wow....big topic...

To say that trust needs to be earned, IMO, is to put both partners on an equal footing. And the key there is communication. There has to be alot of "well, what do you think?" type talk involved. And as far as to have it "freely" given, i would think that it can't be. It's normal to be leery of a stranger, that's just human nature. To talk, to grow with, and even within, one another is a wonderful thing.

Also, the insecurity factor. Does he really mean what he says? Did she actually do what she said she would do? Again, communication is key. It's a process. Does the Golden Rule come into play? Of course it does...do unto others. If there's suspicion, bring it up, at the appropriate time, and ask to talk it out. If your partner won't discuss it, or dismisses your suspicions, maybe it's time to part ways. You're entitled to feel secure within the relationship.

As for a Dom's take on whether or not to release a sub on the basis that she claims to not trust him, that is best left to a Dom, i'd suppose, and i can imagine that a few will weigh in on this for you, lily. There are many wise Dom/mes here that can help.