Help! Topping from bottom questions!

[Ninva]

Okay,

How does this sound for what I tell him:

1. "Love, I found a website that might help you get ideas for dealing with me."

2. "Although the withdrawal of affection is your preferred method of expressing disappointment, I ..." Oh jeez, I what? I find it more distressing than I can psychologically handle without feeling lost...? Like I'll ever be able to actually get that out of my mouth. The simple fact is: It makes me want to cry.

(Crying is a moderately forbidden activity; he has been fairly successful in conditioning me to reprocess my atypical depression as a point in time rather than an absolute, endless condition. He's got me down to perhaps two depressions per year instead of one a month or more.)

"Would you consider some other options for expressing ANGER instead of only pushing me away? I don't like your withdrawal of affection, and it is perfect for punishing me, but I tend to internalize it more than you like. I'd appreciate the occasional absolution of discipline. It doesn't have to be sexual, honest, and I promise, I won't idly let your temper injure me. If you want some ideas, I found a website that might help."

Thank you for your input. Nin

(I don't expect him punish me for every, or even any infraction of the rules; he has so many rules that I don't think he knows them all... Instead, every rule has a rating of how he feels about infractions: Talking to strangers is an occasional necessary evil that he never enforces beyond making his wish known. Other rules about extremely modest decorum, however, are never to be broken under any circumstances - I don't know what he'd do, and I'm absolutely certain that I will NEVER find out.

On the very, very rare occasion that he is ANGRY with me, I need absolution afterwards. On the very, very common occasion that he is disappointed in my imperfection, I'm quite happy.)