Parahpilias?

[Flaming_Redhead]

Do you find your fantasies, urges or behaviors distressing? Did you at one point? Did something change your thought process that resulted in it no longer being distressing? Or better yet, let's ask the question, did you find it more distressing when you were trying to squash and ignore or fantasies, urges, or behaviors or after you finally recognized them and started accepting them?

I no longer find my fantasies, urges or behaviors distressing. I did when I first acknowledged them. Gathering information and realizing that I wasn't the only one who felt this way alleviated much of my distress. I've found that, once I was able to accept that I'm submissive instead of trying to fight it, ignore it or squash it, much of my internal conflict about it disappeared. My trust issues remain, however, but that is due to past relationships, not my sexual fantasies.

What is noticeable or measurable? Does this mean that anyone who has had sexual fantasies of the nature intended here for more then a moment could fall under this category? Who is to be the one to determine what is "sufficient" for my sexual needs? We allow others in society to determine that daily in some ways I'm sure, but how far does it go? Do you think you were personally satisfied sexually before you acknowledged this need? Did that satisfaction only occur after it was acknowledged? Is there a middle ground? Do you see your choice of acknowledging your sexual feelings as interfering with your "everyday functioning" or adding to it?

The terms used are highly subjective, meaning that it varies from person to person. Generally, though, it means that these thoughts have been occurring regularly for months or years. You are the only one who can determine what is sufficient for your sexual needs, unless you are a true nymphomaniac with uncontrollable urges that affect not only you but also the people around you in which case society will intervene. The majority of my sexually active life has been dissatisfying, not only due to my partners' unwillingness to accept my sexual desires or my unwillingness to share them but also their unwillingness or inability to satisfy me physically. Now that I'm in a D/s relationship with a wonderful man, I can honestly say I've never been more satisfied. There is no middle ground for me. My choice to embrace my sexual feelings interferes with my everyday life inasmuch as I can't have a relationship with a vanilla man and be happy. I was so unhappy in my 10-year vanilla marriage with a man who was in no way whatsoever dominant or sexually adventurous that I divorced him. I guess that means I fit the criteria.

As asked earlier are you more distressed now that you have acknowledged the feelings and sought to understand and meet them or less? Is the distress on a sexual basis only or on an overall basis? Did acknowledging them help resolve some other distresses?

In other words, they typically recognize the symptoms as negatively impacting their life but feel as if they are unable to control them.

Do you see them as having a negative impact on your life or enhancing it? Are you unable to control them? Do you want to control them or would you prefer someone else to control them?

I'm less distressed overall now that I'm moving forward and trying to understand them than I was beforehand. I guess you could say I'm a lifestyler rather than a kinkster since it wasn't just on a sexual basis but my overall sense of well-being that improved. As I said, trying to fit into the vanilla world is what was most distressing because I had to deny what I wanted and pretend to be "normal." The only negative impact I can see is that my choice of life partners is somewhat limited. I am able to control it for a time, but eventually, suppressing my urges only leads to depression. Why control them? Find a safe outlet for them and be happy!

Not sure I truly have a point anymore... lol. Other then to say, do you fit in the definition or not? I feel this type of definition is what adds to the closed mindedness of those around us, do you agree or disagree? Basically... what is your feeling about the definition?

I suppose I fit the definition since I ultimately ended my marriage rather than continue to be the one in control and continue to be sexually frustrated. Trying to teach an alternative lifestyle as the norm to others is kinda pointless because it's NOT the norm. The majority of people don't live like this. However, I do appreciate a "live and let live" attitude. While it might not be the norm, neither do I think it's a disease that needs to be treated or eradicated. You just have to be happy living outside the box of vanilla wafers!

Which there fore makes me wonder... how truly open minded does that make me in the end?

Since when should anyone be open minded about molesting, raping and killing innocent children?!?!?!? Even other criminals in prison won't tolerate a child molesterer in their midst and will kill them if given half a chance.

Regarding your counselor, I'd love to be a fly on the wall as you quote what tessa told hers (or as close as I can remember), "Let me give YOU some advice since you seem to be seriously lacking." *ggls* We (my ex and I) actually went to a Christian counselor, and without going into any sexual details about what I wanted, just the "man of the house" stuff, she completely agreed that what I wanted was NOT unreasonable and, in fact, went along with Biblical teachings. Too bad it didn't work for us. I hope you have better luck! *hugs*