If going slow doesn't do the trick you may have to resign yourself to the fact, as I did, that she just isn't at all interested in BDSM. I hope that isn't the case for you but I lived/am living through it.

This site helps one realize that it isn't all that uncommon to be in that type of relationship. My wife used to let me tie her up or she would tie me up until we finished having sex. That wasn't what I was looking for but that was all she was willing to participate in. I have accepted that and believe she is well worth giving up my BDSM desires to remain married to her. You may have to make the same choice some day.

I'm sure she would still do those things but they just don't cut it any more for me. In my mind I need more and she will not even discuss anything beyond the tying up stages. Just plain won't discuss it. But I made my choice and I'm not complaining, just stating fact, as I see it.