I've had a bit of a writing break, and I now return to this

"You’ve made generous hints at the exotic nature of these creatures but I feel you could do a bit more."

As already noted, I am aware of this problem, and am releasing the information gradually. Remember the story's incomplete. How could you not know that ... sorry!


You note I am wordy at times. I am actually having problems recognising what is excessive. I see it clearly in your example, but not elsewhere: to me it's all necessary. So, I've decided, as an exercise, to reduce the whole thing by 5%. Hopefully that will force me to be more succinct.

As for inventing my own vocabulary, I'm no Tolkein, but I'll have a go. I'm not enthusiastic about it, however.

I'll deal with the bondage scene as you suggest.


I hope to conclude it later

Thanks

TYWD