hmmmm

[TomOfSweden]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

[gemmy]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

LMAO

See, that's all I was looking for was an answer hehe

[AdrianaAurora]

Men? Kinda goofy lookin' nekkid. Just sayin'.

But I kinda like looking at them. lol

[AdrianaAurora]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

LMAO
Clearly it's modesty we love in Doms.

[TomOfSweden]

The serious answer is that I do think that subs are most often more courageous that doms. It's just as simple as that. "Coming out" as a sub is much less culturally acceptable than coming out as a dom. There's a difference between dom and sadist. In places like this where they inexperienced meet the experienced, I think picture posting statistics will always lean toward subs.

I also think that cowardly vanilla guys often clothe themselves in the persona of a dom to get laid. It's like they're hoping that the domly hat will daze and confuse naive and unsuspecting subs. I'm convinced that sites like this is prime hunting ground for them. They will never post pics because it prevents changing nicks in time of need.

...and then there's the domlyness. Doms, (according to my experience) aren't needy about getting other peoples appreciation for stuff like looks. Its like we prefer to turn to ourselves about aesthetic matters. This defeats some of the motivation for posting pictures of ourselves. We're needy about other kinds of appreciation. Like grovelling. This isn't always a good thing. The people I've met with the most flabbergastingly bad taste have all been extremely dominant people. Often with weird theories about what looks good that have never been challenged... At least not in a way they noticed, because they don't really care what other people think.

...and how could I manage to get such a great taste in spite of my domly handicap? It's just one of those mysteries. I'm blessed with amazingly good taste anyway. Who did I ask..? Well, myself of course. Who else? I don't need to ask if my ass looks good in my pants... I know it does.

[denuseri]

Yeah the dom cone of silence has been lifted, lol , thanks Sirs

[denuseri]

Yeah the dom cone of silence has been lifted, lol , thanks Sirs

[claire]

It's because we care. Doms are so pretty that if all you subs would see our gorgeous bodies, you'd instantly explode from sexual ecstasy.

and that would be a bad thing????????

[gemmy]

I had to ponder long about this before responding and I have to say that this post (a recently deleted one lol) REEKS of self-centeredness (and not in a good Domly type way, I might add). I can understand that some D/s relationships are one-sided to the Dom and yet another side to the sub but I would not continue a dialogue with a man who refused to show me his picture (privately) immediately.

I've had many 'so-called' self titled Dom's demand my photo and in turn say I'll get theirs if and when They Deem it so (rolls over laughing) - yea, ok - some new, out of the gate innocent sub may fall for that Bs (and get hurt terribly), but I call them straight out on it.

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

It continually makes me roll my eyes when I read such things from aging, pot-bellyed, ill-mannered, untaken care of men (or right doms haha!), demanding that they will only talk with beautiful, in shape, height/weight proportionate females - kills me laughing everytime!

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you

[blythe spirit]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really.

So your statement....

".....but by then my appearance will be of no importance..."

Really? Won't it? I'd rethink that if I were you

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

[Pastor]

Its not T and A But mine is real...

[MissElizabeth87]

I do...

hahaha.

[gemmy]

I just want to say that I'm neither lying or kidding myself. I truly do wish to know someone from the inside out. Physicalities get in the way. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No matter how beautiful a person is, the attraction is short lived if they are ugly inside. And no matter how unattractive one might be, a good, caring heart, lets their beauty shine through.

Nevertheless, admiring a nice hunk doesn't bother me in the least. hehehe.

lol blythe, of course it doesn't doesn't bother me none either but I have found the more beautiful the person is outside, the more ugly they are inside (a very general statement, yes, but is what I, in my own experience, have found) but I still say everyone has a 'physical attraction' type

Mine is big, burly, hygenic, bald is good mmmmm along with many other intangible qualities, as I said though, they need not be a God or Godess (in fact if they are, they wouldn't like me anyway as I am not one hehe) but....; I still need them to be in my category of 'attractive'

Ok, so I'm the only vain person on the entire board - no news there; I'm the only one who is the same as everyone else too hehe

[thrall]

Except you are not a Dominant, are you?

Nope....lol...all sub.

But i have another idea of why the men don't post pics.....

Places like this are usually female heavy.....And lets face it...a very good deal of them are desperate for attention.....any attention. And im not just talking about the females who post pics....

So again...advantage to the males.....

There is no need..no reason for the men to post pics.

[Kuskovian]

Well I will say something here, and I don't care if it is just another reinforcment of double standards.

Men generally don't like looking at pictures of men. I am more likely to have pictures of my girl posted than myself.

Also, if I saw a bunch of pictures of a guy in his profile and or album (showing off his body etc), I might be so inclined to think he is one self centered sob at first glance.

Conversely if he has no pictures I would tend to think he eaither isn't on the market for a sub, is hideing a beer gut or worse, is just plain lazy, or not serious about finding a potential mate and just here for the cyber sex.

Though in all honesty, if I was on the market and trying to attract a girl, I would post some pictures. Not because it's "fair" or anything; but, mainly because it is some topping for the cake.

Look at nature, it is allmost allways the male of the species that does all the showing off to attract a mate, even amongst us primates.

[blythe spirit]

By your response to gem, bradley, it is apparent that she was close to hitting the nail on the head about you. That was not only extremely unkind, but immature and less than Domly.

And gemmy, I know you're both beautiful inside and out. I too am/was attracted to a certain "type." Must be 6' or over and 250 pounds - even larger, if healthy. If I had stuck to that rule of attraction, I would have eliminated the most special Dom I've ever encountered. That's what I mean about physicalities getting in the way.

When you connect on the inside first, they are your type. Of course if they sound like Pee Wee Herman and only bathe annually and... omg, I'm so shallow. hehehe

[claire]

Physical attraction is important in ANY relationship (D/s included). Any who says it matters not is either lying or kidding themselves really. That's not to say they all have to be Gods or Goddess, but they have to be at least physically pleasing to the other person (whatever that definition is for that person) or it's just not going to work.

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

[gemmy]

I agree. I don't care about bald heads or even beer bellies, but a picture reveals something of a person's character. It is the body language that is telling. When I asked for my Master's picture, he jokingly asked why I wanted to see his ugly mug. He was rather harsh on himself, but most would agree that he is not a particularly handsome man. Yet, there is kindness in the smile upon his face, and humor twinkling in his eyes. There are no ingrained lines of anger or disapproval on his face. Nor does his chin jut out with false bravado. He is not wearing any masks. He looks like what he is - genuinely him. When I received his photo my reaction was that he looked authentic, and I told him so, because I value authenticity very highly.

Now I enjoy a well hung man, tight buns, broad shoulders, and narrow hips, as much as the next voyeur. Yes they are titillating. But that is only eye candy, which is good for the moment, but soon vanishes only to leave me hungry for something with more substance. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the titillation while it lasts.

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

[TomOfSweden]

Oh claire, you darling you!

Absolutely very well said physical attraction isn't about the plastic or the polish, it's about the simple knowing good on you for articulating what I've been failing miserably at.

*hugs* xo

I'm not so sure about that. What we're attracted is not only defined by cultural pressures... ie selecting for qualities that are hard to attain for the sake of exclusivity. Like being attracted to rock hard abs or skinny girls in in trendy clothing.

There's a second type of primeval pure instinct attraction which probably is stronger but much harder to understand in ourselves. It's the pure animal part in us. That's what I think you mean that you're preferring. I also think that we don't like to have this type of attraction because we cannot control it effectively. We fear what it'll compel us to do. These two different types of systems are in conflict.

This is cutting edge science at the moment so its hard to say anything definite. But there are things they've been able to show. Like testosterone/oestrogen levels are important. Men with disproportionately high levels of testosterone will be attracted to women with disproportionally high levels of oestrogen. Basically, big hairy men with deep voices and bulging muscles will be the soul mates of women with big hips, smooth skin and big tits. While the small breasted slim women will fall for smaller guys with smoother skin. Obviously its more complex than my simplified model. Hormones define a large part of our behaviour and personality which probably is even more important than the looks. Big tits is correlated to "girly" behaviour.

I think what is happening is that a man with the genetic make-up you're attracted to...well... you'll think he's interesting and clever because you think he's hot. But because he's doesn't display stuff I mentioned first, you think that its somehow less superficial.

I'm not saying we can't have deep fulfilling love that is intellectually stimulating and all that. But I don't think the stuff we're attracted to is in any way deep. He's just pushing the right buttons. I'm sure you know the feeling of chatting to a guy and find yourself very attracted to him, and then you meet him... and you find yourself completely unattracted to him. It wasn't his fault. You were reading physical properties from his texts and chats that weren't there.

I don't think I'm devaluing love in any way BTW. I think it's wonderful and beautiful still. Self-consciousness is a great feature that sets us apart from other animals. But it just makes us conscious of what is there. We're not any less animals or any less ruled by animal sexual instinct.

Everybody might as well post pictures of themselves, since none of us has any clue what others might be attracted to. We can guess... but we'll probably be wrong. Girls have never fallen for that which I've always been most proud of. I work out and is in great shape. Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

[claire]

Even so number one most popular part is my eyes and eye-brows.... I mean WTF! I can't do anything about them!?!? What's the fun in that?

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

[fetishdj]

To quote a joke e-mail I remember getting manyyears ago...

Mens magazines contain photos of naked women. Women's magazines also contain photos of semi naked women because the male body is ugly and hairy and should never be seen in the light of day...

Seriously, I think it is all about the fetish for photography. Those subs who post either have a fetish for exhibitionism or Dom/mes who have a fetish for control to the extent that they command the sub to do something they may not be comfortable with. A lot of the self photography threads seem to have titles which reflect this. So, subs post because they are either told to do so (and they are good subs) or because they have a desire (either conscious or subconscious) to be seen naked on the internet. I have personally posted photos online for both these reasons, though always anonymously. To an exhibitionist, the fact that someone can trace the photo back to you or it can come back to haunt you later is actually the point of the exercise.

So, with this argument in mind, what is there to tempt Doms or Dommes to post photos? Who is going to command them? Why would they post photos of themselves when they have an exhibitionist sub to do it for them?

[TomOfSweden]

Ah, but to quote someone, I don't know who - Eyes are the window to the soul!

I know who came up with that... a million billion random horny women.

[TomOfSweden]

I posted mine ages ago
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9438

[gemmy]

To quote a joke e-mail I remember getting manyyears ago...

Mens magazines contain photos of naked women. Women's magazines also contain photos of semi naked women because the male body is ugly and hairy and should never be seen in the light of day...

Seriously, I think it is all about the fetish for photography. Those subs who post either have a fetish for exhibitionism or Dom/mes who have a fetish for control to the extent that they command the sub to do something they may not be comfortable with. A lot of the self photography threads seem to have titles which reflect this. So, subs post because they are either told to do so (and they are good subs) or because they have a desire (either conscious or subconscious) to be seen naked on the internet. I have personally posted photos online for both these reasons, though always anonymously. To an exhibitionist, the fact that someone can trace the photo back to you or it can come back to haunt you later is actually the point of the exercise.

So, with this argument in mind, what is there to tempt Doms or Dommes to post photos? Who is going to command them? Why would they post photos of themselves when they have an exhibitionist sub to do it for them?

Nope, not me - I have zero fetish for exhibitionism. I've posted mine for a couple reasons, one was to get over my own thoughts of what I think I look like. Getting feedback from others helps an otherwise negatively skewed view of myself.

I've only ever taken a handful of professional photos (not including school) and hated them all and therefore they all quickly got buried and put out of anyone else's view.

Recently (since letting my sub out), have I started to have more confidence in myself (personally/physically) and am trying to change certain 'conditioned' things within myself, to get over the fear of rejection and move past my own negative thoughts of myself.

Getting my photos taken helped tremendously, posting them helps as well - even if I still don't believe everyone lol, some of it does sink in

[Rowen]

I don't know if this is talking about men specifically when you say Doms or just Dominants... but... I don't have any pics on here as a Domme... and really that is because I don't have a digital camera/scanner! haha. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, so I wouldn't mind posting pics (with identifying marks um... hidden, of course). I just don't have the equipment. haha

LMAO!! My submissive part is more than happy to please you by helping you with both the equipment as well as taking the pictures
Coming to think of it....the dom as well..LOL

[craven]

I did initially have a picture on my profile page, not my avi I hasten to add! however I have since learned that it is best to remove any such images.

There have been a number of points made both for and against, some possibly more valid than others, however each point made is, I am certain, a feeling held strongly by their respective posters.

Unable as I am to speak for all fellow doms and mistesses, i feel their rational may well be the same as mine, in that it can be time consuming as well as annoying responding to numerous unsolicited posts from those image obsessed individuals, again I am unable to speak for any mistresses, however I feel that the female subs in particular place much emphasis on this and have shall we say consumed more of my time than I feel they merit.

My views may be personal and are based solely upon my own experiences, I also feel that from my own perspective there is much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery, the use of avis assists in this greatly.

I do not feel the need to impress anyone, those that I require to have my picture have it, all others, well tough!

of course my experiences may be as a result of my devastatingly good looks and charm..................but then you would not know that would you !

[blythe spirit]

I also feel that from my own perspective there is much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery, the use of avis assists in this greatly.

There you go. I agree with you 100%; however, most men (in my own experience) are very visual creatures, who lack that kind of imagination. I could describe myself in detail and get a "Oh wow, gotta a pic?" lol

I would not want my pic pulled off of a site like this and travel to who knows where. Even when someone asks for my pic in private, I don't send one until I'm thoroughly sure of who this person is.

Yes, when they ask for a pic, I ask for references. hehe.

[TomOfSweden]

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

[thrall]

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

[fetishdj]

Miss Elizabeth: If you have a decent webcam they sometimes have 'still photo buttons' on them which you can use to take a quick shot of you. Quality is not the best sometimes but it does for posting avatars.

Do you not have a mobile phone with a camera? Most of them have one these days and they are not bad quality wise now. Some of them even have multiexposure and time delay settings (which are useful when photographing yourself or for action shots such as whipping a sub )

If you were anywhere close I'd offer to come and photograph you using my camera.