I entered into this lifestyle 5 years ago (my intro says 4, but I just realized that was wrong LOL) ... Anyways ... I had been married for a year and had a small son. When I found out I was a submissive ... it was like a light bulb went off and I suddenly felt all this empowerment that I had never felt before ... I know kind of an oxymoron ... but it does make sense if you think about it. I wasn't searching to find myself anymore ... I knew who I was and that brings confidence and power to a person ... any person. Slowly over time I became a different person than the one my husband had fallen in love with and married. This journey has caused A LOT of stress in our life. I had an online Dominant in the beginning to help me through the process of learning the lifestyle and learning what I liked about BDSM and what I didn't. What I found out was a lot of what tessa and lily said. I want my husband to be as passionate about everything as I am, but also that for me it wasn't just about the sexual part of BDSM. That article that was posted is great and full of good information.

For me it's been 5 years and we are still just figuring it out and still trying to get it "right" for us. It's been hard and long going ... but as was stated, anything easy usually isn't worth having. The reason I haven't broken things off (although we've had two seperations ... one of which included me having a real life Dominant for sometime) is because I do believe he is my match and He is the one I want to be with ... The type of questions I think you are wanting answers too ... only you can answer. I can be wrong of course ... but that's just been my experience. There are some men who are just NOT Dominant ... in fact ... there really are people who don't fit into a Dominant or submissive role or a switch role ... There really are people out there who are just plain old vanilla ... and that's fine for them.... just not me LOL. Maybe your boyfriend is one of those?