, well who wants to be the bad guy when you only see your kids a few weeks a year.

Anyways your post has given me much food for thought. I also realize that my own submission is part of who i was at birth, although it's also very much wrapped up in my ability to trust. i have trust issues so reaching that level of trust with me isn't easy. Before the divorce i was very much Daddy's little girl and he was the last person in the world i wanted to displease. so in looking back i realize some of it is a part of who i always was. Maybe events in my life have caused the exxageration of that personality trait, but the trait has always been there.

As for the why, but because it feels right and good. Because i feel more at peace living this way. Because knowing that there are rules and boundaries makes me feel secure. Because hearing that "good girl" fills a need within me. Becuase His happiness is my happiness.

i hope this makes sense as these are thoughts that i am still trying to sort my self.

jaylia

p.s. nowgirl, that is an awesome quote.