You guys are so nice to me. And so wise, too. Thank you. I'm still trying to think what to do. I'm just scared of doing the wrong thing and messing everything up. Plus I hate talking about relationshipy feely thingies. Um, am I bad to respond to this? After you guys were all so kind, I don't want to make you feel like you have to keep up this conversation and be my therapist, so I'm going to respond to the points rather than the individual people who made them.

I don't want this to be about my needs. If I approached it that way, it would defeat the purpose. The very reason I'm upset is because I can't seem to fulfill his needs. It's really hard to let him know that without making the discussion about my own silly feelings of inadequacy. Part of the reason I'm upset is because I've been hinting to him that I want more play, so I'm scared my complaining has put him off. Maybe he doesn't want to do it anymore because I'm not doing it right. I shouldn't complain. My only worry should be about what he wants.

I don't want him to read my mind, and I don't want him to know how I feel because then he'll start trying to please me, which is the reverse of what I want.

I am playing a more dominant role in other areas, and I'm very happy with that, but I need something to balance that or I go nuts, feel guilty and generally get the idea that I'm not wanted.

On the whole, though, you guys are right. I should talk to him about it. I'm just not sure exactly how, and I'm not sure if I can.

Curtis, you had a really good idea. I might try it if I can get over the anxiety that he'll respond negatively. By the way, it's biopsych. That means I can tell you what chemicals are floating around in your brain, but I'm nowhere near as well-versed in the soft science perspective as I should be. And stupid stuff interrupted my life, so I'm not in grad school yet.

And I am horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE with derailing the thread, but I have to say this thing about women being better at interpreting emotions because of connections is a myth, sadly sensationlized by a media that loves to publish pseudoscience if it will up their readership. It is true that women have higher cell density in connective areas of the frontal lobe as a statistical average, but we have not been able to find any affect it would have on behavior - and not for lack of trying. If we do find it gives women some kind of advantage, it will most likely be in judgement, planning or memory. The only way I could see it having to do with emotion is that it could lead to anxiety. On top of all that, brains are adaptive. The brain will create new connections if stimulated appropriately.

Last, but definitely not least, jaeangel, I just want to say I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I think you're very brave.