Communication Issues

[tessa]

For the most part, men and women just don't communicate in the same ways (how's that for stating the obvious?). There are exceptions, I know. But in this instance with cadence, and in mine, and sooooo many others, we aren't the exception. I would love to think that a marathon sit-down-and-discuss-BDsM-and-how-it-defines-our-relationship conversation would be part of the routine, but it isn't gonna be. And as I don't wish to see that look on my husband's face one more time when I bring the topic up yet again, I have taken a different approach in communicating with him about this. My husband is quite the visual thing (again, not an exception), so I take pictures...my red from a good spanking ass, my breasts if I happen to get lucky enough to get a bruise or two, my face if he...umm, leaves a deposit, I'll say...and I attach notes to them. "I love how you make me feel when you do this to me", "This makes me want you so much", "More? Please??" and so on and so on. He seems to really appreciate them (of course he does) and what's more, he is losing some of the inhibitions (the "nice-guy" syndrome) that have been holding him back from just letting go and being in the D/s moment.

It's not a replacement for the face-to-face conversations that so need to be had, but as Warbaby said, "baby steps". Just an idea that has been a positive for me.

I can empathize with your feelings, so I wish you all the very best as you and your boyfriend try to become in this.

tessa

[Jim]

For the most part, men and women just don't communicate in the same ways (how's that for stating the obvious?). There are exceptions, I know. But in this instance with cadence, and in mine, and sooooo many others, we aren't the exception. I would love to think that a marathon sit-down-and-discuss-BDsM-and-how-it-defines-our-relationship conversation would be part of the routine, but it isn't gonna be. And as I don't wish to see that look on my husband's face one more time when I bring the topic up yet again, I have taken a different approach in communicating with him about this. My husband is quite the visual thing (again, not an exception), so I take pictures...my red from a good spanking ass, my breasts if I happen to get lucky enough to get a bruise or two, my face if he...umm, leaves a deposit, I'll say...and I attach notes to them. "I love how you make me feel when you do this to me", "This makes me want you so much", "More? Please??" and so on and so on. He seems to really appreciate them (of course he does) and what's more, he is losing some of the inhibitions (the "nice-guy" syndrome) that have been holding him back from just letting go and being in the D/s moment.

It's not a replacement for the face-to-face conversations that so need to be had, but as Warbaby said, "baby steps". Just an idea that has been a positive for me.

I can empathize with your feelings, so I wish you all the very best as you and your boyfriend try to become in this.

tessa

what a great way to communicate

[cadence]

I have been busy with work, and have had little time for myself to actually write any repsonse to this thread.
I am taking this small time frame I have right now to thank everyone for thier thoughts, advice and suggestions.
It is always appreciated.
I only wish things were at times, cut and dry with no complications, but such is life. And of course life is what I will make it out to be.
I am not completely unhappy with my situation, but more confused and concerned that I make demands or ask things of my other half, and then realize later on that he is really not all that accepting of it, or that I may have pushed too hard or demanded too much.
I have lots of time, patience and am willing to wait and see, I do not wish to leave and wreck a perfectly good frienship/relationship, because I may in turn be selfish.
I think that time, effort and a little bit of hard earned communication, will eventually pay off for me.

And of course the advice I do receive here does help out a substantial amount.