Quote Originally Posted by Aesop
Hmm...not bad points, but for one thing not all of us desire unwilling partners. I get off on knowing that she wants it. When I tell her to do some humiliating thing and on top it looks like she is suffering, but underneath I can see her enjoyment it gives me pleasure.

Secondly what you are talking about seems to me to be the difference between reality and fantasy. Sure I've fantasized about non-consensual activities, but that's not BDSM, that's a rape fantasy or a kidnapping fantasy and I don't associate my fantasies with my real life. When I'm in a situation with a real person my mind and body are there with the person, not off in a fantasy world, so I can't really compare the two as being one from the other.
There is an element of the difference between fantasy and desire which I think is crucial to the whole debate. How real is real and how real is fantasy. The two obvioiusly merge at a point and it as which point that is the debate. Is it a perceived difference or an actual difference. My view is it is more to an actual difference but I accept that can be an endless debate.

I am up to speed with you when you say when you are in a situation with a real person that you are totally with that person. I am too.

One of the prompts for my starting all this apart from knowing the person who made the OP, is that both myself and my partner have at times come to the conclusion that scenes fail, not because reality interfers but fantasy doesn't answer the questions our fantasies pose. If that makes any kind of sense.

No I'm not mixing fantasy and reality SW. I'm just airing what passes through my mind and others tend not to discuss for fear of being accused of being psycho.